Remus was thunderstruck.
Time slowed.
His feet moved without his consent.
There was nothing he could do.
Nothing.
Not when it was Sirius.
There was never anything he could do when it was Sirius.
Even before they had become what they were.
Even before it was SiriusandRemus. LupinandBlack.
"What are you going to do about it?" said the thirteen year old Sirius. He was rigid, sitting on the roof of the astronomy tower, hair mussed and eyes bright. Remus knew he looked tired. He was always tired these days. The moon, just a sliver in the sky, pulled at Remus' joints like a magnet. He sat down carefully, and picked up the near empty bottle of butterbeer.
"Selfish."
What would he do?
He would do nothing.
He watched as Bellatrix, black hair a wild hallo of malice around her head, face thrown back, her manic laugh mirrored in the face of her cousin.
Sirius.
Sirius Black.
Padfoot.
He was falling, falling, always falling.
"I think I may be falling for you, Moony."
"You're not falling for me, Pads. You're just drunk."
Remus felt his muscles burn.
Moving forward.
Always moving forward.
Without him.
"Remus. Moony. I'm not a little kid anymore." said sixteen year old Sirius, shirt gone, pants half off. The girl, a Ravenclaw, had run off.
"I know. But that doesn't excuse you for being out aft-"
Remus was being kissed. He couldn't quite remember what he was going to say.
Laughter was bubbling from Sirius' lips.
His eyes bright with madness, with mirth, sorrow.
Remus was close.
He could feel it.
"Can you feel it, Moony?" asked a fifteen year old Sirius, holding up clasped hands. Remus, naked and bestial, on the floor, was grinning fiercely. It had been a success."You understand, don't you? You get it?"
"Yes."
"We're the canines. We're the closest. Peter and James can't understand."
"Yes."
There was screaming.
"You don't get it, Remus! You can't understand, so don't even try!" screamed the new Sirius. The Sirius as battered and broken and worn as he was.
"Sirius. Padfoot. I get it. I do." he held out his arms, and for the first time in forever they were together.
Remus grabbed the hem of Sirius' shirt.
He held on tight.
"Stay with me. Just. For tonight."
Sirius said nothing, but the hand on his shoulder was more than could be put into words, anyway.
Sirius fell through the veil with a whisper.
Remus followed.
"Promise you'll always be with me?" asked Sirius as he carded his hand through Remus' sandy hair.
"I promise. I would follow you into hell, Pads."