Incarnadine

by Appaku

ONESHOT: Due to a storm in Touran, Mitsukake and Tasuki are forced away from the group and have to get back to Konan on foot, but they're quietly getting sick of each other instead of bonding.

-1Author Fangirling: This feels old. I haven't looked at it in a long time, but I think it's an injustice that there are no stories on here with a Mitsukake/Tasuki filter, so I thought I might as well post it. It's not one of my favorites, but there's still some lines I'm fond of.

When they split up to go look for the Shinzaho in Touran, I'm sure I wasn't the only person who thought they weren't a very dynamic duo, so this story assumes that Soi attacked them there with the weather, thereby forcing the two to spend more time together and… gasp! Interact!?

This is set up a little like Relegates (that one was a lot more fun, this one wound up so serious and diary-style!), so the POV switches between the two the whole time. Enjoy, I guess? (And FY does not belong to me. Duh.)

-----

It only takes a snow storm to dampen the spirits of a Suzaku warrior. This storm, though, was massive. The morning after we all split up in Touran, it struck and pushed me and Mitsukake way on the outskirts of the city.

It was like hell on ice. There was wind, snow, and that nagging feeling that something terrible had happened. Mitsukake felt it too, and after we talked about it later, we figured that one of the other warriors probably didn't survive the storm. After it settled down, we searched the city for a few days looking for everyone else, but it looked like they had already left.

What were we supposed to do then? Wait? Like hell. It made the most sense to head back to Konan. With any luck, Miaka found the Shinzaho and is already waiting for us back home. We don't have a boat to sail back the way we came, so we're keepin' low profiles and goin' on foot through Kutou.

------

When the storm hit, I was too startled to do anything but be beaten back by it. It was just as violent as the flood that hit my village many years ago. It ended soon enough, and once again, I survived.

However, Tasuki and I had visceral knowledge that one of our comrades had passed away. I don't think I want to know which one, because that would be like facing reality. At least while we're so far removed from everyone else we can pretend that everything is alright.

Except for us, that is. The past week has been somber, and we're both on edge about traveling through our enemy's nation.

------

If there's one thing I've learned this week, it's that Mitsukake is a bump on a log. Tama-neko stayed with Chichiri or Miaka, and without his familiar, he's not really social. He doesn't say much, so I don't feel like I can talk to him. I never spent so much time being so damn silent.

-------

Tasuki seems so restless. He's probably just as worried about Miaka and the others as I am, but he has trouble showing it. Because he walks so briskly, that means he's still in good spirits, so I'm not worried about how he's taking this.

We've barely gotten into the populated regions of Kutou. So far, we've seen only a few poor villages. When the villagers saw us, they immediately became sullen and retreated into their homes. Soon, though, we'll be nearing the capital, which is sure to be flooded with soldiers who would jump at the chance to slaughter a couple of Suzaku warriors.

I hope we'll be alright. Our only goal is to get home and find the others.

------

"The guy runnin' the inn let me borrow a map," I held the rolled up paper over my head. Mitsukake was sitting on the bed and knocking the dirt out of his boots out the window. Compared to Konan or Hokkan, Kutou was hella' dusty. Maybe the reason they keep attacking other countries is because they can't grow anything here?

Everything's dead here. The sky is just a single shade of grey, and there's no trees or water for miles (not that I mind the water part so much). I always thought that "homesickness" was for wusses, but I hate this place so much that I feel depressed when I think of Konan- and how far away it is.

"Let's take a look at it," Mitsukake looked over my shoulder as I slapped the tattered map down on the table. He looked it over and thought to himself, but said nothing aloud. Any of the other Suzaku warriors would'a explained what they were thinking, but he kept silent. As always. I had to stifle a giggle as I pictured Miaka on the other side of him forcing his lips to move so he would talk.

Maybe if Miaka were here things wouldn't be so dead.

"It'll be another few days before we reach the capital if we continue to go on foot," he said, and went on thinking about the rest of the map.

"How long will it take if we hijack a carriage?" I grinned.

Mitsukake didn't appreciate that. "We need to attract as little attention to ourselves as possible, Tasuki."

"I know that. I was only joking, geez," I folded my arms. "It's taking us forever t' get back there anyway. Miaka will probably summon Suzaku without waitin' for us!"

"Would that necessarily be a bad thing?" he raised an eyebrow. I hated how he could raise only one at a time without the other one moving. I wonder if he could get them to wave? That'd be interesting. "I wouldn't put it past Miaka to want to wait for us."

"Yeah, you're right. Miaka's like that," I laughed.

"That's what concerns me," his eyes sank back to the map. "She can't afford to waste any time looking for us. Our situation would be even worse if they were to come through Kutou as well."

Mitsukake is such a party pooper. I've actually been hoping this whole time that they were looking for us, too, and didn't just forget about us. I'm sure they wouldn't forget about us!

But if that's true, then why hasn't Chichiri used his magic to try and talk to us? Isn't that what he did with Tamahome before? The only reason he wouldn't would be-

-would be if he's the one who we felt before.

What if it wasn't even one of the warriors, but Miaka? Then everything we'd done up 'til now would be useless. Miaka couldn't have died, could she?

No, I'm sure she's alive. I can feel it in my bones. I'll bet Mitsukake can, too, and that's why he's more concerned about how Miaka is now. It's better that she just keep going and let us catch up with her. I'll bet the only reason they haven't tried to get a hold of us is because they're all busy gettin' ready to summon Suzaku.

"If you're so concerned about getting to Konan sooner, you should get some sleep soon so we can leave at dawn."

I didn't expect Mitsukake to say anything and was so startled that I almost jumped outta my skin. He raised an eyebrow (again!) and said, "It seems that you're fairly tense as it is."

"Me, tense? Right," I rolled my eyes. "I'll be ready t' go before the sun's up."

----

I've heard that focusing one's mental energy can make a person more resilient. It was easy to be tired of walking by this time. My muscles ached and my stomach was empty, but we couldn't afford to waste any more time. I wasn't worried; Tasuki and I were both strong and could handle a little hunger.

At trying times, I often found a mantra helped. When I first started traveling with Miaka, I mentally repeated "We will find Chiriko and then summon Suzaku" in my head when I started feeling anxious. Even though things did not go as planned, I felt more at ease when I heard it. When Miaka, Tamahome and Nuriko were swept away in the storm while we were at sea, I repeated "We will find them and they will be fine."

It worked that time, so I wanted to try another mantra now. I needed something to keep my mind busy. The scenery was bleak, and the only sound was the dirt under our feet, crunching at the same steady pace for miles. If my mind was left to wander, it would wonder about my comrades, and start convincing itself the worst had happened. Contrarily, mantras would give me hope.

