WARNING: This is a fic assuming that Duo sucks at cooking or manually making something edible... but I'm also planning to do one where he rocks at it! Poor boy deserves it =:( Spam is the little specter at the back of my head that just decided to appear to bug the heck outta me. He typically doesn't exceed five words per stupid comment, but if he exceeds five words, count on it to be something specifically detrimental to my image.

{What image?}

See?

{No, really... tell me.}

OK, anyway, Spam and I attempted to MST a fanfic... perhaps Crow, Mike, Tom will show up if I piss them off enough.

{Gideon. Image. Tell.}

The results were, to say the least, for your amusement.

{The least is right.}

[Shut up! WE haven't even started yet, you apparitional freak! Go sit in your corner, Spam!]

{Make me}

[::sighs:: Here we go... it's a little weird how we came up with this. You can say that at times I'm writing it, then at other times Spam is writing it (unfortunately), and then other times it's... outta thin air.]

1:45am

{I did that.}

Duo: ::shakes a bottle of.. something, trying to prepare... something...::

[Could you be any MORE specific?]

{Damare, bone bag}

::all of the doors have been locked, bolted, and blocked with amazing efficiency. the telephones are missing from thier dusty places, the windows have been taken out and replaced with heavy, durable metal, and as a result, any light that plans to enter the mansion hideaway has had it's plans... spoiled...::

[Oh brother...]

Duo: *She's the diamond of the desert, she's a golden mountain spring* ::stops, opens the top of the bottle and pours said bottle contents into a blender, then presses the [7] button::

[::suspicious:: Spam, what's he making?]

{Hell if I know}

[Should we stop him?]

{Probably}

Duo: ::hums, then smiles maniacal smile when he presses the stop button, the odd mix of said bottle contents continuing to whirl in their shimmery blue-green colouring. he pours said contents back into the bottle and takes a whiff of it. gags unceremoniously:: Blech, that's horrible! ::immediately sunny smile takes over his face:: But that's what the directions say...

[What directions?]

{Hell if I know.}

[::eyes apparition warily:: That sounds stupid, Spam, stop it. *What* did you leave him to find?]

{Heck if I know.}

Duo: ::lifts bottle and literally hops up the steps:: Anyway, all medicines taste horrible, so this should do just fine.

[SPAM!!]

{It's your fault}

[What?!]

{If it kills them}

[::horrified::]

{::grins slowly::}

Duo: *I believe I'm the same... I get caaaaried away....* ::takes a deep breath, then slams the first door open:: Ohayo gozaimasu!! Wakey wakey, Wu- chan!

Wufei: ::moans:: G-go aw-w-way.... AH... AHHHHHCHOOO! ::rubs nose with the back of his hand and pulls the cover over his head, shutting his eyes firmly because if he opens them the world looks like it does from the Orbiter ride at the fair::

Duo: :tsks, waving his index finger, one eye closed:: Ah Ah Ah, Wu-babe, gotta get up now. ::grins broadly and holds up the bottle and a spoon:: Time to take your medicine!

Wufei: ::opens right eye:: What?

Duo: ::shakes his head:: He can't even hear straight... gotta hurry and get this stuff down his throat... ::sets stuff down, rubs hands, then picks stuff back up and advances on Wufei::

Wufei: ::opens left eye:: NO... ::thinks back, tries *hard*...::

~~~~~~~shimmer backflash~~~~~~~~~

Quatre: ::is slumped on Trowa's upholding body, looks terribly sick. in fact, both of them look sick!:: Duo, because we can't afford someone recognizing us somewhere and leading them here, we'll need *you* to make something for us...

Duo: ::violet pupils roll up until they meet his eyelids in an absolute motion of bewildered kawaiiness::

{Your brilliant concoction, ne?}

[NO. You put that there!]

{Spawned from *your* brain, baka.}

[Oh, so you're invading my brain now? NOt FAIR!]

{Poor baby.}

[No, poor Wufei! I don't know how to save him! Except... well DUH, I'm writing it, ne?]

{What a loser...}

~~~~~backflash far from the end~~~~

Wufei: ::crestfallen:: Oh no...

{Will Duo succede in giving Wufei the poison? Will Duo kill Wufei? Will Wufei kill Duo? Will Heero show up and kill them both before any of this insanity can continue? Tune in Next Time to: Days Of Our Gundam Pilot's Lives}

*A song I heard off of some commercial... it's probably screwed up lyric wise*

*By... S.. S.. Saaasami ::nervous laugh::

{Splendor, you blockhead}*

Well, that was the teaser, if you got this far. Part one will come some time in the future if I haven't gotten a clue and stopped by then. Buhbye!



