Okay people, this is CRAZY. My friend Sakonon and I were on the phone talking about L and what would happen to L in random, improbable situations that we thought up randomly! :D By the time we had thought up about 15 crazy things, shes like "Ratt! We need to start writing this down!" And so I did. Okay, this is NOTHING like my normal writing. My normal writing is…like…much more formal than this. When I wrote this, I was on a sugar rush because I ate lots of jolly ranchers (a REAL sugar rush, with REAL sugar lol, unlike L [see below]). So this is pretty much A/U, O.O.C, and a crackfic. Hmm, I've been writing a lot more of these lately for some reason… mainly because they are fun to write. Like, if I want a magical unicorn to come down from the sky to save everyone, I CAN GET A MAGICAL UNICORN TO COME DOWN FROM THE SKY TO SAVE EVERYONE! :D That's awesome! Lol. So, I don't plan on revising this because I am going to be writing this super super fast. So. I am aware that none of this would ever happen. Thus, crackfic! =D And don't forget to review! I need to know your opinions on this if I am going to be posting any more! I have no idea how anyone will like it. All I know is that Sakonon and I found this hilarious! But, we don't know about how everyone else will think of it. But I HAVE written more, so just give the word and I'll post more. ^ ^ you are all awesome. And im still on a sugar rush. So I'm gonna stop talking now! :D
Scenario: What if Watari scolded Ryuzaki while the microphone connected to the giant jumbotron (in the middle of the city, on that random skyscraper) was accidentally left on right after L's big impressive debut?
W: Ryuzaki! You must stop eating those potato chips!
L: Why? –whines-
W: Because ALL YOU DO IS EAT SUGAR AND ICE CREAM! It's not healthy!
L: But they're MY potato chips! You bought them for me!
W: And I can take them away JUST AS EASILY! Now hand them over!
L: But they help me think better!
W: They don't help you think better! They help keep you awake! Which leads me to my NEXT discussion! You need to get more sleep! The last time you slept was like, 2 weeks ago, for like, 4 hours!
L: But I need to catch Kira! Sleeping is a waste of time!
W: GO TO SLEEP!
L: No! That's not fair to say! I'm your BOSS!
W: Well, I RAISED YOU!
L: You just raised! But you aren't my father! I'm an ORPHAN! I was alone living on the streets by my own rules until you came and saved me!
W: YOUR GOING TO GIVE YOURSELF A HEART ATTACK!
L: Well if I don't catch Kira, HE will give me a heart attack instead! Besides, I'm 25! 25 year olds generally don't get heart attacks!
W: Well, IM 70! And I have more experience! So go to bed! You haven't slept in 2 weeks!
L: No!
W: If you don't go to your room right now, im gonna spank you!
L: NOOO! Don't!
W: I will do it! GO TO BED!
L: …fine…
-two minutes later-
W: …uh…Ryuzaki…?
L: What?
W: You know that giant jumbotron that is located in the middle of that really busy street that a quarter of the entire Japanese population can see?
L: yes, what about it?
W: Well…um…the microphone…I…uh…kinda accidentally left it on…
L: WHAT?
W: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!
-people on the streets staring at the letter L that displays, watching in weirdness-
L: I CANT BELIEVE THIS EMBARRASSMENT!
W: -freaking out- IM SORRY! ILL EVEN GIVE YOU YOUR CHIPS BACK! YOU DON'T NEED TO GO TO BED!
L: IM GONNA KILL YOU!
-the last thing the people hear is a huge crash-
People: -whispering amongst themselves- this…is the person who is gonna save us from Kira? A 25 year old with sleeping problems and an eating disorder?
Other person: …we're doomed…
Light: Is this guy a joke?
Scenario: Have any of you (besides Sakonon and I) noticed that it seems like L almost never leaves his computer, not even to take a shower? Well, what if Soichiro noticed it too?
S: Hey, Ryuzaki?
L: Yes, Yagami-san?
S: I've never seen you take a shower.
L: O_o;;; Is this something you would like to see happen, Yagami-san?
S: -realizing how wrong that just sounded- No! Not like that! o_o;; I didn't mean it like that!
L: Then please explain what you DO mean, if you don't mind.
S: I mean, it seems like you never take a shower! When was the last time you took a shower?
L: -thinks- hmm…the day before the Kira case started.
S: o_o;;; -takes a step back-
Light: IM CHAINED TO THIS GUY?
L: -innocent smile-
Scenario: What if L has a sugar rush?
-L gets some sleep for the first time in a very long time. He wakes up, feeling refreshed-
L: Watari! Get me some sugar!
W: -gets L what he requested-
L: Thank you. –eats the sugar-
-due to the fact that he usually eats sugar when he is tired and has no energy, he gets super hyper because of the sugar due to the fact that he is not tired-
L: WHOA! WEEEEEEEE! THIS IS FUN! –starts to run around Kira Task Force HQ- =D HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!
-Matsuda is the first to arrive that morning-
L: HI MATSUDA! HOWS IT GOING?
Matsuda: ._. uh…hi Ryuzaki…did something good happen?
L: -gives BIG smile- NO NOTHING AT ALL! ^ ^
Matsuda: Ah-huh…
-L runs off-
-Soichiro arrives next-
S: MATSUDA! HAVE YOU SEEN RYUZAKI?