I started repeating, "Miaka and the others are back in Konan." Home was a comforting thought, but only until my inner realist started arguing that I couldn't be sure about that statement.

I tried a second one: "Suzaku is waiting to be summoned." This was no good, because it added to my sense of urgency, therefore not helping me to feel at ease.

I played with many similar mantras, but finally found one to keep me motivated for the time being: "We will find a safe village and put our feet up."

I said before that mantras give me hope. Granted, it might be false hope, but any hope was good at that time. We did find a village, but it seemed deserted. Tasuki and I peered at the broken roofs and dry weeds, wondering how long it had been since it was abandoned.

Tasuki cleared his throat and observed, "If so much of the country is like this, Kutou needs Seiryuu way more than we could ever need Suzaku in Konan. But their priestess is so jacked up that she probably doesn't even care."

"She's not the one to blame," I stared him down. "Miaka would have been very upset to hear you say such a thing."

"Yeah, well, Miaka's not here," he narrowed his eyes in irritation.

No sooner than he had said that, a small group of men began yelling and raising their dull swords at us. While I never liked to hurt anyone, I wasn't going to let anyone freely attack me. As they charged, I used my fists to bat them away, and to my right, I heard Tasuki's fateful words: "Rekka Shinen!"

The unsuspecting villagers were scorched, and cowered together as their wives rushed to them. "Dear, what happened to you?" and "It's hopeless!" the women said. All of the villagers had listless expressions with bags under their eyes, and most had scabs on their chapped lips.

"Tasuki, that was too much," I grimaced, observing the burned flesh on one man's arm. "Can't you have some self-restraint?"

"They were the ones attacking me. You expect me to go lightly on someone trying t' kill me?" he said in a flat tone and laid his tessen across his shoulder. He had a valid point, and we probably should have left. As a doctor, however, I felt pressed to make up for Tasuki's brashness.

The villagers crowded together in fear as I walked towards the most injured man, probably expecting me to be mad about their sudden attack. I was mad, of course, but wouldn't let that get the better of my actions. It wouldn't take much effect to heal the injury, and we could be on our way much faster if I used my power, so I did. The villagers were amazed and pressed their heads to the ground in front of me.

"Please forgive us for trying to rob you!"

"We had no other way to pay for water!"

"We have no medicine!"

"Please, help my daughter! She caught a fever and--"

"My father is on his death bed! If you save him--"

"Please, help us, sir!"

-----

Mitsukake has a heart of mush.

Sure, this village has had it's share of heck. I know they're sick and hungry. I know their country isn't gonna do a damn thing to take of them. But we don't have time for Mitsukake to be their hero!

I take that back. His healing powers work faster than any medicine I've ever seen, but it's his recovery time that we don't have time for. He healed five sick little kids, three old men, and two of the guys who attacked us earlier. Where does he think he can get the strength for this if he always felt tired after only one before, huh?

It figures he didn't tell anybody that he was wiped out. He just smiled and followed all the villagers around to make house calls. He doesn't act like it, but maybe he likes some attention for his power. After all, they treated him like he was a god or something.

But he's not a god! He's a celestial warrior and needs to hurry up and high tail it outta here so we can summon a real god! Suzaku will be able to save a hell of a lot more poor villagers and sick kids than he ever could. I hope he doesn't turn our trip back home into a mission to save Kutou.

It's not much, but the villagers did offer us a place to stay for tonight. They offered us dinner, too, but it's hard to call thin broth a meal. At least it's warm.

In the evening, Mitsukake was already in bed, but not asleep. It was way too early for me to start settling down, so I was looking out the window at the stars. It wasn't a very clear night, but I could still see a handful of them. "Chiriko really liked looking at stars. I hope wherever he is, he's got a better view."

Mitsukake chuckled. "With any luck."

"Luck, huh? That's probably just what he needed," I hid my head in my arms on the window sill. "After all, that was such a massive storm. You don't think… you know… it probably could have him."

Mitsukake didn't say anything. I guess that was too touchy of a topic.

"So, what'll be the first thing you do when we get back to the others?"

"Hmm…."

"I know exactly what I'm gonna do!" I smiled. "I'm gonna eat a ton of food! Even if Miaka cooked it-- well, maybe I'll never be that hungry."

"I guess the first thing I'll do when we see them," he had a little smile and was looking at the ceiling for ideas. "I'll say 'hello'."

I tried to raise one eyebrow at him, but it didn't work. "You never say anything."

He said nothing in reply. Hmph. Figures.

I looked back outside. It was obvious Mitsukake was totally worn out, and I was pretty mad at him for holding us up by helping all those villagers. We were supposed t' get to the capital today, and had to take a long pit stop because this oaf doesn't know how to be selfish every once and while. Didn't he used to be a hermit, though? Why can't he have more of that "I want nothing to do with people" attitude now when it'll actually do some good? Geez. He probably heard me saying some of that under my breath, and said, "I should have my stamina back before tomorrow morning. Wake me up as soon as you want to leave."

"Really? You don't mind?"

"No."

"Time to wake up!"

"I meant that we should get some sleep, first."

"I know that," I rolled my eyes. That was a lot easier than trying to raise only one eyebrow. "But you know, we should have gotten a lot further today. Even if you sleep well tonight, you're still not gonna go quite as fast tomorrow. Really… what were you thinking trying t' heal that many people!?"

"That what I'm called to do as a doctor, Tasuki," he sighed.

"Yeah, and what are you called t' do as a Suzaku warrior, huh?" I raised my voice and stood out of the chair.

"My power is much stronger now with the holy water Taiitsukun gave me," he said. "I have the stamina now to do that much before getting tired."

"Screw Taiitsukun. If she wanted to give us something useful, she should have given us a flying rooftop, or whatever that was Miaka mentioned…" I grumbled. "And you're a liar. You already looked wiped out before you healed half those people!"

"I'm fine, Tas--"

"Sure, for now! But what if you pull this stunt again, huh?" I raised my voice aga- ah, screw it, I was yelling now. "What if that's right before we meet the others and they're already at war and they need your power? What will you do then?"

"As long as I'm alive, I will be able to--"

"Or do you plan on just not being there like the last time because you were going too slow!?"

Okay, maybe I went a little too far. Mitsukake and I both fell silent. It wasn't his fault we couldn't get to the others in time. Even though we felt that… that… that really bad feeling after the storm was over, we were pushed too far out of town to get back in time. Neither of us could have done a damn thing. Just like right now, we can't do a single damn thing!

