A/N:
[All characters except for the fantrolls belong to Andrew Hussie, the creator of Homestuck. All fantrolls in this fanfiction were created by me.]
And welcome, friends, to the premiere of Quadrama! the Whirlwinds of Love and Loathing. There have been some formatting kinks, but I've worked them out for the most part, if you'd be willing to accept these {} as greater-than and less-than signs (they don't show up for some reason). This Humanstuck piece has been a long time in the making, so I do hope you enjoy episode one and all the episodes to follow.
-Reddie
Two teens, familiar with one another, sit side by side in a high-tech internet café. One of them grins ear to ear with bright eyes that dance between her computer screen and her friend, who she considers to be her date. The other… lets his head fall with a bang to the clear space in front of the keyboard.
"You know, Leijon… I could've been anyplace else right now, and yet I chose to spend the last fucking afternoon of my spring break here. In a café with creepy, greasy-faced guys playing poorly-made hentai games. As they drink and drool out their lukewarm coffee and chewed muffin bits into slurry puddles on their laps." The boy exhales a groan from the back of his throat, clearly disappointed with himself. "I have no one but myself to blame. How you roped me into this shit, I will never fucking understand."
"Come on, Karkitten." She huffs, dismayed to hear his lack of enthusiasm. "Don't tell me you're giving up on me already! We haven't even started writing yet."
He sighs, "Then please, if you want to write this fucking script, I'd prefer you not call me that."
"Well, Karkat, I prefer you'd not call me 'Leijon'." She replies cheekily. He only blinks in response, unamused.
Karkat begins, "Fine then, Nepeta—"
"I prefer Nep." She chimes in. "It sounds cuter, so…"
"Okay then, Nep." Karkat pauses a moment after the syllable passes his lips. "Huh. Nep. Yeah, that's got a ring to it."
"So does Karkitten." She says, sounding slightly smug.
"Don't push it." He warns. Picking up his backpack, he digs through for a fresh notepad and a clean flash drive. "So are we gonna fucking write this or what?"
"Oh! Right. I'll show you what I have so far." Nepeta leans down to reach into her satchel for her sketchbook. By then, the serving bot comes by with their orders: a peppermint latte with candy-apple shortcake and sugary green milk tea with a frosted pistachio muffin.
"Hey! Thanks." Karkat turns to the serving bot, giving a warm but weak smile. The serving bot does not seem exactly pleased.
"Sure. Whatever." It drones, before rolling away. He sighs. The boy had only been trying to be polite to the bot, and this is how it treats him? Honestly, who's the one bringing these bots into the world with such lousy programming?
Finally, after flipping through countless pages, Nepeta makes a sound of satisfaction and nudges Karkat with the robotic tail her moirail had made for her.
"Here," she hands him the sketchpad, and takes up her tea, "I've got nine characters sketched down, and all their bios are figured out, unless you want to add to them." Karkat begins perusing through the pages as his date, who he considers just a friend he's hanging out with right now, continues to explain after taking a sip, "I was thinking, since you're a pretty serious and thoughtful critic with romcoms, that you were the best person who could help me figure out which characters belong in which quadrants with each other, like who fits better purrsonality-wise and which pairings will have dynamics that play well into the storyline. Honestly, I didn't really trust myself with the job because I would've literally shipped all of them together in any combination, so that wouldn't have worked out very well. Also—"
"Whoa, wait, hold on." Karkat scoots closer to Nepeta so he can point something out to her. "Nep. Why do they all have horns?" He then moves an index finger over the neck of a certain character. "And why does this guy have these things on his neck? What's with the fins?"
"Okay," Nepeta sighs, "Well, you see, those 'things' are gills, because Rumnut's a sea-dweller. And all of them have horns because they're trolls."
"Trolls? Aren't those like wrinkly-skinned little gremlins with raggedy hair and shit like that?"
"Well, not these guys! They're my rendition of trolls. They're like, aliens, and they live on a planet called Curntle. And they have like, this hierarchy of blood color and everything. It's really cool."
"…fuck, Nep. You didn't tell me this was going to be a sci-fi series."
"Oh, come on! I just wanted to mix things up a little! Give it a chance!"
Karkat squeezes the bridge of his nose between his fingers, "But this changes everything!"
