Ever Lasting Lie.
His eyelids sprung readily open. The faint dial of the clock read 7:30, and the morning light was beginning to shine through the long white curtains. "7:30", Ryouga thought, on any normal day he would already be awake, dressed and making sure that Mai-chan had brushed both her hair, and teeth and had eaten a hearty yet healthy breakfast before walking her to school. Young, impressionable Mai-chan. Mai-chan who idolised him like a father, played with him like a brother, confided in him like a friend. What would she think of him now, wrapped in white sheets that were not his own, in a bed that was not his own, and with a man that he definitely didn't want for his own. Indeed, what did he think of himself, and how was he now in any place to hold judgement over his own actions. Ryouga had always treasured his strength of morality, believing that, when given the opportunity, he'd taken the right turn at every crossroad of his life. Only, that righteous life was now behind him, all because of one person, one man, a man that was out of his reach, forever. Feeling the shift of weight on the other side of the bed Ryouga pulled himself up to a sitting stance and swung his legs over the bed's edge. Trying to put distance between himself and the other man, trying to put distance between himself and his memories.
How could he have ever though that this would solve anything? How could he have sought to replace someone who had meant so much to him, someone he had admired, respected and yearned for with his mind, heart and body? It had been three weeks since Jani Iiga had been defeated, three weeks since Ryouga had last seen Shiina Yousuke, leader of the Hurricanger-tachi that had helped in the battle; the battle that had only been won with their help. Ryouga and Yousuke had fought together, side-by-side, Dino Guts meeting Shinobi spirit. Karakuri and Bakuryu. Their red uniforms blurring into one determined streak. Yousuke had helped him to understand the responsibility that he held, taught Ryouga to channel his power and refine his technique. Ryouga had felt the exhilaration of working as part of a truly strong team. The reassurance of someone prepared to stand with him, who also had the power to support him increased his confidence and thus his strength began to grow more steadily.
He'd felt braver than ever, bursting with confidence, his Dino Guts burning brightly within him. His body on fire with the adrenaline and will, and yet deep within the strong determination he also felt the calm assurance of working within the team, driving him onwards, supporting his every move.
His moves balanced by the others and mirrored by Hurricane Red had pulled at his heart, stirring thoughts of synchronisation that he'd never felt outside of sexual intercourse.
With Yousuke, he believed he'd fitted perfectly, two hearts beating as one, two minds sharing the same goal, as the sweat poured from their hair and down their spines. Their timing had been intuitive and almost second nature. With every move forward he took, he believed that he'd be backed up by Shiina Yousuke, and when Yousuke had moved forward, Ryouga had felt that he'd be prepared to follow him forever. Inside his suit, his heart had beaten a rapid and heavy taboo, the passion of the fight equally matched by his own less valiant passions, adrenaline and excitement pulsing in his veins.
Of course the fight had finally come to an end, Ryouga's heart still sparking like the explosions from the giant form of Jani Iiga. For a moment he couldn't move, his excitement too embarrassing, and immobilising.
Ryouga placed a hand to his mask, his head spinning and stomach churning. Throughout the duration of the battle he'd become lost within his own desires, and now he was uncertain, uncertain of how to face his mentor and how to face his own team. He wanted to be a Hurricanger, he wanted to fight side by side with the others, in the place where he felt he belonged, where he thought he could work. As strong as his desire for Shiina Yousuke was, he realised he'd be prepared to just follow him for the rest of his life, the near proximity to his idol giving him all that he needed. To be able to see him very day, was all that he wanted, to call him when he needed, to be there with him, and one day to be alone with him again, just the two of them. Ryouga's thoughts shifted again, and slowly, with difficulty he pulled himself to a standing position, and began to move towards the others, where both sets of heroes stood.
Every step felt like an eternity, trying to shake off his thoughts and longings, trying to smile, trying to make everything the same as it was, a situation that could never be grasped again. As he met up with the others he'd looked into Shiina Yousuke's eyes, as deeply as he could trust himself too, and he wondered if he could just give it all up, not the fighting but the rest of his life, could he give up his friends, could he give up Mai-chan, just for this one man? Yousuke grinned pushing his hair back from off of his face, and Ryouga's heart fluttered. His questions were best not answered, his soul searing with pain, he would lose his life, or lose Yousuke, and the decision was not his to make.
