Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. *sniff*

It was a lovely spring morning and China was sitting on a cushion in his living room happily working on his Hello Kitty sampler. He was working on the bow on her hair and was very excited; soon he'd be finished and have another to add to his collection!

A sudden series of screeching rings caused the dark haired man to shriek and fall off his cushion. Fumbling for the cause of this annoyance, his phone, he also managed to stab himself with the needle.

"OUCH aru!... Hello aru?" China answered the phone.

"Hello China. I have a mission for you should you choose to accept it." The mysterious voice on the other end of the line paused for a moment, though not waiting for the Asian to respond. "You are to infiltrate the KGB1 and collect important things. When you have received the necessary items, come immediately to this address." The then caller proceeded to disclose the location.

"I'll do it aru!" the receiver of the call responded cheerfully.

"Very good." The other voice responded, "This message will self destruct in three…two…one…"

China threw the possibly explosive piece of plastic away from him, squeezed his eyes shut, and covered his ears.

"Boom."

Realizing that his phone was not going to blow up and the strange person who had called him had most likely hung up; China opened his eyes and unplugged his ears. Smiling broadly, he hurried to grab his coat and place his sampler on the table before heading out. "I'll be back soon aru!" he called to his panda "I'm going on a mission aru!" With that he slammed the door and headed down the walkway humming a merry tune.

Meanwhile, the panda flopped down on the sofa, grabbed the remote and proceeded to channel surf in search of the discovery channel. If he was lucky, they might be playing a program on the habits of pandas.

Thirty minutes and five wrong turns later, China found himself in front of what must have been his destination. There was a large red sign with white letters in front of the building, accompanied by a large plastic cutout of a man with a cheerful smile, glasses, and a beard.

The Asian man concluded that he must be the Russian leader.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed open the glass double doors and marched over to the counter in front of him. That must be where he would get whatever it was that he needed!

There was a girl behind the counter and the man wearing a mask whose cutout was out in front (think the burger king). China paused in front of the long plastic bench, thinking of what to say.

The girl in front of him smiled and said, "Welcome to KFC. May I take your order?"

China's brow crinkled in thought before quickly smoothing out. Without even glancing up at the menu he responded brightly, "I'd like something important please, aru!"

He thought that the cashier was going to die of blood loss. The dark haired man could not honestly say that he had ever seen a nosebleed of that magnitude.

Almost instantaneously, the unconscious girl was dragged away the man in the mask took her place.

"I'd like a special KGB item please aru!" was China's cheerful request, accompanied by hands clapped together.

Instead of doing the expected thing and punching buttons on the cash register the masked man reached behind him and grabbed a small package. Handing it to the Asian in front of him, he seemed to smile.

China grinned as he received the package. "Thank you sir, aru!" he gushed "This should be exactly what I need aru!"

He turned and started walking to the door when he heard a very familiar sound.

"Wow China, you're finally getting it!" America stood up from his table four feet away and gave the other country a thumbs up "This is the place where heroes eat when McDonald's is closed! I hope you asked them to supersize that!"

Leaving the smaller country no time to respond, America strode over to him and slapped something onto his chest. Looking down, China noticed that the blonde had pinned a little star to his chest. The word "sheriff" had been crossed out and replaced with "hero-in-training."

America gave him another thumbs up, proclaiming, "I'm a…oof!"

He was cut off as England rose abruptly and yanked him back to his chair, snarling, "Sit down you bloody wanker! Don't make such a scene!"

The blonde nation just smiled at his companion. "Aw Iggy, you're so cute. Are you jealous?" he crooned. At that the older nation turned a lovely shade of scarlet and started sputtering incoherently. "Here Iggy, I'll give you some chicken by mouth! That'll make things better!" America said brightly before tearing off a small piece of meat with his mouth and launching himself at England.

It was when America and England started scuffling on the table that China decided that it was time to leave. "It was nice seeing you guys aru!" he said quickly, looking behind him as he backed up towards the door, "Have a nice day aru!"

Scrambling out the door the four thousand year old virgin barely dodged a chair thrown that way in what was apparently a moment of raw passion.

Both the participants in said moment of raw passion apparently were too loud to notice that a dark aura was emanating from the man in the mask of the colonel. The mask was pulled off.

"Kolkolkolkolkol."

Russia grinned in that unhinged way of his and continued to laugh until the teenager next to him pulled the mask back over his head. "You really need to stop doing that" she said "You'll scare the customers."

Meanwhile, the small Chinese man scurried down the street, following the directions that he had been given. After three right turns, two left turns, one turn around, and one point of tripping over a trashcan, he found the house.

The dark haired man hurried up the front walk and knocked briskly on the door. After a moment, it opened to reveal the person who had called him to send him on the mission…

"Bonjour ma cher"

Arguably the most perverted nation of them all opened the door. "I was wondering when you would arrive with my package" the golden haired nation purred, "Mmm, it's quite a large one at that." This last comment was accompanied by eyes on China's groin and an indecent lick of the lips.

Lip curling in distaste, the dark haired nation thrust the package at France, saying "I believe this is what you sent me to get aru. Please accept it aru."

The other nation reached out and took the parcel from his open hands, smiling with a hint of drool at the corners of his mouth.

Seeing that he wasn't going to be getting much more from France, China turned to go, pleased with himself at the successful completion of his mission. France seemed to snap out of his daze long enough to make another pass at the other man.

"Will you join me?" he called after China's retreating back, "I've always had a thing for Asians!"

These comments were ignored.

Unperturbed, France just said, "C'est la vie" and closed the door again. It was finally time to be alone with the valuables that he sent China to pick up. As the paper fell away from the prize, France felt his excitement building. With almost trembling hands, he pulled it out of its package, basking in the glory of wonder in front of him. The crispy layers, the moist, juicy chicken beneath… It was almost too much.

France took a bite of the delectable treat and almost swooned, they had cooked it to perfection.

It was a little known fact that France had a weakness for fried chicken. For all his talk of wine and cheese, there was a huge soft spot in his heart (and palate) for that crunchy, juicy American treat.

But I digress…

China skipped happily down the street, thrilled that he had completed his mission and was headed home. He was halfway there when he heard the familiar sound of the Chinese national anthem—his cell phone was ringing.

"Hello aru" he said, picking it up.

"Hello China," a voice said "I have a mission for you, should you choose to accept it. You need to go to Chuck E. Cheese…"

1 A/N: I think it's kind of like the Russian CIA