"Does it really?" she murmurs sadly, stopping Karkat from complaining further. "I mean, they all still have the same romantic experiences that we humans do. It's not like I did something stupid like set up a romantic culture with only one quadrant in it."
"Well… yeah. That… would be stupid."
"It's not that difficult. I tried to keep it simple for you, and… I just wanted to have some fun with it too." She seems discouraged, like Karkat won't even consider looking any longer at the characters she put her heart and soul into. But he won't do that. To not acknowledge her creative spirit is just plain wrong to him. And if there's anything that Karkat admires in her, it's her imagination. He would never dream of putting her down for having one.
Guilty for making his friend feel this way, Karkat looks over the Rumnut character again. The troll has a comprehensible bio, and it is pretty interesting. There are a few words scribbled in there that he doesn't understand but… he supposes that it's nothing he can't ask Nepeta.
He reads through all nine of them, interest definitely piqued. They all have such rich personalities (well, Satlie and Chishu could use some work, but they're fairly decent). Some of them seem like they're made for each other, like there's no way it's a coincidence that they match up as perfect kismeses and matesprits.
With a lopsided smile, he shrugs, "Yeah, I can make this work out."
Karkat finds out that day that Nepeta's eyes sure do sparkle when she's happy.
Series Characters' Quadrants Chart
Dansus Cygnet {gender fluid}
MATESPRIT-Lapine (crush)
MOIRAIL- Satlie Cintor
KISMESIS- Blende (crush)
AUSPISTICE- (for none)
Pernel Eferve {M}
MATESPRIT- (none)
MOIRAIL- (none)
KISMESIS- (none)
AUSPISTICE- (for none)
Satlie Cintor {F}
MATESPRIT- Chishu Anakon
MOIRAIL- Dansus Cygnet
KISMESIS- Gruide Sposea, Chishu (former)
AUSPISTICE- Dansus & Pernel
Lapine Hopsur {F}
MATESPRIT- Dansus (crush), Gruide (former)
MOIRAIL- Blende Apirra
KISMESIS- Rumnut (crush)
AUSPISTICE- (for none)
Blende Apirra {M}
MATESPRIT- Lapine (crush)
MOIRAIL- Lapine Hopsur
KISMESIS- (none)
AUSPISTICE- (for none)
Gruide Sposea {F}
MATESPRIT- Lapine (former)
MOIRAIL- Durpie (crush)
KISMESIS- Satlie Cintor
AUSPISTICE- Satlie & Lapine
Durpie Imajin {F} [Alt. REDDIE WRITER]
MATESPRIT- Rumnut Hellaz
MOIRAIL- Gruide (crush), Chishu (former)
KISMESIS- (none, but REDDIE has a crush on Lapine)
AUSPISTICE- Chishu & Satlie (former)
Rumnut Hellaz {M}
MATESPRIT-Durpie Imajin
MOIRAIL- Chishu Anakon
KISMESIS- (none)
AUSPISTICE- (for none)
Chishu Anakon {M}
MATESPRIT-Satlie Cintor
MOIRAIL- Rumnut Hellaz
KISMESIS- Dansus (crush)
AUSPISTICE-(for none)
*might be weird that a bunch of characters in someone's ashen quadrant already fill out another quadrant, but I thought it'd be a unique and interesting addition to their romantic culture, so hope you don't mind, Nep.
Also, these are all malleable. As we progress further into the series, you can change these up as we go along. Have fun.
Pleased with his work, he sends the file via Pesterchum over to Nepeta, who doesn't seem to be online at the moment. But just when he's ready to log off, his matesprit logs on and pesters him.
GC H3Y HOT STUFF
GC WH4T H4V3 YOU B33N UP TO? {3
CG HEY TEREZI.
CG JUST SENDING SOME STUFF OVER TO THAT CAT-LOVING FREAK I DARE TO CALL A FRIEND
CG WE'RE GOING TO WRITE A SCRIPT FOR A WEBSERIES TOGETHER AND THEN MAKE A PITCH ONLINE TO SEE IF ANY ACTORS WOULD BE UP FOR PLAYING PARTS IN IT.
GC OOH WELL DO3SNT TH4T SOUND FUN?
