*Her*
The case was over so Olivia did what had become a tradition for her since El had left. She stared at his desk. The one she was told to painstakingly clear. The one that was still empty even months after his heartbreaking exit. She was not staring to be depressing or awkward, though it usually ended up that way. Her subconscious convinced her that the longer she stared the better the chance he would simply appear. She had no idea why she tortured herself this way. Being honest with herself, it was idiotic and needy of her. When she had left it was as if he never looked back. She had shown up and seen him with his new partner a while back and was shocked by what she had witnessed. The body language between them was abruptly personal, more so than it had ever been with them. Even when their partnership had started off he was at least a little reserved, leaving space for air, but with this new woman he didn't seem to need air. She would never admit it at the time, but this had bugged her and was the main reason she returned later. She did not want him making any dumb moves.
"Did you turn in your paperwork, Olivia?" asked Cragen, on his way out of the station house. He now called her that, along with everyone else in the squad. She knew they were trying to leave Elliot's nickname for her out of conversation but it was not natural. It did not matter if they said it or not, she would still remember. She jumped and he pretended not to notice, as he always did, and she replied, "Yes, Captain."
Olivia stood up from her desk and began to avert her gaze from Elliot's deserted desk. It was evident to her that she needed to get away from the memory of him. Not that she wanted to, but that she knew it was for her own wellbeing. Olivia exited the precinct in a daze. She found herself again wondering why Elliot left. Was it really because of the good shoot, was he tired of working with her, or was there something he did not want to say?
She forced the lobby doors open and stepped into the brisk New York City air. She made her way down the busy city street to a subway. Not her usual one but the one she took when she needed time to think before she got to her apartment, the longer route. Living in New York City her entire life, she had learned to think best around a large amount of noise. When she really needed to think about something she would find her way to a large crowd and simply enter the flow, become one of the crowd. The image of slipping into a large mass of people, becoming less significant calmed her, especially when the decision or thought was overwhelming. Her apartment was much too quiet for this kind of thinking. The kind of thought that involved her best friend and partner of twelve years suddenly leaving without a single verbal goodbye.
*Him*
It had been a long, difficult day for him. The new job he had taken was really weighing him down. He thought changing his environment might give him a chance to breathe, but now, he saw just how ridiculous notion that was. "Wishful thinking," is what she would have called it. Why was he always making mistakes he could never undo? It was like he was always self-destructing.
He left the large brownstone building where he now worked, wishing he had made plans with his new coworkers. He had refused their invitation because he felt he was not quite ready yet, to move on. He began to wonder if he would ever fit in with this new group of people. How he wished life was easier, or came with a set of rules. A set of rules telling him what he should do, where he should work, who he should love. He laughed to himself as he thought, "The least God could do was leave some guidelines." The old him would have immediately refuted that with, "He did dummy, it is called a Bible." He was beginning to think, though, that the Bible did not quite get it all covered.
*Her*
Just as she was about to enter the dark underground tunnel leading to the subway, she saw him. She hesitated, "This is the opposite of thinking," she muttered. He is not good for you, not right now. She started to desend the steps, but again glanced up at the man down the street. She abandoned all thought and the next thing she knew she was jogging up the cold, icy street to meet up with him, calling his name.
*Him*
He was walking down the street still beating himself up for things he had and had not done. Realizing all the mistakes he had made recently was devastating. He was full of regret and wishing he could start over. He knew what he wanted but was almost positive she was not in his reaches, at least not now. When he heard her voice through the crowd, screaming his name, he could have swore he was dreaming. He looked around the multitude of people with only a glimmer of hope. Suddenly, he saw her striding toward him, navigating the crowded sidewalk, and his knees went weak.
*Her: The Next Morning*
As she woke in the disturbing darkness, the events of the previous night flooded her memory. What had she done? She had been telling herself that something like this could never happen. She was not this person. The person that acted without thinking and on impulse. She was a NYC detective, she always thought about consequences before taking action. She had witnessed what type of destruction even the smallest mistake could make. She had told herself a long time ago that living safe was better than making mistakes. She began to panic. She replayed the events of the night again and again in her head, trying to convince herself everything was fine and she was not crazy. That this had happened, hadn't it? Why did she feel so horrible? They had never felt anything toward each other at least not in THAT way. Or maybe that is just what they told themselves so they would not do anything stupid. "Anything stupid, right. Like this. This was stupid," she thought. She felt a sort of guilt, as if she had committed the worst kind of sin, not only to him but to herself.
