A/N: So I definitely don't own the show or the characters, and I'm definitely not making money off of this, nor will I ever. I do, however, own the rights to the souls of their writers. I'm holding onto them until the dark prince of the night sets up his account. A lot has been ripped directly from season two, so much so that I didn't italicize it like a lot of FF writers do, but it's there and I have admitted as such publicly. If you watch the last episode as many times as I did, you can spot my embellishments. Most of them are pretty obvious even without the six hours of homework. The format isn't too nice, this was a mobile phone baby. Though once again, I'm not a terrible middle aged failure of a writer, so this won't end up on the best seller list. Shame. For now the updates will crawl along pretty unsteadily, but I started writing this when I was sure they were gonna kill Lexa. I knew I was going to need it when that happened, and I thought some of you might too. It's definitely AU from the first letter on, but will loosely folllow some parts of s3. Starts off nicer to Bellamy than I'd like, I really tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. And that was really long, but if you're still hanging in there I promise this won't disappoint. Also WTF with the Tara thing. Not cool, guys.

What if Visionary Doesn't Mean Life Overall?

"You made the right choice, Commander." Emerson said, turning to head towards the door back into Mount Weather.

Clarke looked at Lexa, feeling dizzy and weak at the betrayal. They had come so far. She turned her head to watch Emerson's retreating form, needing to keep her attention off the woman she had grown so close to so fast. She needed to think. Her mind was racing, and she fought to keep her breathing steady.

A second before he disappeared into the mountain, Emerson dropped to his knees, the hilt of Lexa's dagger sticking from the back of his neck.

The commander drew her sword and started the charge. Clarke stood dumbfounded for a moment before she jogged after her. There was a flurry of gunfire, and Clarke was amazed that she didn't see anyone go down.

Another harvested grounder stumbled out, several points on his bare chest bleeding freely. Clarke knew then what had happened. She could recognize a bullet wound, and this man had at least five.

Lexa slipped in through the gap, Clarke following as soon as she could, but the full fighting force was stymied at the bottle neck as the team on the ropes worked to haul the door open.

Clarke braced herself for what she knew lay beyond, but the sheer horror of it all nearly brought her to her knees. When she got through, she had to make her way past a mass of slaughtered prisoners, a few groans making her aware that some had survived. She looked ahead to see Lexa raging at a second reinforced door, three Mountain Men struggling to close large slashes in their suits behind her.

The carnage was devastating, but there had to be more grounders inside somewhere. Lexa gave the door a final thump with her fist, shouting what Clarke could only assume was a curse before she turned away.

The commander's face was calm and composed, but her eyes blazed with fury. She kicked away a gun from the hands of one of the irradiating Mountain Men as he tried feebly to aim it at her. Otherwise she didn't bother finishing them off, walking past as the outside air did the job for her.

"Come, there is nothing more we can do here." Lexa stated quietly to Clarke before her attention turned to the waiting army.

She gave an order in Trigedasleng, and two of her warriors moved from the throng, the space between airlocks small enough for the rest to have seen that there was no point in following their leaders inside once the door was opened.

The two grounders Lexa had called in moved through their fallen comrades, pulling a few injured from the mess and putting the rest out of their misery. Lexa stepped around the bodies of her people, bending to pull her dagger free when she came to Emerson. She turned to the waiting horde.

"This is not the end! Oso gonplei nou ste odon nowe!" she shouted to her and Clarke's people alike. "They hide behind their heavy doors, but they can not stop us. Before this night's end, the mountain -will- fall." she looked at her army, letting their shouts die down before lifting her weapon high. "Jus drein, jus daun!" she cried, her fist pumping into the air in time as her people took up the chant.

Rage coursed through Clarke, the words falling from her lips without a thought. She had planned a rescue mission, and the Mountain Men had turned it into a massacre. She forgot everything but the need for retribution, just like she had when the missile had hit Tondc. She had to find another way in.

The chanting died down, and Clarke walked over to Lexa.

"Stay here. Make them think we're trying to lure them out."

The commander nodded.

"Clarke, I'm... I didn't mean to upset you before." she said, the edge lost from her voice.

"I know." she started to turn to go, but then she paused. She gave Lexa a small smile. "Try not to die, okay?"

"Death is not the end."