GC 1TS B33N SO LONG S1NC3 1 LAST RP3D W1TH N3P3TA
GC HOW H4S SH3 B33N?
CG OK I GUESS
CG THINK I ALMOST MADE HER CRY THOUGH
GC :?
GC HOW COULD YOU DO TH4T TO H3R OF 4LL P3OPL3?
CG WELL, FUCK, IT'S NOT LIKE I WAS AIMING TO!
CG SHE GOT UPSET WHEN I STARTED FREAKING OUT OVER THE FACT THAT ALL HER CHARACTERS WERE ALIEN TROLLS ON A PLANET CALLED CURNTEL OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT.
GC OOH TH4T SOUNDS N34T }:]
CG YEAH
CG AND IT IS
CG IN FACT, JUST NOW I SENT HER THE SHIPPING CHART OF HER CHARACTERS
CG SHE WANTED ME TO SET UP THEIR QUADRANTS FOR THEM BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T TRUST HERSELF WITH THE JOB
CG I GOTTA SAY, I REALLY HAD MY WORK CUT OUT FOR ME HERE
CG BASICALLY IT'S LIKE THEY WERE ALL
CG MADE FOR EACH OTHER
CG PERFECT MATESPRITS AND KISMESES AND SHIT
CG I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE PULLED THAT OFF WITHOUT PLANNING
GC …B4B3
GC UM 3X4CTLY WH4T G3NR3 4RE YOU GUYS M4K1NG TH1S W3BS3R13S?
CG IT'S JUST A DRAMATIC ROMCOM
CG WHY DO YOU ASK?
GC OH
GC 1 TH1NK
GC YOU N33D TO B3 3XTRA C4R3FUL 4BOUT WH4T YOU S4Y TO H3R WH3N YOUR3 WORK1NG ON TH1S PROJ3CT TOG3TH3R
CG OH YEAH, WELL, FUCK, I KNOW *THAT* MUCH. I'M AWARE OF HER GIANT FLUSH CRUSH ON ME
CG AND I'M PRETTY SURE I CAME ACROSS AS TOTALLY PLATONIC IN EVERY WAY IMAGINABLE
CG AFTER ALL, I'VE BEEN TIPTOEING AROUND THIS FOR YEARS WITH HER
GC W41T BUT
GC D1D YOU 3V3R T3LL H3R TH4T W3R3 M4T3SPR1TS?
CG …
CG WELL, NO
CG BUT I DON'T THINK IT MATTERS BECAUSE I'M ALWAYS HYPERPLATONIC AROUND HER
CG I NEVER SAY ANYTHING TOO NICE THAT CAN MAKE HER THINK I'M RED FOR HER
GC K4RK4T
CG AND I NEVER SAY ANYTHING TOO NASTY THAT CAN MAKE HER THINK I'M BLACK FOR HER
GC K4RK4T! }:[
CG WHAT
GC YOU N33D TO T3LL H3R
GC STR41GHT UP
GC TH4T YOU DON'T F33L TH3 S4M3 W4Y
GC NO MOR3 T1PTO31NG
CG BUT I JUST EXPLAINED TO YOU THAT I'M HYPERPLATONIC
GC 1 DON'T C4R3 HOW HYP3RPL4TON1C YOU TH1NK YOU 4R3
GC YOU ST1LL N33D TO S3T H3R STR41GHT
GC L1ST3N
GC SH3 N3V3R OP3NS A CONV3RS4TION W1THOUT RP1NG
GC TH1NK 4BOUT WH4T TH4T COULD M34N
CG …
CG I DON'T KNOW, WHAT?
GC *S1GH* YOU MUST UND3RST4ND
GC TH4T N3P3T4 L1V3S W1TH ON3 P4W 1N H3R 1M4G1NAT1ON 4ND TH3 OTH3R 1N TH3 R34L WORLD
GC SH3 CONSC1OUSLY BLURS TH3 L1N3 B3TW33N R34L1TY 4ND F1CT1ON
GC B3C4US3 SH3 1S 4W4R3 TH4T 1N SOM3 M4TT3RS SH3 1S TOO FR4G1LE TO H4NDL3 TH3 WHOL3 TRUTH 3V3N WH3N 1TS SO BL4T4NTLY ST4ND1NG R1GHT TH3R3 1N FRONT OF H3R
GC SH3 C4N 4ND W1LL B3ND 3V3RYTH1NG YOU S4Y TO H3R 1M4G1N4T1ON SO TH4T 1T SOUNDS MUCH N1C3R TH4N 1T 4CTU4LLY 1S
GC HOW 3LS3 DO YOU TH1NK SH3 G3TS 4LONG SO W3LL W1TH 3QU1US OF 4LL P3OPL3 4S H3R MO1R41L?
