Far too often, people take the little joys in life for granted, as if they feel they somehow deserve to be greeted by a shining sun when they pull back the window shades, or are entitled to hear birds singing merry tunes as they stroll through the park. They forget that these things are not guaranteed, that there is only joy to be found in them because there is joy in their own hearts.

But for Lyra Belacqua, the sun's shine had long ceased to matter, and the sounds of twittering birds fell on deaf ears. Her only joy in life came from pouring over endless books that held the answers to reading the Alethiometer. Though that was not truly a joy- it was a bittersweet thing, half loved because it was teaching her to read her beautiful Alethiometer once more, and half hated because she now had to work at what once came as natural to her as breathing.

She tried desperately to enjoy the life that she lead now- she had finished her schooling, top of her class in certain subjects, middle of the pack in others, and was now back at Jordan College, living in a neat little home the Master had had built for her as soon as she expressed her desire to return. It was a quaint little thing, designed for just one person to live cozily, located at the edge of the floral gardens, far enough from the College itself that Lyra could find the solitude she so desperately craved these days. Pantalaimon was the only one she really talked to anymore, especially since the Master had died several months ago, shortly after presenting her with her cottage, a thought that made her mouth twist and tears prick at the corners of her eyes, which she would hastily wipe away before anyone could see.

She'd thought she could live a fulfilling life, having had dreams of travelling, visiting Serafina Pekkala and Iorek Byrnison, spending time on the water with the Gyptians she had grown to love, perhaps studying the Aurora as her father had, or simply visiting all regions of her world and learning all there was to learn, Alethiometer in tow. And she'd done some of it, to be sure- she'd gone to visit Serafina, who'd in turn taken her to see her beloved Iorek who'd grown so old, and she kept regular contact with the Gyptians, especially Ma Costa and John Faa, and Farder Coram up until his death. But those visits fell like a lifetime ago, and her contact with the Gyptians had waned in recent years, on her end. She missed Farder Coram fiercely- he'd been working hard to help her with the Alethiometer, and she had loved him deeply.

But she could not force herself to fuel the fire of her adventurous spirit any longer. She had simply lost the will to explore, to learn, to discover. She didn't want to be around people, she didn't want to socialize or to see new places. It was if her world had suddenly lost all its color and energy, turned a dull grey with muted voices and muffled sounds. It had been a long time coming, and though she had fought it in the beginning, that strength had been drained from her along with everything else. She had grown weak, something she'd never dreamed possible. She had always been such an independent creature, bold and daring, with lies ready at the tip of her tongue to assure that she'd get her way. But now she felt like she had nothing to fight for, no goal now that the world was saved and she righted the wrongs she'd done to Roger. She was just drifting about, an empty shell- she needed purpose again.

The only cure for her was Will. The one thing she could not have.

Until she'd realized her heart had belonged to him, at the tender age of 12, she hadn't known she could hurt this way. It was if a piece of her was missing, it felt much like the time she'd been forced to leave Pantalaimon behind when she went into the world of the dead. And she knew her daemon felt it too.

She knew they could not go on living this way- something had to change. And today would be that day.

"I'm going to get to you Will. Me an' Pan. We will. I promise. And you know I keep my promises." Her voice comes out as barely a whisper as she sits on the bench that mimicked the one in his world, staring at the space she imagined he was sitting in, at this very moment. Pan was curled around her shoulders, little claws digging into the skin over her collarbone. "We en't been working hard enough at is all, right Pan? It's not impossible, it can't be. We should have been searching for a way back since the day we left him in his world. We shouldn't have gone to school- we wasted four years there, Pan. Four years. And a year since then. Five years, gone. D' you think he's given up on us, Pan? Or d' you think he's trying as hard as he can to get to us too? Maybe Mary's been helping him, maybe she's come up with some sort of science, right, and it's just taking a long time since she doesn't really know how Dust works still, or how worlds work. Or maybe Will's trying to rebuild the knife, maybe he don't care about the Specters anymore." The worlds tumble out of her uncontrollably, and she takes a big sniffle, blinking a few times to keep herself from crying. "We will get to them, Lyra. Will and Kirjava, we will see them again, we have to." Pan licks her cheek comfortingly, nuzzling his face into her curls, giving her as much reassurance as he can. "Going to school was right. We learned a lot of stuff we didn't know before. And Dame Hannah helped us get those books we needed for the Alethiometer. We needed to go. And now we need to find a way to Will and Kirjava, all that stuff we learned prepared us for that, without it, we wouldn't stand a chance." And with that he jumps off her shoulders, landing soundlessly onto the grass and scurrying up the nearest tree, peering down at her from between the leaves, making her smile for what felt like the first time since she'd left Will.