Hi! This is my first fic ever so please go easy on me, or not, idk do whatever I guess? I'm gonna describe some pretty nasty things about Blaine's attack and stuff so please feel free to skip it. I really don't want anyone getting hurt by reading my story so feel free to skip the first chapter. I hope you don't skip the story though but it's your choice. I really hope you like it though! So please read and enjoy. :D Maybe? Idk.
I don't own Glee, or Desperado, sung by the Eagles.
You can find it here: .com/watch?v=0BwOXlGbW6Q
I mean seriously, while the thought is deeply flattering, the show wouldn't be as successful as it is now. It would be better. :D Naaah. Just kidding. Nothing can beat Brad and Ryan Murphy. :D
Desperado, written by one of the greatest bands in the world, the Eagles? Oh shucks your making me blush. ;D
This is Au and Canon at the same time though. I guess? I wanted to try it so boom! There it is.
Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 1: Tragedy
Blaine was standing in the middle of a hospital room. The sharp, heavy smell of blood hit his nose; clean, simple white walls stared at him from all angles. The hairs on the back of his neck stood straight, as he took in the small patch of sunlight pouring through the window, hitting the boy's face on the bed next to him.
It was him.
Blaine's blood ran cold, his stomach dropped as he looked down on himself, taking in the devastating state he was in.
Blood shimmered on the side of his head, he had bruises all over, the shirt he was wearing on the bed was thoroughly soaked with blood, his eye looked to be swollen shut and his broken nose looked ugly and deformed. The word "fag" was cut through his left wrist, the words clear and intimidating. A blanket covered his legs so only his hip up was visible. But the damage was frighteningly clear.
Blaine's head spun. He was looking at himself.
"A dream. That's all this is. Just one of those silly bad dreams again." Blaine said as he tried to reassure himself that this wasn't real. It was just one of those bad dreams again where he was always about to die in the end but woke up before he could find out. Right. This is all a dream! Just a bad, bad dream!
"It's time to wake up now". Blaine thought as he shut his eyes tight, clenched his fists and breathed hard as he willed himself to wake up. But everything went cold instead, his body faced a strong gust of wind as he felt the floor underneath him drop, a silent scream went out of his mouth as the wind knocked the air out of him, but he kept his eyes firmly closed.
He felt ground. Thank God he wasn't falling anymore. But everything was still cold, Blaine lurched and vomited nothing but bile as he wiped his mouth with his left hand and slowly opened his eyes. He wasn't awake yet. Blaine felt his mouth twist into a frown as cold fear gripped him and took the surrounding area around him.
The heavy stench of blood Blaine smelled in the hospital room was replaced with the numbing smell of alcohol, the white walls were replaced with a pale yellow, and the room he was in was illuminated with florescent light instead of the sun's natural glow, rows of chairs stood before him. He was in a waiting room, in a hospital.
Blaine's body shook as it sensed the danger and fear that Blaine was now wallowing in. He was dizzy and he could barely see straight. His stomach twisted and turned as he heard a broken sob come from behind him.
Blaine turned slowly. Fear was practically running through his veins as cold dread clawed away at him.
It was his mother. Long, curly, black hair shrouded her beautiful face as she sniffed and sobbed. She was dressed in a long, elegantly cut, blue dress, though it was ruined with all the dirt and grime and— is that blood? - smearing her dress in long dirty streaks. Her shoulders were shaking, her hands covering her face, trying to hide the tears that were still there.
Blaine's throat constricted, a big lump forming, the kind of ones you get before you're about to cry. But Blaine held it in. He wouldn't cry. Not now. Not when his mother is right there breaking down in front of him. He was used to seeing her like this. Used to seeing her cry. But the sad, helpless feeling he got never ceased to appear. He stopped shaking now. Maybe he felt safer when someone he knew was with him in his dream. Though he didn't like what was happening. Blaine never did, in dreams like this.
Blaine walked over slowly, his legs heavy and uncooperative. The heart-aching fear he felt for himself was replaced for fear for his mother. What happened? Why is she crying like this?
Blaine sat down on the chair next to her, waves of concern pulsed through his body as he reached out his hand to comfort her. He didn't feel the hard plastic he was sitting on. Odd. But that's not important right now. All that matters is his mother.
