Disclaimer: I do not own Elfen Lied or any of its characters.
A/N: Hey, guys! So, it's Elfen Lied this time. This is like, Lucy's perspective when she's on verge of death. I am sorry if something like this has been done before. This was a sudden idea so I didn't really check any fics!
I hope you guys enjoy this!
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Her Last Breath
"They would always be the silly little kids from back then.
The girl who was different and the boy who didn't care."
A dying Lucy muddles up her thoughts and reminiscences.
Warning: character death, mentions of blood and death.
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"Just give it up, Kouta. I don't want to cause you any more trouble."
"Don't say such a sad thing."
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"It hurts."
Just these two words are what her mind is capable of thinking, at this moment.
Because it hurts so much.
The pain she can feel right now is both mental and physical. It hurts, to keep the monster, who she knew would soon surface, inside. It hurts to accept the fact that this is surely going to be her last time seeing Kouta and it's her fault it's like this. It hurts because all she can think of in these last moments is of the pain that she's caused others over all these years.
Despite everything, she can't exactly say that she feels remorse for all those victims. True, she does feel sad, but even she knows that it isn't enough.
It will never be enough.
All in all, it hurts to see Kouta struggle to protect someone like her despite all this.
Kouta has felt sadness on her behalf. He has felt remorse on her behalf.
He doesn't want to let her take more lives all because he cares. It's all for her sake.
"I can't let you kill anymore."
She doesn't want to kill anymore.
She's tired of all this. She's tired of living the life of a monster.
She wants to end it.
She wants Kouta to kill her soon. She knows that she will not be able to hold the monster in for a long time. She hopes Kouta can summon the courage to kill her before she changes. She doesn't want him to see it. She can't let him see her like that.
She wants to die while he can still love her.
A strange warmth starts to spread across her chest. It keeps on spreading until it starts to burn.
Blood, she realises. My own blood is all around me.
She is hardly fazed at the sight of blood. After all, she's seen a lot of it. Hell, she has been the cause of it. Her own or someone else's, blood has always been something she's used to. Be it at the orphanage or the facility. It's normal in her case.
Monsters aren't exactly given the best treatment, are they?
They are 'scum', after all.
It has never hurt to bleed before. Heck, sometimes she doesn't even notice.
Then why, for the first time in her life, did it hurt, today? Because the feeling is pain. It has to be. Nothing else describes it better.
I don't want this anymore, she thinks. I don't want to take any more lives.
Right then, as if to mock her, the monster rips and tears her insides, eating her up. Her body isn't even in the condition to wince. It hurts more because she knows this a part of her as well. That voice is so clear to her ears.
"Kill them. Then it'll be so easy."
She convinces herself that the temptation in her heart isn't her own feeling. It's that of the monster.
She doesn't want to kill them. In fact, she wants to save them.
They are her precious friends.
The monster manages to partially break through, angered by the foolish words of the man in the coat. She watches helplessly as her own Vectors cause destruction. Bodies fly across the air, the scene dyed in crimson. A helicopter crashes to the ground as she makes contact and causes damage. A loud sound follows, moments later. Men don't even have the time to scream.
Stop, she pleads. Please stop all this. I really don't want to do this.
She's never felt this powerful before. Her invisible limbs are longer then before and they are clearly stronger as well. She doesn't have much time left.
It means that she's losing the battle against her sanity.
If she ever had such a thing, in the first place.
A sudden jerk alarms her and she manages to turn her head a bit, just in time to see her telekinetic arms reach towards the four people on her left. The three girls are crouching, arms around her each other, grasping tightly, fear on their faces. She hates being the one who makes them like this. She doesn't want them to be scared. It's because she cares.
It's a strange feeling.
But, after all this time, their presence brings forth a feeling of home.
But, most of all, she cares about the boy standing in front of them, determination on face. He will not give up so easy, she knows.
It's surprising, she manages to think, that he isn't scared of me yet.
Kouta is surprisingly stubborn at times. It can be a good thing.
But now is not the time for unnecessary stubbornness.
She closes her eyes. And with every ounce of her control, keeping that image of the smiling boy in mind, manages to stop her other self. Also getting rid of the foreign feeling of wanting to kill her friends that the monster had implanted within her. She had been feeling so sick because of it.
Her Vectors stop at a distance that is less than five meters from their faces. The girls gasp.
She doesn't even have the strength to sigh in relief.
Her eyes wander and she looks at Kouta.
And their eyes meet.
He gives her a long look. She stares back, eyes bloodshot.
If this goes on, she realises, I'll end up destroying everything
She has to tell him. It might be the last chance to do so. She would die today, no matter what. Even if she didn't die physically and the monster took over, she would be dead mentally.
So she takes in a ragged breath and calls out her two selves.
She looks at Kouta and lets Kaede and Lucy remind him. Of that time.
They are her consciousness, after all.
