Title: And then the Rift stork plopped you right on mommy's lap
Rating: PG-13
Character(s): Gwen, Ianto, Rhys, Jack; Gwen/Rhys, Jack/Ianto
Summary: The Rift has bad timing. So does the stork.
Disclaimer: If I owned Torchwood, there would be more awesome Gwen+Ianto BFF-ness. And Jack+Rhys team ups. There's one brief allusion to the novel Almost Perfect.
Notes: Written and highly overdue for the tw_unpaired Gen Fic Frolic at LJ. The prompt was: Gwen goes into labor in the field. Ianto's the only one around to help deliver the baby.
Case #7756
Agents Ianto Jones (S.I. #9302-983-220115), Gwen Cooper (S.I. #9327-978-332754)
Agents caught in temporal anomaly (time loop) at flat in City Road, Roath, Cardiff. Agents were tasked to question Joseph Cardigan who uncovered artifact A7-W41-N74519 the previous day.
Ianto gives the door one last frustrated kick, then sits down heavily on nearest flat surface, a rickety chair, and drops his head to his hands.
"I guess we're stuck," says Gwen. She's glad her voice isn't trembling. She's also glad she's sitting down, because her legs are.
Ianto looks up and he looks devastated. "God, Gwen," he says, and his voice rasps. He clears his throat, then looking at a point beyond her shoulder continues, "I shouldn't have let you come along."
Gwen is already shaking her head and flapping her hands in dismissal of his guilt. "I insisted. If anyone's at fault it's me."
"I should have kicked you out of the car."
"I would have threatened the coffee machine."
"Questioning a fucking witness, for Christ's sake. How the fuck could that have gone wrong?"
"Better go mad here with you than go mad with Jack in the Hub or with Rhys at home." This makes him chuckle.
"Why?"
Gwen shrugs. "You don't grope my belly every five minutes to see is Anwen is kicking. You don't worry that I may trip and hit my head and die any second. You treat me like a normal pregnant woman. Not like I'm made of glass."
Sighing, Ianto gets up to sit next to her on the bed. She lets him take her hand in his and hold it. "I have a niece and nephew. Trust me, when Rhi had David I was just like Jack. That and wanting to punch Johnny Davies in the face for getting her pregnant."
Gwen thinks of an eighteen year old Ianto fretting over baby gates and sharp corners, and giggles. Of course, Jack has a little more to worry about since the Hub is a lot more dangerous than the average Welsh homestead, yet she's getting tired of him following her everywhere like a mother hen ("You're not following me to the loo, Harkness!"), and making plans for a nursery in the Hub ("Christ, Jack, it's good enough, there's really no need to wallpaper it."). He's bought Anwen a plush toy every week for the past two months. Gwen likes the plush pterodactyl, but she'd put her foot down when it came to the meter high teddy. He'd given it to Ianto then, who'd looked less than impressed.
"What did you do with the giant teddy?"
It takes Ianto several moments to figure out her non-sequitur, and once he has he raises his eyebrow. "That monstrosity? I tried to give it Mica, but she doesn't like teddy bears, so I gave it to an orphanage."
Then he adds. "Jack wanted to keep it. I told him it was either me or the bear."
Gwen laughs out loud at this and soon Ianto joins her. They fall back onto the narrow, unmade bed and disturb no one with their hysterics.
Goodfella's Pineapple Pizza
Instructions
-Do not eat pizza without cooking
-Remove pizza from box; over-wrap and cardboard
Joseph Cardigan is a slob. By Ianto's standards anyway. Possibly also by Rhys', though Rhys' standards are pretty high too. Ianto strips the bed before he lets her sleep on it and replaces the sheets ("Were you seriously considering sleeping in a stranger's bodily fluids?"). She can tell that he's slightly frustrated at the lack of upholstery cleaner when he takes the couch despite her insistence that they can both squeeze onto the bed. When they wake up and the temporal anomaly is still there, Ianto tidies the tiny flat with a vengeance.
Gwen sits on the bed with Ianto's smartphone, makes sure she stays out of his way and alternates between finding a way to contact Jack, wondering what Joseph Cardigan is doing right now and why the hell is his flat stuck in a temporal anomaly, and trying not to giggle when Ianto storms around with a mop, swearing under his breath.
The smartphone beeps. Gwen starts, and Ianto, who's stuffing books back in the shelves, turns so fast he cricks his neck. Gwen fumbles the phone and swears when she drops it. Ianto's lunges for it and together they read the message from Jack. Coming to get you.
Gwen throws her arms around Ianto as he exhales a shaky breath. She doesn't want to feel so relieved yet but Jack is coming.
