Author's Note: Based by the rumor that Sexy St. James – I mean, Jesse St. James would come back on the finale as part of the legion Sue will enlist to help crush ND. (Thanks for the 'spoiler', Ellie!) Update – Apparently based on the false rumor that Jesse would be back as part of the Legion of Doom. Of course now we know that Jesse will be back to apologize and win Rachel back (and take her to prom, fuck yes! *punches the air*), so that's much better. *grinning*
A special thanks to northstar61, who is truly amazing and gifted and talented and did me a huge favor by agreeing to read this over. You're an angel and I love you.
Disclaimer: I wish. Do you think I'd keep Jon away that long if Glee belonged to me in all its musical glory? The songs belong to Lifehouse, Katy Perry and Sixpence None The Richer.
I just wanna fix it somehow
He stands among the adults, expressionless showface firm in place. Sue Sylvester, he has learnt during his brief stint as a member of New Directions (and the best six weeks of his life, as her boyfriend), is not someone you want to know every weakness you have.
And his weakness, the one he knows he possesses and wants to protect at every cost (even from himself), is exactly the beautiful and talented lead of the show choir Mrs. Sylvester is planning to destroy by enlisting the help of the adults on the room. Coach Goolsby, Terri Delmonico and Sandy Ryerson.
He doesn't count himself in this 'legion'. He doesn't want New Directions (doesn't want her) to lose Nationals. Not when they won Regionals so beautifully. They deserve to win (she deserves). He had seen her in Sectionals, broken and flawless, with a show face so optimistic it could cure cancer (he flinches as he remembers the woman who first said those words, the woman who started everything only to decide she didn't want her).
(It's been more than a year and he still can't forgive Shelby for using him and heras pawns in her little game. He can't forgive himself either for eggs in a parking lot and a lying declaration of overcome feelings. I loved you…)
(He still loves her).
(He never stopped).
Sue dismisses them and they all trickle out of her office. Coach Goolsby leaves, followed by Miss Dolmenico, who is talking excitedly to Sandy Ryerson. He doesn't think, doesn't stop to ponder over his choices. He doesn't have an alternative. He wantsND to win – oh, who is he fooling? He wants her to win and he'll stop at nothing to make sure it happens. As an UCLA (maybe you've heard of it – it's in Los Angeles) freshman-going-on-sophomore student, he's protected in California. Sue Sylvester's influence doesn't go that far.
He jumps in his car and drives straight to a house that in six weeks became home to him. There's only one car in the driveway, and he's surprised at the fluttering feelings of nervousness that settle in his stomach as he parks his Range Rover (he didn't take it with him when he left to Los Angeles. Too many memories) behind the lilac Prius. As the former Vocal Adrenaline lead, his wins and the power he came to get within show choir world made him very sure of himself.
(Until he met a tiny diva with a big voice and a pathological need to be accepted. Until Run Joey Run and being triple-cast with a talentless oaf and his unacknowledged rival).
Man up. You can do this. It's for Rachel, he tells himself, and takes a deep breath before getting out of his car and crossing quickly the driveway up to the front door. Squaring up his shoulders, he raps at the front door three times, quick and firm, trying to ignore memories of breathy moans and passionate kisses born in heavy make-out sessions against that very same door.
"Coming!" Her melodic voice comes from somewhere deep inside the house and his heart quickens as his sensitive hearing picks up the soft sound of her light steps approaching the door. The only barrier between him and her opens, and he is blown away by her beauty.
"Rachel", he says quietly. She gapes at him, eyes widening in shock as he drinks her in (shorter hair and bangs. Tiny red-pink shorts – he remembers them from her Give Up The Funk number – and white tank top).
How's it possible that you're even more beautiful than I remember? He thinks. "Can I come in?"
"J… Jesse?"
Jesse is sitting on her living room.
Jesse is sitting on her living room.
"Is this a dream?" She asks aloud, blushing when a small smirk graces his handsome features. How is it possible that he managed to look even better than she remembered him to look? He still has the same hair, those tempting, inviting, silk-soft curls that she loved to sink her fingers in. His body is still long and lean, his movements graceful and feline.