"If that happens, kill me, Kouta."
She looks at the uncertain expression on Kouta's face. He doesn't want to do it, she can see. But it isn't a choice. He has to do it.
She wants nothing more than to wipe that expression off his face.
And suddenly, pictures start to rush before her eyes. People and places treasured.
Memories racing against the flow of time.
This is my life, it comes to her, my life without Kouta, with him and with the others.
A time before her meeting with Kouta.
Being left alone because of something that wasn't even her fault. Getting used to it. Accepting the fact that she was different and would always be hated, no matter what.
Realising how pathetic humans really were. How desperate they were just to find someone even more miserable than them, just for their own satisfaction.
So she had mastered ignorance.
And then, at the orphanage, she had been reminded of the reason for the hatred people like her felt for humans, once again. Betrayal. Lies. Those words left a bitter taste in her mouth.
That had been the start of everything. The start of a misunderstood girl slowly being turned into a ruthless murderer.
And then, she had met him.
That strange boy who had offered to let her listen to music with him. She had been curious as to why he hadn't been scared of her, even after noticing her horns. Rather, he had been intrigued.
And they had become friends.
"I like weird animals."
This was the reason he had given her.
And so, they had become closer. And made promises.
"Let's meet at the end of the summer festival. I'll wait for you every year."
An irrational promise.
And, when Kouta had made such a happy face at her words, she had felt her heart start to beat faster. She had wondered why.
"Why does he like me anyway?"
That thought had come to her mind that night. She had pondered on it. Weren't people like her supposed to be hated?
And yet, at his cheerful smile, at that time, she hadn't really cared.
She had hoped it would last.
Her hope had been in vain, of course. And it had been all her own fault. She had destroyed everything herself. And exposed her true, cruel self to Kouta.
It had been unforgivable. Killing his family. She had supposed she was a monster, in the end, no matter how many silly boys she met.
And yet, she had ran away without facing. She hadn't wanted to see the hatred on Kouta's face.
Being caught by the facility days later was a punishment. For her crime.
She hadn't been able to forget him.
Escaping from the facility had been impulsive. All she wanted to do was see Kouta once more. And apologize to him. For everything.
Even if he hated her, she had needed to do it.
Now that she thought about it, him hating her would have made things much more simple and easy.
Losing her memories had been an obstacle. Becoming Nyuu and being found by Kouta was a boon.
And so, her carefree days had begun. Falling in love with him again. Making friends with other humans. And then Nana, one of her own kind.
They had loved her. Accepted her.
She had just been a child raised in the darkness experimenting with the light. She had wanted to be with him one more day, every time. And before she had realised, all that time had passed.
Kouta had found out later, of course, not long after she had become Lucy again. He had deemed the incident unforgivable and yet, had said that he couldn't let her go.
She supposed they would always be the two silly kids from back then.
The girl who was different and the boy who didn't care.
Which brings her back to the current predicament.
Her hair is covering her eyes now and she can barely see Kouta. The gun in his hands in quivering and she knows he is hesitating.
"I can't do it!" he screams, frustration evident in voice. The gun falls down beside her.
Kouta, she wants to scream, what are you doing?
But all she does is raise her head, ignoring the pain, and meet both his eyes with her left eye.
He looks scared. Not scared of her, but scared of losing her.
She just wants to hold him, right now. But the current state of her body prevents her from doing so.
She has to die. For good. Or she'll just hurt more people. She doesn't want to hurt the ones who have taken care of her. More than anything else, she doesn't want to hurt the people Kouta cares for. She has to protect them.
It's because he loves me, she realises, that he hesitates.
But he has to do it. Only he can.
He needs to have more faith.
He made the strongest one of the Diclonii fall in love with him. He has to be strong.
With her remaining strength, she lifts the gun, with a single Vector, handing it to Kouta quietly.
He looks at her, pleading silently.
She just stares back.
She wants to die human, at least at the heart.
And when his hand tightens around the weapon, she knows he understands.
"R-remember..." she manages to get out.
She knows he can do it now. And with gun in hand, looking at her like that, he emits such a bright light that it strains her eyes to keep looking. But, she doesn't look away.
He gives her a last look. And shoots.
And for the first time that day, the pain feels good.
Her last glimpse of the world is of Kouta's tear stained face. She hopes this can stay with her forever.
Keep the promise, Kouta. I'll be there, for sure, one day.
I love you.
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"Nyuu, hurry up!"
"I am coming, hold it, Kaede!"
"...Lucy's behind as always."
"I'll catch up in no time."
"..."
"Daddy, why are you smiling?"
"...I just remembered someone."
"...That old friend?"
"Yeah, that'd be the one."
"Nyuu!"
"Coming! Bye, dad!"
"...Bye. Have fun."
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Done!
Sorry if it's all depressing! And if I made any mistakes!
Review if you can!
See you guys around!