A/N: This idea's been stalking me for a while and I just wanted to put it out there. No beta so any mistakes are my own. Criticism and comments are always welcome. Enjoy.
The doors to the elevator opened and Jack smiled when he saw who was waiting on the other side. He cocked his head back and greeted Sam - "Carter".
"Sir" was the reply, given with a smile to match Jack's. Sam stepped into the carriage and the doors slid shut behind her.
"So," he said glancing across at her, "all better Major?"
"Yes sir. The electrical activity in my brain has returned to normal and the limited physical effects from the, erm, entity have gone." Jack watched as Sam looked down at her hands so as to avoid his gaze. It was a standard Carter answer but she seemed guarded somehow. He knew there was something she wasn't telling him.
"Carter," he began but before he could finish the sentence the elevator came to an abrupt stop.
"Oh for..." but Jack didn't bother finishing that sentence either. Sam grabbed the handset located above the control panel.
"Sergeant? What happened?"
Jack watched her as she discussed what had occurred with whoever was on the other end of the phone. Sam acknowledged something and replaced the handset.
"Well?" Jack questioned, a distinct note of frustration creeping into his voice and his eyebrows lifted.
Sam turned to him, "well apparently Siler blew one of the main breakers trying to replace one of the servers. He forgot to..."
"Ack! All I need to know is how long we're going to be stuck here. Not that I mind being stuck in a small space with you Carter," - an awkward look passed between them - "er, but I have a pressing engagement with a pile of paperwork this high." He raised his hand to chest level to exemplify his point.
Jack smirked as he saw Sam drop her head and hide a swift grin.
"Simpsons or sports?" She said simply, looking up at him completely innocently. Jack thought that face could fool a jury.
"Now Carter, I..." - he sighed in defeat - "the Simpsons. It starts in 45 minutes and I was hoping to swing by the commissary and pick up a piece of cake."
"Well, I don't think it will be too long. Once they get the power back up, the elevators will start moving again. We just have to sit tight." Jack noticed that the grin had disappeared from Sam's face. She took a long shuddering breath in and turned away from Jack. As she started to fiddle with the control panel, Jack watched her take another long shuddering breath, that hitched at the end. This wasn't the usual inwards sigh that he'd seen Carter do a hundred times in an awkward situation. This was something different and when he worked it out he knew immediately that she was in trouble. In fact, this was about the worst possible situation for her to be in - a small, dimly lit space. She was the last person he would expect to have a panic attack but he could see how she was struggling to catch her breath. After everything she'd been through, he thought it was perfectly understandable that she would be claustrophobic in their current situation. Mental imprisonment had a far stronger effect than physical imprisonment in his experience. And now it had happened to Carter at least twice.
"Carter?" he asked calmly. Jack knew he needed to deal with this in a delicate way. He was the last person Sam would want to see in this state. There was no reply and her hands were no longer fiddling, they were grasping the bottom of her shirt.
Jack pulled her shoulders gently to turn her towards him. His heart leapt when he saw the panic on her face. He was also acutely aware of the rapidity of her breathing, she was deathly pale and as she tried to look anywhere but his eyes, he knew she was heading towards a full-blown panic attack.
"Carter." He said patiently. "Carter." He repeated again. "You need to look at me." His voice was calm but firm. Jack was thankful for his years of command because the feelings that this version of Carter elicited in him were threatening to take over.
Like someone floundering in water, Sam locked onto his eyes as if they were a life raft. Her breathing rate increased again.
"I want you to look at me and try to sync your breathing with mine." This was the real test for Jack - could he control his breathing even when his heart was beating wildly? After a couple of deep breaths himself, he knew that there was no question - this is what Carter needed so it would need to be done.
"I... can't..." Came Sam's reply between short breaths.
"You need to trust me, this will pass but you need to do what I say Major." Jack knew she was much more likely to respond to something if it sounded like an order. Sam looked him straight in the eyes and Jack could have sworn they could see straight to his core. He tried his best to keep the fear he felt for her from his eyes and concentrate on his own breathing.
Sam's breathing was still coming in short, sharp bouts and her lips had started to turn blue. Jack knew he needed to stop this now.
"Carter, follow me." He took her hand and held it to his chest. "Copy my breathing. In and out. In and out." For thirty seconds Sam's breathing didn't change., but slowly she managed to gain control. He could see the panic starting to ebb from her eyes and although her breathing rate was still high he could see it was smoother and more regular. The colour began to return to her cheeks and eventually he could even feel the warmth wash over her previously clammy hand.
