DISCLAIMER: Don't own it!! Or make any profits by writing and of this junk!!
Name: Heero Yuy
Date: November 30, 201 AC
Time: 5:30 pm
Location: Earth, Sanq Kingdom. Apartment 001.
Mission: Rid refrigerator of Duo's leftover American Holiday turkey.
I don't want to eat turkey anymore. I'm sick of it. So I am merely ridding myself of the leftovers that Duo thought I would want after celebrating his American Holiday, Thanksgiving. But I had about thirteen pounds of leftovers. "Oops." Duo had said when he realized there were three leftover turkeys. Sometime's I don't think that he knows how to think.
Quatre had kindly taken home a turkey, as had Hilde. I exchanged nervous glances with Wufei. It would be one of us taking it home. Trowa lived with Quatre. Those two were inseparable since the war. And Duo had too much of his damn pride to ask Relena or Dorothy to take one home. Milliardo and Noin had only shown up once every year, so they couldn't take it since their visit hadn't happened yet. Showing up early and staying around wasn't really in their taste. Howard would've taken it, except the old man said something about his health and Duo had stopped before asking. And Une was completely out of question. She had become a vegetarian after the war, deciding that if she must kill, it would be the 'idiots that are destroying the world' and not the innocent animals.
Wufei and I were left to fend for ourselves.
"Guess I'll freeze this last one and take it out for the end of the year." Duo had said. Apparently he didn't think Wufei or I cared enough to want it, which was completely and uncharacteristically intelligent of him.
I'm sure Sally, much to the injustice of Wufei, would have offered to take it had I not, at that exact moment, felt sorry for the braided idiot.
"I'll take that one, unless you want freezer burnt turkey for Christmas dinner." It came out more accusing than anything. I looked around to see Relena and Dorothy in mid gossip staring at me. Wufei, smirking, was staring at me. Sally, disappointed, staring at me. Quatre and Trowa in mid embrace, staring at me. Howard, hand on his heart in feigned heart attack, staring at me. Hilde, on her fourth drink, staring at me. Une, disheveled, staring at me.
It annoys me when people stare at me and Duo was the only one kind enough not to, although I couldn't see his face. It was bowed and hidden behind his bangs, and I got a little worried. Maybe I shouldn't have offered. Maybe I was too accusing. I've been working on being more sociable, but I don't really like crowds of people and new places.
When his head lifted and showed the room that he was holding back laughter, I calmed substantially. He wrapped the damned turkey and bagged it, and let me on my way.
I've had nothing but turkey since then. Turkey slices and eggs for breakfast. Turkey sandwiches for lunch. Turkey and gravy for dinner. One time I cut the turkey into little chunks and threw it in an omelet. One time I had turkey soup for lunch. But I always managed turkey and gravy for dinner.
So to be accurate, I have only about 2 pounds of turkey left, most of it bone. And today, I am going to throw it away. And I'm going to do it without the new found emotion of guilt. I'm sick of turkey and ate most of it anyway.
Except, the second I'm about to stick the carcass in the trash bag, a rhythmic knock on my door alerts me that Duo had decided this most unfortunate opportunity to arrive. I have no choice but to put the damned carcass back in its spot in the refrigerator, and answer his incessant knocking.
"Duo." I say as he lets himself in. He takes his shoes off at the door, something I've inherited from my culture and so, make everyone who wishes to enter the threshold of my house do as well. He has taken up the habit effortlessly.
I half expect him to say, "Want me to cook up some turkey?" But he doesn't, just walks to my refrigerator and opens it. He makes himself at home. "Dude! You seriously ate this whole thing?" He holds up the remains of the turkey.
"Hn."
"Shit, I thought you'd throw it away. Aren't you sick of turkey? You had to eat it night and day to carve off this much after only three days!"
"Hn."
"Oh man, this is going in the trash! No more turkey for you! I'm going out this second. Want some ramen or sushi or something? Maybe some Italian? I'll bring it here."
Proof that Duo Maxwell has a brain: He threw the turkey in the trash bag that was waiting to be stuffed, and slipped past me and back towards the front door. While he slipped into his shoes, I pondered what I wanted to eat.
"Can you manage something like burgers or some Mexican take out? Make it chicken or beef." He nodded and rushed out the door. I think humiliation is something akin to the feeling I'm feeling right now. I ate the whole damn thing, and he didn't even expect it.
