The days without you would be precipices

"And know I have to admit it
And know I feel I've been defeated
And there's no human way of getting out.

So, be happy, you've got it
The days without you would be precipices
And there's no human way of getting out."

The magnetised girl (La niña imantada), Love of Lesbian

The first time he saw the girl he was going to marry―although he didn't know then―she got into his compartment in the Hogwarts Express without asking. She entered with another girl, with dark hair and an ugly nose and she sat.

"Hi, Blaise," she said to the boy he was talking to.

"Do I know you?"

The girl shrugged.

"Bored dinner, last week."

Blaise move his head in assent and said hi with his hand. He didn't like so much that two girls had interrupted his conversation.

Then, the girl finally looked in Theodore's direction. Her green eyes were the most impressive about her at first sight. They made her face looked attractive.

She raised her hand.

"Daphne Greengrass," she introduced herself.

Theodore shook his hand with hers. Yes, he was going to marry that girl. And yet, he had no idea.

"Malfoy is going to took Pansy to the yule."

She arrived just to sit exactly were Theodore's notes were without showing any concern about it. She didn't even ask if he was busy.

"Stop trying to look like a whore. Doesn't suit you."

You're fourteen, Theodore thought when he saw how Daphne had crossed her legs. Blaise laughed at her every day, but that nonsense was started in September. And the way she walked, for Merlin's sake. It was utterly ridiculous, at least.

Daphne ignored him.

"I still has nobody to go," she informed.

That was a clear invite me, but, obviously, Daphne was incapable of saying things straight. She had the belief that at fourteen, the world was under her feet and nothing was more unreal.

Older boys looked at her, yes.

(Who wasn't going to look at her and her perfect body?)

But the really never show more interest in her. The smiled in complete stupidity when she walked near them, with that older woman manners that didn't suit her and Theodore didn't doubt that they tried to imagine her without clothes. But Daphne knew nothing about all that.

"And?" Theodore asked. "What do you want me to do?"

Daphne looked at him in a very sharp way. She was saying invite me with her eyes.

Theodore took the book he had been reading until Daphne arrived and started reading again. If Daphne wanted something, she could ask.

(It wasn't like he was going to say no).

"Thedore…" she tried again.

Nott didn't raise his head.

"If you want somebody to go with you, invite him yourself" was the only thing she said.

Daphne chugged, stood up and got the hell out of there. Theodore stayed there, reading, thinking in the stupid yule he didn't want to attend to and knowing he was going to go if Daphne asked him because he was capable of anything she asked.

With Daphne it was always like that. And he hated it.

The next one that decided to interrupt his reading was Zabini.

"You are idiots."

"Yes?" Theodore raised his left eyebrow, leavig the book aside to look directly to Zabini.

"If the girl I want to invite was available, I wouldn't doubt in inviting her and beg her to accept the invitation."

"It's a pity that is not the case," said Theodore.

"That was a low blow."

They didn't talk about it again. Instead, Blaise complained about how the idiot of Malfoy had invited Pansy and of course she said yes. Blaise ended up inviting Astoria because he was desperate to go to the yule.

Theodore knew he won the day the owl arrived with her letter; it said: Do you want to go to the yule with me?

He said yes. And then, he wasn't so sure about winning.

Fifth year was pure crap. He probably thought that because his professor were more useless than ever. And he didn't even co to Divination, like Malfoy, Pansy and Blaise. Just hear about Trelawney makes him feel sick. At least, Daphne didn't waste her time in that nonsense and went with him to Antique Runes.

But the rest.

Umbridge was incredibly stupid―based on his opinion―and she was anxious for a promotion in the Ministry. Snape classes were bored, like every time―at least Longbottom have make his cauldron exploited once. Every other thing was monotony and routine.

Except Daphne. Of course.

She was fifteen and her vanity had multiplied. She had returned from her vacation knowing how to put make up. The stares had multiplied, too, but she seemed disappointed because Theodore hadn't said anything to her regarding her make-up.

(Why he had to do so? Daphne looked extremely well for him even asleep).

"Daphne asked me hoy pretty she is another time, you know?" interrupted Zabini, sitting over his parchment. "She just do it for you."

