Multiverse Mischief
"A Day in the Life of Zedekiah Strong"
6:30 AM
An alarm blares loudly in the ear of Zedekiah Strong, rousing the Founder of the IDA from his sleep. Groaning into his hands, Zedekiah idly began swatting his bedside table in an effort to silence his accursed alarm's harsh and grating cries. His hand slammed upon the wooden surface again and again, the alarm callously out of reach, before Zedekiah ultimately decided "To hell with it", and fired a bolt of red hot magic at his nightstand. That finally shut that stupid alarm up for good, and besides, he was rich and could buy a new one.
"Another day, another headache." Zedekiah mumbled, rising up from his bed and allowing his red sheets to slip off his bare, battle-worn chest. Akin to the newly awakened dead, Zedekiah gradually rolled out of his canopy bed and onto the red carpeted floor, in naught but a pair of boxers. Despite not being one for decadence and flaunting style, Zedekiah's bedroom was lavish, to say the least. A large, rotund room with red carpets, a golden and red canopy bed, portraits of past and present members of the Law Councils, several large blackwood cabinets, and complete with various decorations from nations and words that have allied themselves with the Inter-Dimensional Agency. A few Equestrian tapestries here, a banner of Demacia there, marble statues of gods of Greece and Rome, and a box of unmentionables that the Chaos Gods send nonstop off in the corner. Lazily gliding off to his bathroom, Zedekiah slipped into a fluffy white robe and prepared for his excruciatingly long day, starting off strong with a warm shower.
7:00 AM
Zedekiah emerged from his walk-in closet, now dressed in his iconic attire, his three-piece black suit and tie, wide-rimmed black hat, and eyepatch, quickly tucking in his shirt and fastening on his gloves. The Founder of the IDA walked over to his bedside to slip on his dress shoes, but stopped when he noticed the tell-all letter on his pillow, bound with a bow and sealed with an official pin. Seeing this simple paper filled Zedekiah, a man who has not only stared into the abyss and poked the eye that stared back, with immeasurable amounts of dread, for the contents of said letter would bring about untold pain and agony upon his eye the instant he read it, sending him down a spiral of madness and torment unlike any before!
In other words: His schedule for the day.
"Oh, void swallow me right now," Zedekiah complained. "I do not want to do this today?" Reluctantly, Zedekiah undid the pin on the letter and allowed it to unfold, seeing his 9-10 schedule for the day, written in eloquent handwriting that could belong to ever loyal Watcher. "One of these days, I'm going to murder Watcher… One of them, at least. He'll walk it off…" After skimming through his schedule, Zedekiah stuffed the paper into his coat pocket and proceeded to walk out the front door of his room, ready to start off yet another day with strength, vigor, and a whole bottle of headache pills.
8:45 AM
A poll was taken several weeks ago by Officials in the IDA to find areas of improvement in terms of architecture and building care, such as restoring derelict areas, more Gateways, additional cleanup crews for the arenas, and so forth. Clearly, nobody in that poll mentioned the damnable elevators of the Council Buildings. Dull, slow, bland, and above all, cramped beyond belief. Zedekiah wondered at times why he never used his powers as Founder to give himself an executive elevator all to himself, but then again "He wanted to be treated almost equally as the officials and agents", or so he told Watcher and the First Agents eons ago. Oh, how he regretted those words, now having to share a space with a trio of armored Londor Knights, a nervous looking Salarian book-keeper, one very large Russian man and his equally large gun, a very angry looking wolf-man, and a creepy little girl clutching a ratty teddy bear. It was like the setup to a bad joke or an extremely terrible movie. Worst part was that his office was on the top floor of a 150-story building, and Zedekiah only just reached the fifth floor.
9:15 AM
Zedekiah hurriedly ran into his office, slightly stumbling upon the recently waxed floor and skating himself over to his desk like an ice dancer, only to collide with the wooden mahogany desk and land on the floor. He groaned, rubbing his sore stomach as he took notice of one of the Watchers was in his stead.
"… You saw that, didn't you?" Zedekiah rhetorically asked, pulling himself up onto his feet.
"Yes sir." Watcher quickly answered, his hooded face betraying no emotion. "You are also fifteen minutes late, sir." Zedekiah lazily waved his arm off at the hooded duplicator and sat himself down on his grand chair.
