Emma had walked for hours into the night after the residents of Storybrooke brought food and shelter to the people from the land of untold stories. For everyone in the town, this had been a good day. The people were rescued, Hyde was in prison, Regina was seeing a different outlook on her life and the town was safe for the time being.
All was well except Emma, who was left wondering the dark streets alone with her thoughts. Having not told a sole about envisioning her apparently impending death, she felt as as she did several years ago. Frightened and alone with no family or friends to turn to. When she now possessed all of this, she still couldn't understand why she had been unable to tell anyone. Especially the man who she was growing to love more and more with each passing day. The pirate who stole her heart and for whom she had risked everything to bring him back from the dead. He had bared his sole to her, letting her know his darkest secrets and the worst sides of himself and she had done the same during her time as the dark one. Yet she was still incapable of confiding in him.
She was ashamed of herself for the way she had behaved toward him in the forest earlier that night even though they had patched it up in Granny's. She knew she still owed him the truth.
Her walk finally took her back to the grand house the she and Killian now shared. She looked up at their bedroom window which was lit by the glow of a lamp. She knew Killian must have come home and retired after helping out in the diner as he often slept with a lamp on. He said he was used to candle light while he slept so a lamp was a good substitute.
Emma quietly walked up the steps to the front door and slipped through it closing it behind her. She took off her jacket and boots and silently moved up the stairs to their open bedroom door. Killian lay in their bed with his eyes closed with one arm draped over his stomach and the other on the pillow above his head.
Emma couldn't help but smile at the picture. She loved to wake up and see him sleeping soundly as it reminded her of just how at peace he now was. There was no enemies to vanquish, no revenge to be sought, no battles to fight. There was just him and her and their future.
With Killian looking as peaceful and content as he did, Emma decided not to wake him. However a thought did cross her mind. Instead of taking her place in their bed beside him, she silently walked round to his side where he lay and knelt down on the floor beside him. She did not want to Risk sitting in the bed and waking him. She brought her hand up to his face and with the lightness of a feather caressed his cheek and neck with her fingertips and again with her knuckles. She smiled a watery smile and continued to lightly touch his face, marvelling at the man she loved and began to whisper.
"I wish I could tell you the truth about what happened today and what I saw, but you've known me long enough to realise that telling the truth and appearing weak is the hardest thing in the world for me. But I am trying. I try harder with you than I do with anyone else because of how much I love you. And how much you see me for what I am. So I'm gonna tell you the truth now, my love.
The truth is I saw myself die. You were there. So we're my parents and Henry. They saw it all. My son saw his mother die and you protected him like you always do. I wish I could tell you this whilst looking you in the eye but I can't yet. I have spent all day wondering why until I realised, I can't bare to see you hurt by this. Or any of my family"
Emma's eyes began to flood with tears and if she had been speaking in her normal voice, it would have been much higher by now. With each word, her heart broke a little more.
"When we got you back from the underworld I saw a light in your eyes. A look of hope. I couldn't bare for that to be destroyed. Seeing people suffer because of me is torture and I hate the fact that soon I will be telling you all of this whilst you're awake and I will see the light go from your eyes again. I just don't want that to happen! I want to carry on like this as if I never had this vision and I want to live our lives care free and happy with our future"
She took a breath to steady herself before she continued.
"But I know that can't happen yet. We need to deal with this together and I promise I will tell you soon. But I want to see you happy for as long as I can before destroying it all again. So this is why I can't tell you yet"
Emma's voice was wavering considerably and her eyes were glassy with tears. She rubbed the unshed tears out of her eyes and kneeled up from her current position and brought her face close to Killian's. She placed a kiss on his cheek and smiled sadly once more before getting up off of the floor grabbing a pair of pyjamas to change into.
She began to cry silently and didn't notice Killian's eyes open having been awake the whole time.