"How pitiful."

"Oh, yes, I think the same, but maybe if you tell her she don't need to be so…"

"Blaise, no. She can do what she wants," said Theodore. "Can you…?" Theodore pointed to his parchment. Blaise didn't move.

"She's just faking it because she likes you," Blaise insisted.

"She doesn't need to."

"You don't look at her; she is desperate."

"I do look at her," assured Theodore. The months passed and he was still convinced that he would do anything for her just to make her happy.

And he still hated it.

"You could tell her," said Blaise.

"If you tell Pansy you like her."

Blaise kept silence, he always did with Theodore's low blows. And Theodore always reminded him how Pansy was very far from him because he never tried anything.

"Screw yourself, Nott."

Theodore smiled.

"Umbridge suspened the half of the Gryffindor team for life," said Daphne. "Draco is downstairs making a Potter, you want to see him embarrass himself?"

"If I wanted to see that, I would go to the match," Theodore answered. He did not look up, even when Daphne sat in the border of his bed. "How is you are here?"

"You didn't go to the match, so… it wasn't fun."

"Pansy went."

"Pansy is my best friend, but there's no fun in watching Quidditch with her," Dapgne said. "I missed you there."

Theodore sighed, tired of the nonsense.

"Daphne…"

"Besides, I had something for you," she interrupted him. "I am tired that you don't do it… or that you don't say it. You know you are like an open book, Theodore?"

"Daphne?"

She didn't let him did anything alse. She kissed him. It wasn't the first kiss of any of them. She had dated Pucey for a week during the holidays, after getting tired of him and Theodore had kissed Tracey Davis the first time he had gotten drunk in a party. After that, Tracey had slapped him. But that kiss felt like the first.

"I stopped questioning myself when you were finally going to do it," she murmured.

"And if I don't like you?"

"Don't be stupid, Theodore. I've already tell, haven't I? You're like an open book."

She smiled a little and Theodore knew that she won again. Like always.

He hated the stupid questions like Do you love me?, and how much do you love me?, and, of course, Daphne's favourite: Do I look pretty? There was a world where Daphne wasn't pretty? An alternate reality when she had Eloise Migden's face? He doubted it.

And, even if there was one, he didn't date Daphne because she was pretty. He dated her because she was Daphne.

"Pansy says that you should get me flowers if you love me," Daphne told him one day, in the library. "She spent two hours lecturing me about how boys that doesn't get you flowers don't love her girlfriends."

"She is saying that because of Draco."

"What?"

"Draco has never got her flowers," Theodore said. "Well, Draco hasn't ever bothered in telling her he love her."

"You don't say that, neither." Daphne was so close to him in that precise moment. And they were on the library. Madame Pince could appear at any time.

"You don't need me to say it, Daphne," murmured Theodore. It was true: he had never said I loved you or I like you; he had always assumed Daphne knew it. "You already know it, right?" He stared at her. "If you asked me, I'd betray all my beliefs for you."

That was the closest Theodore was to tell her he loved her in all the fifth year. I love you were three enormous words.

But he was petrified when Daphne answered him.

"Maybe I ask you."

He knew the answer just a week after. He arrived to the Great Hall when she was already eating her breakfast. She always was the first to get there, earlier than anyone.

"And if I ask you? You'd betray your beliefs for me?"

Daphne smiled, but didn't give him an answered. She kissed him. Her lips tasted like jam.

Sixth year was a normal one. Pansy and Draco fought a lot. Ended their relationship. Started their relationship again. Blaise tried to go out with Pansy to a Slughorn's party. He failed. Tracey Davis decided she was done with boys―with the exception of Blaise, he was her friend―and didn't talk to Nott in six months.

Draco tattooed himself his beliefs in her left forearm in exchange of his family's life. Dumbledore died.

Daphne and Theodore survived the hurricane in the same way they would survive to all the rough patches in their life: together.

All were asleep when Daphne woke up Theodore one night, the first days of seventh year. The weather wasn't cold yet, but Daphne was hugging herself like she was trying to keep herself warm.

"What?" growled Theodore as soon as he opened his eyes.