"The elevators in this building are inane." Zedekiah complained. "We should fire whatever jackass designed them."
"How would you go about firing yourself, sir?" Watcher asked. Remembering that he had built the entirety of Base Prime from the core up, Zedekiah moved on and poured himself a cup of tea from his convenient desktop teapot (a must have for all executives).
"Never mind… Let's just…" Zedekiah grumbled. "Move on. What's first up on my schedule again?" Watcher's response was dropping a massive stack of papers on Zedekiah's desk. "… Oh…"
"These all need your seal of approval." Watcher said, placing a pen atop the papers. "Most of them are requisitions from the Assembly of Evil and Union of Good. That turf war is getting phenomenally out of hand."
"It's the forces of good and evil attempting to share the same space," Zedekiah snapped, snatching the pen and getting to work on the papers. "That's like putting an Archangel and a Demon Lord in the same room, of course they're not going to get along!" Sighing, Zedekiah started jotting down his name on the papers in rapid succession. "I'll have these papers taken care of by the end of the day…"
"Oh, and don't forget the meetings you have from the Four Laws Groups, as well as the individual insances." Watcher said, much to Zedekiah's groans. "Oh, don't worry, sir, you'll do fine. Your first meeting is in less than an hour, so be ready."
"Very well, Watcher. Dismissed!" Watcher bowed his head and walked out of the room, leaving Zedekiah alone to gradually destroy the heretical monolith of dedicated to the god of the cubicle, dreaded lord Paperwork, with his pen acting as his sword of justice. Hopefully, the battle wouldn't be too grievous and casualties could be kept to a minimum. "Alright, next form… Request for additional strip poles at Saint HQ. Reason for request: Because we want more." Nope, it'll be a massacre.
10:00 AM
"And so, if we had at least thirty square acres removed here," Handsome Jack explained, gesturing to his visual aids for what seemed like the eighth time during his pompous presentation. "We can build twenty more munitions and manufacturing complexes, not only increasing the output of more guns, robotics, and space vessels, but also adding a hefty lining of cash to the wallets of everyone involved! So whaddaya say, Strong?" During the 45-minute long droning session of Handsome Jack's conference, Zedekiah decided to take action by using his hand to keep his head, whose weight had been bizarrely increased at the moment, from claiming the desk as its pillow, and such, his face and beard appeared partially melting into his gloved hand.
"Look, Jack…" Zedekiah slowly said. "While more factories would make everyone's lives easier, but building them atop seventy acres of land that we had designated to be homes for the Displaced is not something I can get behind. I'm denying this bill from passing." Handsome Jack's jaw practically dropped from his face, before returning to the sleazy business man's face the Hyperion CEO was known for.
"Um… Yeah, I'm sorry…" Handsome Jack slowly drew out. "But, I thought I just heard you say you were… not letting us build the factories." This was clearly not going to end well for any parties involved.
"Yes, Jack, I said no." Zedekiah said, withdrawing his hand from his face. "Look, we both know how this is going to end. We're going to banter for a bit, we're both going to get frustrated, I'll draw a sword from Hammerspace and you'll pull out one of your wrist blasters, it'll be a standstill, then I'll get bored and give you a space station to put the Corporation's factories on just to keep you happy." Handsome Jack reflexively slid one of his hands into his sleeve, feeling around for the familiar grip of his gun, but Zedekiah rose from his seat to silence the matter. "So let's just skip the hassle and move on to the last point."
"R-really?" Handsome Jack asked, genuinely surprised. "An independent space station to operate our factories?"
"Sure, sure." Zedekiah said, reaching for a paper on his desk. "I'll give you a contract for a large enough space station to fill out with factories in… I dunno, the Terminus Systems? Hub Cluster? Somewhere." The black-suited man walked over to Handsome Jack and handed him the paper. "Just take this to the Administrative Offices and tell them the number of factories you want put on there. They'll handle the rest." Jack stared blankly at the paper while Zedekiah simply walked back to his desk and sat down, watching the business executive with a bored eye. "Well? We're done here. Go."
"Oh, um… Yeah, right." Jack stammered, taking his presentation holo-board with him. "Thanks, boss." As the Hyperion CEO left the room, Zedekiah was left once again to moan in boredom and irritation. Business men, the true parasites of the multiverse.
