Author: Crazy

Pairings: none

Warnings: language, mention of minor character death

Disclaimers: I don`t own them, though I would LOVE to take a couple of them home with me.  I`m not making any money off them, *sob* just expanding my meager skills.

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Elbows on his knees, Duo concentrated his haunted gaze on the floor. He wanted to do *something*...anything to change what had happened.

~She is another death on my bloody hands.~

He lifted the hands in question, studying their roughness as a shuddering sigh passed his lips. ~*WHY*?~ He let his fingers slide through his chestnut hair, until he laced them behind his head.

"Duo, s'okay ....you cant...change what happened
....It..is *NOT* .....Your ...fault."

Violet eyes flashed open at the memory. ~But it *IS* my fault! I killed her.~ Duo stood abruptly, drawing startled and concerned looks from his fellow Preventers. He avoided those looks, fearing the accusations that might be lurking within them, accusations that mirrored his own self-loathing.

He intentionally found the farthest corner of the small shuttle, then leaned his throbbing head against a cool panel.

~Oh Dear God, Hilde. Why you?~ He squeezed his eyes tightly, fighting the flood of tears that threatened to turn into an unending stream of waterworks.

~Why didn't I stay on L2? I should have turned down the job offer from Une...then you would have been safe.~ Unconsciously he replayed the case. The initial bombings, then the cities on earth wiped out with chemicals,  soon followed by whole colonies. And then there was her abduction, and HIS salvage yard blowing up.

He blinked hard. All the workers on his staff, gone in a matter of seconds. They found her a few days later, infected with an unknown disease. She…no, *they*, would not have been involved if he had stayed off the case.

The tortured pilot shook his head, the thigh-length braid swinging softly behind him. ~No. Even if I had backed off or resigned, Somehow it would have happened anyway. Shinigami will forever haunt me.~ Memories of those the God of Death had already taken away, flashed through the forefront of his mind. His family, Solo, Father Maxwell, and Sister Helen, each torn from his life by the talon-tipped claws of Death. Now Hilde was added to the list.

A tear coursed its way down his cheek. ~I brought death upon them all. The shadow that protects me during battle, also kills all that I hold dear. ~

He took a shuddering breath and composed himself. As he turned, he caught Quatre and Wufei watching him. ~What of them? Will they die from to my curse? Am I meant to forever walk alone? No friends? …No lovers?~ His gaze lingered momentarily on Wufei then on to the back of Heero`s head. ~Perhaps the only way to protect them...~ He forced a weak smile, trying to hide the dark thoughts. ~would be to leave them before they succumb to Shinigami.~

He caught Quatre's gaze and the smile faltered. Taking a deep breath, he looked away from the Arab. He couldn't bear the thought that he would loose any of them. Perhaps it would be best if he walked out of their lives forever.

He returned to his seat opposite Wufei, who studied him thoughtfully. ~Maybe leaving will spare them…but it will damn me to a life of loneliness.~ Taking in the grace that was Chang Wufei, he came to his decision. ~Better me than them.~

The smile tumbled again as his eyes unfocused.

* * *

Wufei watched Duo. The quietness was so unlike the American. They had all been hit hard when Hilde had died, but the braided pilot was the closest to her, even claiming once that she was like a little sister he would forever protect.

Now, she was no longer around to look after. She was ripped from their midst by a manufactured disease with no antidote. The slow death had been made worse because she was a part of their adopted family. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, trying to erase the image that crept unbidden to his mind.

There had been nothing they could do except stay by her bedside offering what emotional comfort they could. And now there was no bringing her back.


Hilde looked up form the ledger as they walked

Into the yard office, her blue eyes so full of

life.  The five of them had just come in from

Investigating another dead colony and were

exhausted.

Seeing their expressions, she came around the

Counter and ushered them into the back where

There was an employee kitchen.  There, she had

Made them a hearty meal and watched over them

until the last plate had been cleaned of food.

Finally satisfied, she left them to discuss

Their next set of options.



Wufei rubbed his eyes with the fingers of one hand. That had been the last time they had seen her. When they had left the employee area, she was gone, the ledger notes strewn across the floor being the only sign of a struggle. They had been so engrossed in their discussion, they had not heard a thing.

It wasn't until they caught the coward, that they had found her....

Wufei swallowed hard and pushed past the memory.

They had all taken turns watching over her, but Duo was the one that stayed the most, making sure to be there if she ever woke up. And she had, moments before she finally slipped away.

Duo gripped her hand, not caring whether the

Disease was contagious or not.  Breathtakingly her

Eyes opened and she looked directly up at him.

Faced with her soul filled eyes, he had tried to

Comfort her.  But, "Hilde, I am so sorry." Was all

That he could mange to choke out.

She studied him from underneath heavy eyelids.

"Duo…s'okay,,,you can't change what happened."

She paused a moment, her breath labored.  "It is

*NOT*…your fault."  That said, she released her 

final breath.


 Wufei opened his eyes once again to study the American. He was concerned for him. The silence was unnerving. The haunted looks he gave everyone when he thought they weren't looking, were even worse. If putting a bullet through the bastard's head would have made things right, he would have done it. Even now, he would make Trowa turn the shuttle around, *if* it would change the past.

He let out a long, even breath, trying to dispel the sudden anger that had risen. It hadn't been easy to let the lunatic live when they had caught up to him. Even before they had learned of Hilde's fate, there was a cry for justice from all the other victims.

The Onyx eyed warrior shook his head at the memories.

So many useless deaths.

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A/N: I am proud of this little fic.  And, therefore, decided it needed to come out of the dusty corner of FF.N that it lay in.  Please let me know what you think.