This is my first fanfic so forgive me for anything I've screwed up! Winks Be nice and review!
S.
Disclaimer: I'm no where near talented enough to own a manga! CCS isn't mine!
Summary: It's been eight years since Syaoran left Tomoeda – and he promised he'd return. That promise was never fulfilled…will destiny right itself? How will the unpredictable Eriol, the spaced out Tomoyo and the nutty Meilin help? Hmm…it does seem pretty improbable! Let's see! S+S
Lost Goodbye
Eight years ago…
She ran as fast as she could to go after him, under the canopy of cherry blossom trees, not quite in flower yet – why did he have to go so fast..? She paused, gasping, holding her chest tightly – no, she had to keep going - she had to confirm the terrible rumour…please don't let it be true, she thought, in desperation, please be a stupid rumour…like all of those other stupid rumours…please…
Where had he gone? She let out a sound of frustration and looked about frantically – there…on the bridge…she ran closer and felt so relieved.
"Syaoran!" She managed to gasp out as she doubled over. There he was, leaning over the bridge, his arms across his chest, staring at the beautiful sunset – her heart fluttered, but she wasn't sure why, "Syaoran…" She needed to get her breathe back.
"S-sakura!" He stuttered and, although she didn't notice it, he flushed a deep red. He didn't appear to know what to do with his hands.
"Hey," she looked at him, puzzled, "You don't usually come here – in fact…" she looked around as if just making sure she was in the right place, "In fact…don't you go in the complete opposite direction…?"
"I…I didn't…" He looked away, uncomfortable enough not to explain why he'd walked here…to meet you….
"Never mind," she smiled brightly, "I'm sure you were just admiring the view…I do that too, sometimes, when I feel sad," she sighed and stood next to him, looking at the river and the tips of weeping willows across it…the sky was darkening rapidly and…and it reflected his mood – he knew he would never get another chance to tell her…
"Sakura…" She tilted her head slightly and looked at him with those indescribable eyes – they shone in the fading lights…she looked back at the water.
"Yes?"
"I…I have to tell you something." Their eyes met again…she looked deeply into his, those brilliant, deep amber pools…sometimes she'd just stare at them until she could feel herself falling into them…now they looked sad and contemplative and…and she knew. She just knew.
"You're…you're going back to Hong Kong aren't you?" She asked in a hollow voice. He looked away.
"How did you know?" He asked quietly.
"I overheard some of the girls talking…and I'm always the last to know anything," She said in a quiet, pained voice. He quickly looked at her…her eyes were brimming with tears – but she seemed determined not to cry…those eyes…he'd never forget them. Emerald…a beautiful green, like the first green of spring…now they were downcast and confused.
"I never meant for you to find out like that…"
"It's okay, I understand," she said in a tight voice, although she didn't.
"I just…I was being a coward. I couldn't tell you because…because you mean…you mean a lot to me, Sakura!" He said really fast, like he had to tell her right away. Which he did…
"Syaoran…" She started to cry and she mentally rebuked herself, cry baby. I should be happy for him, he's going home. Why am I crying…? She felt his arms around her and (after her initial surprise) she let herself fall into his arms.
"Sshh," He held her close, bringing his head low so he could breathe in her scent and never forget it…like heather and cherry blossom and honey…she shook in his arms and his heart felt like it was breaking. "Don't cry…I'm not worth these tears…" She completely surprised him by pushing him away angrily.
"How can you say that?" Her tear-stained face looked back at him questioningly – he blinked, "You're my friend, Syaoran and…and…and you mean a lot to me too!" She dove her face back into his shoulder and didn't dare move.
Slowly she felt his arms enclose her once more and tighten…any passer-by at that moment would have thought they were young-lovers in the fierceness of their embrace. They were holding on tightly to one another, gazing at the river burning in the sun's last rays. After a very long time, she broke their silence:
"Syaoran…?"
"Hai," He said softly.
