First Christmas fic of the season! Ejoy :)
"You invited Giovanni?" hissed Jane as she dragged her mother away from the crowd of people gathering in Maura's family room. Angela innocently shrugged her shoulders, a bit of a pout playing at her lips. "Giovanni?" Jane said again, a tinge of urgency laced in her tone. Again, Angela shrugged, her mouth opening and closing a few times before she responded.
"His family was going out of town for the holidays," she replied meekly. They looked over at the group; Frost and Korsak were lounging in separate plush armchairs across from one another. Frankie, arm slung across the back of the couch, was staring up at Maura and Giovanni, amused at the interaction between them. Tommy sat next to him with baby TJ cradled in his arms. He almost looks like a natural holding him, thought Jane. But her attention turned back to her mother.
"And why couldn't he go with them?"
"Oh Jane," Angela gushed. "It's the holidays. Can't you put your differences aside for one day? He's a nice boy,"
"Yeah and the stray dog down the street from my apartment is nice too but I don't invite him in for a ham dinner!"
Angela snapped into mother mode. "Jane Rizzoli, you will be welcoming to our guest. Maura is perfectly fine with it so I don't understand why you're having such a problem. Now go," and with that Angela turned and left her daughter standing, mouth still agape, frozen to the spot. Jane caught Maura's eye and Maura excused herself, making her way towards Jane.
"Ow, ow, ow," squeaked Maura as Jane grabbed her by the elbow. She glanced around and, after making sure no one was watching, tugged Maura into the bathroom and closed the door behind them. "Be careful, you're pinching the fabric. What's wrong?"
Jane locked the door. "What is wrong is that Giovanni is in your family room!"
"Your mother invited him," replied Maura sullenly. "But I don't see this as so much of a problem that we have to hide in the bathroom on Christmas Eve,"
"Maura, I have actively been trying to keep Giovanni away from my mother since you decided to tell him that we were in a relationship!"
Maura balked. "I did not. He assumed."
"Yes and that assumption has kept you out of his crosshairs for months now," Jane said with a pointed finger. "And now he has an all access pass to my entire family for God knows how many hours," She nervously clenched her hands and paced the bathroom floor. Maura set an arm on Jane's shoulder, compelling the taller woman to stop.
"Jane, Jane," said Maura. "Relax. We can control the conversation. Besides, Giovanni may have forgotten,"
Jane snorted. "He has not forgotten,"
"It will be fine," Maura insisted.
"Yeah," muttered Jane, "Yeah, what could possibly go wrong?"
"That's the spirit!"
"That was sarcasm,"
"Oh…"
"This looks delicious, Angela," said Maura kindly. Angela had insisted on cooking the entire meal. Having shooed Jane and Maura from the kitchen, they both watched from afar as Angela did what Angela did best – that is, be the mother she always loved being when her children were younger. TJ being born brought out a more youthful Angela that Jane had forgotten existed.
Angela smiled at Maura. "Thank you," she replied, passing a basket of rolls to Tommy. "I'm sorry Lydia couldn't come, Tommy,"
"Ah, s'okay," he muttered. "Her mom wanted them to go out to North Carolina to see some relatives. They were gonna take TJ but I wouldn't let 'em. Lydia took my side, too. Stood up to her mom,"
"Everyone has to start somewhere," said Angela.
"Yeah, that's really great, Tommy," Jane said, giving his hand a short squeeze.
"He's a real cute brat, Tom," said Giovanni with a mouth full of food. Bread crumbs trickled down his pale blue t-shirt. "You twos thinkin' about havin' a coupl'a those anytime soon?" He waved the rest of his bread at Jane and Maura. Their eyes locked; panicked and afraid of Maura blurting out something that could hurt them, Jane quickly answered.
"I think," she began. "I think that both Maura and I have thought about having kids at some point in our life," Maura nodded, a nervous twitch to her smile. "But, you know, not right now. Hey, Ma, this mac and cheese is really good," she shoveled a fork full in her mouth. It seared her throat as she swallowed. Her eyes watered from the heat.
