A/N: Inspired by 'RenneMichaels' -most likely unintentional- request to see Darcy turned into a cat over on AO3. If said person is reading this, well, surprise?
"Thor…"
"Lady Jane!" The Thunderer jumped up from the couch and practically bounced over to his girlfriend, not unlike a puppy greeting its owner at the door. Upon seeing her grim face his large smile quickly fell. "What is wrong?" he asked, placing his hands on her shoulders.
"Umm…" Jane hesitated, looking down and behind her.
Thor followed her eyes, zeroing in on the brown ball of fluff. Turning back to the astrophysicist, he asked "Have you acquired a new friend?" then bent down to get a better look, holding out his hand to the critter. The kitty trotted over and immediately began to rub up against the blonds' palm, seemingly enjoying the static.
"Not… exactly." Jane bit her lip, "We had a visit from Loki-"
Thor gave her a sharp look, "What has my brother done this time?" He asked resolutely even if he obviously dreaded the answer, "And what does it have to do with this furry creature?" Said creature hissed at his words, as though to say the name calling wasn't necessary.
Jane bent down and petted the cat; it stubbornly tried to resist being placated, but was unable to defy the urge to rub against the hand, purring loudly as the woman got right above its tail. "Thor, this is Darcy; Loki turned her into a cat."
Thor blinked, then sighed, exasperated. Ever since the failed invasion Loki had been insufferable. He wasn't out to rule earth anymore –thank goodness- but instead started to prank everyone every time he got annoyed or frustrated, and Thor was always the one who had to clean it up.
Perhaps this was his brother's way of 'Poetic Justice', as the saying goes.
It seemed like something he would do.
"I see," He stood, "Then I will start tracking him down immediately. In the mean time, perhaps young Darcy should stay with you. I highly doubt she will be able to fend for herself, seeing as she can hardly do so human," Darcy hissed, swiping at Thor's legs in retaliation. Thor dodged, "I meant no insult," he stated hurriedly, "I was simply implying you should not be left alone in such a vulnerable state."
Darcy didn't look convinced, but was quickly distracted by Jane's petting, snuggling against the scientist when she was picked up, seemingly pleased at being rubbed.
"Of course I'll watch her, but I have work to do so if you could get Loki to reverse the spell or curse or whatever it is that he did as soon as possible, that would be great," Jane smiled a little too sweetly, "And I promise; next time I visit, it won't be because of Loki."
Thor grinned, leaning in closer, "I look forward to it."
The cat Darcy moaned in disgust and fake gagged, though in her current form it looked more like she was coughing up a hairball.
-Line-
Darcy was bored.
She was currently lounging across a lab table staring aimlessly at the wall. Jane was 'busy' with research, Thor still wasn't back yet, and she couldn't even terrorize the SHIELD agents because the door was closed!
So not fair.
She huffed, then, like a light bulb lit up, she had an idea.
Darcy jumped off the table making her way over to Jane. The astrophysicist didn't seem to notice the cat creeping up on her.
Bending down, Darcy tensed-
-before pouncing, aiming for the human, unfortunately miscalculating and ended up sliding across the work table and over the other side, taking Jane's notes and other papers along with her.
"Darcy!"
Aw, crap, she sounded mad. Slowly turning her head, Darcy looked up at her friend, making sure to have the biggest puppy-err, kitten eyes on display.
It seemed to have worked as Jane's anger melted from her face, "Dang it, why do you have to be so cute?" She sighed and moved around the desk to pick up the fallen papers.
Darcy didn't know why, but she had the sudden urge to lie across the notes, as if Jane would stop working simply because Darcy will not let her continue.
It was a silly urge, also one that she had already tried.
It had gotten her banished to the other table, in the first place.
Still, she had to fight the instinct, instead strutting over to the door and scratching on it then sitting beside it and staring at Jane, making it perfectly clear that she wanted out.
Jane looked torn, looking over at her work, now all over the floor, and to the door that Darcy was sitting by. She was obviously debating whether or not to unleash her friend against the rest of SHIELD, or keep her cooped up in the lab with herself…
It didn't take long for her to decide.
-Line-
Darcy trotted down the hall looking for a bathroom.
She had spent the last hour and a half crouched behind a corner waiting to pounce and attack any SHIELD agent that just happened to be walking by.
She got shot at six times.
It was awesome.
But now, she had to pee, so Darcy was looking for a bathroom.
When she finally found one she slunk in low, looking around for anyone. It was a men's room, but there wasn't a women's room anywhere and she really had to pee.
There wasn't anyone, so Darcy relaxed and walked over to a stall.
Looking up at the toilet –which had obviously seen better days, because, ew- she steeled herself. She had seen plenty of videos of potty trained cats, it was easy, just jump up and squat on the seat, not hard at all, so crouching down, she leapt-
-and promptly fell in.
'Oh, gross!' She mewled and scrambled to gain purchase on the rim but found it exceedingly difficult to latch onto. When she was finally able to get out, she was soaked and smelled like sewer, and how was this her life?
At least she didn't have to pee anymore because! Yeah…
Let's not go there.
Shivering, Darcy waddled her way over to the sinks. Jumping onto the counter, she used her paws to pump out the soap, covering the surface with foam. When she deemed it enough she started to roll around in it, making sure to get everywhere that stunk.
She was not going to walk around smelling like a men's room.
Also, she might have felt a disgusting urge to lick herself, and that just wasn't on.
After she was covered in the generic smelling froth Darcy pawed on the faucet, sticking her head under the spray to test the temperature of the water.
Just to test the water, not, y'know, because there was a small part of her that demanded she do so.
