"So… when did you first become aware of your stalker like tendencies?" Urahara asked him pen poised above the notepad he'd been writing on.
Ichigo scowled looking at the wall. "I don't have stalker tendencies… I just don't want Byakuya going bankai on me."
Urahara sighed for effect. "Ichigo," He began gravely. "you came to me for help."
Ichigo colored shifting uneasily. "I didn't know I had stalker tendencies until Byakuya told me to stop following Uryu."
"And have you?" Urahara paused in his writing to look at the discomfited substitute.
"Damn it Kisuke!" Ichigo cursed inadvertently using the shopkeeper's first name. "Of course I have! Give me some credit."
Urahara held up the notepad to hide his smirk. "Very well. So when did you first start following Uryu?"
"About a month ago…" Ichigo muttered staring fixedly at the wall.
"…" He turned to see the shopkeeper looking at him thoughtfully. "I believe this is more serious then I first imagined."
Ichigo's eyes widened and his mouth fell open. "What?"
Urahara tapped the pen against his lips thoughtfully. "Start from the first day you felt something was off with him and tell me everything." He commanded.
Ichigo's jaw worked opening and closing without making a sound. "But! But that'll take weeks!" Ichigo wailed uncharacteristically.
"Your point?" Urahara asked raising one eyebrow.
Ichigo wilted a little slumping over the table. "It was a few months ago…"
Urahara's eyes danced gleefully as the substitute began recounting the days' events.
Uryu stared at the door feeling vaguely worried. On the one hand, Ichigo had been stalking him and obviously needed some help. On the other, he'd asked Kisuke Urahara to be his counselor.
Having been raised a gentleman; he was worried about the shopkeeper's intentions. However, being the gentleman he was, there was no polite way to broach the subject with aforementioned shopkeeper.
Uryu adjusted his glasses with a sigh. He had only two options available. Raise the subject with Byakuya (without sending him into a jealous rage) or let the situation stand. Uryu bit his lip waffling between the two.
Until he happened to see the Ichigo practically laying in the ex-captain's lap. He was speaking to Byakuya about this… before Urahara tried something that ended got one or both of them killed.
Now how to ask Byakuya…
"I didn't really think much of it at first." Ichigo said lying with his head on Urahara's knee. "I thought maybe he was making something with his sewing or something."
"Hmm…" Urahara scribbled down something he couldn't see. "And when did you begin to suspect something else was going on?"
Ichigo chewed his lip debating on whether or not he should tell Urahara about that.
"I can't help you if you don't tell me." Urahara said suppressing a grin.
Ichigo sighed rubbing a hand over his face. "I was patrolling hollows a few days later…"
Byakuya looked at the Quincy with an inscrutable expression. Uryu sighed adjusting his glasses.
"I'm only asking as a friend." Uryu stressed. "You of all people know the kinds of things Urahara is capable of and as annoying as he may be he does have his uses. Which of course won't count for anything if Ichigo kills that idiot."
Uryu was beginning think this was a bad idea. Scratch that, he knew it was a bad idea. The things he did for friendship…
"Just forget I asked." Uryu sighed. "Maybe I can ask Renji to look in on them." He mused brushing past his boyfriend.
"I'll talk with Urahara." Byakuya said grabbing his wrist to detain him.
Uryu nearly melted with relief. "Thanks. I was really worried Ichigo might go bankai on him."
Byakuya gave him a questioning look.
"You don't want to know." Uryu held up one hand shaking his head to dispel the imagine of Ichigo lying almost in Urahara's lap.
Byakuya now understood why Uryu was so concerned. Urahara had practically cajoled the boy into sitting in his lap. Most disturbing.
"Isn't he a little young for you?" Byakuya drawled stepping into the room.
Ichigo seemed to come out of whatever spell had befallen him. He yelped and practically went through the adjoining wall in his haste to put distance between them.
"W-what the hell?" Ichigo yelled eyes like saucers.
"Ichigo Kurosaki." Byakuya addresses him by his full name.
Ichigo looked at him with wide startled eyes.
"I would suggest you continue your counseling with Renji Abarai." Byakuya said dryly.
Ichigo nodded once then zipped out of the door like his life, or at the very least his sanity, depended on it.
Urahara sighed a little disappointed. "Was that really necessary?"
"Uryu was concerned about your intentions." Byakuya said with no inflection.
Urahara pouted. "So it's okay if you rob cradles, but not me?"
"I never said you were cradle robbing." Uryu said from the door. "I just didn't want you to kill each other."
Urahara frowned considering. "It would be typical of Ichigo."
Renji was wondering what the hell was going on lately. First his Captain started seeing that Quincy. Then Ichigo started following Uryu around. And now he was plastered to Renji hanging on to him like his life depended on it.