CG …
GC SOM3TH1NG 4S 1NNOCUOUS 4S 4 COMPL1M3NT FROM YOU COULD SOUND L1K3 4 D3CL4R4T1ON OF YOUR UTT3R UN3ND1NG AFF3CT1ON FOR H3R
GC SO 3V3N 1F YOU TH1NK TH3R3S NO W4Y SH3 COULD CONSTRU3 4NYTH1NG YOU S4Y 1N 4 FLUSH3D S3NSE
GC TH1NK 4G41N
GC B3C4US3 SH3 WOULD B3 W1LL1NG TO B3L13V3
GC 4NYTH1NG
GC TO HOLD ON TO TH3 HOP3 TH4T SH3 ST1LL H4S 4 CH4NC3 4T F1LL1NG YOUR FLUSH3D QU4DR4NT
GC SO YOU KNOW WH4T YOU N33D TO DO, ROM3O
CG BUT TEREZI
CG FUCK
CG I CAN'T
CG I JUST CAN'T FUCKING
CG UGH!
CG I CAN'T FUCKING DO THAT
GC TH1S 1S M3 SP34K1NG 4S H3R FR13ND
GC S4Y1NG TH4T YOU B3TT3R FUCK1NG DO TH4T B3FOR3 SH1T C4N 3V3N CONS1D3R H1TT1NG TH3 F4N
CG BUT IT'LL BREAK HER HEART
CG AND IF SHE'S REALLY AS FRAGILE AS YOU SAY SHE IS, I DON'T THINK I CAN DEAL WITH HER REACTION
GC K4RK4T H3R H34RT 1S GO1NG TO 3ND UP BROK3N 31TH3R W4Y
GC YOU M1GHT AS W3LL DO 1T TH3 MOR3 CONS1D3R4T3 W4Y 4ND STOP H3R FROM L34D1NG H3RS3LF ON 4NY FURTH3R
GC 4 SW1FT, PO1NT3D ST4B 1S K1ND3R TH4N 4N UNCOORD1N4T3D ON3
The next day, Nepeta awakens from her nine-hour long catnap, takes her meds, and logs onto Pesterchum. Karkat's finished shipping chart is the first thing she sees, and it brings a smile to her face. He's online, so she pounces on the opportunity to pester him.
AC :3 {*ac squeals and rolls onto her back, excitedly flailing her limbs in the air as a reaction to the wonderful quadrants karkat has filled in for the characters*
CG KARKAT IS SO VERY FUCKING THRILLED THAT YOU LIKE IT
CG NOW KARKAT IS WONDERING WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO NEXT WITH THIS SCRIPT
AC :3 {*ac has b33n wondering that as well*
AC :3 {*therefur, ac would like to start with the topic of WHO will be writing the script*
CG WELL, FUCK, I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO WRITE THIS TOGETHER?
AC :3 {well, yeah *but ac was curious about how, as in whether or not efurry episode would be a collaboration or if we would take turns on script duty*
CG HM
CG KARKAT THINKS THE LATTER SOUNDS LIKE A BETTER ARRANGEMENT
CG AND HE THINKS IT'D BE A FUCKING GOOD IDEA TO SWITCH OFF BETWEEN EPISODES
AC :3 {*ac likes this idea very much, taking turns purr episode and whatnot*
AC :3 {*ac asks, "who will write episode one betw33n the two of us?"*
CG WELL FUCK IF I KNOW
CG MAYBE WE COULD FLIP A COIN?