"Well you don't got a lot of time," Giovanni gave a hearty laugh. "Women don't got a lot of time to push out them kids and there's two of yous. Ya knows men can keep on a goin' til they're like eighty, isn't that right, doc?"
Maura pushed a piece of corn around on her plate and nodded. "It is possible for a man to conceive a child very late in age, yes," she said uncomfortably.
"You know, I've always been real interested in how yous all do that, you know? What d'you plan on, adoption? That turkey baster deal?" He picked a baster up off the grave plate and gave it a squeeze. Jane spat her wine back into the glass, coughing and spluttering. Tommy rubbed her back.
"You okay?" asked Tommy.
"Yeah, I, yeah, yes," she shrugged away from Tommy. "No," she pointed to Giovanni and glared. "And it's really none of your business, moving on," Jane looked over to Maura, who looked as though she were ready to laugh. Angela, oblivious to the context of the situation, held up a bottle of wine.
"More wine?" she asked. Jane immediately slid her glass to her mother, despite it still being nearly full.
"Please," she groaned.
"It's snowing," said Maura softly. Jane turned to the French doors where Maura was staring out onto her property. Sure enough, a fine build up of snow was gathering on the lawn, flakes dancing against the onyx sky and yellow stars. Maura rubbed at her shoulders and smiled. "I love the cold,"
"That's one thing I never expected from you," said Jane, her hand nursing a beer against her stomach. She leaned against the door panel. "You always struck me as a beach and ocean type of girl,"
"Oh no," Maura shook her head. Her light golden-hued curls bounced against her shoulders. "No, my parents and I often traveled during the winter holidays because summers were very busy with mother's art showings and father taught summer classes. I spent most of the time in the mountains. My father taught me how to ski when I was very young," She smiled. "He used to say that there was no better warmth than the silence of a mountain on a snowy morning. It's very true. There is an unequivocal comfort to the beauty of winter," Maura brought her fingers up to touch the glass of the door.
"Do your parents still go?"
"Yes," said Maura quietly. "They spend every Christmas in the Alps,"
"Why don't you go with them?"
It took Maura a moment to respond. She brought her hand away from the window and turned to Jane, smiled, and then cast her eyes downward, then upward again. She shrugged. "My family is here,"
"Even Giovanni?" teased Jane.
"Oh, especially Giovanni. I'm reconsidering my stance on him. The way he holds that turkey baster… what a man,"
"Maura!" shrieked Jane, a fit of laughter washing over them both. As they calmed, they both looked serenely back out at the snow. It was coming down harder, flooding the yard in tufts of white cotton candy. "It really is beautiful,"
Maura tore her eyes away from the snow for a moment to look at Jane. "Yes," she muttered. "It is," and Jane had to turn to look at Maura, her words wrapping around Jane's heart, tighter, tighter, tighter.
"This will always be your family, you know," said Jane quietly. "For as long as you want it to be. I know we're a lil' loud sometimes and we're not the most graceful or the most mannered or…"
"Jane," Maura gave a short laugh. "You're perfect," Jane's breath caught in her throat; she turned her gaze sideways, just long enough to quell the rising emotion in her throat. She gave a throaty laugh, more out of embarrassment than anything else. Perfect was not a term she had ever used to describe her family. But as she turned back to Maura, Jane wondered if Maura meant her family at all. Maura's eyes bore into Jane's and, though it made her uneasy, Jane could not pull away. She was captivated by Maura's stare; had she ever looked at her like that before? She's looking at me like I look at her, thought Jane, like I look at her when she's not looking.
"Hey, hey, hey!" cackled Giovanni, his arms folding around Jane and Maura for a group hug. The smell of beer on his breath wafted through the air between them. Both Jane and Maura cringed. "Wha'da we got here?" He waved a bit of green foliage above their heads, "Ah, ha, ha, mistletoe," It had caught everyone's attention in the room. Angela, Frankie and Tommy all turned their heads. Frost and Korsak, who had been in the kitchen picking at left overs, looked up. "Two lovebirds gotta kiss now!"
