Okay! So, I read this story and, after losing many brain cells, I decided: Hey, why not put in my own sarcastic thoughts? Remember, my powers of sarcasm are no match for the author's bad spelling ability. Well, here we go, on an adventure into the loss of our brain cells.
ALLIANCES
ok so like i said this iks my first story be nice plz
btw its set afte rsunset so
ThunderClan
Leader: Firestar - ginger tom with a flame-colored pelt
Deputy: Brambleclaw - dark brown tabby tom with amber eyes
Medicine Cat: JayFeather-gray tom (Yes, because Jayfeather would definitely be the medicine cat in THE NEW PROPHECY series, BEFORE HE WAS BORN!)
Warriors:
Squirrelflight - dark ginger she-cat with green eyes
Apprentice, Foxpaw
Dustpelt - dark brown tabby tom
Sandstorm - pale ginger she-ca
Cloudtail - long-haired white tom
Apprentice DaisyPaw - cream long-furred cat from the horseplace (wow. I was led to believe that Daisy was from Power of Three, and that she kept her name. Pardon me for my mistake.)
Brackenfur - golden brown tabby tom
Sorreltail - tortoiseshell-and-white she-cat with amber eyes
Thornclaw - golden brown tabby tom
Brightheart - white she-cat with ginger patches
Spiderleg - long-limbed black tom with brown underbelly and amber eyes
Whitewing - white she-cat with green eyes
Apprentice, Icepaw
Birchfall - light brown tabby tom
Graystripe - long-haired gray tom
Berrynose - cream-colored tom (again? Did these three time travel or something? Also, the rest of the warriors from here down, most aren't even introduced until Power of Three, or even Omen of the Stars.)
Hazeltail - small gray-and-white she-cat
Mousewhisker - gray-and-white tom
Cinderheart - gray tabby she-cat
Poppyfrost - tortoiseshell she-cat
Honeyfern- light brown tabby she-cat
Lionblaze - golden tabby tom
Hollyleaf - black she-cat
FoxHeart-reddish tabby tom (I thought he was an apprentice?)
IceFire-white she cat
ToadRibbit-black—and-white tom (Toadribbit. Very creative.)
RoseFlame-dark cream she cat
BriarStorm-dark brown she cat
BumbleFlower-very pale gray tom with black stipes (What are stipes?)
BlossomWind-pale brown she cat iwth a dark stripe along her spine
Apprentices:
Fox DaisyPaw - cream long-furred cat from the horseplace (Fox Daisypaw? Three names, really?)
FlamePaw-firecolored she cat with one grnee eye one blue eye
LakePaw-bright blue gray she cat with blue eyes
The last 2 r starKits siters (And yet, their apprentices at the beginning of the book? Unless they were in a previous litter.)
JazzPaw-red she cat with blue eyes and a black tail (What about Bluespaw? Or Classicalpaw?)
Queens:
Ferncloud - pale gray (with darker flecks) she-cat with green eyes mother of Dustpelts kits (Obviously copied word for word from the books; she didn't mess up on the description!)
Dawnsparkle-bright tortishell she cat with garguntan blue eye's mother of Jayfeathers' ktis, formaly of Shadowclan
Kits:
StarKit-graysh-blue-and purple she cat with molting orange eyes and a white star on her forhaed (a cat with purple fur? And eyes that molt? Molting is what birds do.)
Elders:
Longtail - pale tabby tom with dark black stripes, retired early due to failing sight
Mousefur - small dusky brown she-cat (Mousefur didn't retire until Power of Three)
Weaslepelt-big red tabby he cat with bight yellow eyes (hes Rowanclaw's dad, he came to Thunderclan when Dawn- did0
LeafPool-brown tabby she cat (Leafpool was an apprentice for almost all of The New Prophecy, to be a MEDICINE CAT. So how could she be an elder? Explain that to me.)
ShadowClan
Leader: Blackstar - large white tom with huge jet-black paws
Deputy: Russetfur - dark ginger she-cat
Medicine Cat: Littlecloud - very small tabby tom
Apprentice, Flamepaw (ginger tom)
Warriors:
Oakfur - small brown tom
Apprentice, Tigerpaw (dark brown tabby tom)
Rowanclaw - ginger tom
Smokefoot - black tom
Apprentice, Owlpaw (light brown tabby tom)
Ivytail - black, white and tortoiseshell she-cat
Apprentice, Dawnpaw (cream-furred she-cat)
Toadfoot - dark brown tom
Crowfrost - black-and-white tom
Apprentice, Olivepaw (tortoiseshell she-cat)
Kinkfur - tabby she-cat, with long fur that sticks out at all angles
Ratscar - brown tom with long scar across his back
Apprentice, Shrewpaw (gray she-cat with black feet)
Snaketail - dark brown tabby tom with striped tail
Apprentice, Scorchpaw (dark gray tom)
Whitewater - white she-cat with long fur, blind in one eye
Apprentice, Redpaw (mottled brown and ginger tom)
Tawnypelt - tortoiseshell she-cat with green eyes
Flamewind- flame color tabby tom with green eye's
Tigerclaw-huge dark brown tabby tom with long claw's and amber eys (He's back? I thought that scourge killed him in the first series.)
