TITLE: Between Darkness and Light…There Is Human
AUTHOR: RaeAnne
RATING: PG (perhaps PG-13 in later parts)
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, George Lucas owns all the characters, I am just messing with greatness here, this new rearranged plot however is mine.
ATHOR'S NOTE: Hi, this my version of Star Wars, it starts just as number one ends, and while parts of it are familiar, and it follows the same lines there are some big changes, namely it is an Obidala romance, I think that explains it all right there. :-)
I hope this story to span three parts, "Between Darkness and Light There Is…" is the name of the series and this is part one "Human". I hope I have explained this well, if I haven't please drop any questions in those great reviews (which I just love by the way) and I will be more then happy to try and answer them.
One last thing and then I'll shut up, please ignore any little mistakes pertaining to the "Star Wars" galaxy, lingo, out of character sentences and such, I am trying very hard, but this is one of my first stories and am having a time of it lol. Oh, before I forget, I have written this with Padme being about 20, leaving Obi-Wan at 25. Thank you so much!
RaeAnne
CHAPTER ONE:
The dark side, they speak of it as some mythical place where only the evil dwell. Well I can tell you I've touched the dark side, I've tasted it. I've seen it consume also. I know the danger, I know the lure…I know the cure.
I am Jedi, a sworn protector of the galaxy. I have no anger, no love, no emotion. I am the definition of peace, I am wise and fair…or at least I am supposed to be. Truth is I am human; flesh and blood, tears and pain joy and fear. Perhaps if things had been different I would be different too. Little did I know that one blond haired little boy and a dark haired beauty would forever change my existence.
She has just united her world, bestowed peace to her nation. Naboo and Gungans. Dressed in white, a feathery trail draping behind her reminding me of the water fowl of this, world: her home. Light washes her, bathing her in a glow, her white filmy collar surrounding her like a halo, Queen Amidala, handmaiden Padme.
While peace is the reigning theme of the day, there is no peace in my mind and if my heart were allowed to feel, there would be no peace there either, I fear.
My now padawan stands at my side gazing blatantly at the Queen, he is the source of my unrest. How am I to take on this boy I have defied the council for, when even despite my best efforts, resent him…in some small way blame my Master's death on him? However wrong I know I am, these feelings sprout, take root even with my training. Queen Amidala was burdened with the task of saving her people, uniting her world. I have been given the burden of training the "Chosen One", the one who will balance the Force. Why did Qui-Gon have to die?
"Focus on the moment, young padawan."
Qui-Gon…why did you leave me this responsibility?
"Master, sir, the Queen is looking at us," Anakin nudges my side, breaking my reflection.
Indeed she is. Warm brown eyes speak of her soul; its obvious light dwells in her. She is moving to us, two golden medals in her hand.
"Jedi Knight Kenobi," her stately voice addresses us.
"It is because of your great help and protection that Naboo is free. It is with great gratitude and admiration I present this medal to you on behalf of Naboo," her smile is so bright, contrasting to her now sad eyes.
"It is an honor Queen Amidala," I bow, not letting my eyes fall from hers. Her hands tremble slightly as she places the crimson ribbon around my neck, her fingertips touching my chest as she smoothes the medallion into place.
"I also would like to present a second medal in memory and honor of Master Qui-Gon Jinn, a Jedi, who fought bravely for Naboo's freedom. Master Jinn fell in battle but whose name will be forever written in the history text as one who gave all for our planet."
She opens fresh wounds anew in my heart which is supposed to be free of emotion. She speaks with great compassion and empathy when she addresses her people. She turns from the crowd to face me completely, blocking the on lookers' view of her actions.
"Jedi Obi-Wan…thank you," her voice drops as she reaches out with both hands, offering the folded ribbon with its glinting medal.
Her downcast eyes meet mine and I find tears waiting there. Our hands meet and as the medal is exchanged, I sense her soul, the soul that despite her best efforts cries out. Pain, great pain in her, her thoughts are most times so guarded and therefore not easily read, but now they are plain, and the one thing I sense is searing pain. Oh, Amidala…what has this battle cost you?
The day is ending and I am watching the suns of Naboo set. My padawan has been sent ahead of me to begin his training in the history of the Order. He will study holocrons and the history recordings of the Order, all things necessary before he ever picks up a lightsaber. It was a mixed emotion I felt as he boarded the transport, a bit of sadness because when I look at him I think of my Master and his faith in him…I think of my promise to my friend and master. But I also felt relief and much for those same reasons, maybe this time alone will allow me to come to terms with these things. Maybe I can come to take Anakin anew.
I also sense the Force is not done with Queen Amidala, not finished with the connection between the Queen, the boy and myself. Three of the Darksides most alluring qualities are represented in us: pain, fear, and anger. I am not anxious to see where the Force leads us.
The future is clouded, my vision, the council's vision…it is unsure. I need to feel the Force, I need to feel life.
"Clear your mind"
So much easier said then done. Oh sweet Padme, her brown eyes haunt mine. Queen Amidala of Naboo, her vision forever burned into my retinas, her image always on the verge of my mind, whether my eyes are open or closed.
Perhaps if Qui-Gon hadn't died, if this young boy hadn't been thrust into my path then I perhaps wouldn't be questioning everything I thought I believed in. I would not be falling away from the Code and towards this young Queen. Perhaps if I could see the reason behind all of this I could cope with present…
She is near. Her gentle, though assuming presences invades my tumbled mind. Like the warm sun set, her heat radiates to touch my cool mediation.
"Milady, why aren't you with the others?" I address her, but refuse to turn, unsure of myself.