And with that, Clarke was gone. She found her way to the entrance of the reaper tunnels surprisingly quickly. She found her team in place at the door, still waiting for Bellamy.

"What happened?" she asked, Octavia rolling her eyes in response.

"Your inside man never showed up." Indra looked as surly as always, and Clarke wished she could have stayed up top with Lexa.

"Mount Weather tried to make a deal. Plans changed." she said, not eager to recount the whole story.

"Then what is your plan, Clarke of the Sky People?"

Clarke was startled by a beep coming from the door nearby. They all stood stock still as they waited to see if friend or foe was coming for them.

"Clarke? What the hell happened?" Bellamy asked from the rectangle of bright florescent light.

Octavia crossed the few steps to wrap her arms around her big brother. She let him go when she saw Jasper and Monty come through behind him.

"I knew it, you two are too scrawny to drill." she smiled, hugging Jasper as well. Her eyes narrowed, her hand moving to her sword when she saw the person in the radiation suit behind them.

Clarke saw Indra draw her blade and drop into a fighting stance, but she didn't rush towards the door.

"Hey, it's alright. It's Maya. She's been helping us." Jasper said, making sure everyone had their hackles back down before he moved to wrap his arms around Clarke, Monty joining in behind him.

She mouthed a thank you to Maya. Clarke returned the hug for as long as she could stand it, but soon after the boys came near her she began to feel suffocated and dodged away. She was too on edge to be happy to see anyone right now.

There was the sound of an alarm, and Jasper walked back to Maya to check her suit.

"Thirty minutes. What? No. We just changed it." he looked back at Clarke as if she would have a solution and she felt her stomach sink. "This is her last tank."

"We'll get her another one." Clarke said, not knowing how else to reassure him.

"All the supplementary oxygen is on level five." came Maya's muffled voice.

"Great, so we'll go there." it was Jasper again. He was shifting from foot to foot, hand on his weapon.

"We can't, it's too dangerous." there was a certainty in Maya's voice that made Clarke nervous.

"We can use the trash chute again." Jasper looked ready to fly at any moment.

"To get in, maybe." Bellamy cut in. "But every soldier in the mountain is there. We'll never make it out."

"We'll split up. We can take Maya, you guys figure out where they took our people." Octavia said, stepping towards Maya and Jasper and turning to look at Indra, waiting for her mentor's permission.

"They will do well to have a real warrior with them." Indra said with a nod, and Octavia stood up a little straighter at the compliment.

The three jogged off, and Clarke looked to Bellamy.

"What happened to my grounder army?" his eyes were intense as they studied her "We went to lead them out of the harvest chamber and they were gone."

"Mount Weather tried to make a deal. It went badly for everyone." Clarke nodded for Indra and the guards to follow her through the door Monty had been holding for them.

"What's your plan?" Bellamy asked when they were all inside. She wished he hadn't.

"We'll figure it out as we go." she had been hoping he had had one, but she wasn't about to ask in front of Indra.

"We should go get Dante. He helped us before, he might help us again." Bellamy stated, and Clarke almost sighed she was so relieved. "Maya said that he's still in quarantine. It isn't far from here."

"Monty, can you get me to the command center? I want to see where our people are." the boy nodded. "Bellamy, you and Indra go and get Dante and meet us there. We'll take care of anybody we find inside."

"Sure thing." Bellamy squared his shoulders.

"And Bellamy?"

"Yeah?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Try not to die."

"I'll be fine." he grinned, leading Indra down the hall towards quarantine, both their weapons drawn.

Monty took off down the hall, seeming as eager to get moving as Jasper had been.

"Do you think you can get Lexa's people in through the front without blowing the airlock?" she asked as she jogged to keep up with him, the two former sky guards following.

"I don't know. Maybe. It'll be a stretch." he navigated his way through the tunnels easily, slowing to a crawl a few turns in. He stopped at a corner and waved them forwards, his back against the wall. "I don't know how many soldiers they have who've gotten the bone marrow. There might be guards." he whispered.

The two guards drew their weapons and crept around the corner. Seconds later they waved her and Monty forwards. The hallway was empty. It was the first good sign since Bellamy had disabled the acid fog.

The sky guards stood on either side of the door as Monty pulled the panel off the electric lock. When he got them in, Clarke entered, gun drawn. The room was empty and dark. She gave the all clear.