"Make me a place?" asked Daphne, pointing at the bed.

"Fuck, Daphne, there's no room for both of us," spitted Theodore, but he moved anyway to make her place.

"I couldn't sleep," she confessed.

"Why?" Theodore asked, with hi slips in her ear. They were in an impossible position, the bed was too small for both of them.

"You know, I just… couldn't sleep."

"Daphne…"

"You know."

"Say it."

"I'm afraid," Daphne admitted, finally. Theodore saw her hand trembling.

He knew he pressed Daphne too much when he didn't have to, but he wanted to hear it. Because in Slytherin everyone was snob and not even Pansy, the most human of them all, had dare to confess it. But all of them were afraid despite having the favour of the Carrow siblings. They were just too stupid to say it.

And he, betraying Daphne a little, did not say it.

Because he was thinking that December would come and he was going to head home. And that just meant one thing.

But while December reached them, Daphne slept in his bed almost every night, very close to him. Al least until they learnt to do other things in the bed. Until they learnt how to comfort themselves without saying anything.

The first one in seeing it was Draco. The mark in his forearm. They were the only two idiots with seventeen―almost eighteen―years old with the mark. Also, they were the only two idiots with a mark who didn't know anything. They were compensating for her fathers' mistakes.

(Or making them bigger, as Theodore feared).

Zabini saw it after. He was his best friend. Of course he had to see it. Of course he showed it to him.

Pansy didn't dare to ask the motive of his bad mood. She supposed the motive was the same as Draco. She weren't brave enough to see the mark in Nott's left forearm.

Crabbe and Goyle didn't mind too much. However, Greg tried to make him feel better. He didn't accomplish it.

Daphne was last.

She saw it one night and she kept staring at it. She even touched it with a fingerprint.

"It hurts?"

"A little," answered Theodore.

She was silent with his finger between the skull and the serpent, without looking at Theodore's eyes. When she felt brave enough, she looked directly at Theodore and he could see how wet and teary her eyes were. He felt he can't breathe when he understood that Daphne was crying for him.

He made an abrupt gesture, moved his arm and hid the mark.

"I'm sorry," Daphne said.

"Doesn't matter," Theodore answered, maybe too quickly.

She didn't left him. Theodore felt troubled that there was pity in Daphne's love. He was scared. He felt he lost his breath when he realised how much she loved him. She stayed at his side in every moment.

Until the 3rd May. Of course.

Daphne ran away the night of the 2nd May with her sister Astoria and Blaise. Theodore convinced Pansy that Draco wasn't worth of her risking her life, but he stayed to look after him.

For Draco Malfoy, that jerk who he never liked much. But he had always been there and he was almost his friend. Al least to Theodore standards. He stayed to look after him, took his stupidity away. He won a limp for life and still didn't accomplish anything.

Daphne was at his side during the trials. She went to see him when he was arrested, before his father. She went to see him every day until the day of his trial.

And then, he asked her not to go to his trial, because he didn't want her to see him in chains.

She didn't care. She still went and was there when Theodore heard his sentence.

A huge fine and life imprisonment for his father. He was absolved because his father took the guilt in Theodore's crimes. Theodore was astonished when he realise his father was giving him the chance to be a new person, even when was him who had lead him to become a Death Eater. Her father was giving him a clean start.

When he came out, Daphne was waiting outside. She kissed him and and grabbed his hand.

"I love you."

Theodore became aware that, in three years, that was the very first time Daphne had said that in that way.

They continued their relationship. And the weddings came.

The first who walked down the aisle were Pansy and Blaise; both of them with twenty three years old, children's faces and Pansy pregnant. Theodore was the best man, Daphne bridesmaid.

Then, Pucey and Moon. They went to the wedding and greeted them. Theodore barely knew them in Hogwarts.

Tracey and the idiot of Higgs got married shortly after. They went and Theodore greeted them. Daphne told them, ironically, that marriage was going to destroy them and then she told Theodore that she would never get married because she didn't need the paper. Deeply inside, everyone knew Tracey and Higgs' marriage would end up in divorce.