*Him*
He had been surprised when she walked up to him, never thinking she would ever really give him a chance. He never expected she would even be interested in him. When she had unexpectedly rushed up to him and kissed him he was taken back, but he was not going to turn her away. What man in his right mind would? After they kissed she asked if he wanted to go for a drink. He coolly accepted and held her close as he walked with her towards his favorite bar. It was right across from his apartment and he hoped that detail might come in handy later. When they arrived, though, she pulled away. He was disappointed and shamelessly showed her so. She looked up at him and the look in her eyes was devastating. He should have known it was too soon, but he had gotten his hopes up.
*Her*
She lost herself in his kiss that night. It had been such a long time since she had let herself feel so strongly for someone. The moment she came out of her lover's daze she had glanced up and saw the bar he was leading her to. 'The Velvet Room' was illuminated in the night and she had frozen. The look on his face was almost embarrassing. He was really into her and the thought of it made her smile and giggle to herself. Wait, was she happy? This was not supposed to happen yet. But it had.
She was snapped back to reality when the man beside her awoke. "Hey, Olivia, you up?" Olivia. He called her Olivia, not Liv. The thought made her uncomfortable. She had become so enraged when he had used Elliot's nickname for her. Why did she care? Elliot was gone. She had to accept that, he was not coming back. Demanding that the nickname he gave her was to not be used was not going to change the fact that he had left, he was gone, he was never coming back, never saying goodbye. That is why last night happened. That is why she had jogged up to him, she was moving on too. She was living with the pain and pushing through the sadness. She leaned in toward David, "I most certainly am. How about we continue from last night?" As he turned on the lamp, he looked lovingly up and her and her heart filled, warming her whole body, despite the chilly apartment. "As much as I wish we could, I can't. Seven A.M. meeting remember?"
*Him*
Oh, how he hated to turn her down. Her warm brown eyes were almost impossible to say no to, but what would he say to his new bosses if he missed his first meeting. He certainly could not say, "Sorry Cragen, I was simply exhausted this morning and when I finally clawed my way out of bed. The bed, I might add, that belongs to your best detective who is still mourning the loss of her partner of 12 years. The same detective that is a daughter to you made me stay and begged me to ravage her just once more." No. Definitely not. He would simply have to do with, "Sorry Olivia, but if you are still interested tonight, you can meet me at my place." He reached for his brown overcoat, the one she had practically ripped of him in the elevator that night, and pulled out a business card with his address.
*Her*
She smiled at his proposition. Overwhelmed with an odd, uncomfortable, nearly unrecognizable feeling. The same feeling she had the previous night. What was it? Happiness? Yes, she believed it was. "I would love that," she whispered. All the while wondering to herself if she was doing the right thing. Was she moving too fast? She barely knew this guy and was also going to be working with him. She thought back to the last man she had ever fully trusted, the only man she had felt this type of attraction to and remembered how he had left without a single goodbye.
Olivia reflected on these feelings as he stood and walked stark naked to the bathroom. Elliot had left her so why was she the one that felt as if she was breaking a commitment by being in this relationship? She had done nothing wrong. She had moved on as he would want her to. Right? She clutched the necklace he gave her and she felt the warm tears beginning to form, but she wiped them away. No one had the right to make her feel this way. She was tired of the sadness and pain. She was done. She had told this to herself many times but this time she was sure, El was her past. She had told David she had closure with Elliot and assured him that there was no problem when it came to them. She had lied at the time to speed their relationship along, afraid he would leave her like everyone else had, if he knew the truth. She knew her and El would never work. It simply wasn't realistic. She had to put those feelings aside for reality. Elliot Stabler was her past and David, he, was her future. So when she heard David start the shower she got out of bed and snuck into the bathroom to give him a little morning surprise.