Monty headed right for a computer, and Clarke watched as the screens flickered to life. Maybe if she knew where her people were, she could have a plan by the time Bellamy came back with Dante.

She saw Raven, strapped to a table in a room full of captured sky people. They were cuffed to the wall. Livestock awaiting execution. The remaining grounder prisoners had been abandoned behind the second door, their captors having fled to the safety of level five. She was satisfied to see that they had taken a few of the Mountain Men down, but at a great cost to their already dwindling numbers.

Bellamy forced Dante in at gunpoint. It wasn't starting as well as she could have hoped.

"Indra?" she asked, looking behind him.

"Sweeping the halls. I don't think she likes me very much." he said, giving her another grin before he looked at the screen. He gave Dante a shove when he saw Raven. "Make them stop." he growled, grabbing a radio and shoving towards the former president.

"I won't do that." he was surprisingly calm, his friendly drawl infuriating her, his hands hanging limp at his sides.

"Why not?" she glared at him "You could just let them go. We can stop this right here, right now."

"You know why, Clarke. Tell me, if I released your people and theirs, what would happen to mine?" he looked smug, always so sure he was on higher ground.

Clarke couldn't look at him anymore. She turned back to the screen. And then she saw her mother. She marched over to Bellamy and took the radio from his hand.

"Calling Mount Weather security detail." she said as she held down the button, her voice cold and harsh.

"Mount Weather security, Captain Grant. Who is this?"

"Give the radio to the President."

"Who is this?"

"Cage will know. Now give him the radio." she was holding the thing so tight she was amazed she didn't break it.

"Who-?"

"Just give him the damn radio. Tell him..." she released the button and looked right at Dante. "Tell him that I have his father."

"This is President Wallace."

Her blood rushed into her ears. It was Cage. Monty brought the image from the camera on him front and center.

"I have your father. If you don't let my people go, I'll kill him."

"How do I know you have him?" he was speaking directly at the lens.

She thrust the radio into Dante's face.

"Stay the course, Cage." her stomach dropped at the man's words. She was going to have to kill him.

"You won't do it." Cage tried to appeal to her softer side. The part of her that believed in truth and justice. Clarke wasn't even sure that part of her existed anymore.

"You don't know me very well." it was almost funny, after everything he'd done, everything she'd seen, that he let his father's life ride on human decency. "This ends now. Release my people."

"I can't do that."

"It would mean the end of our people, Clarke." Dante seemed to think that was a reasonable excuse. She drew her gun, cocked it, and pointed it at the man.

"Clarke, we need him." Bellamy stated, taking a step away from the former president. She couldn't tell if he meant to subdue her, or if he was just getting out of the way.

"And I need his son to believe me." she held down the talk button on the radio "Don't make me do this."

"Dad, I'll take care of our people."

"None of us has a choice here, Clarke." the old man said.

"I didn't want this." it was true, she knew Dante thought he was doing what was right for his people. And she had killed far too many people on this planet.

"Neither did I."

She squeezed the trigger, the bullet burying itself in the right side of his chest. Not a clean shot, but it proved effective. He fell, and Clarke realized what she had done. Tears welled up in her eyes, but she didn't have time to mourn. War was never easy. Bellamy looked at her, and it seemed like he wanted to say something, but she couldn't meet his eyes. She clung to the last flickerings of anger, and tried to fan them back to life. She took a deep breath and stepped towards the screen.

"Listen to me very carefully. I will not stop till my people are free. If you don't let them go..." I am become death, destroyer of worlds "I will irradiate level five."

Cage looked stricken by the words, his back to the camera, his proud frame slumping.

"Cage, listen to me. I don't want anyone else to die." this time she had to think of all the innocent people gathered in the dining hall to mean it. Dante would haunt her once this was over, but she was determined to see Cage burn for what he had done. "Stop the drilling, and we can talk. There must be a way to get us all out of this."

"Where's he going?" Bellamy asked, and they watched as Cage headed for the dorm where their people were being held.

"Monty, can you do it? Can you irradiate the level?" Clarke's heart was pounding. She didn't want this. She half hoped it wasn't possible.

"I can do it." he kept typing, but he looked as scared as she felt.

"Wait a second, Clarke, we need to think about this." of course now was the time Bellamy would start trying to be the voice of reason. "There are kids in there."

