Written because two freaking pages of stories is in no way enough for this pairing.

This started off as strictly Rome/Germania dialogue, but then some Germany/Italy worked its way in there, and so did the scenic description. And the sex implications, ohonhonhon~. I might even make this a series, because these guys have so many grandkids.

The dialogue isn't labeled because it got really awkward after like three lines. But it's fairly easy to tell who is speaking.

It was a bright, sunny day in the Italian park as Ludwig and Feliciano sat next to each other, Feliciano chattering on about pasta in a cheerful voice and Ludwig occasionally interjecting with his deeper tones. They hadn't been going out for a while, so it was very hard for Ludwig to adjust to this even happier side of the normally cheerful Italian.

In the bushes nearby, two men were crouched, one of them watching with a pair of binoculars. To anybody else, they would have looked like an odd couple – the scowling blonde with long hair, and the perky brunette with brown curls – but in reality, they were closer than any other two people could ever be. They had fought together, killed together, almost died together, and lived together for centuries, and now they were following (following, not stalking) their two grandsons together. All was quiet – at least, as quiet as the world ever could be while Feliciano was on it – until the brunette started talking.

"Aww, lookit my adorable grandson! He's so adorable! He's like an adorable little ray of adoreableness!"

"You said 'adorable' four times, you dumbass. And be quieter, they might hear us."

"Are you jealous that I didn't say you're adorable too? Aww …"

"… I don't want to know how your mind works. Shut up so I can focus on keeping an eye on these two."

"Yeah, make sure your brute of a grandson doesn't assault my Feli. He's too innocent for that."

"W-what? My brute of a grandson?"

"Yeah, you barbarians are brutes."

"Says the man who invented the orgy. And I am not a barbarian!"

"I think your jealousy issue is striking up again …"

"What jealousy issue?"

"The one where you are so disappointed that you couldn't bang some hot Roman chicks and me at the same time that you hand-wave my miraculous prowess in bed. Or on the floor. Or in a closet. I'm not too picky."

"… I know."

"Oh, good. Just making sure."

"You idiot! You've been chattering and distracting me! They might have heard us!"

"Don't you mean that you've been so distracted by my sexiness that you couldn't bear to look at anything but me?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Shut up."

"So you admit it?"

"Admit what? I'm just trying to get you to shut up."

"You know there's a better way to get me to shut up … and I do mean that in the most perverted way poss- mmphh!"

"There. Now will you shut up?"

"No."

"Oh, for the love of – why not?"

"We didn't go far enough."

"… We're on a surveillance mission, we are not having sex right now!"

"Why not?"

"Because we're supposed to be watching Feliciano and Ludwig so they don't have sex, you dumbass."

"Why? Feli's got to lose it sometime."

"That is exactly why I am keeping an eye on him."

"Ohoho, so you want porn! I can arrange that, and it doesn't even have to be with Feli!"

"Wh-you-I no! I'm trying to keep an eye on Feliciano so he doesn't assault Ludwig!"

"Why would my cute, innocent little Feli do that?"

"… Because he's spent more than five minutes alone with you, and you are the worst influence ever."

"You know, you've spent a lot more than five minutes alone with me … doing stuff … have I corrupted you yet?"

"No. But Feliciano is stupider and probably more susceptible to whatever the hell you do that makes people listen to you."

"It's called having a beautiful, melodious voice that is like a choir of angels serenading – mmph!"

"Shut up."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes."

"But I don't wanna!"

"Shut up or I swear I will castrate you!"

"You wouldn't want to do that … unless you're really kinky. Wait. You are really kinky, aren't you?"

"…"

"Aww, you're blushing, you're so cuuuuute!~"

"…"

"Ow! Please stop, I'm sorry! Ow!"

Ludwig looked at Feliciano, who was sitting next to him on the park bench, listening to their grandfathers fight. "Are they always like this?" he asked.

"Well, Grandpa Rome is, and Grandpa Germania gets really irritated by him … so yes! They are!"

Trying to be casual, Ludwig slipped an arm over Feliciano's shoulder, only to turn bright red when his hand was kissed by the Italian. "I hope that they realize that we can hear everything that they're saying."

"Ve~ … they probably don't."

"You know, it is times like these that make me really grateful that you're a girl."

"Why?" Feliciano's face scrunched up. "Would Luddy not like me if I was a girl? Would he ignore me?" His eyes watered up, and Ludwig could tell that he was seconds away from a sob-fest.

"No, it's just … imagine what they would be like if I got you pregnant!"

Feliciano laughed and leaned in to kiss Ludwig. Of course, Rome and Germania had chosen that moment to decide that watching (watching, not stalking) was more important than fighting.

"Gooooo Feli!" Rome chanted, making obscene gestures with his hands. "Real men do it outside!"

"See? See what I mean?" Germania was livid. "He's assaulting poor Ludwig!" Furious, he began to hit Rome. "This. Is. All. Your. Fault!" He punctuated each word with a swift blow to the head. Unfortunately, one of his harsh smacks hit the curl at the front of Rome's head.

"Ohh … shit." Rome unconsciously gasped. Blushing, he looked at the furious German. "Uh … why don't we try to stop those two …" his voice trailed off into a whisper.

Germania paused his internal rage to look at Rome. Granted, Rome had crazy mood swings that would put a pregnant woman to shame, but for him to actually make a logical suggestion? That probably meant something was wrong with him. "Hey … Rome … are you okay?"

Rome nodded. "I'm fine. Now let's go advise little Feli on how to get some German ass!"

… And he was back to normal. Germania grabbed Rome by the ear and hauled him up, as they advanced on Ludwig and Feliciano, who were too busy making out to really notice. But then, of course, Rome put a hand on both of their shoulders and forced them apart.

"Hey," he said, smiling winningly. "Mind if we join in?" Ludwig and Feliciano stared at him in shock, and Germania hit his forehead with the heel of his palm. Leave it to Rome to completely mess up everything. The ex-nation strode over to the ex-empire, and lifted him over his shoulder so he could carry him as far away from Ludwig as possible.

… at least, that's what he would say afterward. Rome claimed that he was carrying him away for entirely different reasons, and he would try to explain those reasons before Germania started hitting him.