"M- Mom?" Blaine winced as his voice came out scratchy and raw. "Mom? Come on now, it's alright. Everything's going to be alright." Blaine said, stretching his arms out to rub her back.
But his hands went right through her. His hands, his body. He was transparent. His body looked like a wavering image on a blinking screen.
Blaine let out a broken sob, his body shaking once again as he curled himself into a tight ball. He slammed his hands against his mother's solid form again and again but it all went through her. He waved and poked but he couldn't feel her. Blaine gave up and bit his wrist. It didn't hurt. He gave a hard pinch to his left arm. It didn't hurt.
"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!' Blaine screamed, tears of frustration blurring his line of vision. He clutched his sides and rocked himself back and forth, sobbing and screaming with frustration. "It's not real. It's not real." Blaine repeated over and over desperately, eyes shut as he rocked himself faster.
Muffled footsteps padded down the corridor. His mother looked up quickly. So quick that Blaine thought she could have snapped her neck. She wiped her eyes furiously with the white handkerchief she produced out of her bag, though it did nothing to wipe away the black mascara trailing down her face. Her beautiful brown eyes, red and swollen looked alert and frightened at the same time. She sat up straight and looked expectantly at the hallway.
Blaine's father stepped out, his big, black shoes shining in the light. He had eyes like Blaine's, though they were puffy and red and were still shining with tears. He had a stocky build and brown, graying hair, and his hands were shaking. He was wearing a black, fancy tuxedo, one of the many, but it was ruined too. Rumpled and tear smudged, Blaine's father held his arms open as his mother threw herself against him sobbing uncontrollably.
A blanket of warmth mingled with a frustrating sense of helplessness tingled in Blaine's heart as he watched them, the side of his head resting on his elbow and left hand.
It had been so long since his parents looked like this, caring and unguarded. They had always been there for him, they acted like parents but Blaine knew that him being gay left a permanent scar on their relationship.
It was like they weren't there when Blaine was talking to them about school or some other silly thing that came across his day. They smiled and nodded but their smiles never reached their eyes. Blaine barely saw them talk to one another, much more than small gestures of affection like hugs and kisses on the cheek.
He still remembered the time when his father made him rebuild a car engine. One of his many failed attempts at "bonding". But his father stopped trying to turn him straight and dealt with it. In his own way.
A male doctor was standing awkwardly behind his parents. He was clutching a clipboard and he had a sad look in his eyes. The kind of sad that made you sure brought bad news.
He looked like an average doctor. Dark hair, dark eyes, strong jaw, you know, the works. He had a light beard and he was dressed in an immaculate, white doctor's robe.
The doctor cleared his throat, though Blaine's mother's muffled cries drowned him out, so he took a slight frown as he politely said an "excuse me".
Blaine's parents turned at the sound simultaneously, it was almost comical if it were at a different situation, but the doctor's eyes grew sadder when he saw the tears and he clutched his clipboard tighter, his knuckles white.
"I have bad news." the doctor said in a stiff, grave voice.
It was weird, being in a comma. He couldn't feel anything physically anymore. He could still sit and hold things but he couldn't feel them. It was when he ran outside of the hospital when he heard that he was in a comma when he finally broke down.
It was raining, the clear, small drops smacking down in a heavy downpour. Blaine was glad to see it was raining. He liked the rain, liked the feeling of the small drops, pattering against his skin, washing all the bad things away, leaving the earth fresh and raw.
Blaine stretched his arms out as he breathed out a sigh of relief, closed his eyes and stepped out in the melancholy shower, a content smile already forming on his lips.
He expected the water to soak him through, expected the images of him on the hospital bed to wash away, the sight of his mother falling to her knees as his father crumbled on the ground to disappear.
He expected to feel.
But he didn't.
Blaine stood in the rain disbelievingly for a few minutes, his smile fading away slowly, then sank down on his knees, his arms falling limply against his sides and cried.
He sobbed and screamed until tears wouldn't come out of his eyes anymore and his voice was sorer and hoarser than it ever was before. The rain wasn't there to wash his tears away. He didn't feel the ground underneath his knees.
Blaine lost all of the hope flickering inside him and his will to live or act like he was even alive flickered like a candle's flame. Weak and small.
That's all he felt right now. Weak. Small. Broken. Afraid. Dead.
But he wasn't dead.