Deeming the water satisfactory, she slunk into the sink, rolling around until she got on her back, and-
-wow, that felt amazing like, really awesome, why hadn't she done this before!
Oh, right.
After about ten minutes of simply lying under the water –and whoever said that cats didn't like water had obviously never been a cat lying in a sink getting the greatest bath ever- Darcy decided to get out, if reluctantly, because it wouldn't do for an agent to walk in and see her like this.
Climbing out of the sink was a lot easier then the toilet, but the counter was still really slick, so Darcy had to be careful not to slip and fall.
She was pretty sure that would hurt.
She jumped down –sliding only a little when she landed- and shook her fur. The cat in her felt uncomfortably wet, so when the shaking didn't do much good in getting her dry, Darcy braved the stalls again.
While toilet paper wasn't the best way to dry off, it was her only option.
Okay, so Darcy had only planned on getting enough to dry off, honestly! But, well, she had drug some of the paper down, and the roll had spun, and then suddenly she felt euphoric and holy crap this should not have been so much fun, but it was and just-
-Well, the janitors wouldn't be happy.
After the first roll Darcy hadn't been able to stop, and now surveying the damage done, and all the paper that covered the floor, she felt oddly smug about the mess, and strutted proudly –now completely dry, by the way- out the door.
Maybe she could see what her favorite agent was up to.
-Line-
Turns out Coulson was a cat person and totally unflappable when it came to demanding felines. When Darcy had jumped up onto his desk –after scratching on the door and meowing pitifully until she was let into his office- and flopped all over his paperwork he hadn't batted an eye, instead picking her up and sitting her in his lap, then continued what he was doing before she had shown up.
The fact that he was absentmindedly petting her may have taken some of the bite out of Darcy's ire at not successfully annoying the man. She couldn't help but melt into a puddle of content pussy-cat as his nimble fingers scratching into her side.
Purring, she closed her eyes –and when had she gotten so tired? - And decided that this was a good place as any to take a nap.
Darcy became groggily aware a few hours later still lying in Phil's lap –does the man ever take a break? - And stretched, back arching, and yawned, before deciding to reluctantly get up.
What? Agent was comfortable.
She left the office –using the same 'scratch-and-plea' tactic she used to get in- and headed towards the cafeteria.
She was hungry.
The trip was mostly uneventful, save for the weird looks she got from some of the few agents that didn't know what had happened, but when she got there Darcy realized she may have missed calculated.
She was a cat, how exactly was she supposed to get food?
Oh, wait, duh.
After walking over to a person who seemed to be eating a ham sandwich, Darcy jumped into the seat next to him and started pawing at his arm.
The man glanced over at her nervously –he was obviously new, if a random cat in HQ made him nervous- then looked away, making a valid attempt at ignoring her like all the other agents were doing, even going so far as to shove her to the floor.
Oh, it was on!
Jumping back up, Darcy started to meow loudly. Since asking nicely didn't work, might as well move on to demanding.
The guy actually got up and moved to another table! The nerve!
Darcy, of course, followed him.
She had tried asking, she had tried demanding, now she was simply going to take.
Jumping up onto the new table she began to try and bat at the guy's plate.
"Hey, stop that." He ordered, trying to shield his plate, some of the other agents had saw what was going on and found it hard not to laugh as Darcy continued to try and steal at least some of the ham-
-Agent-man shoved her again. Y'know what? She was going to take all of it- that was her new goal.
She growled lowly, the only warning she gave before sinking her sharp claws and teeth in to the man's arm. He yelped and jerked back, giving Darcy enough time to snatch the food and take off.
She sat under the table that Dr. Banner was at and stared directly into the agent's eyes as she ate his sandwich.
She also thought she heard Bruce trying not to laugh, so that was a plus.
After she finished her lunch –a little dry, but worth it- Darcy wandered aimlessly within the endless hallways of SHIELD.
-Line-
She was bored again.
She was just about to go bug Jane some more –or maybe take another nap on Coulson, what? The man was comfy- when she came upon an open air vent.
Curious, Darcy stepped closer. Sticking her head inside she meowed, it echoed but nothing answered –not she was expecting anything to- so slowly, very slowly, she inched her way in. The metal was cool against her feet, but not uncomfortable so she continued on. Who knows, maybe it would lead somewhere interesting.
It did.
After she had walked awhile Darcy had started to regret letting her curiosity get the better of her. Maybe she should just turn around and go back-
She stopped.
Ears perked, Darcy slowly crept her way toward the sound.
There was something in the vent with her.
Turning a corner, still crouched low to the ground, her eyes widened.
She had thought Hawkeye hanging out in the air ducts were just a rumor!
But, no, because right there, staring down another vent, was Clint Barton. He looked up and smirked, bringing a finger to his lips in a silent shush, before motioning her closer.
Darcy padded over, being sure to be extra quiet, and looked to see what was so interesting that Barton would stay in a cramped space just to watch it.
Oooh, it was Fury's office. Also –cat videos.
She settled down to watch the director of SHIELD watch cats.
She loved it.
-Line-
After spending a ridiculous amount of time in the air ducts Darcy finally made her way back to Jane's lab.
Thor was there, and more importantly, so was Loki.
Who, by the way, was pouting like a child who had got caught doing something wrong, but didn't think it was fair to punish him for it.
Darcy, who had just spent the day tiny and vulnerable and covered in fur, was surprisingly mellow about the whole affair. Jane threatened, and Thor looked at Loki liked the man had ran over his dog, but Darcy just sat there on the table while Loki grudging undid his spell.
Then she realized she was completely naked.
But that's probably a story best not told.
A/N: ...And that happened.