"Promise me you will return," she whispered.
"I promise. I promise on my life…"
"No! Don't," she shuddered, he backed away from her a little to look at her confusedly, "what I mean to say is…is just promise, but not on your life – if you die I…I trust your promise above everything, Syaoran." He brought her back to his chest and held her.
"I will return to you, Ying Fa." He stroked her hair gently.
"Ying Fa?" She said, her voice muffled against his chest.
"It…it means Cherry Blossom in my language," He stuttered embarrassedly – feeling as though he'd ruined the moment.
"Oh…"
"I'm sorry…it kind of just slipped out and…and I won't call you it again and…" It was her turn to pull away a little (not enough to stop holding him) to give him a radiant smile.
"No, I like it. It sounds beautiful," and then she placed her head back and they stood there, in silence.
He whispered something he knew she couldn't hear, Aishiteru, Ying Fa…I promise I will return.
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Present
Sakura's P.O.V
I traced the covers with my fingers and shivered…it was so cold. But why…? I turned to stare at the ceiling and saw darkness…what…? What was going on…?
I looked around and I was obviously no longer in my room – just darkness…nothing but darkness. And it was so cold…I held myself protectively and called out – people's names, Onii-chan, Tomoyo, Kero, Clow…people…people…I felt his name upon my lips and stopped suddenly.
What makes you think he'll care enough to save you…?
He saved me thousands of times before! We were friends…
Exactly! You were friends - he doesn't care and he won't save you…
Stop! Stop it! He cares…he'll come back…he promised!
Silly little girl, you're still clinging on to that pathetic promise he made you? Don't you realise he'll never come back, that he's happy away from the likes of you?
Who are you…?
And then I felt it – that pain…deep inside me, first it was a dull ache – but it slowly sharpened. It hurt…it hurt - a thousand pins stabbed and ever nerve fibre I had flared and…I screamed…and curled up in the darkness – cold, alone…I screamed mercy, begged it to stop…please stop. Please…but it never listened.
In the distance somewhere far away I heard my name…I shook my head, no…no…I need to find out about why he…
I slowly opened my eyes and…
"HOEEE! Kero?" I sprang up, "Why do you always do that?"
"Do what?" He calmly floated down and sat on my knee and took a huge bite out of the cookie he forever had in his paws.
"You know…that…that weird thing you do-ooo," I stifled yawned, I started trying to explain how he'd float over me in my sleep and make that crazy expression and, him being a magical being and all, I sensed his…weirdness. It was going to take too much effort and too much time. Forget it. I flopped back down into my sweat-drenched sheets and glanced at the clock.
"Kero…" I moaned.
"Wha noww?" He said incoherently, his mouth full of cookies.
"It's three in the morning, that's what!" I threw a pillow at him, which he rather expertly ducked, saving the precious cookie.
"HEY! Watch the cookie! It took me ages sneaking downstairs for this!" He yelled, shaking his tiny fist. We had a miniature glaring match.
"Kero, just…why did you have to wake me up?" I said, giving up.
"Oh, so that's why you're cranky…"
"I'm not cranky!"
"Sure you're not," he rolled his eyes. He took a meditative bite out of his cookie and I waited. "It was just…you were saying stuff in your sleep and…I don't know." He looked at me for a long time (amazing considering he was neglecting the cookie). "Kid, are you sure these dreams you've been having aren't…?"
"Kero, whoa, it has nothing to do with magic or…or anything like that – I've caught the Clow Cards, I've changed them into Sakura Cards…" I winced at the name Tomoyo insisted we call them, "…and there's nothing left, okay?" He didn't look convinced. "Look, I'm fine," I attempted to smile cheerfully, "I'm just really tired because it's three in the morning and… that's all, okay?"
"…"
"Kero…" I glared at him, "Okay?"
"Fine. Okay." He yawned and stretched. We sat in silence. "Let me just ask you one thing." I sighed.