DawnFeather-cream tabby she cat (shes a different cant then the one in tC ok?) (We didn't think there was a similarity there.)
OlivePaw-bright brown she cat
Queens:
Snowbird - pure white she-cat
Elders:
Cedarheart - dark gray tom
Tallpoppy - long-legged light brown she-cat
WindClan
Leader: Onestar - brown tabby tom
Deputy: Ashfoot - gray she-cat
Medicine Cat: Barkface - short-tailed brown tom
Apprentice, Kestrelpaw (mottled gray tom)
Warriors:
Tornear - tabby tom
Crowfeather - dark gray tom
Owlwhisker - light brown tabby tom
Whitetail - small white she-cat
Nightcloud - black she-cat
Gorsetail - very pale gray-and-white cat with blue eyes
Weaselfur - ginger tom with white paws
Harespring - brown-and-white tom
Leaftail - dark tabby tom, amber eyes
Apprentice, Thistlepaw (long-haired white tom)
Dewspots - spotted gray she-cat
Apprentice, Sedgepaw (light brown tabby she-cat)
Willowclaw - gray she-cat
Apprentice, Swallowpaw (dark gray she-cat)
Antpelt - brown tom with one black ear
Emberfoot - gray tom with two dark paws
Apprentice, Sunpaw (tortoiseshell she-cat with large white mark on her forehead)
Heathertail - light brown tabby she-cat with blue eyes
Breezepelt - black tom with amber eyes
Elders:
Morningflower - very old tortoiseshell queen
Webfoot - dark gray tabby tom
RiverClan
Leader: Leopardstar - unusually spotted golden tabby she-cat
Deputy: Mistyfoot - gray she-cat with blue eyes
Medicine Cat: Mothwing - dappled golden she-cat
Apprentice, Willowshine (gray tabby she-cat)
Warriors:
Blackclaw - smoky-black tom
Voletooth - small brown tabby tom
Apprentice, Minnowpaw (dark gray she-cat)
Reedwhisker - black tom
Mosspelt - tortoiseshell she-cat with blue eyes
Apprentice, Pebblepaw (mottled gray tom)
Beechfur - light brown tom
Rippletail - dark gray tabby tom
Apprentice, Mallowpaw (light brown tabby tom)
Graymist - pale gray tabby
Dawnflower - pale gray she-cat
Dapplenose - mottled gray she-cat
Pouncetail - ginger-and-white tom
Mintfur - light gray tabby tom
Apprentice, Nettlepaw (dark brown tabby tom)
Otterheart - dark brown she-cat
Apprentice, Sneezepaw (gray-and-white tom)
Pinefur - very short-haired tabby she-cat
Apprentice, Robinpaw (tortoiseshell-and-white tom)
Rainstorm - mottled gray-blue tom
Duskfur - brown tabby she-cat
Apprentice, Copperpaw (dark ginger she-cat) (Copper? Is Riverclan full of miners now?)
Queens:
Icewing - white cat with green eyes, mother of Beetlekit, Pricklekit, Petalkit, and Grasskit
Elders:
Heavystep - thickset tabby tom
Swallowtail - dark tabby she-cat
Stonestream - gray tom
Go ahead and flame this story, it isn't mine, and I don't care.
Chpater oen prouloge (Not a very good start to a story. Misspelling every word. Also, the prologue doesn't count as a chapter.)
The cats gathered around a pool. They all looked into it eagerly. A dark shape appeared on the surface. A blue she cat looked up. Her eyes were bright.
"There is a prophecy!" (Oh, really?) She said. "out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly." (Well, if that wasn't the most obvious prophecy ever…)
"Its about StarKit!" (How do you know that? Also, isn't it supposed to be a secret from the readers?) A white tom said. (Who is this guy? What's his name?) "Shes going to save the forest," (didn't they move to the lake by the time Sunset rolled by?) He looked at a gold tom (Who?) by BlueStar. "she has powers nobody dreamed of." Said the gold tom. "Should we tell JayFeather?" He asked. "Yes." Said BlueStar. "he needs to know."
She walked away from the pool to tell JayFeather about the prophcy.
did u like it? plz tell me in urm review! (Yes, tell me how awful it is so far, I want to know!)
Chapter to the rose of a Heroin (So, are the Thunderclan cats drug addicts now? Maybe the title is supposed to say: Chapter to the Rise of Heroin.)
ok jazzie-kun pleas dont get mad at me cause your not in it yet. (You don't want to be in it. You really don't.) You'l apear soon dont worry.