Blaine was walking around the Dalton halls. The old, majestic walls never ceased to calm him, to make him feel safe and secure.
Dalton was his sanctuary. His sacred place. The one place where he felt loved and wanted. Something his parents sadly didn't make him feel. He got away here after the bullying in his old school was too much and thought "Finally. Somewhere I belong."
He ran his hands through his ungelled hair, the happiest he ever felt after he heard the news of his.. predicament, a warm feeling bubbled through him as he looked around.
People bustled around him. Some ran to class, books close to their chest as they pushed people away. Some walked around in groups laughing and snickering, joking around. Some studied quietly and some students did what he did. Looked at the people around them, wondering how their lives could have differed from theirs, how, in any sense their unrequited loves would turn and look at them, feel the spark they felt, how they could learn from each other the different meanings of life, or simply, just stared.
His feet automatically took him to where he wanted to go. Blaine was about to wave and say hi to someone he knew when he remembered that they couldn't hear him. Couldn't see him.
The smile Blaine had plastered on his face ever since he arrived in front of the front doors of his previous school faltered a little, he gave a dejected sigh and stared at the doors to the Warbler Choir Room.
It was made out of oak, like every other door in the school. Two canaries were intricately carved on each of the two doors. A tidal wave of memories suddenly washed through him.
No. Not now. Please. Not now.
His clammy palms turned clammier when he heard the steady thrum of Wes's voice through the doors.
Blaine breathed heavily, excitement, nervousness, and dread all tied into a steady knot of feelings. What if seeing them made him want to touch them and feel them? His heart would shatter to a million pieces again, broken, sharp and painful.
But it didn't matter. He was seeing them. Even if he broke down again and he couldn't be put himself back together. He wanted to see them. They were his friends. They put him back together piece by piece when he transferred. When he jumped at everything and flinched at every touch, they were there, supporting and being what a friend should be. They smiled and encouraged him to start singing again. They gave his will to live back to him and stopped him and reassured him that everything would be okay.
"Everything's alright Blaine. You're safe. You're here. That's what matters alright? That you're alive and well. Courage Blaine. Courage." Wes had said rubbing the small of his back as Blaine had tried his hardest not to flinch. He gave Wes a weak smile and broke down in front of him.
That's when he started using Courage.
Blaine had put up walls and become what he thought he wanted people for him to be. He became the perfect son, polite and helpful around the house. The perfect student, straight A's, the lead singer in his choir, popular, and adored. The perfect gay boy, he went and practically told everyone his sexual orientation. If he couldn't be what his parents wanted him to be, then he could at least be who he wanted to be; an out and proud gay teenager. He didn't want anyone to worry. Didn't want anyone to see him weak and helpless anymore.
Blaine's heart tightened painfully when he heard Wes's voice break at the sentence he was saying. He clenched his fists and walked through the heavy, oak doors.
A sad, depressing, overpowering blanket of sadness and despair hung in the air. Warblers had their heads in their hands. Others were crying. Blaine's heart broke, just as he predicted, and sat down next to Nick. The lump in Blaine's throat made it hard to breathe, his heart was aching, and the tears swimming in his eyes made it hard to see.
No. I'm not crying. Not anymore.
Nick's breathing was normal, thankfully, he looked pained, his eyes brimming with tears, though they weren't red and puffy like Jeff's. His thumb and pointer touched the bridge of his nose, he shut his eyes tightly, the tears falling gently like morning dew.
Blaine stretched out a hand to touch his knee. He didn't feel it. But Nick turned and stared right into his eyes.
Blaine's breath caught and he felt a light inside of him flicker. Hope, maybe?
Maybe he can see me! Maybe, he can talk to me!
But Nick just turned and stared at Wes again. He didn't even know if what Wes saying went into his head.
Oh… Okay.
Blaine thought sadly, the light inside of him went out and died.
Jeff was sitting right across from them. He was shaking. His usually, carefully, styled hair looked like a gopher went in and bit and made a home in it. It was sticking out in different angles. He was biting his lip furiously, a hand already reaching out to get lost in his blond frock as he covered his eyes quickly, though it didn't stop the tears from falling on his lap.
Wes suddenly sounded so lost and scared. Blaine whipped his head around to stare in his direction.
He was crying. The gavel that was almost constantly resting against his left arm was thrown across the room. He was shaking too.