"I know." half of her prisoners were kids too. Or they had been before they left the Ark. And her mother...

"And people who helped us."

"Please, give me a better idea." she could hear her own desperation.

Bellamy turned away from her and watched the monitors. Cage had them take Raven off the table. They strapped down Clarke's mother in her place. Did he think he could break her? Or was he striking out because he knew she had all the power?

"What have I done?" Clarke asked, feeling how young she still was. Feeling her fear. She had backed herself into a corner. There was only one way she could get her people out of this now.

Cage had them start drilling into her mother. The sound was off, but Clarke could hear her screams.

"Clarke, if we do this, there is no going back." Bellamy was doing exactly what she had done with Lexa back in Tondc. He knew as well as she did how it had to end, but a feeble defense helped him feel good and merciful.

Monty met her eyes and she nodded.

"Figure it out." she reminded herself that there were no Mountain Men that could survive without preying on others.

"Now what?" Bellamy asked, looking at a monitor behind her.

Clarke turned to see people running. Octavia took down two guards before she even realized what was happening.

"They've got to get out of there." now Bellamy sounded just as scared as she has been when they started torturing her mother.

"Jasper, they caught him." Monty had caught sight of his best friend on the screen, cuffed and being led into the dorm.

Octavia and Maya were in the dining hall, surrounded by guards in body armor, their guns trained on the two young women.

Monty had gone silent. He was looking at her.

"Why are you stopping?" Clarke asked him.

"Because I did it." there was no trace of nerves in his words anymore. "All we have to do-" he pointed to a lever on the desk in front of him. "is pull this. Hatches and vents will open, and the scrubbers reverse, pulling in outside air."

There was the sound of a gunshot outside, the monitor showing a figure in a radiation suit at the end of the hall. One of their guards was down.

"Clarke, we're out of time." Monty's voice sounded hazy, far away.

She curled her fingers around the handle and looked to the image of her mother, still immobilized and conscious on the operating table. Clarke wondered if she would be able to come back from this.

"My sister, my responsibility." Bellamy said, his eyes glued to the feed from the dining hall.

"I have to save them." Clarke spoke, her voice thick. She felt Bellamy's hand on top of hers and she looked up, puzzled.

"Together." he said, looking into her eyes.

She nodded. A small part of her felt lighter knowing that it wouldn't just be her. Someone would share in the responsibility.

They pulled the lever up and the sound of circulating air stopped for a second. When it came back on, they knew it was done. They had done what they had to to save their people. An alarm sounded throughout the bunker, and they watched as the last of Mount Weather burned.

"Let's go get our people." she said quietly. She felt like crying, like breaking down, but the tears wouldn't come. It was better this way. She still had things left to do. "Monty, could you disengage the locks out front? The grounders want their people back too."

He didn't reply, just nodded and typed in some code. She only knew it had worked when he stood, and she steeled herself against the coming walk to level five.

When they left the command center they saw their fallen guard, two Mountain Men lying dead in the hall. Indra and their other man appeared unharmed.

"Go," she said to Indra. "there are some of your people left out front. Maybe a hundred. I'll tell Octavia where to find you." she looked at Monty "Can you get her there?"

"I can, but Jasper-"

"Jasper isn't going to want to see any of us right now." he was going to hate her. Maybe until the day she died. And then there was Octavia.

Monty nodded and led the grounder woman away.

When they got to the dining hall, they stopped. These people hadn't deserved to die any more than her own. Any more than all those grounders behind the main door. Clarke felt sick and numb when she saw how many of them had been children.

They began to walk through to get to the dorm, and she saw Jasper. He was cradling Maya's body in his lap and there were tears streaming unbidden down his face. Clarke wished she could cry too, especially when she saw the hate in his eyes when he looked at her.

"What did you do?" his voice was a hoarse and hollow whisper.

"We had no choice." she said, but that would never be a good enough answer. Not for him.

"I was gonna kill Cage. If you'd just given me one more minute, it would have been over." his hands were shaking, and the strength was returning to his voice.

"Jasper. They never would have stopped." Bellamy shook his head sadly.

"We have to go to the dorm." she choked out, walking past her grieving they got to where their people had been held, most of them were already free.