StarKit wock up and sunlit was in the branches. (She wock up. It didn't necessarily say that she woke up, meaning that this is a really badly written dream!) She closed her eyes againstill tired. Butter mom wouldn't let her sleep not today. (Butter mom? What? Where's Toast dad?)
"Sweety its time to get up" said Dawnsparkle; her eys shinning. "Today is important today." (Redundant.)
"What is it Mom" said StarKit awake right away. Then the she cat rememembered what today was. (WHAT IS IT?!)
"Ohmigosh its my serimony today!' (She's supposed to say 'great Starclan!', not 'Ohmygosh!') she squelled excercisedly. (What a great adjective.) Today was the day she was an apprentice!
She flicked outside not even waiting for her Mom. But her Mom cot up to her quick.
"Sweety you know the clans don't except cat slike use sometimes." She said.
StarKit glared. She didn't lake beig told that. Just because her Mom was a usedto be Shadowclan cat and her dad was jayFeather the medicine Cat didn"t mean she ws different! (Well… it actually does. Also: WHAT?! Jayfeather would NEVER make the same mistakes that Leafpool did! Plus, what's wrong with 'Dawnsparkle' being originally from Shadowclan? Tawnypelt was from Thunderclan, but she joined Shadowclan without a problem. As long as she has proven her loyalty to Thunderclan, there shouldn't be a problem. But I digress…)
"StarPaw come here." Said FireStar from the leg. (Whose leg?) He jumped down.
"StarKit it s tome for you to become an apentice: (Tome? Apentice?) he said. "Your a strong brave cat and because of that I will mentor with you." (Mary Sue.)
Ever body gasped. StarKit did too. Se herd hear mother say "Wow!". (What's the big deal? Leaders take apprentices all the time. For example: Bluestar and Firepaw.)
Firehert liked her shoulder. (It must be a really nice shoulder) He whispered in her ear "youll be the best their ever was StarPaw I know ti."
Surpised she walked away when they were done howling for her./ (Howling? Are they wolves now? I thought that they chanted the names of the cats.) Then she went ofer to JayFeathern and DawnSparkle who were very prod. (Who was prodding them?)
"Daughetr where very happy but he have to say something said Jayfeather his chest puffed ouit. (Grammar errors everywhere. Try to understand it without reading it again.) "You see there is this prophcy Starcaln gave me it said that out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly."
StarPaw gasped. What does it mean? (You can't even understand the most obvious prophecy?)
lol I update fast dont i. REVEIW or ill hit over the head with a frying pan! XDD jk (I pick the frying pan. I want to forget that this ever even happened.)
Chapter three the Battle 4 the caln (Why are you using numbers for your chapter titles but not the chapter numbers?)
thx jazzie-kun 4 th good review! and stop flmaing the stroy!1 i bet u cant right such a good story!1!1 (The fact that you were 13 when you wrote this makes me all the more sad for you.)
StarPaw walkd over too the appentice's den. Insid she saw her sister's FlamePaw and lakePaw and hr frend JazzPaw (a.n: jazzie-kin ur my bff!) waz slepping on the mos.
"JazzPaw get up." She cried. (Why's she sad?) JazzPaw opend her brlliaint blu eyes and looked at hr.
"Do yo want 2 go on pattrol wit me?" she asked.
"Sure!" Said JazzPaw getten up from the moss. They leavt and went two the entrnse too camp.
But then, a cat came in thru the entrnce! It was BlackStar!1!11 (WHY is Blackstar attacking?)
"Shadowclan are attaking!" She yelled. (Since when does Blackstar qualify as all of Shadowclan?) All the cats came out from there dens. She jumped on a cat and clawd him and he ran of. (Really?)
"Good job StarPaw!" FireStar called, "The last cat i new that culd fiht lik that was SandStrom. Your a good fihter!" (Actually, it just means that the cat that she fought was a wuss. *Gasp* he was a wussy cat!)
StarPaw was happy. She wus a good fihgter! Maybey this was wat the prophcy meant.
thnkx and ples no more flams (ignore that author's note. Flame on!)
Chapter Three The Traning Under The Star (There are two chapter threes.)
OMGOSH GUkys im so sorry but SOMEONE glares at rainy days (Good job, Rainy Days, wherever you are.) FLAMED ME AND I GOT REALLY HURT. (If it hurts to get flamed so much, don't write crap stories.) OKKAY IF you dont LIKE thestor y you dont have to readit u know. (We can't read it, we can't even understand it!)
Chapter Three The Traning Under The Stars (We cleared that up already.)
Shadowclan run from the camp. StarPaw smiled. Shed one! Noone cod hurt her family now . (Who was attacking her family? It was just Blackstar, and he wasn't going after Jayfeather.)
StarPaw!" said FireStar. "Its time we train!" I want to show you how to fight!"
