The Hawk and the Spider
The plain chandelier warmly illuminated the kitchen over their long plank table. Children's doodles littered the space with cast-off crayons. A few toys loitered on the floor just under foot. Laura held a steaming mug of chamomile tea to her lips, the vapor rising past her warm brown eyes. Night enveloped the house in early summer velvety silence. Crickets chirped harmoniously outside and occasionally an owl hooted in the distance.
On the living room floor, Steve, Bruce and Tony, slept an uneasy sleep. It reminded her of when Clint would come home and his nightmares chased him for several evenings. The men all tossed and turned fitfully from their makeshift bedding. Laura heard mutterings from them sometimes: names like Pepper or Jarvis, and Peggy and Bucky. Silence would follow and then she'd hear Banner whisper, Natasha.
"Going somewhere in a hurry?" Laura whispered to the dark corner near the back door.
The shadow stopped in its tracks. Laura saw shoulders slump as if disappointed they had been found out. Stepping into the light, Natasha stood before her; dark circles under her eyes and a haunted look on her face. Her bright red hair was in disarray and her battle suit looked hastily zipped up. "You have the ears of a bat, Laura." Natasha replied with an edge in her voice.
Laura smiled a knowing smile and rose awkwardly from her seat, her swollen belly throwing off her balance. She shuffled to the living room and pulled the pocket doors closed as not to disturb the men with their just after midnight chat. "When you live with Clint and have kids, all of your senses have to adapt. Or you die." Laura said humorously, "Looks like you need a woman to talk to. Want some tea and company?"
Natasha looked torn between wanting to bolt from the house and stay for that tea and female conversation. Natasha's eyes slid to Laura's belly and then to the living room. The melancholy poured from her like a broken water main. Laura knew that Banner and Natasha had a conversation earlier that evening and since then, both had been on edge.
"Sure." Natasha reluctantly accepted the cup of tea and took a seat on the long bench that flanked the farm table.
Laura sat back down in her chair and leveled with the spy. Clint and Natasha were best of friends and he did not betray her trust with telling Laura every detail of their friendship. Laura respected that but right now it looked like Natasha could use the other half of the Barton team to keep things from coming undone, "Want to tell me what is on your mind?"
Natasha stared down into the cup, her red tresses dangling like twisted ropes in front of her face, "Life just got complicated."
"And what is different this time? Saving the world getting old?" Laura tried humor.
Natasha looked up from her cup and Laura saw a hollowness that made chills run down her spine. "No. This is personal."
Laura sipped her tea to warm herself. The baby did flip-flops in her belly as if he sensed his mother's discomfort.
" I'm sorry." Natasha looked suddenly embarrassed, eyes wide, almost brimming with tears; " I shouldn't saddle you with my troubles. I mean… you don't get to see Clint… and the baby… and this is not the time for me to be airing dirty laundry."
"No. No. It's ok. Air all you want. I do laundry all day." Laura smiled gently, "And if anything, my troubles are mundane compared to yours."
Natasha sipped her tea, looking thoughtful, "I've done something terrible."
Laura waited for the assassin to continue.
"You know, I've never had trouble getting a date." Natasha smirked a bit, rolling her eyes self depreciatively, "But I am always a love 'em and leave 'em type." Natasha shifted herself a bit, "I even kissed Steve once."
Laura's jaw dropped slightly, "What was that like?"
"Well, being that I did it so Hydra wasn't going to capture us, it wasn't the best 'moment'. But I could tell all those years on ice didn't help his technique. His lips were really soft though." Romanov said casually as the color came back into her cheeks with the memory.
Laura chuckled to herself, "Too bad. His loss."
In a flash, Black Widow's expression reversed to disturbed, "But now, I've done something terrible. I started falling for someone … on the team. And it seems that he's more logical and compartmentalizing than I am, if that is possible."
Laura let the words sink in, her unique wisdom in dealing with Avengers telling her to bide her time and let the words come from them, not her.
"He shot me down. With pure, complete lucidity and I feel a bit… exposed. I'm not used to that. We were taught in the Red Room… not to expose ourselves." Natasha began to tremble, " I want to run. Run away and forget that I feel. When I come to your home with such love and light and I remember… things. I remember what I had and what I cannot have anymore. The pain. It hurts too much. And then I have this 'job' and sometimes it's just too much. I have to hold everyone together, but I'm not strong enough all the time."
Laura stood up and took the cup from Natasha's nerveless hands, holding the icy fingers of the Black Widow in her warm ones. She didn't think about how many people died at the tip of those fingers, the same hands that held her own children with tenderness and care.
Romanov looked up at her with wide, terrified eyes. Laura saw the anguish in her expression. Here was a woman. Just a woman who had taken on the weight of the world quite literally, and in the process put her heart out there and had it crushed by a friend. Even Avengers have feelings.
Taking a deep breath, Laura smiled warmly, "Natasha, do you know how often Clint talks about you?" She didn't wait for the response, "All the time. The respect he feels for you and I know the other Avengers have for you is… incalculable. Without you, there are no Avengers. I remember Clint saying that Nick called you first when he began the Avengers Initiative. Why did he call you first? Because you can build trust within damaged people." Laura paused then squeezed her hands, "Because you know what it's like to live through that trauma."
"So I'm a basket case?" Natasha sniffed back her momentary tears. The cracks in her façade began to close.
"No. You are uniquely qualified to understand these men you work with, including my husband. They think Cap is the leader, but if you look hard enough, we all know it's you." Laura concluded and went to pour more tea.
Natasha took the cup and sat for a long while in silence. Laura began to feel more relaxed as the baby had calmed down. It was so hard for her to sleep toward the end of her pregnancies. In this case, it was as if the baby knew that his Auntie Nat was going to need a shoulder to lean upon and specifically woke his mother.
Through the pocket doors, a Hulk sized snore erupted. The two women looked toward the room in alarm. The sounds of large male bodies tossing and turning came next then silence, "How do you do it? They are all so big and burly and … loud." Laura asked, her eyes still large in surprise.
Natasha smiled, her eyes more at peace from their heart-to-heart, "Like you said, I understand them better than most."
"You certainly do. Take pride in that." Laura responded, drinking her tea.
"Now that you mention it, it helps." Natasha put her cup down and stood, "Thanks for the tea. I…needed that."
"Any time." Laura nodded as the assassin moved towards the upstairs bedroom they had given her for their stay. Watching Natasha go upstairs, she began to feel drowsy again. Heaving herself up from her chair, Laura made her way back to her own bed.
Creeping into her bedroom, Clint rolled over, muttering something in his sleep. Laura slipped as carefully as she could under the covers. "Where… were you?" he slurred, rolling over to embrace his wife.
"Nowhere honey. Go back to sleep." she murmured, enjoying the return of his presence.
"Nat ok?" he said more lucidly.
"Yes. The spider needed a bit of help with her web." Laura commented vaguely.
"Oh, girl talk." Clint mumbled into the back of her neck and the promptly fell asleep again.
Right, girl talk. Laura thought to herself and then drifted off to sleep as well.