The room drowned in silence. Giovanni seemed to be the only one breathing; everyone else had their mouths clamped shut, waiting. Maura looked at Jane. Jane looked at Maura. Everyone looked at the pair.
Giovanni waved the mistletoe again.
"Ah Janie, just kiss her," said Frankie. "It's bad luck if you don't,"
Jane's cheeks drained of color.
"We could," said Maura quietly. "Just on the cheek. Frankie is right. That is a superstition." Jane's eyes, which she had long torn away from Maura's, snapped back.
"Like step on a crack, break your mother's back?" said Jane, not breaking eye contact.
"Yes," said Maura airily.
"Just a kiss on the cheek, ha," Jane wrung her hands together. "Right, yeah, that's fine,"
"What, you twos don't do PDA?"
"Giovanni, shut up," snarled Jane.
"Yes, so," Maura took a step forward.
"Right, so we –" Faces mere inches apart, Jane paused. Her lips were hovering just above Maura's cheek. Jane could feel stares at the back of her neck; everyone was watching, everyone was waiting. She knew how simple it would be to kiss Maura on the cheek and to pull away. So simple, so easy. So safe.
But Jane Rizzoli had never played safe.
"Jane?" whispered Maura.
Jane turned her head and pressed her lips firmly against Maura's. Their hands never left their sides; as Jane pulled back, she stared wide-eyed at Maura, who looked back at Jane nearly just as shocked.
"Dessert anyone?" Angela asked quietly.
Jane curled herself up beneath the blanket of Maura's guest bedroom. Neither of them had spoken since their brief kiss. Feeling embarrassed and confused, Jane had expertly avoided Maura's questioning gaze the rest of the evening. Had her car not been blocked in by the street plows, Jane would have escaped to her apartment. Everyone was gone and somewhere in the house Jane knew Maura was just as awake as she was.
"Jane?" Jane heard Maura's knock on her door. Pretend to be asleep, her head screamed. But she knew Maura would know better. She called for her to come in, and the room was alight with a soft yellow glow from the lantern in the hallway. Maura remained in the archway. "Could I…?" Without a word, Jane pulled back the blankets and Maura slid beside her.
"Hi," said Jane.
"Hello,"
Pause.
"Thought Ma would never go home," Jane muttered absently. "Thought Giovanni would never get a ride home,"
"It was nice of Frankie to drive him,"
"Yeah,"
Pause.
"Jane –"
"Maura –"
Pause.
"You go," said Maura.
"I just, ah, I'm sorry,"
"Why?"
"For…" Jane sighed. She wasn't really sure what she was sorry for. Kissing Maura? Her conscience weighed heavily on her heart; she wasn't sorry for that, not at all. Jane couldn't deny that she had wanted to do that for some time. "For earlier," she said plainly, hoping that would suffice.
"Oh,"
Pause.
"I wasn't angry," said Maura after a minute or two.
"I didn't think you were,"
"Then why apologize?"
"I don't know," Jane said honestly.
Pause.
"You know," Maura began. "I've been waiting for you to do that for some time,"
Jane froze. She feared rolling over to look at Maura; would her eyes betray her? Had her ears betrayed her? The words echoed in Jane's mind. Moments past, and Jane wasn't sure how long they laid beside each other. For a second, Jane wondered if Maura had fallen asleep, but she felt Maura's leg rustle next to hers and kick at the blanket.
"Well,"
"You don't have to say anything. But I figured now would be a better time than any to lay our cards on the table, whether earlier was a mistake for you or not,"
"It wasn't a mistake!" said Jane quickly.
"Then what was it?"
Pause.
"I don't know,"
Maura took a deep breath.
"Do you remember the first time we met?" Jane nodded, but didn't speak. "I thought you were a hooker," she laughed. "And it wasn't until later, when you were promoted to detective, did I realize that I offered an officer of the law money. Not for prostitution, naturally,"
"Naturally," repeated Jane in a mocking tone.