"Ok." Sad StarPaw happl;y. "but yo just saw I culd fight, write?" "Well, ya." said FireStar. "But I wnted tol see if that was all you new." (Clearly she doesn't need training, she just beat a leader singlehandedly.)
"Ok." They went to the frost togather and the other cats cleaned jp the bodies. (Bodies? Again, it was just Blackstar.) "Ok StarPaw" said Firestar one they got their. "We'll start with how to dog." ("Just bark and slobber!")
"Cmon thas too easy!" yelled StarPaw. Shed just beat BlackStar she was ready for anything!
"ok Ok" mewled FiresTar, lets learn how to claw an oponit. (Didn't she do that to Blackstar?)
"Ya." Yowled Starkit. She jumped at FireStar not Giving hiM time to attakc. "She hit his side he didn't move he was to surprise.d she clawed him and he started bledding. "wow StarPaw" he said ".Your doing awesome." "Really?" gaped StarPaw. She didn't think she was doing that god was she relly special like the porphesy meowed? (They still say 'said' in the Warriors books.)
"Yes StarPaw." Snarled Firestar. (Why is he angry?) "I couldnteven get away in fast enough. Only scourg was did that before.,"
"OMGOSH REALLY?" asked StarPaw. Scourg?1? THE SCOURG? She dherad so muchj about him he was really evil and killed alot of cats. "I'M LIKE SCOURG? (What is so hard about putting an 'e' at the end of 'scourge') "I didnt mean it like that" FirePaw sad fastly. "I ment you wer a good fighter. Its really cool." At that minute he thought to himself 'Starpaws so kawaii look at her eys and her fur. (Firestar is Starpaw's great grandfather. Can you say creepy?)
"Oh ok thanks." They trained floor awhile later StarPaw beat FireStar 8 times once she let him win to make him fel bettar and b y the last one she was alittle tired. (Mary Sue)
"Hey FireStar can we hunt now." Said StarPaw. "im kinda hungry."
"Oh we'll if you want." Firestar was disappointed he and; starPaw had been having so much fun. So they went huntng, StarPaw messed up a couple times but FireStar said it was okaysince it was only her second time (she'd had her first time when she was a littlekit and she and FireStar had snuck out together that's why he chose her as his apprentice_. (What?!)
Later that night StarPaw locked up at the stars. She and Firestar had'd so much fun this day. Theyd brung back enough food for the hole clan. (So Thunderclan digs holes now. Weird.)
Locking upn at the stars she turned to her best friend, JazzPaw, and said, (Where'd he come from?) "Do you think well ever be up there."
"Ya totally." Said JazzPaww. "I mean youll be l,eader and I'll be depudy one day well have too!"
"Ya." Said StarPaw smiling she loved JazzPaw NOT IN THAT WAY U SICKOS!) (We aren't sick, we're just reading a story written by someone who is.) they were best friends. She loked up at the stars again and smiled and fell asleep wit the Starcaln voices whisper in her head.
REVIEW R MY LIFE
(lol u like it Jazzy I mead you as kawai as I could
( (Explain the word kawai to me.)
Chapter For StarPaws decids
flamrs ur all satanits!11 anyon who dosent like the stro is a staneist cause StarGIPaw has such a strng conecton with sTarcaln and thats why you dot like it, its cause u do ntlik JEZUS! (Well, that escalated quickly.)
"StarPaw wok up its tim 4 parole." (She was put in prison? Keep her there!)
StarPaw opnd hr brite reinbow eys and locked arund. (I thought they were orange.)
"Omigosh who wus tha!1!1"Sshe yellow. (I thought she was purple.)
"Its me GrayStipe" GrayStrip wisperd in her er. StarPaw gottedup. (Let's see how many times the 'author' can misspell 'Graystripe')
"Omigosh Graystip what do u want!1 she yelped GrayStrpe locked at hr. "Wll u be my mat" hE ESked. (Isn't Starpaw an APPRENTICE, meaning that she isn't allowed to have a mate? Also, Greystripe is old enough to be her great grandfather.)
"OMigosh grayStripe thats so nic!" StarKit scremed. "but FireStar alredy esked me." (When?)
"wel then hes jst an idot." (He would never say that about his best friend.)
"StarPaw wok up its tim 4 parole." (Not again!)
StarPaw opnd hr brite reinbow eys and locked arund.
"Omigosh who wus tha!1!1"Sshe yellow.
"Its me GrayStipe" GrayStrip wisperd in her er. StarPaw gottedup.
"Omigosh Graystip what do u want!1 she yelped GrayStrpe locked at hr. "Wll u be my mat" hE ESked.
"OMigosh grayStripe thats so nic!" StarKit scremed. "but FireStar alredy esked me."
"wel then hes jst an idot."
y do u say tha?" yellED STARPaw GayStrip (WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH. What?! Worst Freudian slip ever!) locked at hr meanly. "i dont lik him" sqeakd GrayStripe he locked arund fastly. "hes a mean cat! (He wouldn't say that about his best friend either.)
