disclaimer: not mine. pity.

you just keep fighting

and you have to do things you never thought you'd even have to consider

and you have to choose between life and death, between light and dark, between many and some,

between all and none

and they all look to you as their bloody leader, you who couldn't even keep himself from a childhood bully, isn't even good enough for the last of his own family to love

and they expect you to keep them safe, keep all of them safe, and they blame you when you can't protect them all from everything

and for every good thing you do, they point out twenty more that show how you failed, that show how you're not good enough, you're never good enough, no matter what you do for them, no matter how much you sacrifice

and you think that maybe they might just deserve whatever fate they'd get without you

and still they exalt you as their saviour, as the only one that can end the fear and pain

and you make decisions that no man should ever have to make

and you want to scream at them because you're just a child, just a child that knows nothing of anything except how cruel and cold and heartless the world can be, what it's like to be hated and hunted and hurt

and what the fuck do they think they're doing, putting the weight of the world on any child's shoulders, never mind the child that was locked away and starved and beaten for being something he couldn't help, for something he didn't understand, for existing where someone else thought he shouldn't

and you know you've never really been a child, never had that luxury, because your childhood was stolen along with everything else you ever loved and ever wanted

and you think it would serve them right if it broke you

and it makes you so fucking angry that they just sit and wait for someone, anyone, a child, to come save them, instead of just trying to do something themselves, instead of fighting back, instead of trying, for fuck's sake

and you're so tired and so close to breaking, but you can't break, you can never break, because they all need you, no matter how much you try to make them see otherwise

and you're at the bloody top of the world with all the power and command anyone could ever ask for but you never asked for it and you don't want it, and all those other fools cry and complain and hate you because you're the one everyone looks to, not them, and you want to make them see that they don't really want what it is they're after and they can bloody have it if they really want it that bad because it sucks and it's so fucking lonely and no one knows how hard it is just to be, just to live

and you don't even want to live anymore, because it's just so hard, it's just so useless to keep trying because it never helps, it never helps

and nothing ever gets better

and you wonder why you bother, why you care, when it's so glaringly obvious that they don't, when they probably never have, because you're just a tool, a weapon, a means to an end

and you can't stop, you just can't stop, because it's this choice, this fight, that makes you different from him, from them, from what you think you are

and you're already similar enough to him that it gives you nightmares, that you wonder how far you can be pushed before you become what you've always fought, the terror you've always known and always defied

and so you just keep fighting, because you know there will be nothing left worth fighting for, if you don't