My breath caught in my throat as I saw him. The slanky way in which he walked, the casual way his hand went up in an instant and he brushed his fingers through his brown, soft hair. There was nothing for it, he had me hooked, in the very first instant in which I saw him. The very first time I laid eyes on him. The man I was going to kill. All right, I'll admit, the first time, I was more taken by his apparent youth. I'd imagined he'd be older, wiser. Just less juvenile, it was this, more than anything, that had intrigued me. After all, I was just a child at the time. Now, he's the first thought I have in the morning, and the last before I close my eyes. I'm much more than just intrigued now. And the stories Amelia had told me growing up. But none of them did him justice.

When I met him properly, the day I shot his T.A.R.D.I.S. I couldn't quite believe just how intrigued I'd become. The day was a rather interesting one, I may have sent him a few, mixed signals (if you know what I mean). Well, it wasn't anything drastic I suppose. Yes, I did poison him, and he died. But, naturally, I brought him back. Alls well that ends well, I suppose. But you see, it was his secret. I certainly had to bring him back after that. Of course, I would tell you what that secret was, but, well, spoilers. It ended up quite the interesting day. But I was glad I brought him back. I had feelings for him now, real feelings. I had to find him, get to know him. It was so important.

And I did. He took me to see the stars. Not the stars you'd think. Oh no. The Doctor doesn't do anything by halves. He took me to see the sky that had so many stars it was as if it were daylight. He'd seemed perfectly fine that night. Until the other doctor showed up with the other me. The future versions of us. I had a future. Better yet, a future with him. But he'd never seemed happy to see them. If only I'd known why at the time, but I guess I'm awfully glad I didn't. I'm not sure I could have coped.

I myself was perfectly relaxed that night. I had the doctor, right where I wanted him. It was perfect. But he did leave. The same way he always does. He flew away in that big blue box of his. He waved goodbye with the promise of tomorrow. But he still left. And it was damned near impossible to find him again. That's when I went to the university. Oh how hard I worked, so that I'd have the ability to find him if ever and whenever I want. Too bad I never knew how wrong it would go.

And the day came as sure as ever. Back in that same white suit that had haunted me as a child. It was in control. For the first time in a long time, I had no way out. No way out at all. I shot him, again and again, and then again, right in the middle of his regeneration sequence. While the future me just stood there and watched. That's what confused me the most. How could I stand and watch? I knew what was happening. I must of. But then the Doctor, he said he'd brought the future me to prove that I was forgiven "...for a murder you probably can't even remember. My murder." It had made no sense at the time. No sense at all. And he was dead. It was over.

I killed him, and then we still continued to have adventures. Story of my life, life with the Doctor is anything but simple. And I fell in love. Of course I fell in love. And we ran together. He knew his death was coming, he knew it was a fixed point, he didn't know it was I that were to shoot him. He was running from his death and I was running from killing him. But I'd already killed him. And I hadn't. Right in the same moment, two different versions of reality. Talk about confusion, but, that's life with the Doctor I suppose.

I re-wrote a fixed point, I froze time, and all of history began happening at once. The Doctor wasn't exactly impressed. So I married him that day. See, confusing. I married him, and then proceeded to allow him to allow me to kill him. But it wasn't the Doctor at all. That man, oh that amazing man. He's always cleverer than the rest of us. And there is always a way out. Even a way out of a fixed point, oh that amazing man. He knew what was coming, and he borrowed the tesselector. I didn't kill him after all. This time, it was Kovarian who wasn't best pleased. She came for me, she came with the silence, and they took me away.

I was studying in the library when they came. "tick tock." they'd said. It was awful. They took me and they did something that messed with everything. Wherever it was they'd taken me, I knew I had been there in another life. Part of me had always known it was coming, but the other parts had helped me forget. But it came. Sorted. I was sorted. They had me on another timeline now. I knew that much. His future was my past. That was why he'd given me the diary. And now I had to go back through my timeline. They'd reversed it on me. My original past, the timeline I had been on, was now my future. Hence, the Doctor's past is my future, and my future is his past. I only had some memories of the timeline I'd been on. But not enough to know I'd killed him.