"Would you listen to me if I said no?"
"Nope," he grinned at me and took another bite. I rolled my eyes.
"Then go ahead."
"Is the gaki still on your mind?"
"Kero," I quickly glanced at the wall, and attempted a weak smile, "heh, where did that come from?"
"Well…you were saying his name in your sleep and…"
"Oh, Kero," I shook my head, "I guess you must have eaten too much – I wasn't saying anything!" I laughed nervously. "Now go to sleep and don't wake me up unless I start…unless I make any noises. I don't want Otuku-san to wake up." I grinned brightly, "Don't get any crumbs on the bed - Goodnight."
"'Night Sakura," He crammed the rest of the cookie in his mouth and tugged the covers to my chin. I noticed the concerned look on his face and, when he settled down next to me, I smiled sadly…oh, Kero, I hate lying to you.
I waited until I heard Kero's snuffly snores next to me and then I gently got up and switched my desk lamp on. I opened the draw and took it out – the Book of Clow. I opened it and took the cards out, looking at their image and murmuring their names reverently. Windy, Watery, Float, Mirror…
They were all there – apart from his cards. I tightened my grip around the deck and felt my heart tug a little. Why did he do this…?
A few nights ago I'd called the Li household – it was after one of the dreams, the nightmares, and I just needed to…to make sure he was alive. These dreams scared me…I wanted to hear his voice, I wanted his comfort – he was the only one who could do it now. I remember gripping the phone so tightly it hurt – it rang once, twice…
"Moshi moshi, you have reached the Li household's number – how may I help?" said an old man's voice – Wei's voice.
"Moshi moshi," I paused – this was so awkward – it was twelve at night! The household were probably all asleep…but I needed him. "Wei-kun? It's Kinomoto Sakura…I…I'm sorry for disturbing you…but…I really need to speak to Li-kun." There was a long pause…how many times had we had this same conversation…? I'd lost count.
"Kinomoto-san, please do not take this the wrong way but…Master Li is terribly busy and…"
"I know, I know, he's always busy…" I ran my fingers through my hair and tried hard to control my breathing – my throat burned and I sounded funny.
"Please, try to understand…"
"I…I understand. I wouldn't have phoned unless it was urgent – I…I'm sorry, don't tell him I phoned – it doesn't matter," I sounded like I was crying – I was crying. Damn.
"Kinomoto-san, I'll try and talk to him, please understand…"
"Don't, please don't tell him I called," if he knew you were crying he would hate you even more, "Thank you anyway, goodbye."
"But, Kino-..." I hung up and cried all night. Everyone was covering up for him – didn't he even care?
I thought about what Syaoran had said…the promise he'd made…those words that had meant so much – I now had to realise they meant nothing at all. I shut my eyes tightly and put the cards back, feeling their tingly warmth – they understood – they were trying to comfort me. I felt a tear slip down my cheek…everything has changed.
For one, I, Sakura Kinomoto, have changed. What happened to the little girl who jumped around like she was high on E numbers all the time…? What happened to the girl who'd smile and never be mean and…and…?
I get back into bed gently, trying hard not move the bed too much for Kero's sake. I curl my hands into a fists and turn into my pillow, feeling the tears well up, not wanting to wake Kero up, I cry into my pillow. I grew up. That's what happened. I grew up.
I…I was so happy when I was a little girl…of course, I was a very ordinary school-girl who got annoyed by my Onii-chan and loved to eat (that will never change) and hated math (ditto) – apart from the small fact of me being the Card Mistress and having to sneak out at night and catch the rebellious Clow Cards and return them to the Book of Clow – apart from that tiny fact, yep, I was your average, cheerful ten year old.
More than that I had friends who I truly cared about… Tomoyo was always there for me and she still is…she's so kind and beautiful…but not even she can guess what's been bothering me lately. And Naoka, Yamazaki, Chihura and…and all of my school friends – and Meilin still kept in contact. I thought of her last 'letter' (it was more of a short note than a letter) – a month ago it had arrived and it was weird…Meilin style.