Draco and Astoria. Daphne was bridesmaid, Gregory the best man. Daphne and Astoria's father cried during the service and tried to hide it.

The last wedding was Gregory's. Draco was the best man. That time, Daphne took her time to knot Theodore's tie before the service.

She had been distracted for days.

"Theodore…" she murmured. She wasn't able to say anything else, but Theodore could see tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" asked Theodore, raising his eyebrows. He never knew how to behave when Daphne cried and they had been together for ten years.

"I'm pregnant."

Theodore stared at her one moment, almost in a catatonic way. Daphne Greengrass, in front of him, with tears in her eyes.

Then, he hugged her.

"Do you want the…?" he asked.

He had never been sure about what Daphne thought about having kids. He has been afraid to ask all those years because he wanted kids, but he would have been capable of sacrificing that desire for Daphne.

"Yes," she murmured.

They called him Emmanuel.

"Emmanuel is with my parents," said Daphne. She couldn't hide her tiredness, her eye bags and her sleepiness. Neither she nor Theodore would change Emmanuel for anything in the world, but sometimes―just sometimes―they both looked at the past and realised how much they had changed. Sometimes they wish they could go back.

But their relationship was the same. They could survive to one weeping boy like they had survived the war, the trials and the weddings. Theodore smiled when he saw Daphne removing her robe while she looked for her pyjamas. She stopped when she saw Theodore's smile.

"Almost twelve years and you still look at me like an idiot when I'm naked."

She approached to him.

"It's the effect," Theodore answered, feeling her closeness. Daphne put her hand in his chest and his heart started beating stronger.

"Eleven years and a half…" said Daphne, making a long pause, "and you're still scared of me."

"Daphne…"

"Did you imagine we were going to be like this? A normal couple?" she asked, interrupting him before he even had the chance to say anything. At fifteen, one of Daphne's greatest fears was become normal, common.

Theodore shrugged.

"I didn't think of anything."

"You were scared of me. You've always been, haven't you?" Daphne continued. "We've always been scared because we know we can broke all our promises for the other. We can shatter into pieces our strongest beliefs."

They were so close. So close…

"Maybe because to love is to destroy, Daphne," Theodore answered, before he kissed her.

"And to be loved is to be destroyed," she said. "But you already know. Neither of us could said no."

They didn't say I love you. After twelve years, it wasn't necessary.

Jezabel born two years after Emmanuel. Daphne chose the name and Theodore said to every person who asked why they haven't got married that they didn't want to get married. But the question kept being asked and the doubt started to nest in him.

Why he had never had the balls to ask Daphne? She insisted she didn't need the paper and maybe they didn't need it. But, deeply, Theodore wanted to get married. With her.

Still, it took him two more years to find the courage.

The kids were asleep and Daphne and Theodore in their bed. They were thirty and have spent the half of their life together. They were the only teenage coupe that had survived everything. Theodore cleared his throat.

"Daphne."

"Yes?"

"What if we get married?"

"Theodore…"

"I want to marry you," he insisted.

Daphne looked away for a moment, moved her fingers, her hands. Like she were on distress. She was the one that win every time, that destroy Theodore every time, but that, Theodore realise what exactly destroy the loved one for love meant.

Daphne took her time, looked at him and smiled.

"Ok."

I write this, originally in spanish for my soulmate birthday. She asked for a fic based in some Jace Wayland/Morgenstern/Herondale/Lightwood phrase. It has something to do with being loved, destroyed and something more. I recall her in Spanish. So… why the fic? This two are my almost-OTP and, as I like to imagine, some sort of Lily and Marshall (HIMYM).

The epigraph is a song of a Spanish group called Love of Lesbian (their songs, strangely, have nothing to do with lesbians) and I've translated it. If you are curious, the song is called "La niña imantada" (literally The magnetised girl).

So… English is not my mother tongue (it's Spanish, Mexican Spanish) so, sometimes, just for fun, my brain gets all wrong and write things in the wrong order. If you find a mistake, feel free to tell me, I'm going to be grateful. Bleh, bleh, bleh.

Andrea Poulain

Original: 2nd April, 2016

Translation: 16th May, 2016