Wufei: Shiiiimata! What have I done?! What an absurd idea!! WELL, I'm *not* going to give that baka grounds to kill me on.. ::wraps covers tighter over him:: Go away, Maxwell. I'll cure *myself*.

Duo: :annoyed:: Just open wide! It'll take only a minute! Geeze, you'd think I was handcuffin' ya or somethi--- ::suddenly, Duo's mouth freezes in mid-speak to form in a wide, disturbing grin. a plan, strange, and just as disturbing, formed quickly in his mind::

Wufei: ::disturbed by the lack of pysco-babble outside of the safety of his covers, blinks a couple of times:: Maxwell?

::silence::

Wufei: ::peeks out of the covers a little:: Hey.. where are.. you...?

Duo: HIIIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! ::leaps on top of the covers where Wufei is supposedly cringing, grabs his wrists and handcuffs him before he can retaliate. he straddles him and laughs maniacally:: Sugoi! I pinned the Great Dragon!!

Wufei: ::mouth drops open:: W-whaa.... HEY, UNHAND ME! ::suddenly glares at Gideon and Spam:: No. No. NoNoNoNo...

{What's wrong?}

Wufei: You're planning something weird, aren't you?! Something that'll have Heero beating me senseless for if he finds out, right?

{::shrugs:: Beats me.}

Duo: ::shakes his head:: Now you stay *here*. I have the feeling that you'll be the worst to convince to take the medicine simply... ::thinks a moment, then a steady gun flashes through his vision and he shudders:: Nevermind. Make it next to last. You sit tight until I get the other guys to take it.. then I'll come *right* back! ::gets up and leaves the room with the death-bottle and a spoon::

Wufei: ::blinks, then violently begins to pull and twist:: I've GOT to get out before he gets back!!

::unfortunately, to Wufei's discomfort, him shaking the bed has knocked over a bottle of chibi sock puppets that look like the Teletubbies., and they fall on his stomach and move an inch from his face*::

Popo: Hi!

LaLa: Hi!

TinkyWinky: Hi!

[::sweatdrop::]

{I did that too}

[::horrified:: My God, how could you be so cruel?!]

{You have no idea}

All: Let's play a game! Let's siiiiiiiing! ::begin to rock side to side and hum, then break into song::

THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER EEEEEENDS

YES IT GOES ON AND ON MY FREIIIIIIIIIINDS

SOME PEOPLE

STARTED SINGING IT NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS

BUT THEY'LL CONTINUE SINGING IT FOREVER JUST BECAUSE

THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER EEEEENNNDDDSS

Wufei: AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

::knock knock:: Quatre?

Quatre: ::looks up tiredly, then slinks to the door and opens it. he looks at the perfect physiology with envy:: You haven't caught it?

Duo: NOPE! But it's time for you to take your medicine, so sit down. You shouldn't be up and moving anyway. Sit down and I'll give you what I've made. ::he sits Quatre down, then sits down beside him, the takes the bottle in his hands::

Quatre: ::when Duo pops the cork on the bottle his heart skips a beat. a bad feeling creeps up on him and he looks at the top of the bottle from which toxic-looking fumes have begun to rise. he bites his lip:: Duo, have you tested that stuff?

Duo: Nope. ::swirls it around, then gets out the spoon and pours some on it. little does he notice that the spoon his slowly melting:: But I'm sure it's fine. Here, taste it.

Quatre: ::both eyes fix on the strange-looking concoction, and he gulps. he doesn't want to take it, but he's too nice to refuse such an earnest effort on Duo's part. He opens his mouth while Duo pours it in. He swallows it easily, then blinks::

Duo: ::anxious:: So how is it?

Quatre: ::static::

[Not the static thing again... ::bites her lips:: I wonder if he's ok... not the static..]

{That's a bad sign.}

[I noticed]

Quatre: ::blinks:: Ur...? ::cocks his head at Duo, then a slow smile comes to his face:: Goooooodd....

Duo: ::sighs, but not qutie with relief, because he notices acutely that the air around him and Quatre has suddenly changed... he looks in his eyes and sees something amiss:: Q-dude, are you ok?

Quatre: Purrrrrrh... ::licks his lips, then grins as two short, furry tiger ears pop up at the top of his head. he leans toward Duo and his eyes widen:: Gooooood...

Duo: ::pales:: Good grief.

Quatre: ::pounces on Duo and wraps his arms around his waist, then attaches his mouth firmly to Duo's neck and begins to suck::

{Spam, you're disgusting}

[Did you say something?]

