Birthday
by Umehiko
Rating: K+
Genre: Plotless crack. XD
Summary: Saya's xxxxth birthday, as it was spent in the lobby of Red Shield, a.k.a. the Saya fanclub with a Purpose.
Disclaimer: Blood+ belongs to Production I.G.
Note: unbeta'ed, spoilers for, the anime all the way to 30 and extreme OOC.
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It was Saya's xxxxth birthday. Although having to celebrate it within the confines of the Red Shield HQ was somewhat depressing, Saya was still happy that someone remembered her birthday. Unfortunately, said someone was currently nowhere to be found. Neither was Riku, nor Kai.
"I wonder where Hagi went…"
Just then, Joel walked into the lobby.
"Happy birthday, Saya."
"Thanks! …Is that a cake?"
"Indeed it is"
"Oh, thank you very much!"
As if on cue, Saya's stomach growled. That has not happened for the past 20+ episodes, so she was a little surprised.
"Eh…excuse me…"
"It's okay. That happens to me too, sometimes."
Saya stared at him.
No, Joel really did just say that. Saya was left speechless.
Joel looked up, snapped his fingers, and in a few seconds the lobby floor was packed with the entire staff body of Red Shield, with David in front of them. They were all wearing red shirts with "Saya for Life!" printed over the front.
Saya slowly turned towards the corridor. Glimpses of unconscious people wearing blue shirts strewn across the length of the floor met her field of vision. There were also a few with striped white/yellow/purple shirts.
She hoped that they were okay.
David cleared his throat. "Saya, we, the RED shield group are dedicated to the RED side of the battle. We have exterminated the BLUE shield fanclub members. There is a possibility that the BLUE shield may attack us, but we have extra security measures, just for tonight."
Outside, Kai sneezed in the cold night. Hagi stood stock still with his poker face plastered on, as usual. Riku was going all "Hey, Kai niichan, are you cold?" and asking other rhetorical questions.
Saya wondered what these "extra security measures" consisted of.
"One, two three, GO!"
Saya blinked.
A loud chorus went up, all of them in unison.
Happy birthday to you
You were born in the Zoo
Among the Chiropterans
And Di-i-va too.
"Someone called me?"
…
Silence.
Everyone turned their heads slowly towards the voice. Diva smiled.
"Nice song! Who improvised it?"
Everyone turned their head towards the other voice. Solomon smiled.
For obvious reasons, Solomon's smile was easier to look at.
Saya finally opened her mouth.
"Di-va. And Solomon."
"Happy birthday, Oneesama!"
"It's the BLUE SHIELD! ATTACK!"
"No, stand back, it's going to be a good show." David's voice rang above the protests and battle cries (?).
Before Diva could do anything, David shot a white glowing cloud towards her.
"DAAAAVID! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! THAT THING WILL COVER A 6 METRE RADIUS! YOU'LL HIT SAYA! AND DIDN'T YOU PROMISE TO USE THAT DURING THE FINAL SHOWDOWN?"
"Julia. DON'T FRIGGIN' SHOUT IN MY EAR! IT HURTS, DAMNIT!"
The argument went on for a minute, until the dust settled and someone yelled something incoherent.
Sitting on the floor, and dazed, were three small figures.
"LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE, YOU MORON ! YOU'VE CHIBIFIED SAYA TOO!"
David had no reply to that.
Saya coughed, albeit in an extremely cute manner.
"What…happened?"
Her voice was also a notch higher than normal.
"Ahahaha! Onee-sama kawaiii!" Diva pointed in an extremely cute manner and laughed an almost innocent, tinkling laugh.
"What about me?"
When Solomon was resized into a chibi, his hair grew to his shoulders, and he was blessed with large, watery blue eyes.
"SOLOMON! We must go back this instant!"
"I understand. It would be impossible, powers or not, to take on the Shield in this state"
"…That wasn't what I was talking about. I NEED TO PUT YOU INTO A LOLITA DRESS, LIKE, NOW!"
Solomon's eyes widened. After throwing Saya a hopeless "Save me!" look, he was forcefully dragged by a beaming Diva out of the lobby.
"…and then I will pull your arm off, like what happened with Karl! Wouldn't that be just WONDERFUL? You'll match him! Perfectly!"
Solomon was near tears. As he passed David and Julia, he glared at them.
"You better remember this. I would advise you not to touch wine for a long long time."
David did not take the threat lightly. He would probably switch to beer.
Several minutes passed, and no one knew what to say. Most were stunned by the impossible happenings, and some were staring at Saya with a blush on their faces.
"SAYA!" In a flash, Hagi was in the lobby.
"SAYA NEECHAN!" Second came Riku. "Where are you?"
"SAAYA!" Kai came running in, a little out of breath. "We saw the weirdest thing ever! Diva—No, a 2 feet tall monster was dragging Solomon— No, another 2 feet tall thing out of the building! Saya—"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…Saya?"
"Yes?"
"Where are you?"
"Right here."
"I'm not talking to you, you talking Saya-plushie!"
"Plu-plu-PLUSHIE? Kai, it's me! Saya! Here!"
"…Who would believe that?"
Saya was fuming, when suddenly she was picked up by a pair of large hands.
"…Hagi."
"Saya."
"Hagi,"
"Saya"
"Heeey! What about me?"
"Riku."
"Saya nee chan!"
Suddenly, Kai felt extremely left out.
"Saya."
"…Yes?"
"Eh, shouldn't you reply with 'Kai', or something?"
"Oh! Okay,…Kai."
"Nevermind. Forget it."
Kai turned to Julia, since David proved himself to be highly irresponsible.
"Is there a cure?"
Julia smiled and said, "…No."
"WHAT!"
"There is no cure because it will wear off by itself."
"…"
At that moment, Kai really wanted out of Red Shield. Besides, that Saya-fanclub thing was kind of pissing him off.
"Riiight."
Joel, who had been forgotten for a while, spoke up.
"Now, let's eat some cake!"
A chorus of approval went up.
"But first, where is the cake?"
A chorus of boos went up.
On the table, in place of the cake was a note.
Saya, remember us? This is the Schiff. I am sorry, but ever since the loss of our leader, we have been very depressed. But then, the doctor prescribed us something we had to get our hands on ourselves. He said sugar, and the example he gave was Birthday Cake. Again, we sincerely apologize, but unless you want up to end us to up like quivering emo losers, you have better hand over the cake or els—Saya! That was someone else. Don't listen to him! You have our utmost gratitude!
Kai read the note, and mumbled softly "Yeah, Saya, forgive them. I'll get you a new cake tomorrow."
"No."
Everyone turned to Saya in surprise. Red eyes glowed so brightly you could see their luminescence in the light.
"…Saya..?"
Saya slowly rose to her full height. Having returned to normal, she roared…
"DIIEE CAKE POACHERS!"
Joel looked up thoughtfully. "Yes, if I remember, her stomach was growling earlier."
Kai's face scrunched into a look of disbelief.
"…And when Saya is hungry, she goes into…"
"..Destructive mode." Riku finished.
"SOMEONE FEED SAYA!"
At a suburb in Tokyo, a group of unsuspecting aspiring Goths huddled in a corner while stuffing cake into their mouths.