It's been five years. I still think of you every day and even after all this time, nearly everything reminds me of you. Sometimes, when I'm walking down the street and I see a couple holding hands, smiling and looking so happy and very much in love, I think of you and remember how much I miss my old life...with you.
Who would have thought we would end up this way...not me that's for sure. We always talked about living our whole lives together, getting married, and having kids. And when I think back to that point, I know that I would have never believed that we would be end up like this five years later. It's funny how things can change so quickly. I don't know if I can say I regret what happened. Well obviously I do, as I always wanted to be with you forever...but there is still a part of me that knows that what happened between us couldn't leave our relationship the same way.
I have no idea what will happen to me in the future. Whether I will ever get married, or have children...because you have always been the only person I have wanted to do those things with. You are the only one I've ever loved. Men come and go, and sometimes I express a little interest, but your face is always the one I see when I close my eyes. You are still the one I think of every night, and the one I dream of. And when someone hugs me, I imagine that it's your arms around me...keeping me safe, protecting me...like you said you always would.
I hear your voice sometimes, and remember things that you once said to me, and I think of some of the great times we had together when we were simply teenagers and were living life day by day...and then I remember how much I miss you again.
I've stopped trying to take the pain away through alcohol and recklessness, because I know that it will not help. Sure, I feel numb for a little while, but then I wake up in the morning and it all comes back to me.
I stay awake at night wondering if you think about me like I think about you, and if you miss me like I miss you. But then I remember it's been five years and surely you have forgotten about me. I wish I could forget, and live my life without your memory haunting my mind...but life isn't that easy.