Dear Sakura,
Hi! I hope you're not still jumping around and being happy and all, because it's NOT NORMAL. Then again if there are people like Li there must be people like you – because he's moping around and being even more of a hermit than ever. I wish one of you would tell me what happened…not that I care or anything, but Li is my cousin so I have to put up with him being grouchy all the time.
Anyways, how are you? How are Tomoyo and the stuffed animal? I hope you're okay because Tomoyo says you haven't been your usual self…
So the cracks were beginning to show…
…anyways, on to more important issues: We're okay; accept it's really hot, even though it's just spring! I can't wait until the holiday's start – who knows? Maybe we'll surprise you with a visit! I miss you all quite a bit,
Li Meilin
Oh, Syaoran…Why are you sad…? Do you ever think of me …? I bet you don't. Why would you…? After all, I must have done something pretty huge to have earned this from you.
I blink – because I'm sure, on a faint whispering wind, I felt something…magical. After a few moments, when I didn't feel anything, I dismissed it and curled up, falling into a fitful sleep.
Syaoran…
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Hong Kong: 3.30am
Syaoran's P.O.V
I sit up, gasping…
A nightmare…just a stupid nightmare of no meaning at all…how pathetic. Next thing you'll know is me calling my mummy…pathetic.
I crash back down into the bed-sheets and those irritating thoughts start buzzing around my head. Why now…? That annoying, pitiful and clumsy girl – she had no excuse to disturb my sleep – no excuse at all! Just because she's the Card Mistress…just because she has those amazing eyes, that contagious smile…just because she's the most beautiful angel you've ever laid eyes upon…
Stop. You would never have a chance with her – you never did. Get over it. She was always way out of your league…just, stop being pathetic and get over it.
But…the darkness…I knew something…magical was happening. The last few nights that recurring dream, knowing she was in danger…I knew that this meant I'd have to make sure Eriol was keeping a very close eye on her. He better…or else…
Sakura…I would never see her again – I'd promised myself that. Then…why did it hurt so much? What did these dreams mean…?
"Wei!" I called – he quietly appeared. It always amazed me how he could arose himself from sleep and serve us, the Li family, day and night.
"Yes Master Li?"
"Prepare the training room and bring me a suitable sword," He nodded.
"Of course," He paused at the doorway and cast me a quick glance – he seemed to gather confidence as I waited, "Master?"
"Yes?"
"Forgive me for broaching the subject once more, and after so long – but she phoned a few nights ago," immediately I knew who he was talking about…how could I not know? But I asked anyway – just in case.
"Who phoned?" It didn't sound like my voice – I flinched at how pathetic I sounded.
"The Card Mistress, Kinomoto Sakura," isn't it strange how a few words change everything…? I felt my whole body weaken – my whole being was wracked by the gnawing guilt of not returning her calls, by cutting off all contact…and hearing her name was not helping. I got up abruptly and walked to the window…the stars, the sky…there was a lone cherry blossom tree in the distance on a hill and I scowled – I'd insisted we rip out all of the Cherry Blossom Trees across the grounds so as few things reminded me of her as possible – and usually I didn't remember her at all…but lately I thought of her more than ever. The lone cherry blossom tree blew in the wind and looked almost ethereal in the full beam of the moon. Encouraged by my silence he continued:
"Master Li, she said it was urgent and…she sounded upset," oh, why did he have to add that? My gut clenched…I felt sick. Why did I feel this way…?
Weak. That's why I felt like this. Weakness. What a weakling…couldn't I just move on? What was wrong with me…? I was a mess – how could I ever see her again? After saying all I'd said to everyone…? About moving on, forgetting...
