AN: A few minor details are incorrect, such as the Boggart stuff and some spell names, but this fic was written for humour. Or the total crack!noplot aspect of it. XD;;

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To put it quite simply, Harry was bored. The Christmas holidays were usually tolerable with the presence of Ron and Hermione, but this year, they were both absent. They weren't there to talk to, and they weren't there to sit next to and laugh with at meal time. The presents and pretty lights soon wore off anyway, and snow was too cold to play around in by himself. Harry scowled. Stupid holidays, he thought rather childishly, stabbing a fork into his potatoes, mashing them up further.

He had done nothing in the holidays so far, except for meeting with Dobby once, and neglect his Potions homework. A quick glance around the hall didn't help him either – no one was here. Susan Bones, Colin Creevey, Draco Malfoy, Cho – hang on…Malfoy.

Harry paused, struck by an amazing idea.

Against his better judgement, Harry began to plot. He had been stuck in the castle for too long, and being as bored and as suppressed as he was, he smiled. A bored Harry made a dangerous Harry.

He had to remember that.

……………………………

Draco did a double take as he saw the note appear on his breakfast plate, but it wasn't unbelievable. Out of the few hundred students that went to Hogwarts, he figured at least one would have ties with a House elf. ­Taking a sip of his tea, he opened the letter, scanned over it, and promptly choked.

Potter!

His first reaction was incredulity. And then dawning comprehension as he realised that it would be Potter who knew the House elves.

Draco read through the note, this time more carefully. It said something about a duel, no seconds and the Astronomy Tower, but Draco wasn't sure. It was hard to tell from the unintelligible scrawl that Potter seemed to have mastered. But one thing was clear. He'd be meeting Potter, and Malfoy would have an excuse to punch the idiot in the face.

Malfoy smiled. Life was good.

……………………………

Harry grinned. Malfoy was stood before him, and his grin stretched wider as Malfoy shifted under his gaze. His target was here, the Boggarts were safely hidden in the scrying cabinets, and Harry was going to get revenge.

Knowing Malfoy, Harry was willing to bet that he hadn't listened to anything that Lupin had taught them; so hopefully, Malfoy wouldn't know how to dispel a Boggart. Harry rubbed his hands together. It had taken him three days to convince Hagrid to catch him some, but it was worth the wait.

"Are you ready then?"

……………………………

By now, Draco was feeling something akin to fear.

Yes, Potter had done nothing but stare at him, but Potter was smiling and there was a maniacal light to his eyes. And his glasses flashed ominously. Always a bad sign.

"Are you ready then?" Draco felt his spine shiver. But he squashed the feeling ruthlessly as he drew his wand from his robes.

"As ready as I'll ever be, Potter." He spat.

"Good." With a great flourish of hand which looked ridiculous, Harry waved his wand at something, and promptly hid behind the curtain. Draco looked around, and he saw the scrying cupboard spring open, to reveal five grey blobs which resembled no particular shape.

"What the fuck is this Potter? I mean, I knew you were stupid b–"

The grey masses assembled, and then proceeded to morph into five, hairy blonde ferrets.

Draco screamed.

……………………………

At Draco's scream, Harry peered around the curtain window, and then ducked behind it again to smother his hysterical laughter. Ferrets. Harry snickered behind his hand.

But his laughter was cut short as Malfoy blundered into the curtain, snarling and somehow managing to hiss at the same time.

"You are so dead, Potter. Get them off me!" Malfoy howled, trying to scratch at the rodents. In his panic, he managed to rip some off and throw them out the window, and Harry winced for the poor little buggers. By now, there was only one left – the biggest one – and it was advancing on Malfoy, baring its teeth.

Wand forgotten, Malfoy backed up against the tower window, forgetting that it was half open. Tripping backwards, Harry only had enough time to grab Malfoy's fluttering tie, effectively choking the Slytherin in the process. Okay, maybe Harry had had enough time to grab something else. Maybe hair, a foot…something.

Malfoy spat in Harry's face.

"You're dead."

And the growling ferret chose at this precise moment to leap onto Malfoy. Harry let go. It was the momentum. It had surprised him.

As Malfoy vanished from the tower window, Harry scrabbled for his wand, casting a faint levitating spell which seemed to slow Malfoy down somewhat. Before he crashed into Greenhouse four that is. Harry cringed.

"Ah shit." Madame Sprout was going to have words about that.

Harry then made his way to the Greenhouse. Malfoy was there, surrounded by rubble and glass, sporting a bleeding lip and glaring pure poison at him. His leg looked dodgy. Then again, the Boggarts had been flattened. In effect, Harry had just saved Malfoy's life.

He mentioned it. Malfoy tried to curse him.

But in good faith, Harry did carry Malfoy to the Hospital Wing and dump him there. All the while, snickering to himself about ferrets and how this was definitely not going to be a one off thing.

……………………………

Malfoy didn't tell anyone that Potter had pushed him out a window. There was no evidence, and plus, Malfoy wanted revenge. But he could say that Potter had destroyed the Greenhouse, because the moron owed him that.

He fell asleep content that day. Harry got two months worth of detentions with Snape.

But the next day, he wasn't so content. He was stuck in the Hospital Wing with Pomfrey glued to his side with bottles of Skele-Grow, and unavoidably, Malfoy began to plot. It would have to be something ingenious, he decided. And sure enough, a few weeks later, a couple of hibernating Mandrakes disappeared.

……………………………

It would be a month later before Harry would recover from the boils. And another hour later before Harry was struck with another brilliant idea.

The window had been an accident, Harry thought sulkily. It really had been. He hadn't even let go on purpose, he hadn't even planned it.

Only next time, Harry vowed that Malfoy would know the difference.

end.