"OMIGOSH U MEAN LIKE SCOURG?" STARPAW SHOCKED. (Where did THAT come from?)
"No ur much prtter then sourg" said Graystripe he licked her on the head I want u to be my mat." ("So that I can walk ALL over you.") he yeleled.
"Well mabey. but what would FireStar say?" she wispereed. GrayStripe locked around agan. "I dont think he wuld mind." said GraStri;e (Yes, he would.)
"OMIGOSH SUR THAN!" StarPaww yelleded happly.
"Wat ar uo ta;kin abut" said FireHert he was walkin up. He locked angrily.
"oh uhhhh nuthin FireStar go back to sleep!" mwled StarPaw hoppin he would leaf so she culd be alon with grayStripe. (How disloyal to your 'mate'. And your great-grandfather.)
"Yah FireStra theres nithing to wory about!" cherrid GrayStrpe but Firestar didn't leave insted he said i thought I herd you asking her to be our mate."
"oh uh yeh. yELLED STARPaw but he didn;t leaf instead he jumped on GrayStripe!1!11
"I Want to be wit her!" said FireHart attakin GraySriep.
"No I do!" shouted. (Who shouted?)
"guysys stop fihting you can BOTH be my mats! StarPaw wispered apply like seCert."
"No we can;t do that their can only be 1!11 Howled Firestar. "Otterwies youll chet on us." (Sound logic.)
"So StarGleam, who will u pik?" giggled GayStipe. (Why does she have her warrior name? and why is 'Gaystipe' giggling?)
(I guess there are no closing remarks for this chapter.)
Chapter Five Untidles (What does that mean?)
(It only makes less sense
UR OLL JUST SAINTS (Awwww, thanks!) y cant u just except jEsuss it wold mae ur life so much mor engoyable u would never haf to worr/ again (That's not true.)
StarPaw sad "I..i….." she was so foncusded! Thes to cats hard asked her to b there mates an wht was she supops to do? They we beoth handsome and althing, but bot had matss! (Finally, you see some sense.) Nhd she luvved them both! FirstAr wus so kind and he oviusly likked her allot. GayStirpe was so funny and col. (And BOTH are too old for her.)
"!" said StarPaw ass she ruan in to the forest. It wus to muck# she culdnt choss! (We got ourselves a pound sign here!)
She run and ran and run til ur paws her hurtinged. Hen she rrellized she corsed the broader. Oih no she thugh Shadowclan will get me. "wut are you ding here?" sd BalkStar s he waked up.
"I'm sorry!" mewoed StarKit I didn't men too!' (And now she's a kit again!)
That's ok" sed blackStar. "no wons perfeck." (Gee, that totally sounds like Shadowclan.) "no that's not true." Said StarPaw, offed. "StarClan is.""Waht do you mena?" wemed BlackStar.
"well the give us all this halpand stuff" said Starpaw. "without them we wold be lust." She said. (Well…)
"I gess that's ter " balkcStar said, "besid I didn't relly mean that neway.
"o really why?" said starpaw. "becus yo are."
'WHAT' YOWLED sTarpaw jumping away BlackkStarTried to nugle her. ('Nugle'?) "WHAT ARE O TRIG TO DO MOLE STRAEP ME?1?"
"e—" BlakStar started too expaln, but, StarPw wass to quick
"no" she Sid "I don't doned another tom after me!" "I got enog porbelms arigt now anywy!
"but yor pahfect." Said Blackstar. "you betted me in badle you HAVE TO BE " (I don't remember any gambling happening in this story, but I wouldn't put it past her.)
"NO!" shitted (Let me take this time to remind you that all I did to this story was add my comments. I do not like it when people swear.) SarPaw Again runnin into the forst. Ters ralled down her checks she was cyring. 'its too much" sahe though. "Starcalnb help me….!"
Chapter Six Desions,
STUP GLAMING!11! IF YOU'R AN FLAM,E YOUR A STNITS AND WIL BUN IN HEIKL!(Sometimes I wonder if she is misspelling all of this on purpose…)
LASTEST TIEM ON STARKITS PROPEHY:;
"NO!" shitted (Again, I do not approve of swearing.) SarPaw Again runnin into the forst. Ters ralled down her checks she was cyring. 'its too much" sahe though. "Starcalnb help me….!"
Afert tat StrPaw walkde thru the frost. (If it's autumn, then there shouldn't be a whole lot of prey. If there isn't a whole lot of prey, then why did she get a crap-ton of prey two days ago?) She wus so depresedded! Hu was seh sapost to pik?/?/ Then she saw JayFethre cumin thru the forst tords her.
"JayFeathr im soooo confusedd wat do i do she yelled their are three toms atref me! TREEE!"! (Yes, that is a tree. You're in a forest. There are trees EVERYWHERE!)
i know" sed jayFethr he locked happy. "thats good four you it menzz that p[eo[le like uo. he told he smilling.
