I Do not and will not ever own icarly (*crys*) It belongs to Dan and he is genius!

I am Sam

Chapter one-"Keeping myself together"

The differences between me and her are unendless. I should have known from the start that it was never going to work out. I am just so selfish. We are just two very different people in two very different situations. How are lives came together, I don't know. But I do know that I have to end this. I have to stop holding her back. She is going to be great one day. I can feel it. She has the potential to actually do something for this pathetic world. me? No. You need to be able to take care of yourself before worrying about anything or anyone else. I can barely do that.

I am sitting on the park bench wiping the remaining tears out of my eyes. I know it's weird that me, Sam Puckett, is crying but everything kind of came down on me at once......at one in the morning. It is pitch black outside. I know I should be getting home because I have school tomorrow but I can't go back there. It's bad enough that my mom brought home, yet again, another new trashy boyfriend. But then he ended up ditching my mom for another blonde...me. I ignored most of his "moves" on me tonight but I had enough once I caught him trying to take my shirt off while I was sleeping. This isn't the first time, but it has been awhile. I thought about going to Carly's but then I realised that I am always at Carly's. That's when I started to think about the differences in me and her...me and Freddie. That's when I decided I am going to end my friendship with Carly and Fredwardo tomorrow.

When people see me they think of a strong, brave bitch who doesn't give a damn about anything. They think I can take care of myself, that my life is great and I don't need help. And they are partly right. Brave? I guess. Bitch? yea. Strong? Not strong enough. It's actually really pathetic. My life isn't that complicated. Home, school, boyfriend, icarly. I can't even take care of that.

I don't complain. I don't deserve to complain.

My mother has gotten better over the years. She only comes home drunk every other day. Her boyfriends are somewhat less pathetic then before. When she hits and kicks me it barely even leaves a noticeable bruise anymore. This may sound bad to the normal 16 year old girl but to me it's heaven. A few years ago she would be using broken beer bottles and kitchen utensils. She only rarely does that now. And I've been sleeping at Carly's most of time this year so I usually never have to deal with her drunk boyfriends. Except for tonight of course.

My boyfriend, Jake, has gotten better too. He barely hits me anymore at all, and when he does it's just a slap. He always apologises and I know he doesn't mean it. Freshman year was pretty bad with him. He started off a bad ass on the outside but sweet on the inside. Just like I like it. We fell in love. Then he started to get violent. But I was use to it, from my mother. It didn't bother me much. The only thing was that he was stronger then my mother, so it left bruises. But it was nothing I couldn't handle. And now he is trying. He really is trying. He just gets upset sometimes when I don't want to go "as far" as he wants to go in the bedroom I mean. It's not his fault and he is usually patient. Fredweirdo doesn't Jake for some reason, but Carly thinks he is one of the hottest things she has ever seen.

Carly and Freddie don't know about most of my life but I think that's for the best. First of all Carly is a spazz sometimes and even though most of it is not that big of a deal, she will make it a big deal. And second I don't think Freddork would even care. So I usually lie about where I am or where I'm going. Where my bruises came from. Even though it's really not that big of a deal, they don't need to be thinking about it.

icarly is probably the best thing that has happened to me. It just sucks that I probably won't be doing it anymore. This just isn't me. Well i guess it is me but not all of me. I should be out partying, pulling pranks, getting in trouble, living life the way I was raised to. But Carly keeps me away from most of that and usually ends up taking part of the blame for the trouble I do somehow get into. I am holding her back. I am holding Freddie back.

But on the other hand, If I left who would do icarly? I mean I know there are a lot of funny chicks around but what if some of our viewers stop watching? I mean me and Carly are best friends. Carly and Freddie are best friends. I think Freddie and I are even pretty close to best friends. We are a trio. It wouldn't be fair if I just left without reason. I'm not that much of a bad influence am I? I have been friends with Carly since I was really little. There has to be a reason Why she stuck around all that time right? And even though me and Freddie fight all the time and I pretty much live to make his life miserable, I even think we have gotten closer. Either one of them could have ditched me at any time but they didn't. I could have ditched them for partying but I didn't. That has to say something about our friendship right?

I smiled to myself and got up from the bench and headed toward Carly's. I still feel bad about relieing on her so much but that is what friends are for, if she ever needed my help I would be there in a heart beat...same for Freddie I guess. By now my tears are all dyed up and my face is no longer red and pathetic. No one was ever going to see me cry. I walked into Carly and Freddie's building and walked up the stairs past the passed out Lubert...Thank God! I wouldn't be able to hear his obnoxious screaming without punching him in his wart tonight.

I took a deep breath before opening the Shay door and I erased all the bad memories from my head and started to think about my friends....Probably the only thing keeping Sam Puckett together...

Ok there is the first chapter it is mostly just Sam thinking about her life. At first she wanted to break if off with Carly and Freddie but then decided against it. Her mother and her boyfriend treat her badly and she is a strong girl so she doesn't usually take it without a fight, but she is so use to the abuse she convinced herself it was normal and OK.

This story was inspired by two things. One was one of my best friends. I didn't know she was being abused until I saw it myself. She didn't fight against it, she didn't cry. When I asked her about it later she said it was OK because It got better over the years and her father didn't mean it. I told her that it was not OK but she just kept telling me that it could be worse. She was so use to it. The second thing is the icarly Christmas special. Sam went to juvy because she was never friends with Carly or Freddie, so they couldn't keep her out of trouble.

The next Chapter there will be dialoge and it is when Freddie blows up at Sam and they get into a huge fight. So Review, Story alert, ect... because I think all icarly\sam\seddie lovers are going to like this...