Duo has showed up at my Preventer owned apartment almost every day since he joined the company. The only time he didn't show up at my house was when he was away on a mission and I've found that on those days, my house seems… peaceful. He always talked too much for his own good.
My eyes settle on the trash bag full of turkey and I think that it might be time to clean out the rest of the refrigerator as well. The light turns on when it's opened and I take a look at the clear Ziploc bags, recognizing some of the contents and wondering how long it took others to get that fuzzy. I only have about four Tupperware containers. The others all mysteriously disappeared when Duo joined Preventers. The fuzzy food needs to go. I throw them out in the trash bag and throw the two containers into the sink, never missing. I'll make sure to do an extra hot rinse cycle on the dishwasher this time around.
After throwing the last of the fuzzy contents into the bag and the containers into the sink, I close the door, content with how much more room there is in my fridge. However, it brings to my attention just how empty my fridge actually is. Grocery shopping will be in my agenda for later today. Opening the fridge door again, I take inventory of the supplies I need: milk, juice, eggs, fruit, greens, lunch meat, and cheese. I open the freezer to less fuzz and more emptiness. Meat. I officially need meat in my house. I add chicken, and beef to the mental list. And maybe some fish. Or crab. There's something about cracking open the shell of the crab and pulling out the insides that pleases me.
Of course I'll have to buy enough for two, although I don't know if Duo likes or has ever had crab. I've only ever eaten it by myself. Perhaps I will ask him when he returns.
Returning to my inventory of food goods, I move to my cupboard. I'm out of cereal, granola bars, and crackers. This is seriously a long awaited grocery trip. I'll also need an abundance of allergy medication. Flowers…
I stop dead from my walking out of the kitchen about a hair away from tripping and falling over the trash bag at my feet. I feel a sense of unease before I feel the victory of knowing that I have retained my balance and awareness skills from the war. However unpracticed they may be. Another mental note: take up training again.
I take the bag by the handles and lift it, carrying it into the front room to pick up the trash Duo or I may have left in there since my last cleaning, which was far too long ago. There are some paper plates on the coffee table, plus a few old magazines from last year. I toss those into the bag before looking to my shelves where there are eight vases with old flowers in them; another reason for the allergy medicine. I get flowers from friends and admirers all the time, especially after a stay in the hospital. Some of the flowers are molding inside the vases which reminds me to run the extra hot cycle on the dishwasher.
The bag is still only halfway full, so I drag it into the bathroom, it's become heavy and I admit to laziness in this rare moment. The garbage is emptied from there, and I drag the fuller bag into the door of my office. To be completely honest, I'm not sure where the garbage can is in here. When it comes to research and education, I tend to be a pack rat. Leaving the bag in the doorway, I make towards the center of the room through a maze of basook walls and paper floors eventually ending at a desk. There are more paper plates and more useless magazines. I take up as much as I can and make towards the light from the door, shining over the walls of books and eventually reach the door again. Depositing the garbage into the bag, I make towards my room, dragging the heavy thing once again. The garbage in my room is an easier find and after tipping the basket into the bag and emptying it, I put it back next to my side table.
All that's left is to wait for the left over take out boxes and then take a trip down to the ground floor. Making my way through the apartment again, I go into the front room and take up the vases that need the extra hot cycle. I leave the garbage where it is. No need to carry around extra weight.
The dishwasher loads quickly enough, considering I have more vases than Tupperware or utensils. By the time I'm pouring the soap in, Duo comes huffing into the place with 2 bags of what looks like Taqueria take out. His shoes slip off and he pads into the kitchen.
"Got Taqueria. There's a super burrito, carne esada with no sour cream, and about twelve cheese enchiladas extra sauce. The rice and beans are in that bag. Didn't know what you'd want to drink but I got an extra large horchata if you want to share." He spoke, pulling containers out of the bags.
"Never had hor – cha – ta." I said, pulling the drink towards me. I poked the straw he handed me through the hole and took a sip. It was surprisingly sweet. Like liquid candy. I looked up at him watching me with interest. "There's beer in the fridge." I said, setting the horchata down. He shrugged and got a beer, popping the cap before handing it to me.
I shook me head. "Beer's for you. I want the hor-chata."