I jumped into bed and muttered "sorry", partly hoping he'd hear it and partly hoping he wouldn't. I was embarrassed about mentioning that again, and pulled the blanket over my head. I wasn't sleepy, but didn't feel like being awake anymore.

"Wake me up as soon as you do, and we'll leave," said Mitsukake. I didn't acknowledge him.

----

I know I had dreams last night, but I can't remember them. I can't even remember if they were good or bad. Nevertheless, something woke me up before I would have otherwise wanted to be awake. The sky was still dark, but it wasn't likely that I was going to fall back asleep, so I dragged my tired body out of bed. Tasuki was right; I had exhausted myself.

Tasuki was probably right about a lot of things last night.

I looked over to his bed, where he was curled up with his ear tucked behind one of his fists. It reminded me of how children sleep with their thumbs in their mouths. I thought it was cute, and let him continue to sleep while I stretched. I also tried some deep breathing exercises to try and restore my strength, but my body still felt shaky and sapped of strength. I didn't want Tasuki to be irritated with me going slow, though, and would have to put up with it. It was my decision to help those people, after all.

Tasuki has gotten so responsible. I'm proud of him, but at the same time, feel ashamed of myself. Hopefully, we won't get into anymore arguments like last night. Though I was careful not to wake him as I walked around the room, he startled me when he turned and muttered something in his sleep. After he finished whatever it was he said, he grew a goofy grin, then went back to sleeping quietly. I couldn't help but laugh.

Half an hour later, I saw the sun, and figured that he would want to be woken up by then. Gently, I nudged his shoulder and told him it was time to go, but he reacted violently. The next thing I knew, the ball of his foot was flat against my nose.

It still feels a little sore.

"Mi-Mi-Mi-Mitsukake! What were you doin' there!? I didn't see you!" he frantically sat up in bed, fully awake.

"Of course you didn't see me. You had your eyes closed."

"Aw, man-- sorry about that. Is it bleeding?"

"No, doesn't seem to be."

"Oh, you got off lucky, then," he breathed a sigh of relief. "You know that scar on Kouji's face? That was my toenail."

"Kouji?"

"Well, not really, but that's the joke! He might have a little scar from waking me up, though," he laughed. "All the bandits have learned the hard way that they need to wake me up with a ten foot pole!"

"It sounds like you all had lots of fun," I nodded, still holding my nose. "Who is Kouji?"

"You didn't meet Kouji?" he cocked his head. "Oh, yeah. Only Miaka an' Hotohori an' Nuriko got to meet him. He's my best bud."

"I see."

I was relieved that Tasuki seemed to be in a better mood now. Hopefully we could just forget about this pit stop and continue our journey a little more refreshed.

------

"I've been thinking, Tasuki…"

Well, he's had lots of time for that.

"In the capital, they might have descriptions of us to watch out for."

"And?"

"Perhaps we should think about disguising ourselves."

"That's a good idea," I nodded. "But d' you expect to find some disguises? We're more than a little pressed on cash, and there's not much between here and the capital. But at least we're almost there!"

"That is a problem. Never mind."

Geez, he's so quick to give up! That was a good idea. Maybe it's just because I'm a bandit, but I thought that maybe we should just jump the next person we see and steal his clothes or something.

"Tasuki, get down," Mitsukake said and put his hand on my head to push me to the side of the road. I looked up the road, and barely saw the heads of a couple Kutou soldiers. What luck! And I wasn't even being sarcastic.

"Mitsukake. We'll take their clothes to get into the capital," I grinned and whispered. He gave me a surprised look. "This is the perfect chance! And besides, it's kill or be killed here, so we sure as hell need to make sure they don't catch us."

He frowned disapprovingly, but agreed anyway. Atta' boy, Mitsukake. As soon as the soldiers got close enough, we jumped and grabbed their necks. The one Mitsukake was holding struggled to grab his sword, but Mitsukake forced it out of his hand. The one I had seemed too startled to do anything but scream. What a sorry couple of soldiers. If the whole army is like this, Konan doesn't have a damn thing to worry about.

It was easy to knock them out and strip them. But they weren't going to stay that way for long, and other soldiers would probably come by soon and notice them. Either way, they were gonna be trouble for us later, so after Mitsukake and I got the armor on… well… I fried 'em. Simple as that.

It's not like I like killing people or anything, but we are on the brink of war and can't afford to be wishy-washy. That's just how things are, and I was in was in a hurry to get back to Konan.

Apparently, Mitsukake was not. He had to go sigh, and then started digging… and sighing, and digging…

"Mitsukake, what the hell are you doing?" I asked flatly, even though I knew exactly what he was doing.

"Even if they're our enemies, they didn't deserve to die," he answered. "The least I can do is give them a proper burial."

"Oh? And where are you gonna get time for that? We need to go! Forget about them and come on!"

"There's always time to be civil," he snapped back. I was startled, since that was the first time I heard him sound angry at me. If he wants to, he can be hella' scary. "Somewhere, someone is going to mourn for them."

"And it's not going to be us, or more of our friends are going to be dying!" I growled, still panging at the thought. "We didn't get a chance to mourn before… are you trying to make up for that now with some random strangers?"

He closed his eyes tightly and went back his digging. "We can't do anything about that, but we can still respect the dead around us."

"To hell with them! Don't you care about stopping anymore of this from happening!? They're dead, what d' they care? And you, I've see you beat up zombies! There's no need for respect! We need to go, Mitsukake! I don't want to keep coming back and finding everybody dead!"

I'm glad he wasn't looking at me, because my face started turnin' red and my voice started cracking. "First the boss… and then one of the others… what are we going to do if we get there and everybody's dead?"

He didn't say anything. He just kept digging. I hated how he could do that, so I lunged at him and forced him by the shoulders to turn around so I could look him in the eyes. "What are we going to do then, huh?!"

"Tasuki," he stared back wide-eyed. Aw, crap. I was crying, wasn't I? I turned away again and pretended just to wipe some dust out of my eye. I wanted to pretend a lot of things were better than they really were right then.

I was feeling so damn lonely wondering where the hell everyone was, that I wanted to pretend they would jump out anytime now and shout "surprise" or "the jokes' on you!" or somethin'. Nope. The only ones there were Mitsukake and couple of dead soldiers.

"I've been thinking about that, too," he said, and stopped digging. "About what kind of situation the others might be in by the time we get back. They might not even be there," he stood up, and something in his voice started sounding weak. "What can we do if we never find them at all? Would I be able to live with myself I was never able to help any of them? It's… it's tearing me up inside, Tasuki. I…"

He got quiet again, and I looked back at him. He didn't have any tears, but his whole face looked like he was crying anyway. His wavering eyes met mine, and he finished, "I don't want to loose anyone else, either."