But he has changed, somehow. His eyes are sadder now, filled with wisdom and experience. He's no longer cocky and arrogant, but an air of mature confidence surrounds him, born, she believes, from being in an environment where he wasn't the only one with star potential and mind-blowing talent.
(Not once does she acknowledge her hope that maybe what happened between them is a factor on this demeanor change in him. Stop being stupid, her brain keeps telling her pounding heart).
"Unfortunately no, Rachel", he says. "This is not a dream. Glad to know you dream of me too, though", Jesse quips, and Rachel scoffs.
"They're more nightmares than dreams", she lies through her teeth, hoping against hope that he won't call her on it (she knows she can't lie to him. She never could). "Usually I'm standing in the middle of the parking lot being pelted with eggs, with my boyfriend watching and doing basically nothing", she shoots back, voice dripping with sarcasm. He flinches, and she can't help the small pang of satisfaction. "What do you want?" The brunette infuses her voice with as much coldness as she can, hoping he won't pick up on the quickness of her breath, the tiny crack of her voice, the tremble of her hands as she sits down across from him.
(He doesn't. But only because he's too busy trying to hide the signs of his own nervousness to pay attention to hers).
"I'm here to warn you", he says, very seriously. Rachel stares at him for a moment before she starts giggling. Jesse frowns as her giggles become a full-blown laughter, tears streaming down her face.
"Is this…" She gasps, clutching at her stomach as she leans down (unknowingly giving Jesse a nice view down her tank top – she's braless – Jesse clenches his jaw to fight off the wave of desire that overcomes him). "Is this a joke?" She giggles out, and, wiping her eyes, mockingly looks around. "Where are your teammates?"
Jesse frowns and huffs in annoyance. "Do I look like I'm joking, Rachel?"
"No", she replies. "But you didn't look like you were when we last spoke, and yet it ended up being one".
He runs his fingers into his hair. "Rachel, listen, I can come back later so we can discuss our issues, but this is way more important than our past liaison. Sue Sylvester is trying to sabotage your way to Nationals".
Rachel stops laughing immediately and stares deep into his eyes, trying to gauge whether he's telling the truth or not. "Considering I obviously can't tell if you are or are not lying to me right now, why should I believe you?" She asks icily, and Jesse sighs as he reaches into his pocket and produces his cell-phone. He carefully places the gadget onto the center table, and she stares confusedly at it.
"I knew you wouldn't believe me – not that I blame you, by the way – so I took the liberty of recording the meeting I had with Miss Sylvester and the group she called 'The Legion of Doom'". Gently pressing a button, he sits back on the couch, watching as the emotions play out in Rachel's face.
When the sound stops flowing from the gadget, Rachel rises and paces agitatedly. "I need to call an emergency glee meeting. This is serious! Coach Sylvester knows no barriers, morals or whatsoever, and I refuse to allow someone stand again between me and that Nationals trophy!" She rants, and Jesse cocks an eyebrow up looking questioningly at her.
"Again?" He echoes, and she looks disdainfully at him.
"Jesse, please", she scoffs arrogantly. "Do you really think you would've won Regionals last year if I were at the top of my game?"
He laughs bitterly at her, making her frown. "For me it looked like you were at the top of your game. In fact, for me it looked like you've moved on pretty quickly. An 'I love you' before Faithfully rings any bells?"
All the color drains from her face for a moment, and she utters, "You saw that?" before she quickly regains composure and adds. "I'm an actress, Jesse. I could pretend to be in love with you if I wanted to. Besides, I'm a professional and I'd never allow my personal matters to interfere with a performance".
She then silences, and they stay quiet for a moment, the stillness being broken by the ring of her phone. Sweet Caroline. He frowns and looks curiously at her, but she's oblivious of it as she answers the phone. "Just the person I wanted to talk. Can you come over?" She laughs as she rolls her eyes. "No, not to make-out, Noah. It's something entirely different. Oh, and can you please call Mercedes and let her know a glee-emergency came up? She'll call everyone else". Her eyes connect with his quickly and she swiftly turns her back to him, whispering. "And, Noah? When you arrive, please remember you're in probation, okay? See you soon".