11:45 AM
"Ooh, lunch break!" Zedekiah chirped, putting his pen down atop the still towering stack of papers. Actually happy for once in his day, Zedekiah reached into a drawer in his desk and pulled out a carefully wrapped tin-foil roll. Carefully, he unwrapped the package, revealing to his pleased eye a well-made foot-long sandwich, complete with mustard, lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, and an olive to top it all off, delivered fresh from Flavors of the World (his personal favorite amalgamation of Earth Nation cuisine). Smirking softly, he put the sandwich down, tucked a napkin into his shirt collar, and prepared to have a decent meal. All this signing papers and constant meetings certainly worked up an appetite. Zedekiah needed, nay, deserved to have this sandwich right here, right now. He took a single, tasteful bite out of the sandwich, the roar of flavors galloping across his tongue, when he heard a sickening squelch and felt something sticky hit his leg. He opened his eye and saw a gob of mustard had leaked out of the sandwich and had landed right between his legs. "… Fate, why dost thou hate me so?"
1:30 PM
"Now… Councilor Korra…" Zedekiah said, thumping his finger on his desk as he glared harshly at the gradually shrinking Councilor of Order from clear across the room. "I know you wanted to be of use in regards to the whole 'Darknesses from the Dimensional Fusion' problem we've got going on…" Korra said nothing, but the audible gulp spoke wonders. "But, you do realize that gives you NO EXCUSE TO BREAK PROTOCOL!" Zedekiah slammed his hands on his desk and bellowed at the young woman, a powerful aura bursting from him with the force of a hurricane. "What did we have drilled in your head repeatedly back in Basic Training, Avatar?! 'Agents are to require approval of presiding Law Councilors to undergo missions. Agents are required to travel in units of no less than four Agents at a time. Agents do not, repeat, DO NOT ENGAGE IN THREAT LEVEL BLACK MISSIONS ALONE!'"
"I'm sorry I acted so rashly, sir!" Korra shouted out her apology. "But we were taking too long! Yellow Diamond and Thanos were already in the Arkhamverse and something needed to be done!" Seeing the look of concern and fear on the young Avatar's face, Zedekiah eased himself and calmed down, bringing his aura down to a minimal level and acting rationally.
"You may be right," Zedekiah admitted. "But that doesn't excuse such rash and reckless decisions. What if you were captured or killed?"
"Wait, don't we have that technology that brings people back from the-" Korra began, but Zedekiah immediately cut her off.
"The last thing we need are our numbers so thinly spread!" Zedekiah clarified. "What with the… Angelic Legion, the Army of Abominations, the Order of Purity, the Shard, Mister Mayhem and the like… The Darknesses and the Gameverse Apocalypse are low priority." He rolled about in his chair. "You won't have your Council Seat revoked, but I am putting you on temporary aid with Agent JoJo." Korra's jaw dropped and she threw her arms up in exasperation.
"You're putting me with that smart-ass Joseph?!" Korra whined. "But he's such a jerk, acting so much smarter than everyone else and always knowing what you're going to say next…"
"I never said Joseph Joestar." Zedekiah clarified, quirking an eyebrow. "No, you're helping Jotaro Kujo." This time, Korra fell to her knees and moaned into her hands.
"He's even worse…!" Korra cried out. "Always so broody and acting like a jackass all the time! At least Joseph can act nice occasionally…" Zedekiah kicked his feet onto his desk and propped himself up.
"Would you rather a demotion from Councilor and become a target for the next Seek-And-Destroy game of Blood Bowl?" Korra immediately sobered up and shook her head no. "Good, then we're in agreement. Report to the Urbania Lookout Watch for further instructions from Agent JoJo. You are dismissed." Dejected, Korra simply bowed her head and walked out of the room. Of all the things Zedekiah had to do involving his own agents, two things he hated most were talking down to them and giving eulogies. Still, both had to be done, one more than the other.
3:30 PM
Watcher walked up to the door to Zedekiah's office, intent on checking up to see how his leader and master was doing in terms of both the paper progress, and his current meeting with that representative. Before his hand could reach to grasp the handle, both massive ornate doors swung open as Zedekiah's last meeting just flew out backwards, down several flights of stairs, with an absurdly large hammer following in suit. Watcher poked his head into the room, seeing Zedekiah putting his hat and cape back on without so much as a drop of sweat pouring from his head.
"How'd it go, sir?" Watcher asked. Zedekiah sighed and propped himself back at his desk.
