The Turk Chronicles

Note: This takes place very early off in the game. What happens during a normal day at Shinra HQ? Well, you'll just have to see. With the Turks, it's just as you'd expect, a day of boredom soon turns to one of randomness and unexpected situations, what else.

Disclaimer

Kirie: Yeah yeah, I don't own the characters of Final Fantasy or anything else of the like no matter how much I wish I did.

Now that all that's out of the way, on with the story!

Chapter 1: All in a Day's Work

If he wanted, he could easily kill a man in a matter of seconds, hell, he knew about one hundred different ways to go about doing it too.

As a member of the Turks, Reno had put his training to the test countless times. They had been sent on missions where death was always a possibility and kicking ass a certainty.

He loved his job, well, the ass kicking part of it anyways. As of right now though, Reno was sitting in his office staring at the ceiling, his feet propped up on his desk while practicing the art of getting a pen to balance on his forehead.

Yep, when the Turks weren't out on a mission, it meant sitting for hours doing paperwork at the Shinra Headquarters. Sadly, it was this part that seemed to occupy the better part of their time.

The others were about as far in their "work" as Reno was.

Elena was playing solitaire on her computer, the files she was supposed to be busy researching at the ready behind it just in case Tseng decided to start making sure his Turks weren't slacking off. She was still painfully bored. It was a shame the company's computers starting blocking most of the good games a few months ago. Rufus had sulked in his office all that day because he couldn't play WoW anymore.

Tseng really couldn't say he was pushing for work to be done as he himself was in the middle of watching Days of our Cactuar. The buzzing of his phone caught him off guard as he fumbled with the remote, turning off the small TV on his desk.

"H..hello?" He quickly clears his throat, "Tseng of the Turks speaking"

"Tseng are you watching soap operas again?"

"Hello Vice President Shinra, and no."

He could almost hear Rufus stifle a laugh, " Yeah…" Damn.

Rufus continued, "Anyways, I'm calling a meeting, see you all in ten."

Rude sighed in relief as he got off the phone with Tseng. He hoped it was about a mission. One involving explosives of course would be a plus. He wiped off his sunglasses with his sleeve and readjusted them. Just so it got him out of the damn building. So far the only 'job' he did all day was pry Heidegger's hand out of a Pringles can. Now, the first time it happened, it was funny, after the seventh time…..well, it was just getting ridiculous. Rude was just thankful next time it happened it would be Reno's turn to respond.

All of the Turks were seated on either side of a large rectangular metal table, Rufus Shinra at the end. He stood and straitened his long white over coat and cleared his throat getting everyone's attention.

"I have some important things to discuss with you all. Before we begin though, I have to say that whoever sent that porn virus to all the Shinra computers cough"Reno"cough Will be paying a personal trip up to my father's office. He had to spend all day trying to get rid of it."

"whoa, whoa, why do you think I did it! It could have very well been Elena you know"

Elena glared at the redhead across the table, "That incident had Reno written all over it and you know it" she then turned to look at Rufus, " I don't understand why it took him all day to fix it. It would have taken me fifteen minutes tops and I even called up and asked if he needed any help."

"Come to think of it" Tseng said narrowing his eyes, "You have access the main database too, why didn't you just go in and fix it?"

Rude raised a single eyebrow, "If I remember correctly sir, you never left your office all-"

"And on with the meeting" Rufus said quickly, looking up only to give a death glare to Reno who was trying not to laugh. "As I said, I am in need of some assistance that I would only entrust to all of you."

Reno sat up, "Does it involve running into a building, guns blazing?"

"No"

"Some sort of secret intelligence gathering?"

"No"

"High speed car chases?"

"No"

"Blowing shit up? Please say blowing shit up."

"NO Reno!" That little vein on Rufus' forehead began to make an appearance.

"It doesn't by any chance involve gorilla suits, a bucket of small salt water fish, shoe string, and AAA batteries does it?"

Everyone stares at Reno.