We didn't say anything, just sorta' stood there and made weird noises while we tried to keep ourselves from crying. If we stayed quiet any more, though, I probably would have lost it. "Well! Back to Konan, then! That's the best place we have to look for them!"

He nodded, and reluctantly left without finishing the burial.

-----

It was rude to leave a burial half-finished, but those men probably wouldn't have wanted to be buried by the men who killed them. Ever since the storm, I was doing a good job of ignoring what I didn't want to think about, and trying to avoid recognizing what my comrades were probably going through. Tasuki, however, was recently doing a great job of smothering me with reminders.

I wonder if Tasuki feels bad about killing those men. Maybe that's why he was so eager to leave. Or maybe he's not feeling so bad and I'm just looking for someone to share a guilty feeling with. After all, if we hadn't gone to the southern end of the city, we might have still been with the others and I could have been there. If I had been there, someone wouldn't have had to die.

Shouka once joked that I needed 'mini-Juans' for everyone I cared about to carry around as first-aid kits. I think she was using that to imply other things, but I really wish she had never brought up the idea. If I only I could be in more than one place at one time, I could put this power to good use.

If only Shouka were still here, I wouldn't feel quite so ashamed of myself. There were times in the past when I couldn't get to someone in time, but when she comforted me, I was always able to remember that I wasn't responsible for those people in the first place. Tasuki is here, but he force-feeds me more guilt. I suppose he has every reason to be mad at me, because I am responsible.

Suzaku gave me this power to take care of my fellow warriors, and especially my priestess. What good was I doing now? I've failed Suzaku- I can't use this power.

"Tasuki… do you suppose Suzaku might abandon us?"

"You mean he hasn't already?" he groaned. "This isn't about us abandoning the others or something, right?"

"If we're not doing anything to help Miaka," I swallowed hard and kept my eyes to the ground. "Then we're not doing our jobs in the first place."

"Since when did you become Prince Pity-Party?" Tasuki rolled his eyes. "None of this is our fault- you know that. We're doing everything we can. Don't feel so damn guilty."

"But it is my fault. If I had been th--"

"You're not a god, Mitsukake, you're human! Even if you're a warrior of Suzaku, you're still human! You can't save everyone!" he pointed a finger straight at me. "You've already done a ton to help everyone, and you can't expect to always do more- no one can expect that of you, and no one does! So stop it already!"

I sighed. It's not as if he would listen to me if I said anything else anyway.

His expression became a little bit more pained. "And… I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean to take everything out on you. I guess that speech just now sounded kinda' hypocritical, huh?"

I smiled. "I'm not mad at you, Tasuki."

"Yeah, but I'm mad at myself! I was never really mad at you… you were just easy to take things out on because… well…"

"Because I'm too busy being mad at myself, too," I sighed. "It's funny that there's been such a tense atmosphere between us when we aren't even mad at each other."

"And it's kinda awkward," he laughed nervously. "I mean… you know. You don't talk much. It makes me feel weird to say anything."

"I'm always willing to listen if you want to talk," I offered. It was a relief to be talking like this, actually. Even though I'm an introvert, I do feel comforted having someone to talk to. Chichiri and I got along very well before, and Chiriko and I had a quiet understanding of each other, but Tasuki and I never interacted much outside of my being his doctor. It would be a little too extroverted of me to try and start getting close to him.

"But it's weird when I'm the only one talking," he grimaced. "Honestly, you're so calm that sometimes I think talking to you is like talking to a wall! I could make faces at you and you wouldn't even notice!"

"But I'll certainly notice your foot in my face," I smirked.

He blushed and replied, "What, are you trying to give me guilt trip now?"

I laughed. Not just chuckled, I laughed. Since the storm, it was starting to seem like I'd never laugh again. "I guess we're not each other's ideal company, and this isn't our ideal kind of journey… but Suzaku bonded us all together anyway. I do appreciate having you here, Tasuki."

"Yeah, maybe," he shrugged. "Looks like Suzaku hasn't abandoned us after all."

----

I guess we agreed to be talk more. At least, that's what it sounded like, but Mitsukake has been quiet since then anyway. A little happier, maybe, but who can tell with him? He said I could talk to him anytime, but what I really want is for him to do a little more talking!

Well… unless he starts talking and sounding hopeless like he did earlier. Seriously, what was up with that? I better get him on a lighter subject, then… like his love life, that should be interesting… except that, you know, the love of his life is dead and it's his fault or something.

Worth a shot anyway. "So, Mits," I elbowed him. "Since we're gonna be more open now… Shouka sure was hot, wasn't she? Heh heh…"

His face got all stiff and his eyes were in a shadow so I couldn't see what he was thinking. It made me a little nervous… had I said the wrong thing after all? Aw, crap. "Uh… Mitsukake?"

"Yeah. She sure was," his face suddenly broke out into a wide smile. It was a kinda creepy smile… at least on him. On Tamahome or somebody else, that lovey-dovey look isn't as weird, but on Mitsukake… ug.

"Uh… yeah… so… how did, uh, how'd you meet?"

"Hmph," he still smiled. "We grew up together, more or less. She used to tease me all the time. I was a fairly clumsy youth," he chuckled.

"Were ya?" Ahh, good. Voices cracking and gangly bodies. Not quite as awkward of a topic.

"Shouka started out graceful, and only got more beautiful as she grew up," he continued. Aw, man, back to girls. Oh well, it was my fault for bringing it up. "Even though she teased me, she also comforted me."

"Comforted, huh?" I got a sleezy grin. "Aaaall the way, huh? Heh heh! Mistukake, you--"

"We were very much in love," he said all matter-of-factly. He didn't try to argue… then that meant… uuuugghhhhnnnghh!! I did not want that mental image! "Tasuki, are you alright? You're gagging."

"Yeah! I'm fine!" I squeaked.

"I see," he smiled. Not a creepy smile, just an amused smile. "Tasuki… do you have much experience with women? I understand do you don't like them much."

"What? Oh, well, having a bunch of older sisters will do that t' you. Girls are just a bunch of trouble. Who needs 'em!"

He raised that one single eyebrow again. "Oh. That doesn't mean that you're…"

"No! I'm not int' guys!"

"Just checking," he smiled a toothier grin. I really, really hope he was joking. Maybe I didn't want to get into this conversation after all.

-----

I hadn't thought about it much before, but Tasuki is actually a very frightening person. With the money the soldiers had, we were able to buy ourselves a more substantial lunch than we had had in weeks. When Tasuki opened his mouth to bite into an apple, his teeth glinted and showed just how sharp they were before attacking the unsuspecting fruit. It was a little startling how sharp they were, but I was more intrigued by how clean they were. Had he been holding out on me and finding places and time to brush them?