"I should start putting up restraining orders." Zedekiah muttered. "I'm getting tired of having to deal with Shao Khan fighting me for dominance… It's getting annoying…"
4:55 PM
Zedekiah sat around and read a random book off his expansive bookshelf… Nothing much really happened. He just wanted a break from the paperwork. It wasn't even that good of a book…
"Why do I even own this book?" Zedekiah puzzled to himself. "I don't even like Sudoku…"
5:15 PM
"So I let the bill on food rations for the Displaced be passed…" Zedekiah muttered, skimming through emails on his computer. "And then I deny Councilor Princess Celestia's request to ban executions for high priority prisoners…" A notification blip popped up on his computer, a message from one 'MadMask' on the multiverse's greatest chat program, Dimension Chatter. Sighing, Zedekiah opened his browser and the program.
MadMask: You rip off son of a bitch!
Judge-0-Worlds: How exactly am I a rip off, Mask?
MadMask: I just got word that you recruited some new Evil Agent who looks just like me!
Judge-0-Worlds: Whaddaya mean?
A picture popped up of a lanky looking man in a dark suit, top hat, and smiling theater mask receiving an IDA Medallion from Councilor Swain.
Judge-0-Worlds: Oh! You mean Hiruko Kagetane! Yes, he was just recently recruited alongside his… unnerving daughter.
MadMask: That's the guy! That weird guy from that one universe with the genetic monsters and the demonic little girls! He looks exactly like me!
Judge-0-Worlds: … You are short, wear a cotton jacket, a fedora, and your mask is fully animate. Despite the sociopathic tendencies, you and Hiruko are nothing alike.
MadMask: Actually, I'm getting rid of the fedora. Kinda makes me look like a dick.
Judge-0-Worlds: You didn't need the hat for that.
MadMask: Bite me, you one-eyed son of a bitch. But yeah, I'm taking Melissa to Kyoto to do some clothes shopping. Dio recommended a few places.
Judge-0-Worlds: Well, have fun with that. Don't kill too many people.
Judge-0-Worlds: Wait, was that a typo or did you just say 'Dio'?
Zedekiah stared at his computer for a few minutes, waiting for Mask's eventual response. Finally, it pinged.
MadMask: Dio Brando's in my ranks now, what of it?
Five minutes later, some poor civilian was struck on the head by a falling computer monitor coming from the top floor of the Council Buildings. He is currently hospitalized.
7:00 PM
Watcher slammed open the door to the office, a frantic look on his partially concealed face. "Sir! I have an urgent report on the Imperium negotiations! Another fight has broken out on Holy Terra between our forces and the Order Paladins, but now the Army has added the Dark Eldar to their ranks, the Inquisition and Ecclesiarchy are distrustful of us because apparently we have 'Xeno' amongst our numbers and I should probably tell you this later, shouldn't I?"
"Yes." Zedekiah growled, buried beneath the foundation that was once his tower of cards.
10:00 PM
"FINALLY, the day is over!" Zedekiah cheered, flopping in his seat in exhaustion. "What a long day of nonsense! Constant board meetings, reprimanding my own agents, putting up with Watcher's constant BS, my perfect sandwich ruining my pants, that nasty business with the Imperium, and a gargantuan tower of papers to top it all off!" Groggily, he rose from his seat and started off towards the door. "Now I can go home, get out of my stuffy suit, catch up on my shows, and pass out with a bottle of firewater in my hand." The instant the black gloved hand reached for the gilded doorknob, awaiting Zedekiah to the ever welcome embracing paradise of his own home, red alarms went off as a siren blared right in his ear.
"ALERT! ALERT!" The siren wailed. "EMERGENCY UPPER COUNCIL MEETING CALLED TO ORDER! ALERT! ALERT!"
"OH SON OF A B-!"
Author's Note: This is… honestly the most ridiculous thing I've ever written. Welcome to the first in a series of one-shots I like to call 'Multiverse Mischief', in which we have random goings on for the various Universal Powers and those that serve them. This one is… pretty self-explanatory, Zedekiah Strong, Founder of the IDA, has an average crappy Monday. Well, I hope you enjoy this one, and until next time!
Also, special shout-out to Gamewizard2008 for his repeated references and support of these stories, so here's my return piece. Ball's in your court now, Wizard-Man!
~Mal Masque