There's A Thorn Everywhere
Summary: glee. Rachel hated love. Puck just wanted sex and Rachel just wanted her virginity gone. Their relationship isn't good to begin with but it may possibly get better.
Please Note: First glee story. I love Puckleberry. My personal note is stilted because I'm sort of depressed. This story is just a way for my depression to affect the rest of you. That's scary. And it's in Rachel's point of views which is new for me, because I don't usually write like that. I'm usually just third person. And also, nothing happened between Noah and Rachel. No relationship or anything like that. Hopefully just reading will help it make sense. Santana and Rachel are friends for in explicable reasons.
Disclaimer: I don't own glee. I just love it and admire Ryan Murphy for co-creating it.
Maybe I expected too much. I know nothing is ever sure or for certain but I usually expect it to be. Noah seemed to be serious when he said he would come over. So I woke up early, put on makeup, and waited till the last minute to call him. Noah said if I didn't call by 11, he'd just come over. By noon, I expected a knock at the door. It didn't happen. I watched the remainder of Gilmore Girls than followed up with an entire AHL hockey game. It was a rerun of how the Hershey Bears' defeated the Texas Stars' for the Colder Cup. Unbeknownst to everyone other than a specific few including Noah I loved the sport of hockey. The premise of it all is entertaining and I admit to having several promotional t-shirts and jerseys. I only watched because the Hershey Bears' is the farm team for my team, the Washington Capitals. You might think I'd like the Ohio team, Columbus Blue Jackets but my daddy's from D.C. and the first game I ever went too was a Cap's game so voilà.
I called him during the first intermission and waited patiently while his ring back tone , some rock song probably by ACDC, as he has a poster of them in his room, played. He never picked it. I hoped it wasn't because he just didn't want to come over and didn't want to talk to me. I prayed he was taking a shower and that he'd call me back and say he was on his way. It never happened. And still, I waited.
I kept reapplying eyeliner so I looked good and I didn't eat anything heavy because I didn't want my stomach to stick out. I ran over everything that happened the day before and noticed nothing extremely awkward happened. Noon became one which turned into two. I kept going outside to check the mail. I kept doing that because Noah lives just up the street and I hoped maybe I'd catch him walking down. I checked it three times, within ten minute increments until the mail actually came. By 2:54, I figured waiting wouldn't be worth it anymore because Noah had to work at 4 and even though all he had to do was pull on red swim trunks and a white tank, I knew him coming over wasn't going to happen. I replayed the morning and afternoon that was wasted.
I wondered if it was my fault for calling late but I knew that Noah not picking up probably meant he wouldn't have picked up any other time if I had called. I realized I'd become one of those girls who waited forever for their significant other to call. I carried my cell phone everywhere I went in my house because I truly expected him to call me back. I had never really done that before, waited for someone to call. But I couldn't be angry. He wasn't my boyfriend and he probably would never be. Whatever he was doing all day, sleeping with some other girl or making a sandwich, was not my business. I couldn't be mad at him. I mean I could act like it but it wasn't justified. Our friend with benefits things wasn't exclusive and it only happened about once a week since very late May.
After today I probably wouldn't talk to him until school restarted in almost 3 months. My stomach hurt and I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I don't cry over boys. And I wasn't about the start with a boy who barely knew me. The worst part was that the reason I was waiting for him was because Noah and I were going to sex today. I was supposed to lose my virginity. I had also become one of those girls who calls a guy to come sex her. Noah had already had sex (multiple times) and I felt stupid and virginal. I resolved to not think about it but I regret to think that I waited some more. I went to my perch near a window and watched the sidewalk alternating between reading and watching until 4 rolled around. I went to the bathroom intending just to pee but I slide to the ground and cried. I hated myself and just wanted love. I hated waiting and I just wanted to stay in bed forever. That didn't happen.
I pulled on myBackstrom jersey feeling slightly comforted by its overwhelming size and put Grease in the DVD player. Dad knocked on the door to be let in at 4:30 and I regret to report, for a brief moment I actually thought maybe Noah hadn't stood me up.
The next morning I actually had to go to school. The reason I didn't go the day before was because in high school you only have to go the last few days if you have to take a final. I only had to go today and I was leaving early because of the two today, I only had to take one. I knew because of being a weird stalker Noah had to take both finals so I wouldn't see him after school. I woke up, put on makeup and pulled on shorts, a black tank top and my Backstrom jersey. I felt comforted and just didn't want to see Noah. I was upset that Noah stood me up and even more upset that I'd have to see him at the bus stop because his truck had been in the shop since last week. I walked up early and keep staring down at the sidewalk. Noah usually didn't come out until the last possible second and today was no different. I got on and went to my normal back seat, the one right in front of the very back and slouched low, looking as if I didn't care that I'd gotten stood up and had cried. The ride seemed to drag on and I was all too happy to sprint off the bus once it came to a stop in front of McKinley.
Once my final was over, me and Santana left the building to wait for our parents to pick us up. My daddy's Hummer came to a stop and I waved goodbye to Santana before climbing into the backseat as I noticed Dad was sitting in front. We went to Panera and I tried to make happy conversation but the feeling of being stood up still stung. Maybe it was because Finn never did that to me. We broke up but we were still friends and he still treated me wonderfully. I got spoiled with Finn, I admit, but even if Noah wasn't my boyfriend I still expected him to treat me like a queen.