What scares me most about Tasuki is how little he hesitates to harm or kill people. Those soldiers were not the first I had seen him attack since we met, and he never shows any remorse. He's doesn't seem to like it, either, and it's as if he's indifferent to human life. I want to think he does feel remorse, but he hides it very well. I know he values his life and the lives of his friends…

He doesn't seem to dislike women quite as much as he says he does. He seems to have his own kind of respect for them, maybe because his sisters might have shown him just what women can be capable of. He couldn't fool anyone into thinking he didn't take interest in them. I noticed how quickly his eyes shifted to the door when an attractive young lady walked in.

He looked back to his food an instant later, disregarding the lady's entrance. I was hoping to tease him, until she walked past our table and I noticed how much she resembled Miaka. She obviously wasn't, but it was worth a glance. My will to tease him quickly faded.

Miaka is a sweet girl… I wonder how she's faring. I can feel in my gut that she's alive, but I hope she's still in good spirits. Considering the loss of a few warriors, though, she probably isn't as happy as she should be.

Tasuki has other frightening qualities besides his teeth. I'm sure there's more to him that got the bandits to follow him that just his sleep-kicking. Perhaps a heads-up on them would be helpful for the rest of our trip. "So, Tasuki. Why did you decide to become a bandit?"

"Bandit? What're you talkin' about?" he dropped his mouth. Striking a proud pose, he continued, "I'm a Kutou soldier!"

I wasn't sure how to respond, except with a befuddled expression. He leaned across the table and lectured in my ear, "If we're gonna wear the armor, we gotta play the part, Mitsukake! Get your act together!"

"No one can hear us clearly in this busy restaurant," I responded. "Besides, we can still play the part as long as we don't mention who we really are or where we're from. I'm sure Kutou soldiers all had different pasts before becoming soldiers anyway."

"Well, I guess that would sound more natural, huh?" he leaned back into his chair. "The bandit life was the loose lifestyle I wanted! I didn't want to worry 'bout working too hard, or getting bothered to go brush my hair, or fixing the holes in the roof I accidentally burned…"

"You don't have to fix them as a bandit?" asked I. "Even as a bandit, I'm sure you have to have some responsibility."

"Of course I've got responsibilities- plenty of 'em! I have to make sure my guys are fed and happy," he said with conviction. "And if they are fed and happy, then they'll do repairs for me! Ha ha ha!"

"Are you sure you don't just threaten them into it?"

"It doesn't work like that!" Tasuki snarled. "We all gotta work like a family. If we only get ticked off at each other, the whole place falls apart. That doesn't mean we don't get ticked and don't fight, and it doesn't mean I don't threaten them about one or two little things… but what's it's worth if everybody you hang out with is mad at you all the time?"

"Like a family, huh?" I resisted the urge to ask if anyone calls him 'Mommy'.

"Yeah," he grew a fond smile, "being a bandit is great because you get a cool reputation and free stuff, but the best part is the company."

Tasuki, I was sure by now, did care for people in his own way. I had my doubts about bandits caring about anyone when travelers getting to my village had been ransacked by them, but I shouldn't have made any judgments if I hadn't met them.

"You two there!"

A handful of Kutou soldiers had walked in and noticed us right away. "Why aren't you at the palace?" they asked. "The emperor is ordering the troops to assemble."

Our journey, I fear, has taken a far different turn.

-----

"Dressing up as soldiers to get through the capital unnoticed. Great idea."

"This was your idea, Tasuki."

So there we were, marching among the crowd to the Kutou palace. I don't think they knew who we were or anything, so we tried to play it cool and lay low. But damn it, I didn't want to go to the Kutou palace! I wanted t' get back the Konan palace- Konan!! I hope Hotohori's enjoying himself there. I hope he's bored out of his mind and doesn't have anything to worry about, 'cause Mitsukake and I have enough to worry about for the whole Suzaku gang.

Everybody got quiet when one of the soldiers said the emperor was comin'. The only emperor I had ever met was Hotohori, so I didn't know what to expect… and out came some frumpy old guy.

"Close your mouth," Mitsukake whispered to me. I guess it had dropped open when I saw him. He was like the anti-Hotohori.

The emperor put his arms in the air and addressed everyone. "Soldiers," he said with a sneer. "I have received good news from our general!"

Everyone cheered. General? As in… Nakago?

"The Priestess has already gathered one of the Shinzaho, and will soon reach the second."

No way! Miaka didn't get it? There was more than one? And they had one? Mitsukake and I looked at each other nervously. Well, we weren't so much nervous; we were horrified.

"Seiryuu will soon be summoned to ensure our victory in this war! General Nakago will not return until He has been summoned- and at that time, we will attack," he riled the crowds, and they all responded with hearty yells. "Everything shall succumb to the Kutou empire!"

…the war was starting. All this time, it just seemed like some far away threat, but now I was right in the middle of the soldiers yelling about they were gonna tear up my country. My home, my friends… They were all yelling and yelling, and there were so many of them, it was like a blur.

"Are you alright?" Mitsukake put a hand on my shoulder. "You look faint."

"I want to crawl up under a rock and die," I put my hand over my mouth. Hearing this was making me sick, and I didn't know how long I'd be able to keep my lunch. Mitsukake put his hand on my shoulder, and looked around through the crowd for something, I don't know what. After that, he started tugging me through the crowd, maybe trying to find some way out.

"Where are you going before the emperor has excused you?" another soldier stopped us.

"Gendo here is very sick," Mitsukake told him.

"Hmph. Sick?" he asked. I guess I looked pretty bad though, because he got a surprised look on his face when he looked at me. "Get back to the barracks, then."

Lucky for us, or not so lucky, he pointed us in the right direction. On the way, nobody could hear us, so I started talking. "Mitsukake… thanks, man."

"That's Myoushuan, a Kutou soldier," he smiled. "We have to stay in character, right?"

"Yeah. Sure."

"At least, until we get out of here," he looked forward. "And that should be as soon as possible. Even more than we realized, Konan needs us now."

-------

It would have been easier for the soldiers to tell we were imposters if we tried to stay in the barracks, so we stayed around the outside, hoping to leave when no one would notice. We whispered to each other quietly and put the pieces together: If there was more than one Shinzaho, Miaka and the others couldn't have gone home yet. We had no idea where they could be, but we didn't have time to look for them now. The best thing for us to do was stay on course and warn Konan about the impending attack.

Another group of soldiers was also standing outside, also hoping to have their own unnoticed conversation. Being just around the corner, Tasuki and I got quieter, and heard them clearly.

