Doctor Who: The Time Eaters
By
Joe Dennis
A huge black corner of space filled to the brim with stars and planets and asteroids. This is the Phosterone Nebula. At first everything seems quiet… until a small rectangular shaped box flies into view. It is wooden and blue and bold. It's the TARDIS!
Inside the TARDIS the Doctor is flicking switches and looking at the monitor.
The Doctor
The Phosterone Nebula! One of the richest and wealthiest corners of the Jindismek Galaxy. Over a thousand leisure spars and a wide variety of different coloured stars. Which could burn your eyes out if you stare at them for too long without oculus shields. What do you say Clara?
The Doctor looks round to see that Clara isn't here.
The Doctor
Oh, right, yeah.
He'd forgotten that Clara is on earth doing her teaching business. Probably off somewhere with her PE teacher friend.
The Doctor
Still, we're here now, we might as well make the most of it.
Suddenly there is a beeping noise coming from the console.
The Doctor
Hello, what's all this?
And then all of a sudden the TARDIS starts shaking around violently. Sparks comes flying off of the console. What's going on?! The Doctor tries to check the monitor.
The Doctor
Something's drawing us off course! Hang on old dear!
There is a bright flash of light…
The Doctor wakes up to find himself on an island made entirely out of wood. He is surrounded by red water underneath a green sky. He sniffs the air.
The Doctor
Planet X! The most boring planet in the entire universe!
He reaches into his jacket pocket and fishes out his sonic screwdriver. He points it up in the air and flashes green lights into the sky, like a beacon.
The Doctor
C'mon old girl, find me.
And at that moment a warping sound is heard as the TARDIS materialises into view.
The Doctor
Decided to be reliable for once.
And then suddenly without a moments warning the TARDIS swings open and out comes a lanky looking young man. He is wearing a tweed jacket, braces and a bow tie, and he has a huge chin with his dark hair made up into a silly looking quiff. It's the Eleventh Doctor!
The Eleventh Doctor
Right then! Hello! Don't worry, I'm here!
The Twelfth Doctor
Oh no! Okay, maybe not quite as reliable as I thought.
The Eleventh Doctor
Sorry for the delay. I was little bit tied up. Literally, I got tied up by a Skarasean. I was in the middle of something. Well, technically I was in the middle of lots of something's. I got eaten by a giant elephant which was eaten by a giant bear which was eaten by a giant turtle which was eaten by a giant whale. Trust me you don't want to know how I got out of it.
The Twelfth Doctor
I already do.
The Eleventh Doctor
Right, sorry, but I'm afraid my ship got drawn off course. Someone sending out a sonic pulse leading me directly to it. Normally, I should be the only one who can send such a pulse, so why have I been brought here?
The Eleventh Doctor fishes out his screwdriver and starts scanning the area.
The Eleventh Doctor
Where have you got too?
The Twelfth Doctor lifts up his screwdriver and activates the sonic pulse. The Eleventh Doctor immediately notices it.
The Eleventh Doctor
What are you doing with that? Only I can send out a pulse like that, with that!
The Twelfth Doctor
Exactly!
The Eleventh Doctor (suddenly realising)
Oh no!
The Twelfth Doctor
I'm afraid so.
The Eleventh Doctor
Errmmm, right, well this is a bit awkward. Do you mind me asking how many incarnations away from me you are?
The Twelfth Doctor
Oh, just the next in line actually.
The Eleventh Doctor
Oh, please tell me I don't get old, anything but old.
The Twelfth Doctor
Oh, I'm sorry, and how old are you exactly?
The Eleventh Doctor
I dunno. 1200 and something I think.
The Twelfth Doctor
1200 years old and yet you look like you're about 12. Albeit, a very over bloated 12 year old. Frankly, I think it's about time I started to look my age. Especially when you've still got another 900 years ahead of you before you get to me.
The Eleventh Doctor
Why have you summoned me here?
The Twelfth Doctor
Occupational hazard, actually. Something stole my TARDIS leaving me stranded here. I tried to use my screwdriver to summon my TARDIS to rescue me and instead have ended up with you, Chin Boy.
The Eleventh Doctor
Chin Boy?!
The Twelfth Doctor
I was referring to your gigantic chin.