"What the hell is up with you?" Renji growled trying unsuccessfully to pry the orange haired teen off him.
"Hey Ichigo, "Karin trailed off seeing her brother wrapped around his redheaded friend. "Nevermind!"
Renji turned beet red when she slammed the door in her hurry to leave. Great, just great! Now his sister thought there was something going on between them.
"It was so horrible…" Ichigo mumbled catching his attention.
"Eh?" Renji muttered straining to hear him.
"… talking… Byakuya… Urahara…" Was all he could discern.
"You were talking to Captain Kuchiki about Urahara." Renji said perplexed.
"No." Ichigo looked up at him. "I was talking… I was talking to Urahara… and then Byakuya… I was a-almost in his lap!" Ichigo stuttered.
"You were sitting in the Captain's lap?" Renji asked wide eyed.
"Not your Captain." Ichigo said looking paler than he'd ever seen him.
Renji paled at that. "Urahara?"
Ichigo shuddered hiding his face in the other boy's chest. Renji stared at the ceiling patting the other boys' head absently.
"Hey Renji, Ichigo," Rukia popped into the room via the window. "wha..?"
Renji froze. Ichigo stiffened turning his head to look at her.
Rukia turned an interesting shade of red. "I-I didn't see anything!"
They watched stunned as she took off out the window.
"Damn." They both said realizing that Rukia would probably tell everyone that she could find.
"Shit, we're doomed." Ichigo muttered.
"Gets worse." Renji muttered. "Your sister looked in on us earlier."
Ichigo's head snapped up. "Fuck."
The door slammed open. "Ichigo, my son!" Isshin skidded to a stop.
They all blinked at each other until Isshin broke out into a crazy grin and whipped out the room.
Before either boy could react they heard.
"Mother! Our little Ichigo is finally growing up!" Ichigo groaned just picturing his father crying waterfalls clinging to the picture on his knees.
"Does he always do that?" Renji asked as the man continued to babble on bellow them.
"Yeah." Ichigo muttered making no effort to move.
"Ichigo, are you going to stay there all day?" Renji asked not that it really mattered at this point.
"Might as well." Ichigo said getting comfortable.
"Rukia are you sure that's what you saw?" Chad asked with a small frown.
"I didn't think Ichigo liked Renji like that." Orihime said thoughtfully. "I thought he liked Uryu."
"No, Ichigo was just following Uryu because he has a stalker complex." Chad said as though it was common knowledge.
"Really?" Orihime asked.
"Brother told me all about it." Rukia said solemnly.
"Are you gay too Chad?" Orihime asked innocently.
"O-orihime!" Rukia stuttered in dismay. "You don't just ask someone a question like that!"
"It's okay." Chad said calmly. "I don't mind telling you I'm am."
"I thought so." Orihime said as though it was the most logical thing in the world.
"You did?" Rukia asked looking puzzled.
"Uryu, Ichigo, and Chad are all so tough. It seems logical that they would want someone big and strong like themselves." Orihime explained.
"I guess that makes sense." Rukia frowned.
"But don't worry Rukia, I'm sure a nice boy from the soul society will fall in love with you!" Orihime said cheerfully.
Rukia flushed for the second time that day. "I'm not worried about that!'
"Then what are you worried about?" Chad asked curiously.
"I'm wondering how Brother will handle it." Rukia told them honestly.
Uryu sighed when he heard the news about Renji and Ichigo. He, of course, had been tasked with passing the news on to Byakuya. How do you tell your boyfriend his lieutenant is dating your friend? Uryu rubbed his eyes tiredly.
His friends were such cowards dumping the news this on him. Uryu pushed up his glasses with his middle finger.
"You seem troubled." Byakuya murmured embracing him from behind.
Uryu chewed on his lip wondering if he should just tell him quickly like removing a Band-Aid. Byakuya seemed to be in a good mood at the moment what he was doing to Uryu's neck was any indication.
"Renji and Ichigo are dating." He blurted out feeling stupid when Byakuya stopped his ministrations.
"Good." Uryu's eyes nearly popped out of his head in shock and not just from what Byakuya was doing to him.
"Good?" He questioned straining to keep his voice level.
Byakuya turned him around to steal a kiss. "I have no more rivals."
"Rivals?" Uryu groaned when the Captain latched onto his neck like a hungry vampire.
Urahara sighed sipping his tea lost in thought. Uryu and Ichigo were both firmly out of his grasp now. A man should not have to try this hard. He looked up when the bell twinkled to see Chad and Orihime. Urahara gave the boy a once over. Very not bad. Urahara used his fan to hide the, no doubt, wicked smile on his face. Now how to approach the gentle giant…