"NO NUT I LUV ALL OF THEM" sed StarPaw back waling upst. "I DON'T KNO WHO TO [ICK!1!1"
"wel ten let me tel yo a stor.y said JayFeathern and he sat don. Onceu pon a tiem there were afew cats that I licked." (Ew.)
"hu where they sad StarPaw snifing.
"theyre names were DawnSpark;e and... Stick/ saud JayFeather.
"OMG STICK wispred StarPaw "YOU WHERE IN LUV WITH A STICK? She culdnt belief it. After al this tim she finds out that her fathe loved a sTICK. SHE GAPD IN SHOC. (Huh? Didn't he say CATS?)
"Wat did you do? she esked thoug cuase she was crios.
Wel I culdn have kids with a stcik now culd i?" (Is that the only reason?) said JayPaw and he locked confuded. LIKE HE DIDN;T EVN KNO SHE WAS GNNA ASK THt qestn.
"sO YOU WENT WITH DAWNSPARKLE INSTD! YELLED STARpaw locking vry happi. "but that doesn;t help me what am I spost to do?/?
"Folo youre hart said Jayfeahr. "Who do yo want to be wit/"
Hmm StarPaw taught for a secund. FireStar!" (Hooray for being with your great grandfather!) she yelldd and then run of to tel him that she ;oved him
NO FLAMSE!1!12!1 (Ignore that!)
Chapter Ate The Serimmony 1 (Oh no! the chapter ate the 'serimmony'! call the cops!)
STOP REVOFIGN BAD! but than u JASZpAW for tehh godo revewis uve ben levving (Jazzpaw, you traitor!)
StarPaw skided into de Camp. "FIRSTAR" SHE YOWLED "I ha to tel; uo somesting?"
"nut ow StarOaw" he sadi "yuve gut to become WARRIOR!' (She's been a freaking apprentice for 4 DAYS! Can someone say… Mary Sue?)
"MOGOSH REALLY creamed StarPaw. (MOGOSH! It should be: MOSTARCLAN!)
YEAH SAID firestar "Youv been a war for onll 3.14 dayss butt u are the best apent ice in the cAlan. (Mary Sue.) Ur perfect. We ndd you to help dfeat BlackStar and ShadowclaN. And all teh other calns. Tehy are tyring 2 attack us were in the meddle of a warr. " (The only one to attack you is Blackstar. There is no war, seeing as Blackstar is now in love with Starpaw. Plotholes, aarrgghh!)
"omgosh WE ARE?" scremmed StarPal she sus so surpissed!
"Ya DustPelt did while U were away in your walk Rivrclan attacked us." (What?) Said SandTrom. She locked sortaf sad she New FireStart lovved Stargleam. (Still hasn't had her ceremony.) But it wass ok she newt wht wus best.
"OMGoht" sid StarPaw. "Quickk mack me a warrror!"
"Oak" said Firestar. He wlaked up to StarPaw. "aLL Cats Gather Round Who Are Older To Cach There One Prey!" (They only get one piece of prey to catch?)
"Tday we are making a new Warrior."
The calnn GASPED! (What's so surprising about a new warrior?)
"SarkPaw! StarPaw!: (NOT YET!) shouted the clan. They all new infancy it was she whom was beng mad a warrior.
Starpaw was so exited! She'd never bin so hap inner life!
"StarPaw….." said FirePaw. He was simile like shed never sent him simle behfore. "Are you ready to become a Warrior in the Name of Starcaln?:"
"Yes!" she shock3d.
"oak." (OH NO! A TREE!) Eh sad. "Then by the powers of Starclan, I gave you this narme. From now on, you will be none as StarPaw (That isn't a very creative name.) for your pel which sings (Why's her pelt singing?) like the stars (I thought it was purple.) and ur conectin 2 StarClann. We onner you'r bravvery and" " kindness."
"SarkPaw! StarPaw!: shouted the clan. They
StarGleam girned. She wass a Warrior! At least!" (I thought her warrior name is Starpaw.)
"FireScar," she said, cuming over 2 him. "I wanna tell u somesing." They locked sirously at him.
"yeah wat is it?" he sad, hop shinning in his eayres.
Dos he knew? StarGlema think. (No, because it's hope 'shinning' in his eyes.)
"Firestar…." She brethed. She cullednt she was actually dong this after so lung.
"I….."
WINDCLAN ATTAK! Shioted a voise from obove the Camp.
It was….
HOLYLEAF! (Hollyleaf's a protagonist, and she isn't a Windclan cat.)
I workd reall' herd on dis chapter n tired 2 spell good so plzz review NICE! (So, are you tired when you write all your chapters?"
Chatter NEIN Teh Evil Tigger and holy (Oooh! It's in German!)