He shrugged, "Well then, I'm all out"

Everyone still staring at Reno, Rufus blinks a few times and shakes his head, "Actually, I was just going to ask you……" He begins rummaging through his pockets and pulls out two colored pieces of paper, "Maroon or burgundy."

Now everyone stares at Rufus.

"I'm re painting my office, which color should I go with?"

"They're basically the same color sir." Tseng said with a quizzical look.

"No…they have different names, therefore, there has to be some difference I'm not seeing." Rufus held a color sample up to each eye.

Again, Rude raised an eyebrow, "So you called us up here for decorating tips"

Rufus shrugged, "It's either this or go help get Palmer unstuck from the air vent on floor thirty."

Elena opened her mouth but Rufus quickly added, knowing what she was going to ask, "As to how he got there, I don't think I care to know"

"Can we go now?" Rude said simply.

Rufus sighed, looking at a clock on the wall, " What do you know, it's about time for my lunch break. Anyone know what they're serving in the cafeteria?"

Reno smirked, "The Palmer Explosion"

"Dare I ask, what the hell is the Palmer Explosion?"

"It's a Sloppy Joe sir" Tseng answered massaging his temples.

Despite Tseng's obvious 'shut up Reno' glare, the redhead continued, " We call it that because every time they serve it, Palmer spends the rest of the day in the little boy's room."

Rufus' eye twitched slightly.

"Not to mention the fact that I'm sure it resembles the result"

"ALRIGHT RENO" Rufus composed himself before sitting back down. "Even though I have thoroughly lost my appetite, I say we all get something out to eat."

Elena smiled, "Your treating us out to lunch sir?"

"No, actually I was just going to take it out of the Turk's budget. How about that new place in Sector 3?"

"Rufus, there's only 200 gil in that account" Tseng said, "That place is expensive."

"Looks like it's fast food again" Rude sighed

Rufus crossed his arms, "KFC's the closest"

Reno let out a groan, "We just ate at Kalm Fried Chocobo last time"

After scanning the room, Rude looked to Rufus, "So who's going to get it?"

"Elena"

"Hey!" Elena scowled, "Why the hell do I have to go!"

Reno patted her on the head, "Cause Laney, the rookie always has to go get the food."

She grabbed his hand and twisted his wrist around causing him to let out a howl of pain.

"Fight nice" A small smirk appeared on Rude's face as he was obviously enjoying his partner's pain.

"If I remember correctly", Rufus said, "When you were a rookie Reno, we sent you out to get the food in a pink dress and tiara so I wouldn't be saying anything."

"Damn that's right, I was hoping you all forgot about that…Hey! Why doesn't she have to do something completely humiliating!" Reno sat back down massaging his red wrist.

"Because she's not an ass. And I hope you do realize that half of the Shinra employees still have that picture as their desktop background."

"You took pictures of it!?"

"Can we please just get the food." Rude said through clenched teeth.

" I still don't see why I have to get it." Elena said under her breath.

Rufus closed his eyes in frustration, "Because I said so, and I own all of your asses!"

"Actually Square does." Reno pointed out. With Rufus' nod, Rude proceeded to hit Reno upside the head.

Tseng stood and gave Elena a sincere look, "It's all part of your training." He held up his hand as Elena stood and continued, " You may not understand it now, but in time it will make sense. It's through the little things that will build you to be a great Turk. Through seemingly simple tasks, you'll find yourself unexpectedly learning more than you could ever learn in weapons training and missions. One day you will look back on this and it will all be clear, everything will make sense and you'll see that this was all for your benefit …" He smiled, placing a hand on her shoulder, " Just trust me on this."

Elena sighed, " If you say so. I'll try. What does everyone want?"

After everyone told her their orders, Elena headed out the door. As soon as it shut, all eyes were on Tseng. Reno started a slow clap. Rufus still had his mouth open, " Tseng…that was…really touching."

"Actually sir, that was bullshit…I'm really hungry."