Duo: ::pales:: Ahhhh!! Quatre, stoppit! Q-eeee, ooo, stop, hee hee that tIIIIckles, mmm, g-goooohh, QUATRE, LET ME GOOOooooooOOOOhhh! ah, mmm, q- quit! ::pulls free, then slides to the door and quickly gets out, slamming the door behind him. he locks it and slumps to the ground:: Oh nooo... there... I've got to tell... oh NO, this is gonna cost me...

~merely minutes later~

Heero: ::is busy using the crowbar to find a crack in the metal windows. his eyes are blurry, his hair is more of a mess than usual, and whenever one of his hands is free the fingers twitch as if pulling an imaginary trigger on a gun:: So you locked us in so we wouldn't escape...

Duo: ::defeated:: Ah ha..

Heero: ::grunts as the crowbar slips and tries again:: .. thought the medicine would work..

Duo: Ah ha.

Heero: ... turned Quatre into.. something... and now we have no way out.

Duo: Ah ha.

Heero: ::stops trying:: Ah.

Duo: ::mouth drops open:: All of this happens and 'Ah' is all you have to say about it?!

Heero: ::pauses:: Duo no baka.

Duo: Nothing new...

Heero: ::glares:: Omae o korosu. ::pauses:: But after we get out of here. Maybe.

Duo: Heh heh...

Heero: You didn't even leave yourself a place to get out?

Duo: ::ashamed:: No..

Heero: Then we'll have to bust our way out. After we find the others. ::hesitates and glares at Duo:: You didn't give Trowa and Wufei anything, did you?

Duo: Nope, didn't get that far. Although.. I did tie Wufei up.

Heero: ::cocks eyebrow::

Duo: He would have escaped if he had heard anybody yelling and woulda grabbed that freakin sword of his. I'd like to remain intact through this, you know...

Heero: ::grunts:: Let's go get him first.

::reluctantly Heero and Duo quietly make thier way upstairs to Wufei's room. It's creepy because the room where Duo locked Quatre is very, VERY quiet, and there's silence coming from Wufei's room too::

Duo: I figured that he'd be yelling for me to un-cuff him...

Heero: Shhh.... ::takes a stance and slowly opens Wufei's door. he looks for a minute, then blinks::

Duo: What's wrong?

Heero: ::undetectable smile and undetectable pity:: look for yourself ::he opens the door the rest of the way::

Wufei: ::static::

Duo: ::gasps and runs and jumps on top of Wufei, trying to shake him awake:: Wufei!! Wufei, say something, man!!!

Wufei: ::slightly unstatic:: This.... this.. is...

Duo: .....?

Wufei: ttthe... song that.. never... ends.... ::giggles:: Yes it goes on... and... oooooon my friends.... ::giggles, then laughs maniacally, kicking and pulling at his cuffs like a little kid:: Some people, STAAARTED singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it FOREVER JUST BECAUSE, THIS IS THE SOOONG--

[Spam, you destroyed him!!]

{Heh heh}

[Well, I'm going to save him!]

{Not bloody likely. Look.}

Wufei: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! ME WANT TO PLAY! ::breaks out of his cuffs and glomps Duo. the grins at him:: Let's play!

Duo: Heeeeeeeeeeeelp!

Heero: Be quiet! ::looks sharply out the door::

Duo: ::squirms as Wufei's face get's closer:: He's sick! He needs the.. ::sweatdrop:: heh heh, I almost forgot..

Heero: Be quiet. I'll be right back. ::slips out the door::

Wufei: ::rolls his eyes:: He no want to play. me play! Duo play! Let's play!

::grrrrrr.....::

Heero: ::slowly backs into Wufei's room. There's Quatre, slinking toward him, kooky tiger ears twitching, drool coming down the side of his mouth. And right behind him is Trowa. Two new pointy tiger ears atop his head. Eyes fixed on Heero. Drooling. And a bite mark on his neck:: Duo. We have a problem.

Duo: A normal Sherlock Holms! Wufeeeeeeei, let me gooooooo!

Heero: ::step back. step back. step... forward to slam the door shut::

::two thumps promptly sound on the door as Quatre and Trowa yowl to get in::

[Oh, this is horrible. I think I'm going to have a headache]

{::laughing maniacally:: Isn't that funny?}

{Will Quatre and Trowa get in? Are they vampire tigers? Are they just plain... weird? What do they want with Heero and Duo? ::heh heh:: Will Wufei become the fifth Teletubbie? Will Duo become the sixth? Will Gideon combust before anything else happens? Tune in next time to "Days of Our Pathetic Gundam Boys Lives"}