As she clicks the phone shut, Jesse rises from his seat. "I should go", he says hesitantly, knowing that it won't end up pretty if the New Directions' members arrive and he's there. Rachel looks up sharply, shaking her head negatively.
"No way. You stay. I need your phone as proof that you're telling the truth for once, and they won't believe if I say I rigged Ms. Sylvester office at Aural Intensity. Not even I am that crazy".
Jesse laughs because the way she just spoke the words is so Rachel's brand of funny. He never realized how much he missed her humor until now, and is surprised when he catches the reluctant glimmer of amusement in her eyes, but, before he can comment on that, a loud bang on her front door startles the both of them. "BERRY!" A male voice booms from outside, and Rachel jumps up. Before she can walk to the door, they hear the doorknob turn and the lock click, and the voice carries on, "Babe, why the fuck is St. Jerk's car outside?"
Rachel shoots up and stands in between him and Puckerman, whose eyes darken when they see him. Jesse takes a deep breath as he stands, slowly, the blank mask settling in place. Showtime.
Well, fuck.
That's Puck's first thought when he catches sight of St. Jerk's stupid face in the middle of Berry's living room. Anger bubbles inside of him as he remembers finding Rachel in the parking lot, vacant eyes staring at nothing, covered in egg shells and yolks and whites, unnoticed rivulets of tears tracing down the mess in her cheeks. He takes a step towards the son of a bitch, but a smooth little hand comes to rest on his chest, and he looks down into the soft but fierce eyes of his ex.
"Not now, Noah", she says quietly. "He's here with important news to us and he won't be any good for us if he's dead or severely beaten down", Rachel adds as her warm brown orbs turn pleading. "Okay? Besides, remember what I told you over the phone?"
Puck huffs in annoyance and rolls his eyes, but his whole demeanor relaxes visibly (Jesse's gut twists with anger and jealousy). "You know me all too well, B", the Mohawked boy shoots back as he gives St. Jackass a stiff nod and sits down on the couch across to him, pulling Rachel to sit next to him. The silence falls down on them like heavy stones, and Puck's naughty mind comes with a wicked idea to make St. Douche pay.
Noticing Rachel's visibly rod-like posture next to him, Puck begins playing with the ends of her hair, something he knows soothes her. He hums Sweet Caroline softly, and it works like a charm – she's noticeably more relaxed, giggling and looking adoringly up at him. Her hand comes to rest on his thigh, its warmth burning his skin through his worn-out jeans, and with a quick side glance at St. Bitch he picks up on the tempestuous jealousy simmering in his dark gaze. Puckerone 1 x St. Ass 0, Puck thinks triumphantly.
A knock on the door sends Rachel a mile up in the air, and she shoots up quickly, hurrying out to the foyer. Puck always picks on an opportunity when he sees one, so he casually leans forward and whispers, "Try shit with her again and I'll fucking kill you".
He-who-shall-not-be-named-for-now meets his eyes and nods once. "I won't", he replies, in a fierce whisper, and his determination surprises Puck. Well, fuck. But he doesn't have time to add anything to that because Rachel comes back followed by Mercedes and Artie and Brittany, two of them halting on their heels as they come into the living room threshold.
Brittany, of course, is oblivious to the almost unbearable tension in the room and smiles brightly. "Oh, look, it's Mr. Schue's son!" She says happily, settling down on one end of the couch, Artie parking his wheels right next to her. Mercedes turns unreadable eyes to Rachel, but the smaller diva only shakes her head negatively.
"Not now, otherwise I'll have to repeat the story all over again for everyone. Once we're all here, I'll tell you guys why Jesse's here and what he told me – and proved to me it was true", she adds when Mercedes opens her mouth, undoubtedly to question Rachel's ability as a judge of character, especially when it comes to St. Fake. Puck takes the time to examine the guy as he watches Rachel whisper furiously back and forth with Chocolate Thunder.
The dark eyes soften visibly as they come to rest on the gleek queen, an unguarded look that Puck had never seen before directed at Rachel – not even coming from Finn who claims to be in love with the tiny brunette. Puck is shocked when he recognizes affection in St. Traitor's expression.
Well, fuck.
Rachel succeeded on calming Noah down so he wouldn't beat Jesse up on the spot the minute he recognized the older boy.