"So what do we do?" she asks.
Ianto shrugs, then gets off the bed. "Wait." He picks up a book he's not yet put away, dusts it then sticks it back into the shelf.
When Joseph Cardigan gets back, if he comes back, he'll be surprised by the tidiness of his flat. Gwen, tired of sitting around and doing nothing, pulls herself to her feet and staggers into the tiny kitchen. From the contents of his fridge it looks like they'll have to be content with frozen pizza, frozen pizza and more frozen pizza.
At least it will save them the cooking.
Games in Ianto's Smartphone:
Tetris, Chess, Poker, Bejewelled, Mario Kart
On the third day, (or is it the second?) Gwen opens Cardigan's copy of the Hitchhiker's Guide to Galaxy while Ianto gets to work on the kitchen. She knows now he's not cleaning, but looking for whatever artifact that may be trapping them in this anomaly. She thinks it's a trick of the Rift, but according to Ianto, the Rift has never acted this way.
"I'm bored." She tosses the book aside and lies back on the bed, feeling bloated and huge, like a beached whale. Ianto comes out of the kitchen. It's odd, seeing him in a t-shirt and sweat pants that are two sizes too large for him, but then again, she's wearing Cardigan's clothes too. At least his shirts are large enough to accommodate her swollen belly, but the pants still slip slightly down her hips when she walks.
"There is no restaurant at the end of the universe," he says, then holds up what looks like a tube of condensed milk. "Want some?"
They spend the whole afternoon licking condensed milk off their fingers ("You know what this makes me think of?" "Shut up, Ianto.") and reading aloud passages from the Guide (" 'I am the main dish of the day. May I interest you in parts of my body?' " "Gwen." "Yeah, love?" "That's not really funny. Anymore." "Wh- oh. Right. Sorry."). Ianto squeezes next to her on the bed and tells Anwen stories he makes up about artifacts in the Archives. He tells her stories from the Hub too, of Tosh and Owen and even a short one about Suzie helping him train Myfanwy. The loss of Tosh and Owen still makes Gwen's heart twinge, but then she strokes her hand over her belly and thinks of new life. She likes to think that they are looking after her Anwen.
Maybe it's Ianto's stories. Maybe Tosh and Owen decided to give Anwen a push. Gwen wakes up at three in morning with the urge to pee and waddles to the toilet when it starts.
The contents of Ianto's birth kit:
1) Scissors
2) Bedsheets, cleaned, ripped into sterile squares
3) Gloves
4) Hand sanitizer
5) Towels
6) String
Ianto makes boy scouts look unprepared. It's fascinating to see what he pulls out of his pants, jacket and shirt pockets; his wallet, a magazine for his gun, a small leather sewing kit, a lock-pick kit, blue disposable gloves, a notebook, a blister pack of Retcon, a blister pack of other pills; possibly painkillers, one pen cum penlight, a pencil stub, a sachet of hand sanitizer and the Jack-and-Ianto staple, lube and condoms.
Gwen tries to remember what she'd been taught in childbirth class. Breath through the contractions. She wants to scream when she remembers that this first stage of labour will take an average of about twelve hours. She looks at Ianto. He's pale, but there's a determined gleam in his eye. He looks up and their gazes meet. She grins at him. "It's happening."
Ianto smiles back. "It's about bloody time." He helps her get comfortable on the bed, pulling pillows and cushions from the sofa behind her to support her back. He gets her a glass of water then disappears for a minute or two. Maybe it's hormones or the stress of her situation right now, or because she's still nervous about this time bubble they're trapped in, but after a few minutes she starts wondering if he's been snatched away thanks to the anomaly. She's just about to start shouting for him when he hurries out of the kitchen. "Boiling water," he explains, then he's rooting around in Joseph Cardigan's linen cabinet and hauling out towels, blankets and bedsheets.
Gwen lies back and watches Ianto run around the house like a headless chicken and it's only when he asks her if the painkillers would harm Anwen if she takes them when she snatches up his hand and doesn't let go until he stays still and listens to her. "Ianto. It's going to take a while."
He blinks owlishly at her for several seconds, then sits down on the bed, still clutching her hand. "How long?"
Gwen shrugs. "I don't know. Long. It's supposed to be longer with your first. I don't have to do all that lying down and pushing and screaming stuff yet."
"Oh."
"I thought Rhia-"
"I was in college. Only got back just before David was born." He chuckles, and she's worried the stress is affecting him but then he says, "Johnny fainted."