And so Yousuke had vanished from his life, returning to the shadows to being one of the unknown people with unknown missions, lingering only in Ryouga's mind and heart, visiting him only in dreams, and forcing Ryouga to sink back into his old life.
The time had rolled by, first days and then weeks, every passing hour becoming more and more painful for Ryouga. His infuriation with the lack of co-ordination of his team brought his temper to boiling point time and again. His fuse was short and his sentences all contained more than a hint of a bark. His friend's tendencies struck him as immature and idiotic and his time with Mai-chan caused the guilt to cripple his soul. All colours became dull in Ryouga's eyes except for the flash of red that he'd see in the corner of his eye which always faded into nothingness whenever he sharply turned his head looking for it. He'd find himself scanning the streets as he walked back from dropping Mai-chan off at nursery, looking for the one person who could take away the sick longing within him.
After two months, Ryouga couldn't cope anymore. It was in the early hours of the morning when Ryouga woke up, head once more swimming in dreams of Yousuke, which lay just beyond his grasp. Ryouga had moved forwards, one hand out to push the hair that had fallen over Yousuke's eye back behind his ear, his hand brushing the side of Youske's face, his lips, preparing to kiss, as the dream Yousuke faded from view, the taste of pillow filtering into his mouth, the dampness of freshly cried tears marking the cotton. Ryouga lifted his head; eye's puffy and circled with blue black bruising from another disturbed nights sleep. Reaching for his clothes, Ryouga pulled himself from the sweat soaked sheets, his hand briefly hovering over the red dino jacket, before pushing it aside. For where he was going, he would go on his own terms, not as an Abaranger, but as Hakua Ryouga.
The dawn had yet to make an appearance as Ryouga made his way towards his enemy's apartment. The doctor had once lived every day in the grand building, before combining his powers with the Torinoids and Giganoids. As Ryouga approached the building, he thought how well the place suited its master. Even in the gloom of the early hours, the building stood out marked in its own style. The white painted walls gleamed in the darkness, and the whole apartment looked as if it cost more money than Ryouga would ever be able to comprehend. Walking through the entranceway, Ryouga moved as a shadow, casting a dark blur where he walked, and almost collapsing within the apartments lift. For a moment he panicked, faced with the decision of which button to press within the elevator, before a knowing smile spread over his mouth and he tapped for the highest floor. Nothing would suit the doctor more than a penthouse suite. The lift churned slightly then efficiently began to speed up past each floor. The lift contained no windows and disorientation was only avoidable by watching the illuminated numbers turn off, one by one.
Ryouga felt his stomach swirl, his thoughts racing through images of Yousuke, his high cheekbones, the clarity in his eyes, and the way his hair would fall time and again, brushing Yousuke's cheeks with its silky individual strands. The memories once more began to course through Ryouga's body, causing shivers to run down his back as the lift reached his final destination. As Ryouga walked through the door, he caught sight of another figure, stood a little way off from the lift entrance, white trousers hanging from his hips, and black shirt the buttons undone to his chest revealing finely shaped shoulders blades, and the softness of his throat.
"I've been waiting for you."
"Nakadai."
The tears fell freshly from his sparkling eyes once more as Ryouga took clumsy steps towards the doctor, lifting one hand to brush the others hair from his eyes. The image of Shiina Yosuke turning back one last time before he vanished played through Ryouga's head. The gentleness that shone in Youske's eyes, the vibrancy and vivaciousness that glowed from his spirit, none of these things could be found in the person that now encircled Ryouga roughly in his arms. There was no love, no deeper emotion then mutual release. Something to take out frustration upon, something that he could pretend was something else, until the sun rose in the sky, and he had to head back.
The kissing was rough and boisterous, no softness, no giving, only Nakadai taking as harshly and as abruptly as he cared for. Ryouga felt his body first tense under his enemy's attention and then yield, his body becoming that of a rag doll, thrown on to the bed, as his heart beat faster and deep within he thought of Yousuke.