"I can't wait to see the look on the emperor's face," one jeered, "when he sees that General Nakago turned the tables on him."

"Don't talk so loud about that," another shushed him. "Granted, all of our troops know, but we don't know if there's a spy for the emperor. The point is to leave him unsuspecting so we'll ambush him better."

"Nah, he couldn't have a spy," the first laughed. "I don't think he's capable enough to think of that. And he just tells Nakago to do everything and wouldn't suspect a thing. The loyalist troops are the same way- they'll support the emperor blindly. Don't they know that Kutou's in this mess because of him?"

"That's why those guys are going on the front line," the other replied. "Poor fools."

All this time, then, attacking Konan was just a diversion? I was shocked, and look to Tasuki for reassurance. His face was pent up in anger, and his hand was reaching for his tessen. Did he mean to attack them? I rushed to put a hand over his mouth and tried to drag him backwards, but he struggled and tried to run towards the soldiers.

"Don't!" I said into his ear with a harsh whisper. "I'm mad, too, but attacking then now won't do any good!" He struggled harder, overcome with rage. "If you attack them, Tasuki, others will know we were here! You can't expect to take them all down yourself!"

He stopped struggling, and pat my hand for me to take it away from his mouth. I did so, and he made intense eye contact with me. "Then we're leaving right now. I'm not going to stick around here any longer and do nothing, and just let them puppet Konan!"

"Right," I nodded. We couldn't afford to wait for the best time to escape. "Do you remember what you said about hijacking a carriage a few days ago?"

He looked confused. "Yeah. And I was joking."

"Now it's time that we should do that. As long as we're wearing this armor and pretending to be Kutou soldiers, we can commandeer something, at least to the border. If we find one now, we should make to the Konan border by midnight."

"Gotcha," he gave a me a thumbs up. "Wow, Myoushuan, you've really gotten more ruthless these days."

"Well, Gendo, we're desperate. It's not as if we'll be hurting anyone."

Once we got back to the main road, we quickly spotted a farmer with a hay delivery, and we told him that we were under orders to get to the border and as a citizen he had to help. He didn't like the idea, but let us hop the back anyway. We spent an hour riding over every bump in the road, but our speed was hardly satisfying. Tasuki put things into his own hands.

"Listen bud, can't this thing go any faster?"

"Carrying this big a load, this is as fast as my horses can go," the farmer shook his head. "You should have found a faster vehicle."

"Thanks, we already did," Tasuki pushed past him and climbed on the back of a horse. As he expected me to, I followed onto the back of the other horse and cut off the reins. The farmer yelled after us, but we didn't look back. Neither of us was very good at bareback riding, and held on for our dear lives.

Dear life, however, was about to end for another one of our comrades.

-----

I really, really hated that feeling.

Everything was fine, and then my chest started getting tighter and my shoulders tensed up, and that feeling in the pit of my stomach was like I was really nervous. It was like I was dizzy, except that everything around me started looking sharper. But the worst part was in my neck. It was like a shock went up my back and just stopped and stayed in my neck… it felt just like being pinched.

Something had happened to one of us. That someone was probably dead.

Just before we felt it, I could see the Konan border. With the horses, I thought we could ride them all the way back to the capital and get there by morning, no problems. In fact, I was getting really excited- we were finally getting home! And soon everybody else would come home… most of them, anyway.

That's when that feeling started. It was just like the last time, only then I couldn't understand what it was right away. This time, I knew exactly what it was, and immediately went into denial.

I stopped my horse and yelled as loud as I could, as if that would make the feeling stop. No such luck. I felt like crying, but no tears would come out. "Damn it… damn it!!"

Mitsukake walked his horse back over t' mine. "Tasuki, we need to hurry," he tried to say confidently, but I could hear the lump in his throat.

"Just give me one freakin' minute!" I snapped back at him. "That was… you know what that was!"

"We can't mourn right now," he closed his eyes, and then turned around. His voice started to sound more strained, and I'll bet he was crying. "We need to get back to the palace, first."

"Fine! Fine, let's get going!" I charged ahead of him. I went faster now than I was goin' before, and just didn't want to think about anything. Still, that feeling wouldn' t go away yet.

I thought that maybe, just maybe, all this had been a joke, and they got better after whatever it was happened. Maybe they met somebody else who had healing powers like Mitsukake, or… no, I knew that couldn't happen. They were dead and there was nothing' I could do about it.

Sure, now I could be a hero and go warn Konan about the attack and what Nakago's real intention was… but that wasn't what I wanted. I wish I could have just stayed along with Miaka and helped protect everyone there. What good was I doin' here?

We got maybe another hour or two out of our horses until they started slowin' down. "Damn it! Get moving! Get your ass moving!" That stupid thing wouldn't listen.

"We had better go on foot now," Mitsukake got off his horse. I did, too, and wanted to start running right away, but had been sitting on that horse for so long that I couldn't move my legs right.

"How much further d' we hafta go?! If only Chichiri were here… or at least his hat!" I said that, but didn't think about it until a second later. What if it was…

"We aren't too far," he looked around. "I remember coming through this area when we were looking for Chiriko." What if it was…

"Yeah, I remember. Tama's family lived around here." What if it was…

No! I had to stop thinking about stuff like that! For now, the most important person to find is Hotohori! And I'm pretty damn sure he's been fine!

We walked- since both of us were too stiff to run- for a little while, and I started feeling really tired. We hadn't slept since that village the other day, and didn't have anything to eat since this after noon… and water? I couldn't remember. Riding on those horses didn't really help, either, and all this bad news today was enough to tire me out in the first place.

I looked over at Mitsukake, who kept his gaze forward. I'll bet he was even more tired than me, what with healing all those people recently. I hope he got his strength back, but I don't know when he would have gotten around to that. It was amazing, though. He didn't look the least bit tired.

His lips were moving, though, and I could just barely make out what he was sayin' under his breath. "We will make it to the palace by noon, we will make it to the palace by noon, we will make it to the palace by noon…"

"Hey man, what is that? Mind over matter?"

"What? Oh," he looked kinda embarrassed. "It's a mantra to help me stay focused."

"Ha ha! I didn't know you were int' that," I laughed. "But it looks like it's working. All together now! We will make it to the palace by noon! We will make it to the palace by noon!"

Mitsukake smiled and chimed in.

-----

Early morning, and we discarded our borrowed armor. We thought we could run faster that way, but were both a little too exhausted to get anywhere in a hurry. I resorted to walking so I could be sure to stay on my feet, at least, but Tasuki wasn't about to succumb to his fatigue. He tried to sprint, zigzagged a bit, and then tripped on a bump in the road.