Matsuda: Yeah, he—
S: I HAVE MAJOR NEWS! I MUST TALK TO HIM IMMEDIETLY! I FOUND A SECRET COMPARTMENT IN LIGHT'S DESK DRAWER BUT WHEN I TRIED TO GET IN IT, THE DESK EXPLODED! –calls- RYUZAKI!
L: HI YAGAMI-SAN!
S: I have major news pertaining to Light! I think he's hiding something—
L: I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! HES KIRA! HES KIRA! LIGHT IS KIRA!
S: Are…you alright, Ryuzaki?
L: NO! It would seem that the sugar has finally caught up with me! I seem to be experiencing a sugar rush! –runs past Soichiro, knocking him over in the process-
W: Ryuzaki! Ryuzaki! CALM DOWN!
L: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHY?
W: The sugar I gave you wasn't real sugar! It was splenda! I gave you SPLENDA! YOU ARENT REALLY ON A SUGAR RUSH! ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD!
-L pauses-
L: What. Did. You. Just. Say?
W: ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD! It's not a sugar rush! You just aren't used to the feeling of not being tired!
L: …So…you are saying that I just made a total fool of myself because you gave me splenda and not real sugar?
W: …
L: AHHHHHHH! THIS IS SO HUMILIATING! –writes his own name in the Death Note-
Task Force Investigation Team (TFIT): -GASP- WHAT DID YOU JUST DO!
Light: -thinking to himself- I cant believe it was that easy…
L: I CANT STAND SUCH HUMILIATION! WATARI! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
-at that moment L drops dead of a heart attack-
-40 years later, watari is sitting at a restaurant, sad-
Random person: Hey, man, what's wrong?
W: Oh, I'm just sad…40 years ago, I gave this guy splenda rather than real sugar.
Random Person: …o…kay? And…?
W: -looks down, shaking head- He killed himself because of it…
Random person: O_o…what was his name?
W: Oh, I can't tell you. He was L. I am Watari.
Random person: . . . so…L is dead because of you…?
W: -looks down- I'm afraid so.
Random person: SO YOU ARE THE REASON THAT THE WORLD IS BEING RULED BY THAT TYRANT MASS MURDERER KIRA?
W: o_o;;; perhaps… -looks around-
Random person: -shouts- EVERYONE! KILL THAT MAN!
W: AHHHHHHH!
Scenario: What if L went on the jumbotron again using the microphone while he was still chained to Light and Light has a small problem?
-L does an announcement to the people of Japan, his face hidden behind the fancy L but everyone can hear him-
L: And so, people of Japan, that is why I believe that Kira has the—
Light: -not noticing what L is doing, just entering the room (L had been close enough to the door so that the chain was long enough to let Light leave the room a bit)- -enters room, cuts L off- Hey, Ryuzaki? I can't find my clothes. Did you do something with them? I just got out of the shower and I can't seem to locate them…
L: . . . Light. I am on the microphone, everyone in Japan just heard you say that. And try the closet.
Light: …Crap. And I can't get to the closet. It would mean going too far away from you! The chain that connects us isn't long enough for me to go that far!
L: -sighs- Fine, I'll come to the closet with you. –thinks he turned off the microphone, but he accidentally didn't-
Light: THANK you.
People listening from the street: I didn't know L was gay… o.o
Scenario: What if L kills Light and he is telling the police force that he did so, via computer/voice modifier and fancy L?
L: -to police force, using computer and fake voice- Well, I killed Kira.
Random cop: What? How? Who was it?
L: It was Light Yagami. And he tried to take my potato chip and eat it, so I took an axe and killed him. No one, and I mean NO ONE, steals my potato chips. Not even WATARI.
W: -in the background- L, give me your potato chips NOW.
L: …no…
W: You've had too much today!
L: but…
W: NOW!
L: …fine…
-police force just staring at the computer-
L: Anyway, as I was saying…
Scenario: What if L speaks on the jumbotron while chained to Light, and Light has something to say to everybody in Japan?
L: Hello, people of Japan. This is L. Kira has not been caught yet, however—
Light: -cuts in- EVERYBODY! THIS MAN, L, IS KEEPING ME CHAINED TO HIM! WITH A CHAIN! I'M SERIOUS! ISNT THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE THAT WILL HELP ME? PLEASE! THIS IS AGONY! HES TORTURING ME! PLEASE! SOMEO—
L: Shut up, slave. –cracks whip-
Light: -cry of agony-
L: Ahem. Anyway, as I was saying…
Okay, people. I know there are like, a MILLION mistakes in this. And I overused the CAPS LOCK and the exclamation points! But, in all honesty, with this particular story, I really don't care. I was writing it while on the phone with my friend Sakonon, and I was trying to type fast enough to keep up with all of our ideas. I really have no idea what you guys think of this, so I'm not gonna post any more until you guys review and tell me how you liked it! Give me feedback! It's like…my food! :D I will be forever grateful! And yes, I know that this story was ridiculous and everyone was COMPLETELY O.O.C, except for maybe Matsuda. And potentially Soichiro. So, FEEDBACK! And, IDEAS! (if you have them) :D ^_^ thank you all so much!