Whereever he went, there was no exit.
It was foolish to believe there was an escape. There was no escape. He couldn't even dream to return to the life he used to know. He knew all of that that, when he finally collapsed to the floor.
His breathing was slow and irregular, his lungs hurt so much as he was gasping for air. The carbon monoxide seemed to have its first effects on him - his body felt heavy, so heavy. Especially his head was in such inexpressable pain. His sight was blurry, he felt more than dizzy and he was sure that he would throw up the contents of his stomach in any second. Precisely he felt that, soon, he would black out. Soon, he would die.
He felt his wounds. He felt every single flame eating itself into his flesh. And still, he was awake. He was in horrible pain, but still awake. Still bound to this world.
Yet his life, his conciousness wouldn't fade away - in contrast to his slowly degenerating body.
Still, he would smell the stench of death around him. Still, he would smell the smoke, see the huge grey clouds, reflecting the red colour of this living hell. Still, he was aware of his surroundings.
One single tear was searching its way from his eye down his burned face to his ear. Still, he could feel everything - the despair and pain were suddenly becoming worse and worse...
Shirou woke up abruptly. He felt his cold sweat on his forehead tripping down, which was inevitably caught by his eyebrows. But moreover, he felt all the emotions he had encountered in this living hell - felt everything in these moments as clear as he did on that portentious day.
He wasn't even truly aware what happened - still panting, he slowly realised that it only was a dream. Only a nightmare.
His breathing became more regular in a very slow fashion. His body was still handling with the stress this nightmare induced. His mind was, once again, occupied with the day of the Great Fire.
Slowly, still fuddled, he scuddled out of his futon. He needed some fresh air, some time to get himself sorted again.
Shirou quietly made his way to the inner courtyard as he didn't want to wake up Rin - who was still sometimes sleeping over at his house, even though the Holy Grail War was over and at some point near the end of the war, she would just stay out of convenience with him overnight. He had a certain feeling why she was staying with him - in this lovely, beautiful looking night filled with horrible events, he confessed to her. He finally had the guts to tell the most beautiful, intelligent, brave and yet annoying, overly proud, unapproachable and bossy person of the whole school - no, the whole wide world! - that he loved her. And he still did with his full heart.
She responded in a way that wasn't that hostile and dismissive and cold, as she would usually react to others.
In his opinion, she didn't put him down in the end. She would come up and bury her lovely face between his shoulder blades and respond to him with a teary voice. Yes, Tohsaka even said that she was happy that he saved her. Tohsaka said that she was happy because of him, because of his actions. Shirou saw that as something equal to his confession - at least in terms of being Tohsaka.
Although, he had to admit, that he could have been wrong about that. Rin Tohsaka loved to tease people - and the fact that Fuji-nee was an easy victim when it came to staying here overnight might have played a major role in her decision to make the Emiya household a fun place to sleep at.
Of course, Shirou didn't hope that this was her reason to stay here. Even though she could be a hell lot to handle, he enjoyed her company foremost. In contrast to Sakura and Fuji-nee - but, to be very honest, he couldn't care less. Rin was the woman he loved. And no one could change it after everything they've been through together.
He found a seat and stared into the wide open space between the halls and the shed, which was painted in black and blues. The moon was eluminating the backyard in an elegant way.
To put his mind off his nightmare and Tohsaka, he forced his thoughts around Saber, the girl he admired for her honorous acts, her ideals. Oh dear, he wished he could be as strong as her. And yet, he was still sitting here, being hunted by his past, no step further in his ambitions of becoming a hero of justice or even being entirely happy with the life he lived.
"Emiya-kun?" a soft voice echoed down the hallway.
Rin slowly approached him, a worried look was adorning her beautiful face.
"Oh, Tohsaka... sorry. Did I wake you?" Shirou was responding, his facial expression showing regret that he got up and went here, the place closest to the guestroom. He knew that Rin was bad with mornings, so he assumed that waking her up in the middle of the night wouldn't do her good.
"Are you alright?", she asked.
Now she was standing in front of him. Her chocolate brownish-black coloured, open, wavy hair was flowing lightly in the air, reflecting the moonlight. In her yellow pajamas she started cowering next to him, her crystal blue eyes filled with an emotion he couldn't make out.
"I am, but why are you asking?"
"You were screaming, so I thought I would get up and..." she paused, realising what she just said, what she just implied. Her face turned away from Shirou quickly, a flaming red which was barely visible in the moonlight flushing her cheeks, and she was pulling a strange face of embarrassment. "You know. Look if you're being an idiot, sleepwalking. Destroying the house."
Shirous heart was jumping - he knew exactly how Tohsaka was. He had known her long enough to know that she was worring about him and that, in her usual manner, of course, she couldn't just tell him that.
...wait, did she just say he screamed in his sleep? So loud that she could hear in the guest room?