"Mom!" she ran to where her mother sat on the table and clung to her, barely noticing that she had to push Marcus out of the way. She could feel her sobbing. If Clarke was going to cry, this would be the time to do it. Tears welled up in her eyes, but not enough for them to fall. Not as many as there should have been. She let go of her mother and took a half step back. She gave a watery, defeated smile. "I tried." her throat felt raw, words rough. She nodded as if it would add strength to the words and then have a shrug. She felt helpless. "I tried to be the good guy."

"Maybe there are no good guys." her mom whispered to her, and Clarke felt a hot tear trickling down her face as she let herself be pulled into another tight hug.

They had to carry her mother and Raven back to camp, and halfway through the walk Clarke's adrenaline wore off. She gave up her place by her mother's side and fell to the back of the group. When they made it back to Camp Jaha, she gave Monty a silent hug, watching as he moved in past the fence. Bellamy approached her.

"I think we deserve a drink." his stance was so proud, so easy as he drew up to her side to survey what was left of their people.

"Have one for me."

"Hey, we'll get through this." he didn't understand what she was trying to tell him. She shook her head.

"I'm not going in." she swallowed, looking to the ground before focusing back on their camp.

"Clarke, if you need forgiveness..." he turned to look at her then. "I'll give that to you. You're forgiven."

She looked back into his eyes and attempted a smile, but then she looked away. She had thought they would share the weight of the mountain, but his words let her know that he would never truly feel the consequences of their actions. Not the way she did.

"Please come inside." she heard that same panic in his voice that he had had as he watched the Mountain Men surrounding Octavia. She nodded, her mind made up.

"Take care of them for me." it was more of an order than a question, her eyes flicking to him.

"Clarke..." she looked at him again, really studying his face, and saw how much he needed her.

"No, seeing their faces every day... It's just going to remind me of what I did to get them here."

"What we did. You don't have to do this alone."

She felt the tears well up in her eyes and she looked back at her people.

"Where're you gonna go?" he asked, his tone sad and resigned.

"I don't know." they shared a long look. She moved forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. She allowed herself the comfort of a hug. "May we meet again." she said quietly. She gripped his arm as she backed away from him. When she couldn't stand it any longer, she turned and began to walk away.

"May we meet again." she heard him say quietly to himself.

She walked alone towards the forest, knowing she no longer had anything to fear from the tribes that inhabited it.

Just another day on the ground.

Clarke couldn't say she was surprised when, after an uneasy night spent in the woods, she found herself standing at the entrance to Lexa's tent. She nodded to the guards, straightening her posture before she stepped through.

"Clarke?" the commander looked up from where she had been sitting on her throne. "I thought you would be celebrating your victory with your people." Lexa's face was carefully blank as she looked her over.

"Bellamy is doing enough celebrating for the both of us." she wasn't sure why she would bring him up, and she definitely didn't think her departure left him with anything to celebrate.

"Oh?" a slight raising of her eyebrows, her unnerving, endless gaze still fixed on Clarke

"I just..." she frowned, sighing as she searched for her next words "It isn't something worth celebration. We may have won, but at such a cost... Was it really worth it?" she broke eye contact, staring downwards as she studied her hands.

"War always comes at great cost, Clarke." she stated quietly. "You must consider the outcome more important than the conflict, or you will never be victorious."

Clarke nodded, Lexa's advice wasn't always in keeping with her own thoughts or feelings, but she gave her a new perspective when she really needed one. Even if that perspective sounded harsh and brutal to Clarke's ears.

"They're all going to hold me responsible for what I've done." she returned the commander's gaze, silently begging her to say something. To tell her that it wasn't her fault.

"Are they? Or do you want them to?"

"I think a little of both." she sighed. Lexa wasn't going to give her forgiveness or comfort. But maybe she could help Clarke to understand why she couldn't face her own people.

"I know you had hoped that the Mountain Men could be spared, but this way is better for all of our people. You will come to see that in time." her words sounded confident, but her eyes were set on a point to the side of Clarke's head.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" she sighed, Lexa met her gaze again, her eyebrows raising slightly. "I know that this was probably better overall, but that doesn't change what I did. All those innocent people I killed." she fought back the flood of images from the dining hall.

