A/N: I haven't read many buddy fics of these two characters, so here is one. The last line is a blatant reference, I know. I groaned when I wrote it.

Disclaimer: Consider my ass disclaimed, yo.

The Joker and the Thief

I had just sat down to enjoy some breakfast when I got a call from Reno. I got the occasional call from my ex-partner, the only one of the Turks that had kept in contact with me since I had quit a few years ago. Sometimes Elena called, but we didn't have much to say to each other. Usually she just wanted a password to a file I had worked on or information regarding a client. Tseng and I hadn't split on the best of terms, but his silence I had expected.

Reno, however, called for things not remotely work related. He called for one of two reasons; to go drinking, or to enlist my help in escaping from his latest conquest's house.

I picked up the phone, sitting at the same time. "Callous and Insensitive hotline, Rude speaking."

"Har Har." Said the voice on the other line, "that was funny the first eleven times."

"What do you want, Reno?" I said, cutting into my eggs while cradling the phone between my shoulder and ear. I felt the morning sun warm my chest and face, and turned towards the open window. Nothing like a little sunlight to help me console a desperate old friend.

"I'm in a tight spot, buddy. I need a pickup, a diversion… SOMETHING to get me out of here."

"You know the deal, Reno," I said, putting a bit of egg into my mouth and chewing thoughtfully. It was divine. Best damn eggs I've ever tasted. "Story first, and then saving."

"But- I need out of here now! A story just wastes time."

"I'll be the judge of that."

"C'mon, Rude…"

"Less pleading, more explaining."

"Fine," Reno huffed. Ever since I had made this deal a few months ago, he'd been subjected to more ridicule than I could have expected. I'd first hoped that my taunting would deter him from screwing around, but it eventually turned into my weekly entertainment. Some people had the internet, others had television, and I had Antics of Reno. This would make a damn good sitcom.

"Okay, so I was in the bar the other day, just sitting, minding my own business, when this chick walks up to me. She looked really… intelligent, probably the smartest girl I've ever met in the Dog's Trench."

The Dog's Trench was the Turks official place of drinking. Out of our entire squad, I was the only one who preferred the 7th Heaven. Old habits die hard, I guess you could say.

"Anyways, so I buy her a drink, ask her name, and we get to talking, dancing, the usual stuff. Eventually we're about to get our freak on, and she tells me that she doesn't have "The Key"."

I almost choke on my toast. "Back up. You mean that she is wearing-"

"A chastity belt, yes." Reno said, clearly embarrassed. "It was like some crazy movie, man. She told me that her dad had thrown it away, and that we could do other things if we wanted."

"What did you do?"

Silence greeted my question. I helped myself to a strip of bacon while he struggled to answer.

Finally, he responded, a weak voice, whispered. "I tried to break the lock."

I was speechless. 'Reno…" I started, and then stopped, thinking about how to reply. "What… But… You get some every week!"

"She was very persuasive!"

"How can you be so sexually deprived that you'd try to BREAK A CHASTITY BELT!?"

"No need to shout…" Reno said, meekly.

"Reno, this belt is on a woman's crotch. What did you do, hit it with a hammer."

Silence greeted me. "Oh, sweet planet." I said, rubbing the bridge of my nose. "You did hit it with a hammer."

"Only at first! It didn't really help much." Reno said, meekly.

I growled, and then stood from the table, going to the counter for seconds. It looked like I was going to need seconds. "So, was she mad that you tried to break it?"

"No, she seemed eager to break it off. We had other alternatives. But when we woke up in the morning, I learned that her boyfriend lived across the hall."

I stopped, running a hand across my shaved head. "How did you find that out?"

Reno was silent again, and the whisper came back. "Because he's in the room, now. With a gun."

I was out the door with my arm in one sleeve of my jacket, shoes forgotten, heading for my car. "Where are you?"

"Hiding in a closet."

"Address?" I jumped in my car, starting the engine. Reno told me the address, sounding relieved. I ended the call, and then made a new one.

"Hello?" the sleepy feminine voice said, stifling a yawn.

I smiled at the sound of her voice. "Hey, sweetheart. Hope I didn't wake you."

"Mmm, it's okay. Where did you go?"

I looked up at her window as I revved the engine. "I'm just outside, in the car. I need to go pick up Reno. He's gotten himself in a little bit of trouble."

She yawned loudly, and made a disappointed noise. "You're coming back though, right?"

My smile grew. "Yeah, I'm coming back. Don't wait up for me, though, I may be a few hours."

She sniffed. "Did you make breakfast?"

I laughed. "It's on the counter." I pulled out of the driveway, tires squealing as I drove to the address Reno provided. "I'll see you later."

"'Kay" She said, and I hung up, focused on getting the red-haired pain out of the condition he was in. Armed boyfriends had a propensity for shooting at Reno, something that he was used to, but lately he had been getting worse and worse at avoiding the bullets. I wasn't worried. Reno and I had been in pickles before.

And after all, there must be some way out of there.

A/N: If you give me a review, I'll give you sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows everywhere.