"Anyway. You were the first friend I really made here. Which is either saying something incredibly lovely about you, or something horribly pathetic about me. I had been back in Boston for six years and you were the first real friend I made. I don't think you could even understand how much our friendship meant to me at the time. I was so lost and alone. Ian was overseas. I hadn't even heard from him in months. My mother and father were gallivanting across the globe and barely called. There was nothing here for me except my work, which I really didn't mind, but only because I had never known anything other than that. You really opened my eyes, Jane,"
"Says the woman who has been to more countries than I can name,"
"It's different, Jane," Maura turned on her side. "Experience teaches you phenomenal things. Far more than books will. But there is something to be said on what you can learn from the human race, and I had never had any practical experience. Not really. I may have experienced cultures, but not first hand. I had no one to teach me,"
"I taught Maura Isles something?"
"Yes," said Maura quietly. "You taught me how to love,"
"You loved Ian,"
"I loved Ian. I don't question that. But I mostly loved loving Ian. I loved the idea of being with someone who could love me in the way I wanted to be loved. I never realized at the time that, what it was that Ian felt towards me, it wasn't love. And what I felt towards Ian wasn't love. We needed each other for all the wrong reasons. Really, we used each other,"
"And I taught you…"
"Love. You taught me that love comes from courage and bravery and selflessness. That it isn't something that you can just feel, but something that you need to believe in and trust in. I didn't have that with Ian. I loved Ian because I told myself I loved Ian. I lived without him for so long. But," her hand snaked across the sheet and Maura's fingers rested against Jane's forearm. "I know I love you because loving you is terrifying. Loving you challenges me to have courage and strength."
"Because I'm difficult?"
"Because I couldn't live a day without you, Jane. And more than once has that been challenged," Maura pulled her hand away from Jane and laid flat on her back. They rested in silence, each lost to their own thoughts. Somewhere downstairs Jane could hear Bass thumping along the kitchen, almost in a rhythm. She focused on it, hoping that the noise would draw her from her thoughts. She was scared. Here Maura laid, baring her soul, while Jane laid to her side, trapped by fear. And I'm the courageous one? She scoffed at the thought. It was Maura who was brave. It was Maura who had the courage to say what Jane had been fearful to say for too many months.
"Are you mad?" asked Maura.
"No,"
"What are you thinking about?"
It rushed back to Jane; how, as she leaned closer, the smell of vanilla and peppermint wafted towards her nostrils. Her head had felt heavy, a spell of dizziness washing over her. As she had leaned closer, her stomach flipped and her heart had beat faster and faster and faster and faster until the whole world had stilled and there had just been her and her lips and Maura's very soft, very lovely lips. The whole world had been silent.
Her world hadn't been silent for a long time. Every crevice, every shadow, every empty room was haunted by an echoing gunshot, a scream, a repressed sob. Her mind drove her towards the nightmares that she fought against in her sleep, even when she was awake. But not then. Not when she was kissing Maura. Not when her lips slid against warm, rose colored velvet. Not when the smell of vanilla and peppermint overwhelmed her senses. Jane was awakened to something when she kissed Maura.
Jane sat up from her spot in the bed. She didn't immediately move towards Maura. At first, she stared. She took in Maura's disheveled hair. There was a thin stream of moonlight coming in front the long arced windows in the bedroom, and it washed over Maura's skin, her freckles even more pronounced against the glowing white flesh. She brought a hand to caress Maura's cheek. There was a moment in which Jane was afraid Maura would fall away from her, but instead of falling away, Maura fell in to Jane's touch. Her eyes fluttered shut; she hummed as Jane stroked her cheek with one thumb.