"I'm sure that you all heard of Blaine's predicament." Wes said, his shaking voice breaking at the last word.
David stood up and pulled him into a tight embrace, his own shoulders shaking, Wes was sobbing uncontrollably now. He looked what Blaine felt. Broken and defenseless.
Nick stood up and said, "I have a song to sing. And I want Blaine to know that wherever he is right now-", he choked up a little but he got himself together and kept talking.
"I want him to know that wherever he is right now, that he had been a great role model for me. He was an amazing person, he lit up the whole room whenever he walked in, the sun in front of our eyes and we didn't even know it. I miss him. I miss him so much. But I just want him to know, that wherever he is, wherever he is right now- I-I want him to know that we love him for who he is. Flaws and all."
The rueful smile he had after that sentence, turned into constant lip biting as he tried to keep it from trembling.
The soft tinkling piano keys playing gently in the background, submerged everyone in a clearer set of mind. There was always something about music. Something about it that brought you intense sadness, happiness, remorse, regret; created by the magical tunes. They can turn a happy atmosphere into a sad one, make a seemingly happy girl burst into tears, unite nations, bring people together, and move people's hearts.
Blaine had always loved music, always loved the ways that made him feel. Singing could make him feel like he wasn't hiding, wasn't holding anything back.
Nick nodded to the warbler seated next to their old-fashioned stereo, a determined and immensely sad look on his face and sang; tears flowing freely, his voice amicably steady and firm.
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now
The stifling blanket of sadness currently drowning the room's atmosphere in, grew thicker and heavier. Blaine's heart tugged, and broke, slowly but surely, cracking slowly like thin ice breaking. A soft hum went through the room. The Warblers were harmonizing with Nick, making the song sound all the more beautifully sad.
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow
Soft, gentle drops fell into Blaine's lap. He touched his wet face, and smiled. He knew that he would never forget them. He would never forget his friends. Never.
Don' you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet
It's funny how the lyrics hit him with so much force. So his friends knew he was hiding. He should have known.
….
You don't have to keep hiding from us Blaine." Jeff had said with sad, pitying eyes.
They were studying in the library then, and Blaine was quite taken with the short passage about freedom in the 1950's that he didn't quite catch that.
"Pardon?" Blaine said, lifting his eyes from the book he was reading and looked at Jeff curiously.
"Nothing." Jeff had grumbled as he quickly changed the subject to side steps and ties.
…..
Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get
Memory after memory hit him with full force. Coy smiles after he and David pranked a teacher with water ballons, nerf wars and drunken parties, sleepless nights spent studying, singing, performing. It was almost too much. The Warblers' voices drowning him in the past. The symphony was growing louder now, stronger. Filled with more emotion than Blaine had ever heard them in their short time together.
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
A steady beeping nose joined in from somewhere in Blaine's head. It sounded vaguely like his heart monitor, clear and ominous.
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It was clearer now, and a cold, dull pain gripped his heart. Blaine wrung his hands together, his fingernails painfully digging into his palms. He closed his eyes, different colors swam together on the back of his eyelids, dizzying and confusing.
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
The dull pain grew sharp, and Blaine's breathing was strained. It became harder and harder to breathe, the sharp pain making it very hard indeed.
You better let somebody love you, before it's too late
Blaine could feel he was slipping away. He didn't want to leave his friends. Oh god what now? What was he going to do? Blaine wanted to stay. He really did. But he felt that he was needed somewhere else now.
He opened his eyes one last time, memorizing each face while he had the chance; he knew that he wouldn't see them for a very, very long time.
Blaine breathed out and gave in to the power that forced him away. But not before he heard the last line of the song, sad and loving, directed pointedly, but not harshly to him.
You better let somebody love you, before it's too late
Aannd we're done!
There are a few things that you need to know first so please read.
Kurt is in his senior year. There is no Sebastian. No Carole either, though she will come by sooner or later. Burt's been stuck in his comma for a while now and Kurt kind of lives alone. He lives on his bank money; he's a thrifty person so he has a lot aand he has a part-time job. He isn't in the glee club, sadly but I'll get that fixed soon.
Review? Pretty please? I swear I'll give you hugs! Though I don't know if they're that much of a prize since I'll just be hugging my computer. I send my warmth and love!
So, Please Review!