He held his head low, supporting himself on the wall as his body slowly cooled down from the intensity of the moments just before.
God dammit, he said to himself, as his mouth frowned and he opened his eyes pulling himself towards the front door where she had just left.
He opened it. Not expecting her to still be there. He had already heard her tires from the old Mercedes 300D peeling out of his driveway.
But still…needing; wanting her to turn back around.
He knew she wouldn't. She was too proud. Too hurt. Too head strong.
It was one of the many reasons why he was drawn to her. Even though he loathed to admit it.
He knew turning over the flash drive to the DEA would hurt her. Would make her lose trust in him. And even though it was the right thing to do, he hated himself for it.
He had let her down. A woman who had come into his life spiraling like a hurricane, taking anyone and anything down with it. She had fucked his deputy. Killed his childhood friend. Been a part of almost every death and conspiracy in the town since her pale two legs landed on its dirt.
Yet he found himself wanting to do anything; everything he could to protect her.
He had prided himself on never letting anyone get too close. Never letting anyone get inside his head enough to open up the doorway to betrayal.
Yet here she stood. Norma Louise. Not only opening that door but kicking the damn thing down with her heels.
And if he was honest with himself, he was a masochist for her pain. He craved it. The game at which she would pull him in and let him close just to push him forcibly away.
It wasn't healthy. Yet it was the best god damn meal he had ever eaten.
He remembered earlier how he had screamed out I hate you when he caught her breaking into his home.
If only that were the truth.
More like the opposite. But neither of them was ready to hear or admit to any semblance of that. Even though it was staring them both in the face.
He pulled out his phone, shutting his door and looking down at her number on the Contacts tab.
He wanted to call her. Wanted to scream at her how sorry he was as he wrapped his arms around her and silenced her fury with his mouth.
He hadn't meant to get so aggressive with her earlier after she hit him. Pinning her against the wall was the only way he could get her to stop. But the feeling of her body next to his… it was too much for him to ignore. He clung to her desperately; subconsciously.
His hands enveloping her strong, yet soft face as he lay phantom kisses on her tear ridden cheeks.
One sigh. One reciprocated move and he would've made love to her right there against the wall.
Jesus Alex, he thought to himself. Calm down.
But he couldn't. He wouldn't. Norma Bates had gotten to him. And he didn't care if she was using him. He didn't care if she didn't harbor half of the feelings he had for her.
To hell with everything else in his sad, pathetic life.
He loved her.