The Eleventh Doctor
Yeah, well at least I don't have attack eyebrows.
The Twelfth Doctor
Well, I may have magnificent eyebrows but at least I'm not dressed up embarrassingly bad.
The Eleventh Doctor
Oi, bow ties are cool. And at least my outfit stands out. At least it's memorable. Not like that blander than bread magicians gear.
The Twelfth Doctor
Oh, do you know what. Shut up. Just shut up. No, seriously shut up. Shut up, shut up, and shut up. I don't have time for this. I need to work out who stole my TARDIS and why. And I have to get it back.
The Twelfth Doctor starts fiddling with his screwdriver. The Eleventh Doctor slowly walks up to him.
The Eleventh Doctor
You could try summoning the TARDIS again.
The Twelfth Doctor
Don't be stupid. It's clearly under some kind of protection. Otherwise it wouldn't have brought you here instead. Besides, I don't want to meet earlier versions of myself, it's incredibly uncomfortable. I might find myself face to face with grumpy, trampy, dandy, scarfy, celery, rainbow boy, umbrella boy, big hair boy, skin head boy or playboy. Oh, and then there's the one who fought in the Time War.
The Eleventh Doctor
Do NOT mention him! He's not one of us!
The Twelfth Doctor
A lot can change in 900 years.
The Eleventh Doctor
Meaning?
The Twelfth Doctor
Spoilers!
The Twelfth Doctor puts the screwdriver next to his ear.
The Twelfth Doctor
I've got a lock on wear it is. But I've got no way of reaching it.
The Eleventh Doctor
Well, actually you have.
He indicates his TARDIS.
The Twelfth Doctor
No! No way!
The Eleventh Doctor
It doesn't really seem to me as if you have much of a choice. I don't know about you Eyebrows, but I don't see any other way off of this island of wood. What do you say?
The Twelfth Doctor (sighs)
Okay, fine. But no pratting about. I can't be doing with any pratting about.
The two Doctors enter the TARDIS.
The Twelfth Doctor
Forgot about this wizard's cabinet. You know this looks far too childish, have you ever thought about growing up at all.
The Eleventh Doctor
Look, there's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. Now remember, my TARDIS, my rules. No one is allowed to fly this TARDIS but me, understood?
The Twelfth Doctor
I am you, and this is my TARDIS. I have just as much of a right to use it as you do.
The Twelfth Doctor walks over to the console and slots his screwdriver into the panel facing the door.
The Eleventh Doctor
I wouldn't do that if I was you!
The Twelfth Doctor
You are me! And we both know that you would.
The Eleventh Doctor
No I wouldn't because… shut up!
The Twelfth Doctor
No! You can't say that! Only I can say that! That is my thing to say, not yours!
The Eleventh Doctor
You are me remember. So I have just as much a right to say that as you do.
The Twelfth Doctor
No you don't because… Just shut up okay! Shut up!
He starts typing on the typewriter.
The Twelfth Doctor
Programming the source of my TARDIS into the ship locater databases. As this is the same ship from the past I can sync up the two TARDIS's at the two different points in time and propel us right into it.
He stops typing and pulls a lever.
The Twelfth Doctor
Just like that.
There is a bright light, and suddenly they are both in the Twelfth Doctor's TARDIS.
The Eleventh Doctor
Oh, you've redecorated. I don't like it!
The Twelfth Doctor
You chose it.
The Eleventh Doctor
No I haven't.
The Twelfth Doctor
Not yet, but you will do. In fact it looked rubbish when you first chose it. It looked cold and desolated. Thankfully, I clearly have better taste, hence the much warmer lighting and the bookcases. Gives it a much more homely feel.
The Twelfth Doctor walks over to the TARDIS monitor.
The Twelfth Doctor
Now then! Let's see who are little thieves are then!
He switches on the monitor. To see a big dark room filled with horrible looking creatures. They have black tentacles coming out of their rear which is used to walk and stand. There upper bodies is light grey with long dark grey arms and huge purple claws. For a head they have an upside down skull with only one eye, purple, with a single black pupil.
The Eleventh Doctor
What are they?!
The Twelfth Doctor
Time Eaters.
The Eleventh Doctor
Time Eaters?