Daring herself to move closer, Jane flipped herself, slowly, far more gracefully than she ever imagined herself possible. Maura raised herself from the bed and she and Jane were face to face. Their fingers slid together and the women took a moment to breathe in the other. Maura's eyes were still shut and Jane was watching each slow intake of breath, each even slower exhale. She was mesmerized by her friend's beauty, but even more mesmerized by the situation that beheld. Her mind reeled. She had far too many dreams of Maura looking like this, touching her like this, wanting her like this.
Finally their hands fell away from each other and Maura's eyes opened. Her eyes flashed the same primal want that Jane had noticed earlier, but hadn't had a chance to understand. Maura's hand traced down Jane's jaw line, down the slope of her neck, across her exposed collarbone and finally falling down her sides, down to her waist and finally resting at Jane's hips. Jane could feel Maura's nails digging slightly into her flesh, but it felt good – it felt reassuring. It reminded Jane that they were there, that it was all happening. And at the feel of Maura's index finger slipping under the hem of her shirt, Jane couldn't resist anymore; she wanted to feel alive.
Her hands cupping Maura's face, Jane pulled Maura towards her, their lips meeting at just the last second. Their noses bumped and they each gave a small laugh; the stress of those watching them had faded away, but the urgency and fever in them both felt far more real the second time than it did the first, escalating their nerves. Jane let her hands fall from Maura's face and she wrapped her arms around Maura's waist, pulling her closer and letting their bodies melt together. Maura pulled back first and Jane felt hot tears against her throat as Maura's lips peppered small kisses along the base of Jane's neck.
Jane hooked a finger beneath Maura's chin and brought their lips together a second time. Nerves had passed and desire remained. Jane's tongue brushed against the plump of Maura's bottom lip and each made small, approving noises when Jane let herself slip into the crevices of Maura's mouth. As she pulled back, she began to laugh; a simple, light laugh that built until both she and Maura were doubled over, together, in full, boisterous laughter, their foreheads pressed together and their bodies shaking, both lost in disbelief at how long it had taken them to reach that step of their relationship.
"You know," said Jane after they had calmed down. "Meeting in the café wasn't the first time we met,"
"I believe it was,"
"It wasn't," Jane insisted. "Not for me,"
"Oh?"
Jane pulled Maura down on the bed with her and the medical examiner curled in the nook of Jane's arm, her head resting on the detective's sturdy shoulder. "I had to run a report down to toxicology," she explained. "You were doing an autopsy. I was a few weeks away from taking my detectives exam and I hadn't spent a whole lot of time down in the morgue. I looked in and you were standing over the body, this guy all laid out on the table with all this gook spread all over the place. I swear, I thought I was gonna lose my lunch, and if you tell Frost that, I'll make you instant coffee in the morning,"
"My lips are sealed," muttered Maura, amused.
"You were standing there and you were completely fine and I thought, Christ, how can anyone stand over a dead body and cut 'em up like that and be fine," she shook her head at the memory. "You were so focused. I don't think I've ever been so focused in my life. I think I stood watching you for a half hour. You didn't even notice,"
"And you remember that?"
"I'll always remember that," whispered Jane. "You say I'm the brave one but that day I thought you were the bravest person I had ever seen. And you still are, Maura. Maybe I have some physical scars but I know you well enough. I know you've got some scars buried way deep inside you, and those are the hardest ones to battle, you know. Those are the ones that take the most out of a person. You're brave, Maura. And," she paused. "I love you for it,"
Maura pulled herself up and leaned in for another kiss just as the clock from downstairs began to chime midnight.
"Merry Christmas," Maura said quietly.
Jane smiled. "Merry Christmas, Maura,"
The two reveled in one another; their kisses were fevered, fragmented by soft moans and wandering hands, the sound of skin sliding against skin. Morning struck without either having slept, and they nearly leapt out of bed at the sound of Angela unlocking the kitchen door, yelling up the steps for the two to come down and begin unwrapping presents as soon as the rest of the family arrived. But they weren't very interested; any gift that they wanted could not compare to the gift on the other side of the bed, the gift wrapped in their arms.
It was a very merry Christmas indeed.