"Gaaah!! Who put that there?" he held up a small, but sharp tree branch. It had blood on it.

"Are you alright?" I asked and rushed to his side. His lower leg had a small puncture wound where he fell on the branch. It wasn't serious, but was deep enough to make it difficult for him to walk.

He gritted his teeth, not to wanting to show just how much it hurt. "I can keep going."

Instinctively, I dipped my hand in the water Taiitsukun gave me. "Let me get rid of that for you," I said as I put my hand over his leg. I focused my life force as usual, but something was… off. This wasn't any different than the many other times I had healed people, right? I removed my hand, only to see that the wound was still there.

Tasuki noticed as well. "Heh… I shouldn't expect you to do this while you're so tired. Don't worry about it."

I know I still have the strength in me to do this. Why is it not working?

I reverted to my training as a doctor and dressed his wound, then helped him up with his arm over my shoulder, and we started inching down the path. "So much for making it back by noon," he sighed. "I wonder if we can hitch another ride around here?"

No matter how tired I was, my healing power always worked. Somehow, it only felt like I was only going through the motions before, and that some important element was missing.

"Mitsukake? Yoo-hoo?" Tasuki waved his hand in front of my face. "Yer' spacin' out there. Don't fall asleep and fall over on me!"

"Of course not," I smiled, but it faded as I looked back down to my hand.

My younger friend followed my glance, as well as my train of thought. "You're just exhausted, that's all."

"Do you ever feel so tired that you can't use your power?" I asked him.

"Never!" he laughed. "I don't really have any power myself- it's all in my tessen. If anything gets worn out, it's that."

"Would you mind testing it out?"

"I don't mind… why?"

"Something," I looked back to my hand, "doesn't feel right."

Tasuki reached behind his back with his free hand, and spotted a tree to aim at. Without any sort of preparation, he swung it and yelled, "Rekka Shinen!".

Nothing happened.

-----

That was weird.

Waving my tessen and having nothing come out is like going to take a dump and nothin-- well, you get the idea. "That's funny," I looked at it in my hand. "I didn't do anything wrong." Mitsukake was busy looking at his own hand and didn't say anything. "Y-ya don't think something's wrong with our powers, d' ya?"

"This is the first time this has happened for either of us," he still focused on his hand. It's not as if it was doin' anything.

"Then ya think something already happened," I felt a knot in my throat, "t' make us loose our powers?"

If that was true… and that we had already lost another warrior last night… we were loosing?

"Damn it! We need to hurry up!" I yelled and tried to drag Mitsukake along a bit faster. That didn't work very well because I was the one being dragged in the first place.

"Don't push yourself too hard," he smiled lightly. How could he smile at a time like this? Was the guy unbreakable or something? I guess I was thinkin' aloud because he started frowning and looking really tired right away. "If we can, I'd like to hurry a little more, considering our new predicament. For now, we're defenseless."

"It's Konan, Mitsukake. We're finally back. Who do we need to protect ourselves from?"

"Not us," his glance sank. "I was speaking of Konan as a whole. We have to get the army mobilized so they can protect the border."

That was his way of saying that we couldn't depend on Suzaku anymore. I don't think Suzaku's abandoned us… more that something's in the way. Something way bigger than us.

We hobbled for another hour or so, and finally caught sight of the palace. A 'sight for sore eyes' didn't cut it- it was for sore legs, sore shoulders, sore feet, broken hearts and empty stomachs. By the time we got closer, it was way past noon. Who cared about that now, though.

When we got to the gate, the guards noticed us, and I think a couple of 'em might have recognized us. Who cares about them, though- more importantly, someone else recognized us right away and came running out to see us.

Miaka's eyes were full of tears, but she had a wide smile.

------

"Tasuuukiiiii! Mitsukakeeeeee!"

At first I thought my ears were playing tricks on me, but then I saw those familiar pink ribbons and foreign outfit. Unless my eyes and ears were working together to gang up on me, it was really Miaka, and she was safe.

"Miaka!" Tasuki beamed next to me and tried to leap towards her, but couldn't do very well while I was still holding him up. She caught up to us and grabbed our arms and stared at us for a minute with a wide smile. I guess we might have seemed like an illusion to her, too.

She casually wiped the tears from her eyes and greeted us. "I was so worried about you! I was starting to think I'd never see you again!"

"Yeah, I know the feeling!" Tasuki replied, just as excited as Miaka was. A few other friendly faces caught up to us as well, probably having chased after Miaka.

Tamahome was first. He looked tired, but well taken care of. I was grateful to him. Out of all the warriors, he was the one who most likely never left Miaka's side, unlike the two of us. Then came Chichiri. He still had his mask on, but still looked just as surprised as the others to see us. Finally came Hotohori, not able to run as fast as the others in his imperial robes. We made eye contact, and he gave me a gentle smile that said "Welcome back."

Immediately, I felt a lump in my throat. Nuriko and Chiriko were missing.

"Where were you all this time!?" Tamahome asked and gave Tasuki a friendly slap on the shoulder (at least, I think it was friendly). "We did look for you, you know!"

"The snowstorm in Hokkan pushed us out of the city," I explained. "We looked for you as well, but then wound up heading back here on foot."

"Yeah, that storm was Soi's doing. You two look completely worn out no da," Chichiri looked us over.

"Yeah, when did that happen?" Miaka pointed to Tasuki's leg.

"Aw, I'm fine. It was recent," Tasuki shook his head. Chichiri and Miaka looked at the wound, then to me, then to each other sadly. Did they know our powers weren't working?

"We were on foot a lot of the way, too," Tamahome switched back to the previous subject, as if ignoring the awkward pause. "Did you go through Sairou? I'm surprised we didn't run into you."

"We traveled through Kutou, actually."

They all looked dumbstruck. Maybe they didn't believe we could get through there alive? "Well," Miaka smiled weakly, "it's nice that you two were able to stick together." Tasuki and I smirked to eachother.

"Anyway, we found out some pretty bad news while we were there," said Tasuki to Hotohori. "You should get the army together right away!"

"They're already assembling as we speak," he nodded. "We already had a feeling it was time to do that. Would you both like to get some rest now? There's no sense talking out here while you're both barely able to stand up."

We went inside, changed clothes, and were served a large meal in my bedroom. Instead of getting any rest, though, Miaka and the others still stayed with us. I didn't mind. In fact, their company was the greatest comfort at that time. Our conversation, however, was not.

"Um," Miaka's glance fell to the floor. "I'm sorry. I wasn't able to get the Shinzaho. We can't…" she swallowed hard, "we can't summon Suzaku. I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize, ya did you could, I bet," Tasuki grimaced. "And Hotohori already has the army getting ready."