"I've come to ask you the same thing Jedi Obi-Wan."
I smile; her voice has lost its air of formality, but still remains forever imploring.
"I am neither Naboo, nor Gungan your Highness; this is your victory celebration not mine."
She says nothing merely moves to stand next to me and looks to the nearly set suns.
"You seem very sad Obi-Wan…I don't need to have Jedi senses to see that…Is there anything that I can do?"
I hold back a laugh, though not the smile. Jedi are supposed to bring peace to others not the other way around. But that is what this woman does, brings peace, even to this troubled man.
"Am I that transparent milady?"
"No, not to everyone but to me yes, I've watched you for a long time now." She looks from the gleaming waterfall to me. Her words catch me by surprise; it was the last thing I expected.
"I'm afraid I don't understand," I swallow my shock and turn to look at her face.
"From the moment you leapt to my rescue, striking down droids with all the ease and grace of a deadly Naboo swan-piranha, I have watched. Even thought I at the time was not dressed as the queen you treated handmaiden Padme as though she was important. I have to tell you though, I was surprised to find that you were a bit of a show off," she grins brightly.
I start to deny it, feeling a hundred years older then I did before, feeling as though I could have never been that blithe…but her smile and recollection reminds that I was, and in turn, I smile.
"Trust me when I say, I acted that way often and that my stunts weren't only for the benefit of the Queen, but rather to bolster my young padawan pride," I laugh.
"So then, perhaps they were in some part, though not in entirety to impress the queen…? And Obi-Wan, how can I not trust you? After all you are a Jedi," she blinks her lashes with a coy smile, turning to enter the palace.
"Coming Jedi Kenobi?" she pauses and turns to meet my gaze which I am sure she knew followed her.
"Yes, milady."
My Master, I am again thinking of him, now I am remembering when we stood before the council when he first wanted Anakin to be trained.
"I'll train him!" he stated.
Before the council spoke, I had the thought "What of me? You found someone better, more talented, so to the side you cast me?" Yes, those selfish thoughts are of the Darkside but I could not help them. I did not see what my Master saw, I did not believe in the boy as he did and now I wonder if I didn't because I was enlightened or because I was afraid I would lose the man that I had been close to like a father? I fear it is the latter.
My Master's last words were of the boy, as I wept, my friend, my father thought and spoke only of a small desert boy who he hardly knew. Not a goodbye, not anything but "train the boy"! He showed more kindness to strangers then to me!
I will train Skywalker because I gave my word, because I will not fail to prove I am Jedi.
"You leave today am I correct Jedi Kenobi?" the Queen and her entourage march up the landing platform.
I hand my only bag to the loading droid and turn to her, fighting a heavy sigh, "My work here is finished, milady."
"And you are intending on leaving the planet without bidding farewell?" she accuses, aristocratic voice low.
Why bother softening the truth that is obvious? I can't exactly deny a ship that is doing final system checks can I?
"I was."
"So I see," her eyes are dark and she goes on "Meet me at the entrance in ten minutes, I wish to speak with Jedi Kenobi alone."
Glances are exchanged but her orders are followed. Once her security leaves, she brings her head up proudly and meets my eyes.
"Tell me Jedi, what is it like not to feel?" her voice softens and she steps toward me.
"I'm afraid I do not know milady."
"I don't believe you. You know what it is like to feel, I have seen it in your eyes, you've felt pain, but at moments like this you look as though you feel nothing at all…you are a Jedi, are you not instructed to feel nothing?"
She is so quick to speak, so quick to act.
"I am Jedi yes and I feel many things. I feel the Force, I feel peace, pain, suffering, fear, hate and anger, and it is what we do with these feelings that separate the Jedi. I feel so I can help where I am needed, not so I can live. A Jedi relinquishes his personal rights to emotion so that he can become in tune with the Force, in exchange, he feels the emotion of the galaxy. Jedi strive to bring peace and alleviate the darkness."
She nods thoughtfully, "From some great Jedi writing you recite. Tell me what you feel, or what you don't! Tell me Obi-Wan what of love? Do you feel love within the galaxy…your own…within the Force?"
Why is she pushing this? I fear to ask.
"If I may milady," I start prepared to recite more of my learning's from the Jedi Temple, the very things that I am at the moment doubting.
"I have felt love."
She steps closer, lifting her stubborn chin again to search my eyes.
"Your Master."
She knows far more then I would like, "Yes, he was like a father to me…the only one who cared; he was my best friend and my teacher."
She nods as though she understands, and for some reason I think she might.
"You miss him," she muses.
"Of course I do…should I not?" I let a bit of accusation seep though, running my fingers though my hair.
"Please, I mean not to accuse…I just wonder because at times you look like the world has ended and at others cool, docile, neutral…" she pauses biting her lip.
"Jedi?" I supply.
"Yes. Obi-Wan, I just want to know you, I want to know what's inside you…I don't know why you fascinate me, but you do. Perhaps it's because I think while we are completely different we are somehow the same."
I wonder what in the world I could have in common with this woman? The bigger question though is why does she want to know?
"Milady, you are a queen and I am a Jedi, like water and sky we are different," I smile softly.
"I agree and as such we compliment. The water reflects the sky…the sky leans down and whispers to the water 'we are the same' as it sees its reflection."
I stare, mouth agape she leaves me speechless.
"Jedi Kenobi, I wish you a safe journey, but I bid you not farewell, for I think we'll see each other again."
"I think so too milady may peace and the Force be with you," I breathe her eyes holding mine.