AC :3 {*ac thinks that terezi is rubbing off on you and squeals because she thinks that's adorable*
AC :3 {by the way, you two seem pretty close *ac asks, "are you guys palemates?"*
CG UM
CG KARKAT WOULD LIKE TO KEEP HIS REDROM LIFE OUT OF THIS CONVERSATION AND FOCUS ON THE SCRIPT
CG AFTER ALL KARKAT NEVER FUCKING ASKED ABOUT EQUIUS, DID HE?
AC :3 {ahahaha *ac agr33s but holds onto her curiosity, purrsisting hopefully*
CG WELL FUCK, CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT, DIDN'T IT?
AC :3 {*ac giggles appurreciatively at the pun, politely backs off the subject, and continues talking about the script* i've got a coin right here. heads or tails?
CG HEADS, SINCE I FIGURE TAILS WOULD BE YOUR THING
AC :3 {*ac smiles and flips the coin*
AC :3 {well karkat, seems like you've got script duty fur episode one
CG HOORAY I'M OVERJOYED
AC :3 {*ac detects a hint of sarcatsm in your response and laughs* we can discuss this another day, you know? brainstorm some things together befur we actually get down to writing.
CG SO I'M ASSUMING YOU WANT TO MEET UP AGAIN FOR THIS LITTLE OUTLINING SESSION?
AC :3 {*ac nods* i've got all the character bios typed up, so you can use that as a refurrence if you n33d to. how does furriday after school at my place sound?
CG SURE. I'M FREE THEN
AC :3 {okay! s33 you tomorrow {3
Nepeta's house is tucked away somewhere in town, but it isn't too far from school, so walking isn't too much of a hassle. The whole walk there is a temptation in itself for Nepeta, with Karkat's hand so close to hers. But she can't hold it, can she? That would be a bit presumptuous. Still, wasn't it safe to say the date went off rather well, considering that he didn't show any hesitation in coming home with her today? Why not hold his hand on the way there?
Unfortunately, she isn't able to muster the nerve to do it, and, with an inaudible sigh, she twists open the front door with her house key. Her cat Pounce greets her with a cheek rub to her leg, and she kneels down to pick her precious pet up. That's when she sees pages of a graded history report lying scattered on the living room floor.
"Oh my—fuck," she mutters the curse under her breath, letting Pounce go before bending down to gather up the sheets.
Karkat, surprised, asks, "Whoa. What the fuck happened here?"
"Ah, my sister left the fan on," she gestures, the first page in her hand. In bold red marker, a circled "D" is marked at the top. She lingers on it for a moment and exhales in annoyance. Karkat glances at the heading.
"You have Mr. English for history? Isn't that class supposed to be easy?"
"Yeah, well, his class is a real load of dogshit if you ask me. Just the other day, he literally showed us his vacation photos of him and his matesprit because he had nothing planned."
"Wow."
"Some history teacher he is." She waves the page, "this report was supposed to be on how the quadrants affected population regrowth immediately after the Survivors' War. And he marked me down because he didn't like my word choice. I mean, I was completely professional in tone! He replaced 'reproducing' with 'engaging in copulation' because, what, it sounds fancier to him or something?"
Karkat shakes his head in commiseration, murmuring, "For fuck's sake…"
"Anyhow, enough about him. Let's go to my room and get a start on brainstorming this script."
"…is your mom okay with you being alone with a guy in your room? I mean, I don't want to piss her off or something…"
"She's not even here right now. Don't worry about it." She adds cheekily, "Besides, you remember the time I snapped Ampurra's arm like a twig for trying to manhandle me in the halls, right?"
"For fuck's sake! I got it already!" Gesturing to the door way of her room, he continues, "As if I'd ever dream of defiling you or your room."
"Well then, purrfect." She opens up the door to her room for him, "Right this way, Karkat."
He enters her room, stuck between awestruck and shocked by her massive shipping wall. Papers are taped, stapled and pinned in every square inch they can cover of the paint on that side. The amount of photos, drawings, and screenshots of people in both fictional and real-life relationships is astounding, almost frighteningly so. It reminded him all too well of the movie "A Beautiful Cerebellum", a flick that he and John had once compromised upon.
"Holy. Fuck."
"Astounding, isn't it?" she purrs, sauntering over to open her laptop. "Now, let's get started, shall we?"
And thus, once the brainstorming had begun and Karkat set his fingers to the keys, their story had been set in motion.