"That's right," he added. "We shouldn't have depended on the strength of Suzaku all this time, but on the strength of Konan's people."

Nuriko nodded in agreement. …Nuriko!?! Then who did we…? Tasuki also noticed him, and rolled his eyes, probably because of his elaborate outfit. I suppose some things, no matter how dire the situation, never change.

I noticed another friend at that time, who hopped in my lap and meowed. Tama looked quite pleased to see me. I smiled, and patted his head. "Have you been helping?" He meowed again.

"I'm so glad you two are safe," Miaka sighed contently. "If I knew you were in Kutou all this time, I would have been even more worried."

"I'll tell ya right now that I'm never going back there again!" said Tasuki as started shoveling food into his mouth. He chewed it with a cheerful look on his face. "Or maybe I'll just never leave Konan again!"

I found it strange that Nuriko didn't have comments. In fact, he hadn't said anything this entire time. Upon closer observation, though, I could tell that was not Nuriko. He really was gone, then. Chiriko was certainly not there… and no one was bothering to mention anything about either one of them. They couldn't keep avoiding that forever, though. As much as I didn't want to hear how they died, I felt that it would be disrespectful if I never wanted to find out.

That, and Miaka dodged the topic when she said she failed. Then that would mean… "Miaka," I took a more serious tone, "have they summoned Seiryuu?"

Her face drained of color, and she bit her lip, then turned away. Tamahome spoke for her, "It was last night. We did everything we could to stop them…"

"And I'm sure the others did, too, huh?" said Tasuki. I could hear his heart sink in his voice. "We felt it, too, both times--" he stopped, and looked around the room, then paused, somewhat confused. "Wasn't… it was twice, wasn't it?" Apparently, he still thought that woman was our old friend. He was promptly corrected and we were both equally surprised at what Hotohori had been busy with this whole time, but now that the others were finally on that subject, they informed us of how our friends died.

They were both so brave… and I wasn't there for them.

------

I knew it happened already, but I was horrified. Nuriko and Chiriko… they we both gone forever. I didn't even know they had that kind of courage in them. I'm proud of them, but I half wish they didn't! If they didn't, they'd still be here…

And it's not as if they did any good by dying, either! Nakago still stole that first Shinzaho, and they summoned Seiryuu anyway! Damn it!!

Nakago… that's right.

"There's something else we found out while we were in Kutou," I said. I could feel my face burning up in anger at our situation when I spoke… but mostly with hatred for Nakago. It's his fault that so many bad things have happened to my friends. And we're not even his target! "Nakago's only playin' with us. He's using the war against Konan to distract the emperor and get rid of the loyalist troops… then he's just turning around to go overthrow the emperor! We're only in this stupid mess because they can't keep their own stupid politics to themselves!"

Hotohori looked shocked. "Then all this time, they've only been using us as a tool?"

"That's what he heard from the soldiers there," said Mitsukake. "That's all we heard, besides that they were going to attack as soon as Nakago returned after summoning Seiryuu."

"Then today the war will finally start," Hotohori glanced out the window. "The armies are ready… but how would they feel to know that they're only being toyed with? If we could have somehow known this earlier, there might have been someway to negotiate… if there was some way we could talk to Nakago now before blood is shed…."

Tamahome rolled his eyes and said, "There'd be no sense talking to him in the first place." Atta' boy, Tamahome. He continued, "And with Suzaku being sealed now, he wouldn't give us a second thought anyway."

"I'm still not going to abandon Konan!" Miaka yelled. "It's my fault you're so far into this mess. I have to at least try to get you out!"

The others tried to talk her out of it, but it was no use- Miaka was pretty stubborn about it. I thought that was pretty cool, though, and laughed. "We'll all fight with you, Miaka!"

"But Tasuki, you're injured na no da!"

"It can't stop me if I'm on horseback!" I laughed. After all, I had been through a lot worse. After riding bareback for a few hours, though, that didn't really sound great, either. "Besides, I need to make up for lost time."

Mitsukake nodded. "We don't need that long to rest up. We'll meet you at the battle field in a few hours."

Miaka didn't really want us out there right away, but I wasn't gonna argue. After how much we missed on the trip, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I wasn't able to help at all during the war. They left so we could finish eating and rest up.

"It's a relief we made it made it back in time, huh?" I stretched, and laid out on the bed. "Still… I wish we could have been there instead."

Mitsukake frowned and closed his eyes. "If only I had been there."

-------

My mind was off with my fallen comrades… how I should have been there to help them… to comfort them…

"Shit, stop beating yourself up over it!" he yelled. I jumped, not expecting him to raise his voice. "You can't do anything to bring them back. Even if we were there… you probably couldn't have done anything to stop them!" He had his eyes closed tightly. It seemed as if he were trying to tell himself this as well. "There's only one thing we can do now, and that's to honor them! We have to be there to protect Miaka while they can't now… we have to be there to fight where they left off!"

Tamaneko meowed, as if to second what he said. I said nothing.

Tasuki continued, "Aren't you goin' to say anything?" There was too big a knot in my throat for that. He groaned and rolled his eyes. "You're always like this. When Shouka died, what do you think she wanted you to do? Go whine and cry and ignore everybody? She was a doctor, too, I guess… wouldn't she have wanted for you to keep helping people in whatever way you could?"

Ouch. That one hurt, Tasuki.

He had a sharp point. This is exactly what I was doing before, just beating myself up for not being somewhere. My way of grieving is to hurt myself, but is that what my friends would have wanted for me to do to remember them? I saw flashes of them in my mind. It was utterly clear what they wanted me to do.

Not to worry about not protecting them, but to be more concerned about protecting Miaka. As a warrior of Suzaku, whether He's sealed or not, that is my ultimate concern.

"Thank you, Tasuki, for knocking some sense into my head," I smiled. "However forcefully that may be."

"Heh. 'Welcome," he gave me a toothy grin. "Ya know, Mitsukake… I'm sorry I have to be that forceful with you. I guess even after all this time we spent stuck together, I still can't make much sense of you."

"It might always be that way," said I. "At least we've gotten a little bit closer to that."

"Yeah," he sighed. "Well, I'm gonna hit the sack now. I'll race you to the battle field after that!"

"It won't be hard for me to beat you with that leg of yours."

He left me alone, for the first time since the storm. It was a little surreal. Tamaneko was quite pleased to have me all to himself again, and curled up on my chest when I laid down. I was finally home, but my time to protect it was coming very soon. I wondered if I might even see the end of it… while it wasn't one I welcomed, the thought didn't bother me much.

I soon was lulled to sleep by Tama's purring, and slept more peacefully that I ever I thought I might again.