The commander looked at her for a long moment, her shoulders dropping as she exhaled, letting herself be seen past her mask of authority. She glanced away and then sought her eyes again, giving a single nod. Clarke knew that was all the sympathy she was going to get. It was better, though. Better than Octavia's rage, Jasper's grief, her mother's painful compassion. Better than Bellamy's need. Just a fleeting glimpse of vulnerability to let her know that she wasn't alone.

"What will you do now?" Lexa asked when the moment had passed.

"I don't know. I can't go back. I can't stay in the shadow of Mount Weather." but she did know, she couldn't get past everything unless she could feel herself physically moving forward. "I was wondering if you were still headed back to Polis."

"I have a duty to my people." the commander smiled then, though the gesture was cautious and tight.

"Do you still want company?"

Lexa thought about this for a long while, and Clarke's heart was pounding by the time she got any kind of answer.

"I will have my people find you a suitable tent."

It wasn't much, but it was a start.

Clarke fell asleep without really paying attention to her surroundings, and she slept until one of the guards outside her tent had to come inside to rouse her. She couldn't get more than a few bites of breakfast down, her nausea only abating when they were on their horses and ready to go.

She was anxious to get away, to get to Polis by nightfall, but with the army on foot behind them they were forced to amble along casually. Lexa rode beside her, making the occasional comment about a village or important geographical marker. Clarke wasn't taking any of it in, and she didn't notice when the commander stopped trying to engage her.

It took everything Clarke had to fight off a slew of images. Jasper's tears as he held Maya's lifeless body. Dante crumbling to the ground. The desolation around the crash site, her fight there with Anya. The short time they were allies and the desperate attempt to keep her alive. Lexa agreeing to join forces with her if only she could give up Finn.

She had wanted so desperately to keep him alive, but a part of her had known as soon as she heard about the massacre that his days were numbered. How, when Raven slipped her the knife, she knew that she wouldn't use it to start a war they couldn't win. His final whisper in her ear, thanking her as she slid the blade up under his ribs and into his heart.

She felt as her tears started to fall, and she did her best to keep her face calm and composed. She took steady, even breaths as she cried, wanting to call as little attention to herself as possible. By the time they stopped to camp for the night, she felt empty and hollow. She stood by her horse until her tent had been set up and then she made a beeline for it, not bothering to wait for any of the hunting teams to return with game for dinner.

"You can't punish yourself for surviving." Lexa said as she followed Clarke in through the canvas flap.

"Why not?" Clarke knew she was just being petulant, refusing to look back and acknowledge the other woman. The commander gave a heavy sigh.

"We arrive at Polis tomorrow. You have to be strong to show my people that our alliance with yours is not a mistake."

"I can't." she felt fresh tears prickling in the corners of her eyes, but she refused to give in again. Not here. Not in front of Lexa. "Why is it that Finn had to die for what he did, but I'm supposed to act like some kind of hero?"

"Finn let his emotions destroy him, and he took that out on the helpless. You made every decision to lead your people to victory. Do not let the cost of victory destroy you too. You made it through the loss of your lover. You made it through the bombing in Tondc. You can make it through the death of the Mountain Men." her voice was strong with conviction, and Clarke was almost swayed. "Our fight is not over."

"When does it get to be over, then?" Clarke rounded on her. "When do I get to stop fighting? When do I get to give up?" she didn't want to fight, she came to Lexa so she could run. Why couldn't she see that?

"You don't get to give up, Clarke." she held up a hand to stop any protest "You may not like it, but you are the one your people look to to protect them." her look was serious. "This was your first war. It will not be your last. You have lost yourself, but you will soon run out of time. People like us don't get to stop fighting."

"There is no us." she spat, her hands balling into fists by her sides. "I'm nothing like you." Clarke was surprised by the venom in her words, but she refused to be like Lexa. She didn't want to be anything like her.

There was half a second where Lexa's face fell, and then she was back behind her mask of ice, her chin tilting upwards proudly. She turned, casting a brief glance over her shoulder.

"Goodnight, Clarke." she said quietly before stepping out into the night.

Clarke watched the commander's silhouette until it faded into the shadows of the camp. She would not let this planet turn her into a grounder. She didn't care if that hurt Lexa's feelings.

A short while later one of her guards came in and set a dish of food down at the low table she had been given. She sat cross legged on the packed earth and ate with her fingers until only bones and scraps remained.