"Oh! Sorry. I didn't even know that I've been screaming. I just had a nightmare. I'm alright.", he smiled at her, honestly startled by both the facts she just brought up.
Rin was finally looking at Shirous face again, her blush still visible. Her expression was filled with pain, though. "God, you're a pain to deal with, you know that? I can see that you are not alright. And yet, you help everyone, but don't want to accept help by others." Shirou just let out a tiny chuckle - she knew him too well. Soon it became quiet between the two of them, until Tohsaka found the courage to ask him if his dream was about the Great Fire.
Shirou just nodded. Rin took a proper seat next to him, holding her knees tight in front of her chest. Their breaths were creating little puddles of steam in the cold air of Fuyuki City.
It was quite chilly, Shirou thought, and Tohsaka must be cold in her pajamas only, so he closed the gap between Rin and himself with a pounding heart - to warm her a little.
"Y-you don't need to be outside with me, here. You should go inside in case you're cold." he hastily said, looking at her from the corner of his eyes which were orientated towards the shed.
Rin just shook her head. Shirou thought she was just doing this as, surely, she would be a stuttering mess right now. Still, she didn't move away from him. The young man couldn't help himself but to smile a little - Tohsaka Rin was allowing him to stay near her. After a while Tohsaka almost found her voice again and, still stuttering, she asked if he knew something to help him about the nightmares.
"Oh, you know, being outside for a while has always helped me to calm down. When Kiritsugu was alive, he used to give me a special syrup he made through magic, when I was small. Then he would just stay with me and wait till I fell asleep again", he stated.
Their arms and legs were still touching, and he could feel her cold skin through her pajama. "Tohsaka, you're really cold. You must be shivering.", he whispered. He just considered to put his arm around her, to give her additional warmth. And suddenly, out of the nothing, he did. An almost inaudible squeak escaped Rin whose face colour resembled a brick.
Was he too bold with his actions? He felt his blood boiling. He felt his heart racing, and still, his mind was calm.
Something was seriously wrong with him, he thought to himself. But at least, his boiling blood would keep her a little warmer.
"If you want to stay with me, you should just go and get a blanket for yourself...", he said after a while. "Or wait, I'll get one for you."
As he was letting go from her, standing up and going towards his room, Rin suddenly squeaked that he was right and she would go off back to her room then. In a loud fashion she left the hall as she was almost running back to the guest room.
Shirou laughed a little.
Yeah, Tohsaka could be quite cute. Quite damn cute, when she didn't know how to handle acts filled with emotion and human interaction.
At least he could go back to sleep with a smile on his face now. Or rather, he would have something which could put his mind off his horrible tragedy.
Just a few minutes after he closed all the windows and doors behind him and went back to his room, he heard footsteps while laying on his futon.
As only Tohsaka was home, she would be the one he heard, as no one else had entered the house.
"E-emiya-kun?"
"What's wrong, Tohsaka?", he asked out aloud. He was wondering why she came back.
"C-c-c-can I come in?", she stuttered.
Shirous face became hot. "Y-yes, you can."
Tohsaka opened the door to his almost empty room and closed it behind her. She had the cushion between her arm and her body - it was the guest room's cushion which she used to hit Shirou with after transferring her Magic Crest onto him. She hid her face from Shirou partially, as she still seemed to have a healthy blush on her cheeks.
"What's wrong, Tohsaka? Can I help you?" Shirou was wondering why she brought her cushion to his room.
He realised why, when she was in motion again, walking up to his futon, getting down, lifting the cover, lying down with her cushion and covering herself.
Why the hell was she...?
"T-tohsaka!" Shirou couldn't believe his eyes, he moved a little away from her to make enough space for her to comfortably lie down.
"Idiot. Don't you dare to think that I-I'd do this for myself."
...okay, she almost admitted that she did it for herself as well.
"I assume this is going to help you settle down b-because of the nightmare. And I wouldn't want you to mess up breakfast and lunch and dinner tomorrow, because you're tired and not able to concentrate." She was showing her back to him, lying approximately 15 centimetres away from him, on her side. Her brown locks were sprawled over the free place in a beautiful way. Her slender body was buried under the cover they've been sharing. Shirou again admired her and her beauty, even though he couldn't see anything in total.
"Stop staring at me, stupid.", she cursed.
Shirou was looking away from her, looking up to the ceiling. A real, genuine smile found its way on his face.
"Thanks for caring about me, Tohsaka.", he said. She didn't respond.
His head and his heart were both melting. Slowly he felt her radiating body heat under the cover and after a while he heard her soft breathing. She was already asleep.
Words couldn't describe his happiness. The last thing he remembered before falling asleep was that a strand of her hair found its way into his right hand - and he was wondering if he ever felt such a soft, silky texture before.
The morning sun was finding its way into Shirous room.
He was wondering how he fell asleep so easily last night after the nightmare... when he remembered. That was the time when he felt something heavy on his chest.
