I own nothing, but my OCs. Literally a dump of insults and quips that made me laugh, enjoy!
Percy was watching Tobias and Max bicker back and forth. They were trying to figure out what it would take to completely push the other over the edge. Tobias had come close to winning a couple of times, but Percy had seen him mentally draw a line each time- he would not sink so low as to pull up Max's history.
"You're not completely useless," Max told him, "you can be used as a bad example!"
"Want to hear a story, Max? Once upon a time, you weren't such a little bitch." Max glowered. Tobias smirked. Max decided to try something else.
"What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?" Max challenged. Tobias started to speak, stopped when he realised what his brother had said and then proceeded to silently flounder for a comeback. His other siblings started counting down from ten.
"Don't be such a cabbage, Max." The countdown stopped on three.
"What did one cell say to his sister cell that stepped on his toe?" Max smiled. Tobias's brow creased in confusion. "Mitosis." Tobias blinked at him. Laughter worked its way into his features before he could help himself, snorting and snickering.
"That's a terrible joke!" Sage reprimanded.
"You shush. This is our fight." Max gestured at himself and Tobias, who was cursing himself for still laughing.
"So, it's going to be like that then?" Tobias wiped at his eyes. "Challenge accepted."
"Ugh," Sage tipped her head towards Lilly's and whispered, "this has gone from insults to lame jokes. I think we should go." Callum overhead, grabbing onto his triplet's arm and fixing a stubborn look on Sage. Lilly shot her sister an apologetic look.
"I have the eye of the tiger, the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo." Tobias declared. Max couldn't help but let a laugh go. Ah, grim jokes, he thought, my favourite. He saw the triumphant gleam in Tobias's eyes and scowled, bastard.
"You know, Tobias, many people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them. You're many."
"I'm just that amazing. You're jealous." Tobias accused, grinning cheekily. Max crossed his arms expectantly. "Well, what isn't there for you to be jealous of? I've got the good looks, the charms, the smarts- you've got a face like a thunder and an attitude to match." Max started to speak, but the voice that filled the air wasn't his. He looked over his shoulder to see Theo was pitching in.
"It takes twenty-six muscles to smile and sixty-two to frown. That's why his face is ripped and will kick your ass."
"Oh, is that so?" Tobias folded his arms as well, highly amused. Max looked at Theo. Theo flicked his hand once, a very disinterested wave. "Come on then, Max. Kick my ass."
"OK, hold up." Percy sat up straighter and made a T with his hands. "I'm all for you picking on each other. It's a totally different ball-game if you start fighting, your mother will kill me." He paused, eyes going between his two eldest. "That's why you're going to take it outside. Nothing will get broken in here and that includes my bones. Go on, shoo." Agreement bounced through all his children and, as one, they got up and ventured outside. Percy watched from the window, patting himself on the back. "Way to dad, Jackson."
Alright, let's see- who would win in a fight, Tobias or Max?