"Hey! I got the harhcata for me! I said share not 'you can have it, oh master of the universe!'" He wailed. I couldn't help but chuckle.
We ended up sharing the horchata and beer, splitting the super burrito and only managing to kill off about four of the enchiladas. The rice and beans were mostly forgotten.
"All the more for our lunch tomorrow! And everything is better the day after, except macaroni. But especially spaghetti. Ahhh, now there's the dinner staple." I was shoving the leftovers in the fridge while Duo was attempting to find the garbage. "Where's the bag? I see an empty can, but no bag. Heero, you're trying to make life harder on me aren't you?"
"You can't be that lazy. The bag is in the front room." I picked up the two things Duo couldn't carry and followed him. I nearly ran into him, remembering the note for taking up training again.
"Is there supposed to be a puddle in here?" Duo asked as I walked around him. The garbage bag was still in its place, however a puddle had formed under it.
"Damnit. I'll get another bag. You throw these away."
Duo was twirling the bag around in the puddle when I came back with another bag. His explanation was that he was trying to stop the flow of creative juices. My problem was that he was splattering those juices all over my wall. I opened the new bag in a gush of air, counted to three, and Duo lifted the juicy bag while I shoved the new bag around the bottom of it. Duo dropped the old into the new and ran to get paper towels.
He threw way too many paper towels on top of the mess then ran to my aide of getting the gross monstrosity of a garbage bag down stairs.
"Don't ever make three turkeys for Thanksgiving again Duo." I said on the elevator, covered in muck since the turkey bone had decided to rip a hole in the new bag.
"I didn't expect you to really eat it! I figured you were just trying to make me feel better."
"I was! But it would be a waste if I didn't eat it!"
"You could've given it to the poor!"
"But I wanted it! It was my turkey! One that you made for all of us."
"Aww Heero. Didn't know you were so sentimental."
"Shut up. I never want to see another Turkey as long as I live."
"But I'm making four next Thanksgiving! That way Wufei can have one too!"
"He was ready to commit suicide if it meant I would take the Turkey this year!"
The elevator pinged and we made our way through the hall holding this incredibly awkward garbage bag so as to not let it drip all over the carpet. The side doors were close and we made our way to the dumpster without much trouble.
"On the count of three toss it in." We counted to three in unison before throwing the bag over the top.
Somewhere between our hands and the dumpster, the turkey carcass decided to come back to life and flew out of the bag, landing at my feet. Already frustrated with the turkey beyond belief, I forgot who and where I was for a moment. It started with a growl as I bent to pick up the carcass, turned into a bellow worthy of medieval war as I threw the carcass against the back of the dumpster and ended with a laugh as it fell with a sickening splat into its prison.
I was breathing heavily when I came back to reality. Chancing a glance at Duo I saw that he was standing, eyes wide open though wet around the edges, one hand over his mouth, shaking uncontrollably with confined laughter. I could only think of one thing to say.
"Fucking turkey." That did it. Duo's laugh could've been heard in space. He bent over, grabbing the side of the dumpster to hold him up. I crossed my arms in defiance which only made him laugh harder before turning on my heel and making my way back up to my apartment.
The paper towels were soaked through, so maybe Duo didn't put too many on the puddle. I picked them up and scrubbed the floor with a sponge to get rid of the stickiness. Duo came back when the clean up was over, still laughing.
"Are you done?" I asked, defeated.
"Ahh, yeah, yeah. Whoo. Man that was-" Duo stared at me.
"What?" I took a step back. He took two steps forward.
"Hold still." He said quietly. He continued making his way closer to me. I turned my head to the side as he set his hand on my chest. My heart was racing with uncertainty.
"Fucking turkey." He whispered. His hand came off my chest. I looked from his face to his hand. He was holding what looked like piece of turkey!
"Give me that!" I wrenched the piece from his hand and before thinking, shoved it into my mouth, chewed and swallowed. If it had a taste, I completely missed it.
When I looked back at him, Duo looked disgusted. I wondered why for about a full minute before remembering that the turkey had been amidst a pile of other moldy foods and trash. I gagged running for the bathroom to either vomit or brush my teeth and swallow some mouth wash.
"I never want to see a turkey again!" I restated on my way. I almost missed his response.
"Maybe I'll make five! That way we can each have our own!"
Mission: COMPLETE