I SAID NO FLAMES! YOUR JUST JELOS (Mmmm… delicious.) YOUR GOING 2 HEL LJESS IS OYUR SAVER
"Ohno its HolyLeaf!" yelled FireStra he ranned away. SandStrom wnet aftre him.
StarGlaem locked up. HolyLeaf was stnding their and their was anodder chat with hr.
"OMIGOSH ITS TIGGERSTAR!" ("He's bouncing all over the place!") she hossed. "WHTA WIL WE DO!"
"we figt." saud Jayfeathre and he ran at HollyLeaf. StarGlema washed as HolyLefa locked at JayFather and kiled him (Never.) with one shot. (What'd she shoot him with?)
"YOU KILDED MY FTHER! ("Prepare to die!") she yelled and she attcked HolyLeaf. HollyPaw gut out of the way and StarPaw attaked TiggerSar.
"U killed TigerStra!" (Actually, she just attacked him.) uelled FiresStar he locked happy. "You are speshil!"
StarGleam was sooo happy, she didng notse as HollyLea grabbed Firestar and took him way.
"OH NO" yelled StarKit. "WE HAVE TO SAVE HIM! (I thought she didn't notice her dragging him away.)
a cilf hunger1!111! see im a god riter i no what thta id thx f4r the good revweiws JzzPaw && everon else WHOSE NIT A FALMER (Who else?)
Chapter Ten The Recluse
"EVERONE FALLOW ME" meowled StarPleam as see charred for th3 entranse to eh camp. Tares stremmed down her face1 she wuss so sad her fahter had deid her leader was gunn. "FLAMEPAW LAKEPAW DUSTPELT MOM (They don't say mom or dad!) LOINBLAZE FALLOW ME." She said. "I NEDD A PAROL."
The run into the frost their pass working fastly. She wood kill HolyLeaf and TigerSar for what thed don!
She batlecried using his nose to tar down the evill cats. Her heat burneded! (That line made absolutely no sense whatsoever.)
Sune they had funded them. They were hidnig bwhind a bolder. "HAHAHAH" LAUGHED HOLylesf putting er claw on FiresTarS thort. "IVE GOT YOU KNOW!"
StarGleam gasped. "noooooo Fireheat!" she scemmed "FalmePawgo!" she said.
Flamepaw hurled at HolyLeaf. Hollyleaf laked at her in suprise. "What how could they have fallowd me." She dogged at Flamepaw her blue eys fallshig.
"NO FLAMEPAW" whaled LakePaw seing her sisters about too die. "I LOVE YOU FALMEPAW." She yowled jumping herself in front of HOlyLeaf.
HollyLaffs paw cutt into hir throt blood came out LakePaw felt down.
"NOOOO!1!11" StarPaw screamed. "FLAMEAPWWW!" (I thought it was Lakepaw that had been injured.) She ran for HoltLeaf but it wass no us. LakPaw was dyeing. "I lofe you StarGleam." She wisperd before er blue I's cosed.
"NO WAKE UP LAKEPOOL" shoited Stargleam-she was so sad and depersed she was cyring!
"hahaha" laughed HollyLeaf evil. "u just dunt gedot d o you Im one of teh Tree! I have pows beyound ur emaginating!" nd then…. She turned in…. A BARE! (Okay, now can you turn in your homework?)
"Gasped" (Just say 'everyone gasped') gasped everyone. It was a bare!
"IM A SHAPSHITTER!" (WHOAH! And you claim to be Christian?) siad Hollylea joyly.
"stargleam." Said FalmePaw cryingly. "I nedd to go back 2 the damp. I goat bury laekpaw. Ive neverbeen out of camp before how do you get back!" (And yet, you were an apprentice before Stargleam.)
"U ju wak to te the est. said StarPaw." (They don't use those direction indicators.)
Thaks said FlamePaw crying she piced up the LakePaw and putter on her back and run.
"nut so fast!" said Holyleaf! "Your not gunna get away that easly!" Wit a rar like an volcano erection (Really?) she jumped at StarGlaem!
Everone! Gasped! "NOOOO." Yowled STarGleam as sumething lung and sarp pluned into her bk. "YOU CANT GET ME THAT EASLY."
Everyone jumped at the HoBare! The bare rared in pane! Starepaw sent her teeth into its for. It rared.
"oak (Pine, spruce, etc.) oka" HolyLeafthe bare said. "i no know Your not guna be bettin that esliay." Suddenly she was a cat1 then her body dropped her eyes went drka she was on the grund. Suddly ther wass howl from the other side of the froste. It was LaFlamePaw!
"LAKEPAW UR BACK!" SHE SAD
WHT SAID SPARGLAME. Thenshe locked. It was LakePool! (Still an apprentice here.) She was runnin tord the forest starGleam was so appy. Then she sawyer eyes.