The Twelfth Doctor
A very rare species which are usually found in this corner of the galaxy. They eat up real time, erasing events from history. With the TARDIS they could feast forever. That explains why they took it. The last time I met these creatures was during my isolation on Tenzalore.
The Eleventh Doctor
Trenzalore? Isn't that where we're buried?
The Twelfth Doctor
I'll explain later. Right now we need to stop these guys!
The Twelfth Doctor walks over to the door. The Eleventh Doctor follows close behind him.
The Eleventh Doctor
Be careful. There's no telling what these things are capable of.
The Twelfth Doctor
Like I said I've met them before.
The Eleventh Doctor
Yes, but they might be more advanced than last time. Annoyingly, old adversaries usually are.
The two Doctors exit the TARDIS. They are in a giant dark blue cave with bits of light coming from light blue diamonds dotted around the walls. The Time Eaters all turn their grotesque heads around to face them. A few seconds pass and then the Doctor's both break the silence.
The Twelfth Doctor
Hello. We're the Doctor's.
The Eleventh Doctor
How might we be of assistance?
A Time Eater much larger than the rest comes scuttling up to them. He is the leader. He speaks to them with a rich, powerful British voice.
Time Eater Leader
This is impossible. We used a Tran's mat beam to transport you out of your ship.
The Eleventh Doctor
Shame you didn't count on there being two of us.
Time Eater Leader
It matters not. We have your TARDIS. We can travel to any year in history and erase it from exist-
The Twelfth Doctor
Shut up!
Time Eater Leader
What?!
The Twelfth Doctor
No seriously, shut up!
The Eleventh Doctor
You do go on a bit don't you! We KNOW what your plan is.
Time Eater Leader
You do?
The Eleventh Doctor
Of course we do! You are a bunch of creatures who eat real time. Wasn't that hard to figure out.
The Twelfth Doctor
And really, it wasn't at all that original a plan.
The Eleventh Doctor
We could probably come up with a better plan in two seconds flat. If we had the time. Or the motivation for that matter.
The Twelfth Doctor
Speaking of running out of time I'm afraid a similar problem is occurring. But not for us. For you!
Time Eater Leader
What do you mean?!
The Twelfth Doctor
Well, given that you love time so much, we'll give you eternal time. By trapping you in a time lock! The TARDIS can do exactly that. It is a time machine after all.
The Eleventh Doctor
Normally, it couldn't. I only have one sonic screwdriver which could never emit that level of sonic energy to do such a thing.
The Twelfth Doctor
Luckily, there's two of us.
The Eleventh Doctor
Twice the sonic!
The Twelfth Doctor
And twice the power!
The two Doctor's simultaneously lift their screwdrivers at the TARDIS and then at the Time Eaters. In a second they are all frozen in time. Forever.
The TARDIS materialises on the island of wood they were on before, just a fair few metres in front of the Eleventh Doctor's TARDIS. The two Doctor's exit the Twelfth Doctor's TARDIS.
The Eleventh Doctor
Were they really that easy and pathetic the last time you encountered them?
The Twelfth Doctor
They were really easy and pathetic, but nowhere near as much. After all, I didn't have another me to help me out last time.
The Eleventh Doctor
Right then. The walls of reality have remained relatively stable so far, but I dare say they won't for much longer if we continue to cross our own timelines. This is where we say goodbye.
The Twelfth Doctor
For now at least. You'll be seeing much more of me in the future. But I think you already know that.
The Eleventh Doctor
I'm not going to remember any of this am I?
The Twelfth Doctor (shakes his head)
Shouldn't think so. The time lines are out of sync. Out of the two of us, I'm the most recent, so I will still be able to remember everything. But you can't retain it.
The Eleventh Doctor
Oh well, I suppose when all is said and done I didn't miss much.
They both smile. The Eleventh Doctor reaches out his hand.
The Eleventh Doctor
To days to come.
The Twelfth Doctor takes his hand and the two of them shake.
The Twelfth Doctor
All my love to long ago.
The Eleventh Doctor goes into his TARDIS and it dematerialises out of view. The Twelfth Doctor watches him go before entering his own TARDIS and warping away.
In his TARDIS the Doctor heads over to the console.
The Doctor
Now then. Where were we? Are yes. The Lofhaua Leisure bar.
He pulls a lever and the TARDIS flies off into space.