Friday morning I woke up relieved to have a free day. I was officially done with school. I was about to become a junior. My dad's were at work and I debated whether to walk over to Santana's house but first I took shower and put on black leggings and a yellow t-shirt. I put on makeup and was about to call Santana but a loud bang on the front door paused my hand. I wandered over quietly and looked through the small hole that was drilled in the door. Noah. I quickly looked in the mirror happy I hadn't just schlepped it in my ratty clothes. I pulled the door open and gave Noah a prepared confused look. I didn't want him to think I was excited or expectant, because honestly I didn't expect him, but still.
"Hi?" I held the door open and gestured for him to come in. As expected, he walked inside and I shut the door locking it behind him. He stood in my small foyer before I lead him upstairs to my dad's room where I had been watching Little Miss Sunshine. There is only one chair in the room but Noah still moved to sit on the bed. I watched him remove his Adidas sneakers as I walked around to lie back on the bed. We watched Greg Kinnear curse at his business partner and it switched to a new scene. I looked over at Noah's clenched jaw. He looked back and gave me a look.
"Why'd you come?" I asked softly.
"We're supposed to have sex. You're going to lie to me again, are you?" He asked half kidding. I knew what he was doing. We always did this. I don't fall victim to his charms like all those other girls did. I knew he wasn't as slick as he thought he was.
"What? I never lied." I exclaimed unable to stifle a tiny laugh.
"You totally did."
"I didn't. I gave you a blowjob, didn't I?"
"Yeah, but you made me wait."
"Poor baby." I said back. He inhaled and I smiled at seeing his eyes roll.
"Look, Berry sorry for not showing yesterday. My mom insisted we get that father's day present for my step-dad that day. And my phone died so I couldn't call you back." I knew it was a plausible excuse but that didn't erase the fact that I spent almost 5 hours waiting for him to show. Plus, for almost a week I'd searched multiple websites about condoms and ovulation. I'm not on the pill because my dad's, as open as they are, aren't aware that I spend time with Noah. I would take to my mom but she took Beth to see a show in Florida. I did call her and explain the situation and she insisted I let her buy me some birth control pills but those won't be shipped for another couple weeks. I was petrified of getting pregnant and that was the reason I spent many nights tossing and turning. I thought obsessively and watched MTV' 16 and Pregnant which didn't help my jitters. But either way, I spent loads of time looking up how effective condoms are and what the chances of pregnancy are even with a condom. Honestly, they only made me more neurotic. At the end of the day I just wanted Noah and his body. I wanted to be seen as cool. But I know that losing your virginity isn't something to be spread around.
"It's fine. It's over. It's done." I shrugged hoping he wouldn't press on it. He opened his mouth and I licked my lips unconsciously.
"Berry, I-." I cut him off with my mouth. In all the time, I'd done stuff with Noah, which was limited to two blowjobs; I'd never once kissed him. I thought that it was to intimate. Yeah, I'd suck his dick but I wouldn't kiss him. Crazy, right? Anyway, his mouth tasted weird. Honestly, I think kissing in general is weird. He kissed back and instantly touched my cheek. We shifted so we were lying next to each other and so he could touch my boobs. We stayed like that, our mouths and tongues touching for some time before finally I said we should go to my room. My bed is tiny but we still climbed on top. I didn't say anything when I saw him pull off my shirt. I wiggled out of my leggings, really wanting to feel his penis inside me but he stopped.
"What's wrong?" I asked noticing him stare down. I felt uncomfortable at my non flat stomach but he shook his head.
"I can't do this. I just can't have sex with a virgin." I felt my heart drop but didn't show it. Because of my craziness, I'd thought of a million scenarios, this was one.
"So what, you can train me. You can teach me exactly what you like. Just teach me." He seemed to think it over and finally he reached behind my back to peel off my bathing suit top, which for in explainable reasons, I was wearing underneath my clothes.
For weeks I obsessed about my first time with Noah. I knew that sex wasn't supposed to hurt and the only reason it hurt to some people was because they weren't wet enough. I guess I was, because other than a small feeling of shock it didn't hurt. We stared at the ceiling for a bit, until he finally started talking. He told me how he and his mom and his sister got his step-dad the iPad and how the mall had been a madhouse when they went to get it. I nodded and didn't say much. We used a condom so I wasn't thinking about getting pregnant, instead I thought how I had put losing virginity on a pedestal. I thought it would instantly make me feel different but it didn't. I felt the same, albeit a small numbness in my vagina. Either way, we did it again and I liked it more. He told me exactly what he liked and he seemed shy to tell me. I guess all the other girl's he's slept with don't listen to him. Then his mom called and told him he had to get home. As he and I got redressed he rambled on saying that next time we'd go longer.
"Next time?" I asked.
"Yeah, I'm training you Berry. By the end of the summer, you'll be awesome at sex." He kissed my lips then I walked him to the door. As I shut the wooden frame, I slide down to sit on the floor. What changed? I knew we weren't friends or anything but maybe, just maybe we could be. Because I liked Noah and maybe having sex would make him want to be my boyfriend. I knew us being together now wouldn't happen. He was popular and even with school ending for the summer. He was golden. I had a few friends.
Noah also told me bareback is better. And once my pills came in, I was excited to try. Sex isn't to be used as a self esteem technique but it made me feel good.
That was a terrible ending and an unexplainable story. I felt confused just rereading it. Hopefully, you readers will give me criticism because I need it. My usual writing domain is JONAS, as sad as that is. Review? And I personally thank you and write you a poem. Legit (: