Disclaimer: GET A BRAIN PLEASE! Translation: I am not J.K. Rowling, I don't own the characters, I DO however OWN THE PLOT
A/N: WOW! My first fanfic, how exciting! Well, just to let you know, this is my first attempt at writing one here. So review please! Critique is MUCH needed! Anyways, this is kind of a dark fic. Even though I am a bubbly happy person, it's always fun to write the complete opposite. Maybe in the future I will write a parody or humor fic. For now, it's angst and tragedy. But hey, this is my first story. So hopefully many more fanfics are to be arriving. That is, if I don't have writers block. ENOUGH WITH MY BABBLING. On with the story!
Can't take it no more
Hermione looked in the mirror. She hated everything she saw. Her once shiny, bouncy, curly brown hair was now dull and lifeless. In fact, that was what she was, lifeless. There was no more sparkle in her eyes, just cold brown. Really, she looked dead, with her pale skin. Hermione sighed and lifted her sleeve. With a freshly sharpened pocket knife in one hand, she picked a new spot to make a fresh cut.
One, two, three, four, five, six, Hermione counted her cuts. Some long and deep for the times she was hurting so much she couldn't bear it, and some short and shallow for the times she just didn't feel anything. She picked a spot right below her wrist and slowly made a deep cut. Her eyes began to well up with tears.
Flashback
"What's the matter Granger?" Hermione heard a cold voice behind her back. "Got a low mark on your Charms essay?"
"What do you want Malfoy?" She spat out without looking at him. There she was, minding her own business walking down the corrider to Potions upset about her fight with Harry and Ron. Ron had just gotten together with Lavender Brown and was so excited. Hermione could have cared less, so her enthusiasm screamed out. Of course, being the annoying git he was, Ron got so angry and started rambling on about how she could at least be happy for him. Harry agreed and said that she didn't have to be jealous that everyone could get someone except her. This made Hermione extremely angry and she spat back with the language of a sailor. So Ron just told her that she was too ugly to get a lover and she didn't have a chance with anyone. So that was the whole ordeal. It wasn't like she could forgive her friends so easily. They called her ugly. But it wasn't as if she disagreed. She was in her mind ugly. In real life, she wasn't ugly. She just didn't take care of herself.
"I have nothing else to do today, so thought I would torment you," Draco Malfoy said, "You don't mind do you?"
"Shut up and get a life."
End of Flashback
Potions and had dinner passed, so Hermione had went to her dorm. She was, surprise surprise, Head Girl and hated it because Head Boy was none other than Draco Malfoy, her enemy.
Looking down at her arm, the blood flow began to get heavier. Blood started to drip onto her shoes. She turned the sink's water on and tilted her arm so the blood went into the sink. Hermione watched as it swirled in with the water and entered the drain. Not that this was at all amusing, but then again, her life was anything but. Lately, her marks began to drop around the same time she began cutting. That's it, Hermione thought, my life is useless. I'm just a dirty filthy mudblood bookworm with no purpose in life.
Hermione began to feel a little dizzy. She turned the sink off, not bothering to clean up her mess or to stop the bleeding. Walking out of the Head bathroom, with a trail of red behind her, Hermione's breath began to fall short. She went to her bedroom and lay down. By now, the bleeding had stopped. Even though it was quite hard to hold her quill, she managed to get through the rest of her homework. Afterwards, Hermione fell into her bed and drifted into sleep.
Draco
Draco went to the Slytherin common room and found Pansy Parkinson sleeping on the couch.
Crap, Draco thought, I'll just get out of here so she doesn't see me. Draco began to walk out but froze when he heard Pansy's voice
"Draaaaakieee!" Pansy squealed. "Where are you going? Aren't you gonna come tuck me in and give me a goodnight kiss? Or maybe…even more?" She giggled and looked at Draco seductively.
"Um. No thanks," Draco mumbled. Pansy pouted and started mumbling about how her Drakie was mad and would be better in the morning as she went to her room. Pansy was completely oblivious that Draco hated her. Before the war, he was to be married to the Parkinson pug. Thankfully, Potter and his stupid friends had killed Voldemort along with some Death Eaters. His father was killed and for the first time in his life, Draco Malfoy was a free man. He no longer needed to marry Pansy, his mother told him. Pansy, on the other hand, thought that even though they didn't have to marry, they still should someday.
Draco exited the Slytherin quarters and headed over to his dorm. When he got there, he grabbed his sleeping clothes and went into the bathroom only to find a repulsive sight. There was blood on the floor and sink. He put his clothes and towel on a stand and went to inspect the scene before him. There, on top of the soap, was a pocketknife covered with blood. Of course it wasn't his. It could only be one person's.
"Granger," he muttered and dashed out of the bathroom with the knife in hand. Draco knocked on Hermione's door and waited. She didn't open it for him and it was locked.
"Alohomora," Draco whispered and opened the door. Hermione was there, sleeping on the bed. The moon shone through the window showing how pale her skin was. Her arm. Draco went over and lifted the sleeve of her robe up. There were two cuts, but not fresh. He lifted her left hand and saw six or seven cuts, with one deep, fresh one. Why would he care about the mudblood hurting herself? He didn't know why but after his father was gone, no one owned his intentions anymore. Still, he had been brainwashed to not care for muggles or muggle borns.
"Granger," Draco said as he shook her. No response. He shook harder and Hermione slowly opened her eyes.
"Malfoy!" She quickly got up. "How did you get in here? What do you want?"
"I want to know why you left your blood in the bathroom. It's repulsive and I have to take my shower."
"It's none of your business."
"Well you left this," Draco showed her the knife, "On the sink top."
Hermione gasped and grabbed it from him. "How dare you take my personal things!"
"It wasn't too personal if you left it on the sink for all the world to see."
"Whatever, just get out."
"Well I'll get out once you go down there to clean the bathroom. Do you think I want to clean that myself?"
Hermione scowled and got up. She was having a hard time standing and walking, but she eventually got to the bathroom. She muttered a cleaning spell and turned around to walk out.
"You could've done that," Hermione snapped at Draco.
"Yes, but I don't want to waste my breath on it when it wasn't my mess," He responded.
Hermione rolled her eyes and went back to bed. Draco stripped of his clothes and got into the shower. He let the hot water beat down on his back as he wondered why she would be cutting. Not that he cared. He was just a curious person.
Hermione
The Great Hall had all the students digging into their breakfast. Hermione looked for a place to sit. Maybe she should just try sitting with Harry and Ron. With great speed (sarcasm), she went over to their usual table and sat down. Ron stopped his eating and stared. Harry did the same.
"Excuse me Hermione, but you're not welcome here," Ron said with a stuffed mouth.
"Then I'll leave," Hermione whispered. She got up and saw an empty spot next to Parvati, Ginny, and the other popular Gryffindors. Hermione was about to sit down when Parvati stopped her.
"This area is only for pretty girls," Parvati glared at Hermione. Hermione only nodded and looked at Ginny who looked away. Ginny had become one of the most beautiful Gryffindors of her grade, if not, of all the houses.
Hermione didn't take rejection too well. She felt tears well up in her eyes and decided not to eat. While walking out of the Great Hall while looking down at her feet, she bumped into someone.
"Watch it mudblood!" She heard a familiar voice. Draco pushed her and went to his table. Hermione stumbled to the ground and laughter erupted from the students that were watching. She scrambled her feet and ran to the Head's room. She was now bawling as she went into the bathroom. She reached into her pocket and smiled through tears at the contraption. Only it understood her pain, and it wasn't even alive. This time, she took it to her neck. Hermione took several deep breaths and slit her throat deeply. The pain was shooting through her whole neck. She fell to her knees and put her hands to her throat. Her breathing was becoming rapid and she began to feel lightheaded. Soon, she slipped into blackness.
Draco
Perhaps he shouldn't have pushed her or called her a mudblood? No, he had no conscience so nothing mattered. After breakfast had ended, Draco went into his room to gather his textbooks. He was about to walk out of the Head's room, when the body in the bathroom caught his eye when he passed by. Draco took a double take and yes, it was the mudblood. He rolled his eyes and dropped his books going over to Hermione. Her pulse was becoming slower. By her body lay the pocketknife. So she was cutting herself again.
"Great," Draco murmured (A/N: isn't that the funniest word ever?). He carried her body over to the infirmary. There, Madam Pomfrey gasped when she saw Hermione.
"What did you do to her Mr. Malfoy?" Madam Pomfrey asked.
"Nothing! I found her in the bathroom with a knife right next to her. She's cutting herself." He answered. Why would she assume that he knocked her out? Oh, right, because he hated Hermione.
Madam Pomfrey took Hermione's pulse.
"Good thing you got her here. Her heartbeat is becoming weaker. Thank you Draco, you may leave."
It wasn't that he was scared Hermione might die so he took her to Madame Pomfrey. It was that he didn't know what to do with a dead body lying in the bathroom if she did die.
Hermione
"Oh good dear! You're back!" Madame Pomfrey exclaimed. "I thought you were gone for sure!"
"What happened?" Hermione asked.
"Draco took you here because he found you unconscious. He told me you were hurting yourself. Thank Merlin for magic! I healed all your wounds so there are no scars! I think you look well enough to go back to classes."
Hermione couldn't believe Madame Pomfrey had healed her wounds. They were her collection. They reminded her why she was so miserable. Now she was going to have to start all over again.
"What time is it?" Hermione questioned.
"Hmm…about two periods before dinner, child." Hermione dashed out of the infirmary. She grabbed her Potions book and headed to the dungeons to the Potions classroom which was double Potions with Slytherin.
"You're three minutes late Miss Granger," Snape's frozen voice said.
"I know. I'm sorry, I was at the infirmary." Hermione responded.
"No excuses. Detention tonight with me at ten sharp."
Great. Now she had detention. Could her life get any worse?
"Today we are working on a potion that will make you be able to control the victim in a strong way. Potter and Parkinson you're together. Weasley, Zabini. Finnegan, Patel. Smithly, Goyle. Granger…" Please no, Hermione thought. "…Malfoy." NOO!
Um, scratch that. It could get worse. After Snape had finished the pairings, Draco walked over to Hermione.
"Don't mess this up, mudblood. And don't get in my way or you'll regret it." Hermione sighed and went over to get the ingredients. Her and Draco started brewing the potion. It went smoothly until Hermione added one too many spider legs.
BOOM!
The potion blew up and spilled all over Draco. Luckily, Hermione was on the other side so nothing got on her.
"YOU! STUPID IDIOT MUDBLOOD! THESE ROBES WERE BRAND NEW! HOW DARE YOU MESS THIS UP!" Draco screamed, covered in dark purple goo. "That's it! Stupefy!" He raised his wand at Hermione.
Hermione flew back into an empty table. Her back hurt real bad and she slipped into unconsciousness.
Draco
"MR. MALFOY REPORT TO DETENTION WITH ME AT TEN!" Snape barked.
Okay, so maybe he shouldn't have been so overdramatic. But for Merlin's sake, his robes were brand new! They cost tons of galleons! Besides, the mudblood messed up, it was her fault in the beginning. He warned her. Snape got Madam Pomfrey to come and get Hermione. Ron and Harry were unfazed by the situation. It was as if they didn't care for her anymore. Which they didn't.
Ever since year seven started, Hermione was boring and isolated. They just decided to drop her from the trio. That was that.
So Hermione Jane Granger's life pretty much, wait, no. It really SUCKED.
Draco rolled his eyes. Detention? He was planning on playing a quick game of Quidditch with his fellow Slytherins. This also meant he had to be stuck with Granger.
Hermione
Hermione woke up in the hospital ward again. She had been stunned so Madam Pomfrey quickly healed her and waited for her to wake up.
"Oh goodness Hermione," Madame Pomfrey quickly said, "You should stop getting into injuries so often. You look nice and healthy. If you'd like, you are free to go. Dinner is in oh, say…seven mintues."
"Thanks," Hermione said and went to her dorm. Dinner. Ugh, another excuse to be humiliated. As if she wasn't humiliated enough. Well, she should just skip. She grabbed a book from her bookshelf, Hogwarts: A History, and read it. Hermione already read it about ten times, but she didn't care. She lay (layed. Lyed. HEY I'M CONFUSED, DON'T MAKE FUN!) down on her bed and began to read.
Over time, dinner past and she went to the bathroom and took out her new best friend. She made another quick cut, not too deep because she wasn't feeling much, and went back into her room. Even though she didn't know it, she fell asleep and woke up at 9:53.
"Shoot," She remembered she had detention with Snape. She walked to the dungeons and was about two minutes early. At least she wasn't late. Merlin knows what would happen.
Much to her surprise, Draco was sitting there already. Great, she thought. Detention with Malfoy? (A/N: Sorry, I'm being lazy. I don't feel like putting it italics…?)
Snape walked in and ordered Hermione to rearrange the Potions cabinet in alphabetical order without magic and Draco to clean all the desks and floor without magic. Hermione's task was much easier than Draco's since she was only a bit late. Draco, however, had to clean because he had stupefied Hermione.
Time passed and soon Hermione was finished. Snape let her out and she went back to her room.
After Winter break was over, the students of Hogwarts buzzed on what cool things they got over holiday break. Hermione's holidays were the same. She had put on the happy act for her parents so they wouldn't suspect anything was wrong. She had gotten books as usual. Yes, she loved to read, but Hermione hated how everyone assumed that was the only thing she liked. Hermione did her usual cutting rituals. She never went to eat because she hated sitting alone with no one to talk to. Her frame was so skinny and delicate looking. The Quidditch players could probably snap her bones like a toothpick. Heck, Neville could probably snap her like a toothpick.
Her self mutilation wasn't limited to only cutting. There was snapping rubberbands on her arm, skinning herself with her nails, and punching her arms until she was bruised. On her arms, cuts, skinning skin, bruises, and random red spots appeared on her arms. It looked like her arms belonged to zombies. Finally, her collection of cuts were back after Madam Pomfrey cleared them. Hermione was being driven close to insanity. Every torment by Draco and she would break into tears and hurt herself. Ron and Harry completely ignored her now. So she was an isolated soul, only speaking when she absolutely had to. Hermione didn't speak on her own free will.
Hermione walked to her Defense Against the Dark Arts class and almost bumped into Draco and his posse.
"Move Granger!" Draco snapped. Hermione quickly moved out of the way, but Draco took her arm and shoved her into the wall with his posse surrounding her.
"You respond to me Granger. Say 'Yes Master', because I am so much better than you, you mudblood." Hermione looked at Draco but remained silent. "SAY IT!" She didn't open her mouth at all.
"I'm telling you once more; say it or you'll be sorry." Hermione didn't even consider speaking. With that, Draco punched Hermione across the face. Well, mostly the mouth. Her teeth dug into her bottom lip and it began to bleed and fell down. She could hear Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, Blaise, some other Slytherins she didn't know, and Pansy laugh. Okay, Pansy's was more of a high pitched shriek-giggle. Draco delivered a hard kick at Hermione's stomach and left with his crowd following.
Hermione lay there for a second, not moving. The halls were deserted and there was no one to help her. Tears slid down her face and she slowly walked to the Head's room. She took a piece of parchment out of her pocket and quickly wrote her note.
Hermione entered the bathroom and filled the bathtub up with cold water. She put her note on the sink top and drew out her pocketknife. As soon as the tub was filled, she turned the knob off and slid in, clothes and all. Goosebumps ran up and down her arms from the freezing water. With her sleeves lifted and socks and shoes off, she made deep cuts into both her arm's man vein in the wrists. She did the same with her ankles. The knife dropped from her hands onto the floor. After putting her arms under water, Hermione watched as the clear water turned tainted from her blood. The red fluid was now pouring out of her cuts and she began to feel throbbing in her head. Black spots appeared in her sight.
Well, Hermione thought. This is it. This is what it feels like to die. Is there going to be a bright light like everyone says there is? Or am I just going to all of a sudden go into black? How exciting, this is.
The world swirled around her. Her breathing becoming rapid, her sight becoming black, finally, everything stopped. And so did her heart.
Draco
The only reason Draco did what he did to Hermione wasn't because he hated her. He really wanted to be friends with her. But his reputation as the Rich Pureblood Slytherin was at stake. He beat her up to show his friends he wasn't weak, he didn't care for the lower class, and he did hate Hermione Granger. Besides, even if he had tried to befriend her, she would hex him so hard. Hermione Granger wouldn't trust him. The thing was, his pride and father had taken over his mind. There was no room for the caring Draco. Just the coldhearted one.
Just before Potions, Draco went to get his books. The sound of the tap from the tub dripping made his go to the bathroom to turn it off. He gasped at the sight.
Hermione lay in a tub full of blood water with a knife on the floor. Her eyes were open and her skin was white. Draco touched her cheek only to find it was cold. A piece of parchment caught his eye. He went the the sink and opened it up.
To whoever finds this note,
I, Hermione Jane Granger, took the liberty of killing myself off so Potter, Weasley, Malfoy, and the entire student population could finally be happy without me. I realised that my bloody life means nothing. Everyone would be so much happier if I were just gone from their lives. Potter, Weasley, you no longer have to look at my ugly face anymore. Malfoy, you know enough of the damage you've caused me, but I would like to thank you. Without you, I might still be living. Too bad you have to find some other mudblood to torment. Parvati, Ginny, your crew, same thing as Potter and Weasley. No more ugly girl haunting you. Mum, Dad, I love you guys so much, but the pain I have to go through is unbearable. It was my choice to leave, but you know I love you so. I've put a charm on myself so my ghost will not haunt Hogwarts's Head's Rooms. That's a relief isn't it? So goodbye. Forever. I hate you all. (Not you, Mum and Dad)
Draco stared at the note. Some of the words were smeared by tear stains. So it was half his fault that she was dead? Oh great, what a fun weight to carry on your shoulders. He ran to Dumbledore's office. Once he got in, Dumbledore looked at him.
"Hermi-," Draco started but was cut off by Dumbledore.
"I know Draco. Such a great loss isn't it? If only there was something someone," he emphasized the word someone, "could've done about it."
"Wait," Draco said, "you knew?"
"Yes."
"But how?"
"I know all sorts of things Draco. I'm the headmaster. And I had a vision."
"Then why didn't you stop her?"
"It was something she thought would make her happy. I couldn't do anything to stop her if I tried. It wasn't my doing that made her go through such pain."
Draco blushed. "Sir, I never hated her. I could've been her friend. But…my reputation…"
"Reputations are important, but not as important as a life Mr. Malfoy."
"I know."
"Don't feel too bad. Mr. Potter and Weasley had something to do with it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to bring her body to Madam Pomfrey."
Hermione's body was buried at a cemetery near St. Mungo's. She didn't have a muggle funeral, but did have a magic one by Dumbledore and her parents. Harry and Ron didn't go to it and neither did anyone from Hogwarts except for the teachers. Even Draco didn't attend the funeral. He did feel the slightest bit guilty. But nothing much.
Flashback
"Students, there has been a great loss. Our Head Girl, Hermione Jane Granger, has killed herself. Her suicide note explains clearly that you students will be much happier with her gone especially Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Draco Malfoy. Miss Granger was the brightest witch Hogwarts ever had. But let us please remember how she was so helpful to most. That is all; you may continue your dinner." Albus Dumbledore had wept after dinner with the rest of the teachers. The students were completely fine, not caring that Hermione was dead. Hermione was right, Dumbledore thought, everyone is happy without her.
End of Flashback
Draco knew that he could've done something to stop her. But he didn't and was too late. One life gone, and no one cared. But the guilt didn't last because Slytherin had just beaten Gryffindor in a Quidditch match.
Hermione? Hermione who?
A/N: So? What did you think? Too angsty? Not angsty enough? Maybe I shouldn't kill off Hermione? Maybe Draco should be super guilty? For you cutters out there (which isn't a good thing so stop!), feel free to tell me how wrong the scenario is when Hermione cuts. Because I don't cut, I have never cutted, and I don't know how the blood runs, if it comes out quickly, slowly, what. I also don't know if you see spots when you lose a lot of blood or when your dying. Because I have not died. That's why I'm here writing this fanfic. Review please! I know some parts were badly written and just plain blah…but hey, I wrote this all in one boring day. THANKS FOR READING! PLEASE REVIEW!