Stay Alive, a redwall fanfic

Disclaimer: Characters, settings, and just about everything else are mot mine-wish they were!!

Rating: K

Summary: Pretty much the same as my other fics. Its just another Martin/Rose with Martin again feeling guilty but with a little more insight than my others. This has been a work-in-progress for awhile, being harder to write than I thought. Enjoy!

The lyrics are from Jerusalem (Out of Darkness Comes Light) by Matisyaha (album: No Place To Be).

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A sturdy mouse strode through the slowly thickening forest, brushing through undergrowth and uprooting vegetation. If he had bothered to look back towards where he had come from, he still could have been able to catcht a glimpse of the sun setting over the dusty plain from where he had traveled from. But he would not look back. He had promised himself that, along with a vow of an eternity of silence about his past. He didn't know what he would do if some creature would ask from he had come from. All he knew was that he had to keep putting distance between himself and the summer events that had come to pass. For if he didn't continue walking, what else would he do? Even now it hurt to sleep because if he closed his eyes he knew he would dream of her.

I will not lie down, I will not fall asleep

And they come overseas; yes they're trying to be free

Erase the demons out of our memory

Change your name and your identity

Afraid of the truth and our dark history

Why is everybody always chasing we?

Cut of the roots of your family tree

Don't you know that's not the way to be?

He knew that he was running away from his responsibilities. He knew that he should have gone back to Noonvale and faced those who he had failed. He knew that it would have been what Rose had wanted, that he should have returned with the rest of the creatures who chosen to return. But Rose was gone, lost to him forever. In one blow the love they might have had was destroyed.

Truthfully, it was ironic that she had affected him like that. He had known her for what? A summer? Others he had known for a lifetime and none of them had made him feel like she had. None of them haunted his waking and sleeping hours like she did. And it wasn't even as if he hadn't lost others before her. His mother had been killed, his father abandoned him during his toddler years to go and fight some far off vermin. Even his grandmother's death didn't affect him like Rose's did, and his grandmother's death was as much as his fault as it was Badrang's. After all, Windred wouldn't have died as a slave if Martin hadn't wandered off to prove to Timballisto that he couldn't be ordered about. In fact, if he thought about it, he had brought about many deaths. And most of them he regretted.

…If I forget you…

What he regretted most however, wasn't that he hadn't told Rose how he had felt. Before she died there wasn't much to tell her because what he felt wasn't love, or at least he didn't think it had been love at the time. But hindsight is 20-20 and now he knew that he had loved her. But no, that wasn't what he regretted most. What would bother him for the rest of his life was the pointlessness of the battle of Marshank. He knew himself., knew what he had felt that summer's night. He knew he hadn't fought for the freedom of the woodlanders. He had fought for revenge and for a sword. A worthless piece of metal connected to a hilt, a thing that his father had made him swear to protect. His father that had left him alone while he went chasing death, and a promise that had lead to him sacrificing the only one in his life that he had every truly lived for.

…Afraid of the truth and our dark history

Why is everybody always chasing we…

And so it would be, his past would always remain a secret. If he ever trusted himself with others again they would remain ignorant of his true story. The past summer would remain hidden from all, and forgotten by all. Just like he felt like he should be. But he wouldn't be forgotten. As a wise old mole had once said, for all seasons to come the name Martin the Warrior would never be forgotten, and if his name was to never be forgotten then neither would hers. For she would always be locked inside of him, even if no other could see her but him.

No, he would never be forgotten. He knew now to heed Polleekin's words. Too bad he hadn't heeded them before. Rose might have been alive today if he had. Another thing to feel guilty about.

The young mouse with his old eyes and even older heart stopped amongst what remained of the dead foliage. When had winter come, wrapping its cold fingers around the heart of the land? Had it been while he was walking dead in the heart and mind across the plains and mountains? Whenever it had come, it gave him a glimmer of hope. Winter always came to an end? Sometimes it may feel like it will go on forever but always came the spring with it roses blooming fully. Maybe, just maybe his winter might end one day. Until then however, he would keep on going. Just to stay alive.

Aint no one gonna break my stride
Aint no one gonna pull me down
Oh no, I got to keep on moving
Stay alive

I know, ended a little abruptly there, switching from angsty to hopeful. Ah well, I hope you enjoyed!

R&R!