One Step at a Time
It's been a while since we got together. Very long ago, as a matter of fact. Somehow, it feels like it's been ages since that time. When I told her I love her. Love more than just a colleague and a subordinate. It felt more like in a romantic way. She said she's pleased to hear that from me. She told me she felt the same way and she's very happy she followed the right person. The person she loves which would be me. But I don't know why.
Something feels wrong.
I woke up in the middle of the night because of a phone call. Jumped out of the bed. This might be urgent.
"Colonel, we need you here in the office. There has been a sighting of Scar in central again." The voice so familiar told me.
"Ah, lieutenant! I'll be on my way." I said as I rushed my preparations. I don't know why but when I hear her voice, it never fails to wake me up as if I really need to be by her side. Maybe it's just me.
So I rushed to Central's main building to discuss matters with some officers. It seems that the trouble Scar has been causing is preventing any of us from sleeping! I can't even have a decent chat with her. Luckily though, I was able to catch a small talk with my best buddy, Maes.
"So how's your lieutenant?" He asked me jokingly and went with his other antics.
"Hmm... Fine." I was too sleepy to answer properly. Besides I wanted to see her.
"Ohh... Really? Well, you don't exactly look cheerful. Here's a picture of Elicia! See she's so cute!" And he fired away with his daughter obsession. "You know she can read a few words already and she can even dance already! I bet she's going to be a dancing reader! Ah, but she can also sing ohh!"
Let's just say he really loves his family okay? Anyway, I've been meaning to look for her. She's been missing these days. I don't see her anymore because of work. I looked around the rooms for the building, hoping to at least ask her if she's well. I couldn't locate her. I wonder if she's already home.
I went out of the building sloppily. I want to go back to sleep. But then again I'll be back in this place after three hours. Better just walk around. I won't have a decent sleep in three hours anyway. As I walked down the glorious stairs of the military building a figure caught my attention. It's her!
"Lieutenant!" I called as I regained all my energy.
"Sir." She saluted.
"How are you? I haven't seen you in days. Busy?" I asked with this big goofy smile on my face.
"Yes. Apparently they have a lot of tasks and wanted me to lift some." She replied with her usual stoic self.
"Ah, I see. Heading home? Want me to drive you home?" I offered.
She smiled. A very small but rare smile. "All right." She said.
So we headed home. To her home that is. While we're on the road, I was able to have a good long chat with her. And guess what, it's not only about work! We were able to casually talk like, well, like lovers. And it did seem years since we last did this. I feel refreshed. I somehow want to do this every day. Of course, that's too selfish of me but, let me be greedy. Just this once. We arrived in front of her apartment. It dawned on me that she lives in a really far away street from mine.
"Thank you , Colonel. I'll see you later." She smiled.
That's two times tonight already. During that one moment, I wanted time to stop. I wanted to stare at her forever and tell her, show her all of these unrequited and hidden feelings I've been storing away since I fell for her. I want her to reciprocate them but sadly, it just isn't so. The smile on my face turned flat. I can't be too greedy.
"Goodbye, lieutenant." I replied. "Lieutenant,"
"Yes?"
"Ah, I. Ah, never mind." I shunned the idea away. I couldn't. I couldn't tell her I love her. I was too scared. It's too cheesy.
"Okay. Good night then." She said as she turned her heel and went inside.
Ever since I had the guts to tell her my feelings, somehow, I've been aching to actually feel it going back to me but I guess it isn't. I can't feel it. Even if she said those things before about how she also feels, I hate to admit it, but I feel insecure. I feel like it's all too one-sided. Am I being too greedy now? Is it wrong for me to ask my lover to, well, love me some more? She never kisses me. She never even hugs me. I bet she has more time for work and Black Hayate. Yes. I'm longing for her time and attention, I don't even know if what I'm feeling now is right. Is it so wrong that I'm jealous of paperwork, guns and dogs?
Drove back home to change for work. These days, I feel like the world's pace decreased. Every day is a struggle. It's like I'm crawling to finish just a day. I wonder if it's a shortage of attention. I do sound like a neglected boy, right?
So after which, I went to work. I never expected her to be there, but she was. I was taken aback somehow. I can just stare at her forever. I wouldn't mind time stopping now.
"Good Morning sir." She said.
"Ah-Good Morning Lieutenant." I said. "I thought you were helping the intelligence department. Why are you here?"
"Well, obviously, you need more help than they do. I just thought maybe you need my help more."
Precisely. Apparently, my stack of paper hasn't been moving at all. Oh Hawkeye, how sensitive you are! I almost wished you said you need me too.
"Besides…" She continued. "I need your help too."
Silence. I didn't know how to react. All these years, the lieutenant has been helping me and protecting me. When did I ever give it back? At that moment, I just felt like melting.
"Ah, of course. Anything for you." Desperately trying to keep my manly poise here.
The day progressed quickly. Probably because she was by my side again. The vigour and occasional goofing off in the office was back along with my other comrades. Today flew so fast in contrast to the preceding days. It makes me fell recharged and back to my old self.
After the long night, I decided to ask lieutenant out. Nothing much really. Just a short coffee after work. I took her to a nearby café that served both our favourite latte.
"It's been awhile, huh, lieutenant." I said starting a conversation.
"Yes. These days, work is very hectic. I'm sorry for not being able to check on you." She replied.
"Ah, don't mind it. I understand. After all, we're just doing our jobs right? What matters is we're here." I blushed. Ah, I feel like a teenager all over again!
"Please don't overwork yourself." She commanded.
"Un."
"I guess, it's nice that we get breaks like this every now and then. Why don't we do this regularly." She suggested casually, like we've been this way since then.
"I'd love that." I smiled.
And so with less said after that, we headed home. Together and assured that we'll have each other no matter what. Yesterday started a little off, but that also seemed like such a long time ago. And that would always matter I suppose. But today is something to cherish, tomorrow is another mountain to climb. That's why right now as she gives me kiss and I hold her close, I'll continue to believe we'll be taking off from here. One step at a time.
Thanks for reading. Please do tell me what you think. I will really appreciate that. :)