Dia wrote the first line of this. I wrote the rest.
"Kate, I'm pregnant. Explain yourself, woman!"
She blinks against the light and rolls onto her back, her head landing in the valley between their pillows.
"What?"
The mattress dips next to her as he crawls onto the bed. He dangles a familiar white stick in front of her, waving it too quickly for her to read the result.
"I was bored, so I took one of your pregnancy tests," he says, words too quick, almost panicky. "But Kate, the box says it's positive. It says I'm pregnant."
She lets out a puff of laughter. "You sound like a thirteen-year-old who never took sex ed., babe." Her hand lands on his arm, fingers curling around his bicep. "You do know you can't get pregnant, right?"
"But Beckett, the test is positive," he huffs.
"Still can't be pregnant, Castle," she counters. "It's not physiologically possible, which is why we bought the pregnancy tests for me. You know, because I can actually get pregnant."
He collapses onto the bed next to her, sinks into her pillow.
"What were you doing taking a pregnancy test, anyway? Or even awake?"
He shrugs. "Couldn't sleep and didn't wanna wake you up. I was bored, saw the box, figured I would take one. And then it was positive."
She rolls her eyes, reaching out to set her hand on his back. "You're really hung up on this whole it being positive thing," she mumbles. "You do know these things can result in false positives?"
His eyes widen, drawing a laugh from her throat.
"What? Then how are we supposed to trust your possible pregnancy with them?"
She rolls her eyes, again, and pushes herself up into a sitting position. "That's why we bought more than one. It would help if you didn't keep wasting them, though."
Patting his back gently, she pushes herself off the bed.
"Now, I gotta get ready for work. You gonna join me today?"
He hums his response as she locks herself in the bathroom. It's silent for a moment, until his voice fills the loft.
"I still can't believe you got me pregnant!"
"Yo, Beckett, what's up with Castle?"
She rolls her eyes, turning to face her husband. "He thinks I got him pregnant."
Espo barks out a laugh as Ryan chokes on nothing, drawing Castle's attention to the three of them. His brow furrow, lips pinching into a frown.
"It's not funny," he says. "The test was positive."
"Bro, you're actually trying to defend yourself by admitting to taking a pregnancy test?"
Castle rolls his eyes. "You sound like Beckett."
She taps her toes against his leg. "That's because we're right, babe," she says. "Pregnancy tests are made for women, since, you know, we can get pregnant."
Ryan shrugs. "I heard a positive pregnancy test in men can be a sign of testicular cancer."
That makes Castle jump, eyes widening almost comically as his palms press hard against his thighs. It has her trapping a laugh behind her hand.
"I don't have cancer, Ryan," he says before turning to her. "What are the symptoms of testicular cancer?"
She shrugs. "You have a phone. Look it up."
He does, retrieving his phone from his pocket. She watches as he types out his search, as his eyes scan over the list. He sinks back in his chair, letting out an exaggerated sigh of relief.
"I think I'm good," he says.
She reaches over, plucks the phone out of his hand to read over the list herself. "Yeah," she agrees, setting his phone down on her desk, "looks like you're good, babe."
Espo's hand tugs back on her chair. "I don't even wanna know what was on that list," he says.
Castle grins.
Behind him, Ryan shrugs. "You know, if you're that paranoid about being, uh, pregnant, Castle, why don't you just take another test," he offers.
Castle deflates again, sinking back into his chair. "I tried," he says. "Beckett says I can't waste any more of them."
"Could you please stop looking at me like that?"
He blinks. "Like what?"
She lets out a breath of a laugh, shaking her head as she drops into the chair across from him in the break room. "Like you're still convinced I got you pregnant," she answers.
"But Beckett, the test says you did."
"And the laws of biology, anatomy and physiology say I didn't," she counters.
He sags forward, wrapping his hands around his mug. "I know," he mumbles. His gaze meets hers. "Although, on The Sims, male sims who are abducted by aliens can get pregnant with an alien baby."
"You trying to tell me you were abducted by aliens, babe?" she teases.
He shrugs. "It's possible. I mean, it's happened to us before."
"We were not abducted by aliens, Castle," she says, rolling her eyes, again, "We were sedated and taken by government agents."
"Right,"
She takes a sip of her coffee, eyeing him over the rim of her cup. He looks crestfallen, shoulders sagging, eyes locked firmly on the contents of his own mug.
With a sigh, she sets her cup down and reaches across the table to rest her hand over his. "Castle?"
He looks up, gaze locking on hers.
"I don't know if this is because the positive test really freaked you out," she says, "or because we agreed to try for a baby and you're excited about us having a baby, but you're not pregnant." She runs her thumb over his, smiling at him. "But, hey, maybe I will be one day soon?"
His eyes flicker, sparkle with hope. "Maybe, my test was a sign that you should take one," he suggests.
Her smile falls, brows furrowing. "Huh?"
"My test was positive," he says. "Maybe it's because yours would be, too. It's a sign, Kate."
She pats his hand, "Pretty sure it doesn't work that way, babe."
Mug in one hand, she pushes herself away from the table, ready to get back to work.
"Oh, come on, it's worth a shot. We have, like, nine left," he calls from behind her.
She turns to face him. "Nine?"
"I was at the drugstore, saw the rack and got excited. But I didn't know which kind you would want, so I bought, like, five different boxes," he shrugs.
"Okay," she breathes, "good to know we have enough pregnancy tests to last an entire pregnancy." And she leaves the break room before he can defend himself.
She crawls onto the bed next to him and reaches over to gently caress his jaw with her palm.
"Castle? Babe, wake up."
He stirs, one hand covering hers, the other reaching out towards her side of the bed. His fingers brush across her knee as he hums, eyes just barely opening.
"What?"
"You gotta wake up," she chuckles.
He blinks, unfocused eyes opening into slits. "What?" He blinks again, squeezes his eyes shut against the early morning light before finally opening them completely. "Kate? What are you…? It's early."
She smiles, smudges a kiss to his lips. Raising her hand, she waves a white plastic stick in front of his face.
"Castle, I'm pregnant. Explain yourself, babe."