No. Way.
Tohsaka. He was looking down his body and there she was, a peaceful, sleeping Tohsaka, using his chest as a pillow, curled down and cuddled against him, her hand resting on his chest. He had his arm around her body, hand resting on her ribs, only pulling her closer to him.
And as soon as he completely realised what has been going on, he felt a happiness he never felt before. A happiness he never thought he was able to feel so clearly, so dearly. A happiness caused by the dark haired woman he loved, just sleeping at his side, sharing a bed.
How happy must he feel if he shared his life with her...
That was the moment when he felt a little shift in her position. She started to take a handful of his shirt's cloth into her fist, moving a little while making a tiny noise. Several minutes later she raised her head, taking a look around. Her sleepy, drousy eyes eventually met his after a while - and this was not only a feeling, but a sight he could get used to, he thought to himself.
Tohsaka was looking at him for several seconds, until she slowly started to realise what happened here. Where she was. How close she was. Hey eyes were getting bigger, a blush was rushing onto her face.
"Good morning", Shirou said with a broken voice, peacefully smiling - he went through this realisation earlier, so he wasn't startled anymore. Tohsaka was again pulling one of her strange faces, until she moved away from him in mere seconds. Now she sat at the end of the futon, still processing all the information, staring at the man with the auburn hair. She looked confused. And that was an absolutely rare sight Shirou would get.
"I-I should better go now...", she said quietly, still staring at Shirou, still with a red face.
No. He couldn't let her go away now, he thought to himself. Not now, when he felt the entire happiness she could bring to him.
It took her a few seconds to attempt standing up, when Shirou snapped up and held her down, both falling back onto their knees.
"Wait...", he said, holding her hand, holding her back.
"N-no, please... let me go!", she whispered, furrowing her eyebrows in desperation, tears finding a way into her eyes. He saw her other hand clenching into her leg.
The young man didn't know what to say. He was panicking. What should he do...? He didn't want her to break away again after being so close to her...!
"But I don't want you to go...", he started stating, holding her hand a little tighter. Tohsakas face lit a little up.
"To be honest... I... I don't know how to say this, but I really want you to... stay.
I want you to stay with me."
Now his expression was slowly turning desperate. Did he have to loose anything?
He crawled further up to her, getting much closer without letting her hand go, and as their legs were touching, he pulled her back into a hug.
"I want you. I want you to stay with me like this.", he talked into her shoulder. Into her soft, white skin, feeling her soft hair on his face, feeling her even softer skin, her warmth.
"I love you. And I've never felt so happy before. My heart was exploding last night, when you were worried about me. When you even decided to stay overnight with me. When I woke up, I was so happy about seeing you, feeling you next to me, smelling your hair..." He felt that she held her breath.
"I don't know what I am saying.", he laughed, sadly.
He opened up his embrace around her, looking down on her hanging head, lifting her chin with his hand, so he could look into her eyes. All he saw was her tears, running down her face.
"I love you, Rin. I truly do. I always have. And I always will."
That was when she bit her lip, the tears on her face running down way quicker as she was squinting her eyes.
"Shut up, you stupid prick", she whispered, finally freeing her hands from her legs, putting them down on the sides of Shirous face. And then, the unbelievable happened.
She was pulling him down into a sweet, passionate kiss.
When she was pushing him away, she whispered against his lips. "You made me cry again, idiot.", only to close the gap between them again afterwards. Shirous hand was now lost in her long hair, after he pulled her onto his lap.
In between the kisses they've exchanged, Shirou rubbed the tears from her face and apologised for making her cry.
After a while, when both of them stopped kissing the other, Rin spoke up. Her voice was still very teary.
"Sh-Shirou."
"Yeah?"
"You do know, what you got yourself into?", she asked, without taking her eyes off him.
"What do you mean?", he laughed nervously.
"Well.. basically you're completely and entirely mine now.", Rin said, her cheeks were still really red.
Shirou laughed. "Yes, I am."
"From now on, you'll better be listening to my wishes.", she said with a puffy face, furrowing her eyebrows, before she kissed him once again and put her head onto his shoulder.
"And, hell, you should really brush your teeth."
Shirou couldn't help himself but to laugh. He could say the same applies to her, he thought. But he didn't want to upset her as he felt that the last night and this morning had upset her more than enough.
Finally, for the first time in his life, when she was staying on his lap, cuddling him, letting him pet her head and play with her hair, and even put some sweet kisses on her cheek and neck, he felt truly happy. He finally had her in his arms, and she was something to keep living for. To keep fighting for.
Finally, he felt a gap being closed in his heart. Finally, he wasn't alone in the dark anymore. Finally, he wasn't empty anymore. Rin Tohsaka filled the void of his life, the void of his dream of being a hero of justice.
Instead, he wanted to be another hero now.
Her hero.