I found myself in the highest security prison there is. Stormcage. And for the life of me, I couldn't remember why. I knew I'd killed someone. But, at this point, I didn't know who. But, even the highest security prison wasn't enough to hold me. The Doctor came in his T.A.R.D.I.S. and took me to see the sky that had so many stars it were as if it were daylight. Are you getting it now? He'd given me the diary, I now knew that I was River Song. His River Song. My Doctor, he came often and we had adventures. Oh how we ran. He was running from his death, and so was I, not that I knew it at this point.

We had so many adventures together. And then the day came. I returned to my cell to find a little blue envelope on my bed. Specifically, T.A.R.D.I.S. blue. Time, date and a map reference. It was an invitation. So I sorted myself out and got myself there as fast as my vortex manipulator could carry me. We laughed and ate a picnic. Until it happened, the astronaut. An Apollo Astronaut. It rose out of the lake. I'd never seen anything quite like it. Rory, Amy and I were all incredibly shocked to see it. But not the Doctor. Of course he wasn't surprised. He got up, warned us all not to interfere and sauntered off towards it. Oh and, lets not forget that a fourth man showed up first. He had also been invited. Either way, the Doctor sallied on down to the Astronaut and allowed it to shoot at him. Then, time ripped itself apart. Or Rather, all of history began happening at once. And then I remembered.

The memories rushed back into my mind so, so quickly. Kovarian and her plan, what they'd done to me as a child, every aspect of my history, but most importantly, the other timeline. I remembered who my parents were, that I'd Killed the Doctor, that I'd been forced to kill him. I'd been the one in that space suit. Now, he and I were the opposite polls of this... explosion of time. I could never touch my Doctor again if I wanted to see him alive, and it just about broke me.

When he finally came to the pyramid in Ciaro, my inner self was so delighted to see him. I just wanted to throw myself at him. But one, that was so not my style, and two, I couldn't touch him. But oh how he tried. That amazing man, always so ready to lay down his own life to save others. But I was not prepared to let him die. So I'd been working on a plan, asking for help. But he didn't exactly react well when I showed it to him. But, no surprises, thats when things get confusing. Very, very confusing. He married me. He yelled at me, and then married me. Oh and we kissed. What a beautiful, amazing bittersweet kiss. And I shot him by the lakeside. But it was never really him. He'd been inside the tesselector the whoe time and was, in his own words, "...barely singed."

And so the Doctor lived on, and I also. And our adventures continued. We solved the mysery of the Pandorica and I helped him re-boot the universe, he caught me as I jumped from the Byzantium and then helped us as we fought the weeping angels, he took me out night after night for, more private adventures. Wow, wha a spoiler.

And all the while, I was petrified. Travelling in different time streams. Each time I saw him, I knew him so much more, but he, he knew me that much less. It was killing me. Coming for me was a day where I would stare into his perfect eyes, the eyes of my Doctor, my husband, and he wouldn't have the faintest idea who I was. I knew that day would break me. I absolutely lived for each moment I got to spend with him, but each precious moment I had, put me that one moment closer to losing him forever.

Then came the night he took me to see the Singing Towers of Derilium. He'd been promising for years. I had the most amazing time. But the Doctor cried. The tears fell from his wonderful eyes. I never knew why. I couldn't know why. But of course, the Doctor knew. His past was my future. He gave me his Sonic Screwdriver that night. That should have been an indication. And then we parted ways. He never said goodbye.

Then that was it, I went to the library. There he was, that perfect man! Just a different face. And it happened. I begged him to know who I was, willed it with all my might, but all I got from those perfect eyes was a blank, confused stare. I needed him to trust me though, so that we could at least get out of the library. So I whispered his name in his ear. That certainly did it. Of course he was still confused, and he had absolutely no idea who I was, but at least he trusted me.

And for the second time in my lifetime, I saw no way out. But I knocked him out, he's unconscious right now. I have him handcuffed to the railing, too far away from his screwdriver, myself and what I am doing, so that he can't stop me. He's going to want to stop me. He's going to beg and try to reason. But we have no choice. He can't stop this, this time there's nothing he can do. This is where I die. So, Doctor, this will be my last adventure. My last entry in this book of stories. Our stories.

And you and I know, somewhat all too well, that we are just mere stories in the end. So Doctor, did I make it a good one?