"Master Li…?" Lost in my own thoughts I'd neglected Wei. I turned to face him, expecting the virile mature man he'd been when I first went to Tomoeda - seeing instead a stooped man, with kind warm eyes and wrinkled skin. His hair had fallen and his wizened eyes looked at me with a deep understanding – he'd grown old and yet he still served us with dignity and unshakable loyalty. Staring at him, just then, I realised I would never be that great, or that content and satisfied.
"Prepare the training room," I said softly, "and bring a sword."
And just like that the tensions of running the multi-billion Li Co-operation, of wanting someone I could never have, of being trapped in the four walls of my mind…of being Li Syaoran, melted away. Just like that. The room was more a hall than anything…with swords and shields decorating the somewhat bare (but immaculate) room walls – the windows were huge and, in daylight, the room was bright and full of energy. In the darkness and silence of night it felt far more appropriate for my dark, contemplative mood.
Wei handed me a sword – heavy and cool in my hands. I waited until I heard him retreat and my eye caught sight of the emblems of the Li Clan…it seemed to follow me everywhere…the green, red and yellow – merged into a symbol of wealth, knowledge and traditional values – of solitude. I closed my eyes and loosened up – I was paranoid, that was all.
Standing in the centre of the overly polished wooden floor, slowly, fluidly I executed that old, meaningful dance. Suddenly my soul was at rest…and nothing could take away that protection, or that calm.
The sword didn't feel like a foreign object anymore – it belonged to me. It was me. A part of me that no one could take away…it sliced through the air and I scowled – Sakura. Why do you always appear when I think I've forgotten that angelic face? My bare feet stung on the ground and I smiled at the pain, the sword cut away those ideas and I was left in that primeval state, alone, but content.
I cut, back-flipped, turned to face those faceless foes as they disintegrated into tatters before me – another turn, another effortless back-flip – I felt sweat drip into my eyes, stinging. I let the sword align itself to the floor, and knelt low, seeing nothing. I held the pose for as long as I could, my muscles straining and spun again and went through the manoeuvres that the Li clan had taught its youngsters for centuries.
Suddenly her face appeared again – in an anger and anguish little experienced before I charged into the nothingness and then I felt it – magic. The second time tonight. Something was happening – or was about to happen.
I'd lost my concentration and – slam; the dramatic sound of crashing metal and rock – half of the Li Household came running in – and collectively sweat-dropped.
"Erm…Syaoran, you do realise that you're meant to walk through doors, not walls…" Meilin helpfully piped up. I could see everyone straining not to smile as they stared at me lying flat on my face – twitching, red faced. Slowly they began to leave…this was so embarrassing.
Meilin was the only one left; she came up to me and grinned widely.
"So, what's it like down there, Li-Kun?" She winked. I scowled and dragged myself up, mentally ticking off if there was any pain. I looked down at my hand – there was a deep cut, but I put it behind my back and shrugged.
"Go away, Meilin…" I said, walking away.
"But, Syaoran…" She whined, jumping after me. "I really, really, really, have to talk to you…" I abruptly stopped.
"What?" She went silent for a bit and I knew I wasn't going to like whatever she was about to say. "Well – go on! I haven't got all day!"
"Well…um…"
"Spit it out!"
"Okay, okay, no need to get all testy!" We glared at one another.
"Well?"
"Um…" She looked to the floor, "well, I'm going to Japan this weekend and…" Oh no. Oh God no.
"You need money for a shopping trip?" I asked, hopefully.
"No!" She scowled at me, "If you think all us girls do is shop then you are wrong, mister!" Then her expression cleared, "But if you want to donate to the funds then I'm not complaining!"
"Meilin…" I glowered. "What – do – you – want?"
"Okay, okay…" She frowned and looked at the floor – her mouth opened, closed. "I want you to come with me."
A/N: Yay! A very long chapter! Quite proud. I'll make sure the S+S stuff will happen in the next chapter. Please review because I need some advice as to where to go next…HOE! I'm scared!