Figures Finn is the one she fails to talk into letting her former beau speak before his (beautiful, gorgeous, angelic) face is introduced to her most recent ex's 'fists of fury'.
The minute Finn walks in her living room, with Quinn draped on his arm, his usually open and friendly face darkens considerably. The former rivals measure each other up, and tension is thick on the air. Mercedes is nearly leaning forward in anticipation, and Rachel turns pleading eyes to Noah so that he'll help her put an end to a fight if one starts in the middle of her living room.
Finn makes the first move. Rachel blinks and there's a loud crunch, a grunt, and then Jesse's fallen to the floor, fingers pressing against his jaw. "FINN!" Rachel shrieks, unthinkingly rushing towards her hurt paramour. She crouches down to Jesse's level and puts a hand on the other side of his jaw, fingers unconsciously caressing his smooth, shaven skin of his face. "Are you okay?" The brunette asks quietly.
Jesse smirks slightly, facing his rival. "That's what you call a punch?" He mocks, laughing. Rachel stands up and offers him a hand to get up as well (she ignores the soft caress he does on the back of her hand. She also ignores her reaction – the shiver of pleasure it causes).
As soon as Jesse is back on his feet, Rachel turns stormy eyes to her former boyfriend and fellow male lead. "Finn. You. Me. Outside. Now", she demands, curtly, and there's this quiet anger in her voice that not even Finn, in his stupidity, considers not giving in to what she said.
The former couple walks to the adjoining room, and a deeply curious Jesse turns to Mercedes, anxious to dig why Finn arrived with Quinn Fabray (who is currently busy glaring daggers at the door that separate Finn and Rachel from the rest of them), of all people, hanging from his arm. "I thought he had staked his claim on her the minute I was out the auditorium door", he says casually, and Mercedes rolls her eyes.
"He did. They dated from Regionals until Christmas last year", she replies absently, punching buttons on her phone. Jesse widens his eyes, because Finn Hudson got a second shot at being Rachel's lead man and blew it?
"I always knew he was stupid", he mutters, and Puckerman snorts and nods.
"Word, man", he says, and the two boys exchange a glance of understanding. I always knew he was the one to look out for, Jesse thinks, as they hear Rachel's muffled yells at Finn, and the quarterback's mumbled attempts at explaining. Minutes later, the tiny brunette is back, followed by Santana, Mike, Tina, Kurt, two guys Jesse doesn't know – one of them the one who sang lead back at Sectionals with Quinn – and, last and least, a forlorn Finn who glares resentfully at Jesse.
"Okay", Rachel says, all business as usual. "Before all of you start yelling at me because of Jesse's presence, he's here with news about Miss Sylvester's machinations to bring us down before Nationals. Jesse, if you may?"
The former Vocal Adrenaline lead places his phone on the middle of the center table and presses play. Sue Sylvester's voice flows from the tiny speakers, and everyone's faces are a mask of mixed feelings as Rachel watches them. Mike, Santana, Puckerman and Mercedes look furious and fierce. Brittany and Finn look confused. Sam, Kurt, Tina and Blaine look shocked. Artie and Quinn are solemn. The recording comes to an end and Puck takes charge. "Okay, so here's what we're going to do…"
Once their plan is carefully outlined and debated, and explained, and improved and finally deemed worthy of being put into motion,thirteen teenagers trickle out of the Berry residence, a few very eager to do so, and some more reluctantly than others.
(Hudson has to be dragged away by Quinn after spending the entire afternoon shooting nasty glares towards Jesse and pleading little glances towards Rachel. Puckerman demands some time alone with Rachel and they have a very quiet, very intimate-looking talk before he left with Lopez, Artie and Brittany, but not before the Mohawked football player renews his threat to kill Jesse if he hurts Rachel).
In the end, it's just Rachel and Jesse, with an awkward silence falling like a heavy blanket over them. Rachel is fidgeting anxiously on her seat, Jesse watching her with an amusedly wry smile. (He decides she's lost weight and the bangs frame her face very beautifully). Finally, the quietude is too much for Rachel to handle, and she turns to him, all business. "What are you doing here, Jesse?" She asks, very coolly, very collected, very soulless-automaton-like.