THEY WERE OLLYLEAFS!
the next chatter wil coke soon! AND STUP FLAMMING YOU HAETRS. YOU JUST DONT BELVE IN GOOD. (Clearly, you don't believe in good stories, otherwise you would write one that made sense.)
Catter 1 The Fiht Aganst the Sitters 1 (Oh no! we're back at chapter 1!)
"Oh nose!" yellded StarPaw she wus so horrorifed. "LakePaool is buck and seh is NUT OKA!"
"Of coarse im not okay!" LakeFall screchemd loadly she issed at StarGlame. "I'm being posesd by HolyLeaf (I thought she was just a shapeshifter.) wut do you THINK!" she yelddl and hulrd hesselv at StarPaw. StarGlme was so surpissed she culdn;t mofe
Then... "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" It was...
REDPAW! Redpaw runnth over to StarPaw and jumped in font of herr and LakePolawm hit her insta.
"Nuu Redpaw!" chked StarGlamea and she locked at RedPaw. "RedOaw are yu okayo?" she esked upsed. RedPaw cughed. "No im not but at leaat I sawed yuour lif! she sed and then he did. StarFlame locked at RedPaw she wus so buttifly then StarGleam shock her hud. "No Im STRREET!" she taught madly. "but now what do we dao agant LakePaw!" she lucked up. LakePaw was runnen toward Loinblzx and she was WIDESPED!
"NOWWWWWWW LIonHEAR!" wisprd StarGalem and she ran towed LionBlaze and she hit LakePaw, who did to.
"StarGlame I will get u for thiss11 sed LakePaw as SatinClaw drag away to hellClan. (What? I just died laughing.) He waswerng oink naie Polish. then StarGlame stinted to crry as she realed that her sitter ass ded.
"you killd my Subjt!" HolyLeaf rared turng back in a bare. "Ilus get you for thi!" she saud and then she rudhed at StarPlame. "Oh o!" yelld every1 "tarPaw got our of the Way!"
Tim semd to slow danw as StarPawlem run awy from the bare. But she ran left into... TIGGERSTAR!"
"Fuhrstar! yellded a TiggerStraw. "You ar gong to did now!" And he held out... SOME JEW! (NOOOOO NOT SOME JEW!)
"Omg jyew!" elld FamePaw she locked at the yew. "But it wooden work becas thers a lizded on it." They all locked at the lizard. It wus a newt. The nwt ran away.
"... NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled FamePaw. "Now the yew is gunna wkr!
"Ete the yew!" sadi TiggerStar he thirst it at StarGlame StarGleam baked away. "You're never get moi to ete it!" she esked and then she held "YOUE NEVER TOOK ME ALIV!"
"are you so sur?" aksed TigerClar and then he lung at StarGlema and grabed her and ran away. "Youl never cathg me!1111 he laght meanly. "Im gong to Shadowcaln!" And then he luf.
Guyx I ben working relly hard on this wile I was gon. im sor'ry for the wait. Revew betetr and ill updat mor quick (Signed, some jew.)
Cahpter 12 The Sark Forest
"NO!" yewled StarKit. She run after TigerClaw. but he was to fat. (Then wouldn't that slow him down?) She cudlnt catch up. Finly she stoped. She was so tried so sad, Teres begun to role down her face: her sitser was deed and tigerstar had ExcapeD!
"y am I so ulsess?/?/' she dsked. "why couldnt i kill her?" "its not opur falt. Sadi a voice from bedide her. "WHAT WHOSE THEIR" SHE SAID JUMPED.
It juts me. " said JayWing waking to bedside her. "Yo couldt kill im becas u're nut dead." "what" said StarGleam "What dlo you men."
"hes in the Dakr Froset!" said JayFeather. "hess allready ded!" (I thought he was in Shadowclan.) oh no what do I do thouth starGeam.
"we can go to teh Dark Forste but its ver danger." Mewled Jayfeater. "tack me their!" sad StarGleam.
She slepped and then they were in the Fark Forest. It was dark. Here was no mono 2 lighte the way and it wass heard to see. They herd voices! It wass TiggerStar!
"ok tjen well kell her ND invade Thundercaln" he was said. "WHAT NOO!" said StarPaw she jumped at him. she was aboot to hit him when BlackStripe was there! "TIGERSAR WATCH OUT" said BlackStrip. TierStar loocked at her and he clawed her. It wasnt fare!
StarGleam fell to the ground blood was cuming from a wand (So, she's a fairy now?) on her sholder. It was a lot of red blod. (I thought it was blue.) HawekFrost Looked at her. She was so buetiful so kawai, he was thought just like FirStar. He loved her. He had to save her.
He jumped in TiggerStar! He bit him! But it wa s to lat. StarPaw was dyeing. "it was turning balkc. "I love you seh said as she did.
AND THEN STARGLEAM WAS DIED!11!111!11111!1!11! (HOORAY!)
This is as far as I am right now, I might add more, I might not, I don't know.