He looks happy. There's a gleam in his eyes that's different from the ones Gwen usually sees, like when he's turned on, or the Welsh rugby team is winning, or when there's a new alien artifact for him to inspect and catalogue. She feels a pang of sadness when she thinks of how young he is. In another life he'd probably be hanging out with his mates, or working some office job with zero fatality risk instead of waiting for his co-worker and best friend to give birth while they're both stuck in a temporal hiccup cause by a rift in time and space running through Cardiff, of all places.
"Gwen? You all right?"
She blinks. "Yeah." Leaning her head against his shoulder, she squeezes his hand in reassurance. "I'm fine."
"You want to watch a movie or something?"
Joseph Cardigan has the three latest Bonds on DVD, which redeems him slightly in Ianto's eyes. Only slightly. He doesn't have Sean Connery.
They watch Daniel Craig play Texas hold 'em, drive flash cars and seduce sexy girls and Gwen gets why Ianto likes him so much. To be James Bond is almost every teenage boy's dream come true, and to an extent Ianto has managed to live that dream, though he's learnt by now that being part of a secret government organisation isn't as glamourous as advertised. At least he has Jack to be his Jones boy.
Ianto's thoughts while aiding Gwen with the delivery of her first child:
Rhys should be here.
Why me?
Push, Gwen, push.
Thank god I'm not a woman. Thank god I didn't remain one back then.
No way I'm getting Jack pregnant. If he can get pregnant.
I get why Johnny fainted.
I hope I've done everything right.
Let Gwen and Anwen be okay.
Hope Jack and Rhys turn up soon.
Ow, my fingers, bloody- ow, ow, ow...
Gwen would rather go five rounds with a Weevil and wrestle a Blowfish than give birth without painkillers again. She's probably crushing every finger in Ianto's hand with the strength of her grip but right now she doesn't fucking give a shit.
"She's crowning," she hears him say and she lets him pull his hands free so that he can move forward and to support the head as Anwen slowly emerges into the world.
Oh god, Anwen, come one. Gwen puffs as deep a breath as she can then bears down with all her strength. Right that moment an almighty crash comes from the living room, Gwen screams and pushes, Ianto tries to support Anwen's emerging head as best as he can while reaching for his gun, and Jack and Rhys burst into the room, guns waving.
Rhys is here. That's all Gwen thinks before she pushes one last time and then there's this sudden emptiness between her legs. Jack whoops, and Rhys, bent over the bed and half hugging her, is kissing her and the sound of a crying baby is drowning out all the noise as a slimy, wet bundle of limbs is deposited on her chest.
"Anwen," she breathes, and starts crying. Her baby is covered in a clean towel to keep her warm and she's aware of Ianto offering Rhys the umbilical cord to cut. In the background, she can hear Jack calling for an ambulance.
"She's beautiful," says Rhys. He sounds awed, as he watches Anwen's tiny fingers curl around his pinky.
Gwen smiles and kisses him, then kisses Anwen.
Gwen's To Do list:
a) Get the fuck out of here
b) Have a good cry
c) Sleep in my own bed in my own flat with my husband
d) Schedule Rhys for a vasectomy
"You didn't have to bring me here."
"I thought it would be best. Rhys agreed, and he's the dad. I have no say in this."
The hospital room is full of balloons and flowers. It looks like Jack had bought the whole gift store, though she's pretty sure some of them are from Rhys and Ianto too. Torchwood privilege has gotten her a private ward so at least they're not disturbing anyone else.
"I want to go home."
As if one cue, Rhys and Ianto walk in. "Been talking to the nurse," Rhys says. "She says Anwen's good and you can both leave tomorrow."
Gwen beams.
Ianto puts down something on her bedside table. Grapes. "In case you're hungry."
She looks up from Anwen's sleeping form in her arms and turns her gaze on him. He looks tired. He's changed into clean clothes but they're not his own. He looks like he's longing for his own home and bed too.
"Thank you, Ianto."
He smiles and shrugs, like it's no big deal. "Was my pleasure."
"Really, thanks."
"You're welcome. I'm just glad it everything went right. You're safe. Anwen's safe. Jack can buy all the teddy bears in the world."
"Hey!"
He kisses her on her cheek. "See you tomorrow."
"Get some rest," she tells him.
"Yes, ma'am."
"Jack, make sure Ianto gets some rest. No shagging."
Jack pulls an exaggerated pout, but salutes her lazily before leaning down to kiss her cheek. Together, he and Ianto leave the room, his hand resting on the small of Ianto's back.
Gwen smiles.
"Hungry?" asks Rhys, helping himself to her grapes.
"Not really," she says and kisses him on the cheek. "I think I'll sleep for a bit."
fin