(Very Vocal Adrenaline, Jesse thinks, with an inward scowl, because what he loves most about Rachel is her heart, and he doesn't want her to lose that, ever).
He raises an eyebrow and makes a sweeping gesture towards the center table, but, before he can open his mouth, she beats him to it. "This was an excuse. You don't need to be here right now. You could have left with the others when I deemed the meeting over. Yet, here you are. Why?"
Jesse sighs, and Rachel's shocked by the vulnerability she glimpses in his face. Her heart hammers against her ribcage, palms growing slippery with anxious perspiration, stomach fluttering with the proverbial butterflies. "Don't you know why, Rachel?" He asks quietly, face shy and genuine.
She swallows thickly, unsure of how to respond, but knowing the answer to her question. Of course she knows why, she just doesn't dare to believe it to be real. She tells him that, adding, "I gave myself fully to you before, Jess, and I ended up heartbroken. Can you blame me?"
He snorts in disbelief. "You didn't give yourself to me fully, Rachel. There always was a part of you holding to hopes that Hudson came to his senses and claimed you back – as he did just after we broke up, if I'm not mistaken. Not exactly the behavior one expected from a heartbroken girl".
Rachel bristles. "I gave you all I could give, Jesse. At least for me it was a real relationship. I can't say the same for you, can I?"
The former VA lead narrows his eyes. "Yes, you can. Our meeting at the music store was entirely accidental, Rachel. Do you know who alerted Shelby of our fledging relationship? Mr. Schue. He snuck in our rehearsal just days after our first date and told Shelby we were seeing each other. That was when she approached me to talk about how she wanted to meet and have a relationship with you because she was your mother. Care to wager who blurted it out to him?" He sighs tiredly.
The brunette freezes, puzzle pieces clicking together. She had been the one to rub her new relationship with Jesse to Finn's face when he had approached her after his disastrous date with Brittany and Santana with the idea of getting back together. "He must have run to Mr. Schue thinking you were out to spy on us", she whispers, leaning back on her seat. After a minute, she seems to recompose herself and focuses back on him. "That however didn't explain why the egging", she whispers, hating a little the quiver of her voice.
Jesse sighs again and stands up, pacing along the small confined space of her living room. "You're right, it doesn't. Nothing explains it. But in my defense, I wasn't going to do it until you challenged me. I hated watching what my teammates did to you, wanted to brawl them all. But then you stood in front of me… Do you remember what you said to me?"
She nods slowly, looking down at her lap as the words that haunted her – and, unknowingly to her, him too – for weeks flooded back into her mind. Do it. Break it like you broke my heart. "Do you remember your reply to it?" The New Directions female lead asks quietly, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks.
"Yes", Jesse breathes in response. "It was what I wanted to say, but at the same it wasn't. Does that make any sense?" Rachel looks at him baffled for a moment, and he chuckles. "Guess not. What I'm trying to say is… When I said I loved you, what I meant to say was…" He makes a dramatic pause, and her eyes meet his, curiosity but caution inside them. "I love you", he whispers, voice quiet and vulnerable but genuine.
Rachel's breath hitches on her throat and she finds herself staring into his eyes, losing herself into the blue-grey pools. Slowly she eases herself up, crossing the space between them, standing within arm reach. Their eyes never waver, and she says softly, "Don't say things you don't mean, Jesse".
Hesitantly and carefully wrapping his arms around her slender waist, he pulls her close to him. "When it comes to you and me, I always mean what I say, Rach", he says, singing quietly, "Cause it's you and me, and all of the people, and nothing to do, and nothing to lose. And it's you and me, and all of the people, and I don't know why I can't take my eyes off of you".
The tears that she just barely managed to hold back roll down her face, and she impulsively throws her arms around his neck. The brunette stands on her tiptoes, her mouth coming dangerously close to his as she whispers, "Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you – thinking of you – what can I do?"
A small smirk curves his lips and he sings quietly, "Make the fireflies dance, silver moon sparkling… So kiss me".
She laughs. "Who am I to go against music?" And, as their lips meet and meld together, both are thinking the same thing.
Finally. Thank God.