At some point, Jack realised that the attack had passed and Sam's breathing had reached its normal level again. But she seemed as reluctant as he did to end the contact. He relished the the feel of her hand beneath his, the way her fingers were pressing into his chest. Sam's eyes hadn't left his since he'd told her to follow him but now he saw that something had replaced the panic in her eyes. Curiosity and sadness now filled the deep blue orbs. He was caught up in that gaze, swept along in the emotion they conveyed so easily. He tried to keep his own eyes free from emotion but failed miserably. The worry and concern he felt for Sam was impossible to hide and he knew it when he saw the understanding pass over her like a wave. The sorrow returned and a little frustration, mirroring his own reaction after the Thera and Jonah debacle months earlier.
After an unknown length of time, Jack realised the compromising position they were in. The elevator was still stationary, lit only by the green glow of the emergency lighting. That wasn't helping with his attempts to rein in his emotions - it reminded him far too much of what had happened in the MALP room a few weeks before. He pulled back gently from Sam, dropping her gaze and letting her hand fall gently from its place on his chest.
Sam seemingly took the hint and stepped away too. She coughed nervously and turned to face the doors of the elevator.
"Er, thanks sir. It's only been an issue for the last couple of weeks. It's getting better and I'll be fine to resume my off-world duties in the next week or so."
"Carter, that was a pretty full-on attack. As much as I appreciate you want to get back out there, I can't let you go if you're not a hundred percent better. Whether it's physically or mentally." He thought it sounded harsh and his feeling was confirmed when he saw the look on Sam's face.
"You have no idea what it was like for me to be possessed by that thing. It's similar to being taken over by a snake. Except this time, the entity in my mind and body didn't feel the need to tell me why it was doing what it was doing. I was stuck. I couldn't move my body, I couldn't speak. Nobody could hear me. All you saw was it. All you heard was it. And then, just when I thought it was over, I ended up in that mainframe it built. There is no way to describe how small that felt. I was suffocating and you didn't hear me. I was screaming but you didn't hear me." Sam's breathing was becoming laboured again, Jack was taken aback by the flood of emotion flowing from the woman before him. She was in control this time though, the anger and outburst was her decision and the breathing was only because of the emotions she was evoking.
"So I'm afraid that, at least for now, I have a problem with small spaces. I'm seeing the shrink about it but I didn't tell you that because I know how you and the other two feel about them. But she has stated clearly that I will be fine to return to duty as long as I continue with daily sessions and stay away from small spaces. I can't believe that you would think that I would risk any of our team by going through the gate without being ready!" She was indignant now, staring at Jack in disbelief. He liked to think that it was as much at her own words as it was at his.
He turned so he could address her squarely-
"Carter, of course none of us know what it would have felt like for you. I'm sorry. I had no idea. I only meant that I was concerned about you." Jack continued to look at her as his words took their effect. He kept his own expression as neutral as he could.
Sam's lips formed a silent 'oh' and she dropped her head. Her breathing was returning to normal again and her cheeks had flushed in her anger. He was glad to see this as it at least meant that her circulation was levelling out.
"Colonel, I, em, I'm sorry." She continued to look down.
"Look, I always just want to make sure you're OK, particularly after what happened with that... entity. I really don't like to have to run around shooting my second in command." Jack had meant the comment to be funny but somehow his voice had betrayed him and it had conveyed the guilt he held for zatting Carter twice.
He realised that Sam must have picked up on it when her head snapped up and her eyes searched his for the meaning behind his tone. He kept his neutral expression and simply returned her look. Even if his voice gave him up, he definitely wasn't going to let his eyes do it too.
Jack saw a moment of clarity strike Sam as she put together what she must have heard from the others and what he'd done.
He hadn't talked to Teal'c or Daniel about what he'd done during Carter's abduction (that's what he chose to call it) despite their best efforts.
Sam opened and closed her mouth a few times before seemingly deciding what would be the best thing to say. Again, her eyes were burning into him, trying to see through his bravado.
"Daniel and Teal'c, and Janet for that matter, told me what you did. I just want you to know that you did the right thing. You didn't know what it was going to do after you'd threatened it." Sam looked away at this point and Jack guessed that she'd been aware of what he'd done in an attempt to save her.
Jack knew that their conversation was straying into dangerous territory but he knew that they might not get another chance like this. It would probably serve them well to get this stuff out in the open. Sam was obviously aware of how hard it had been for him. Others had suggested he'd only gone to those lengths to protect her because he was her CO. Unfortunately Jack, and Sam for that matter, knew better. Before Jack could speak though, Sam continued;
"I couldn't do what you did. If it was you, I mean," - she hastily added - "I wouldn't be able to live with myself. You had no idea if I would survive or if my body would survive. But like I said, you did the right thing. I wouldn't want any part of me to be the cause of an alien entity invading Earth." She smiled at the absurdity of her last phrase. Her smile helped Jack. It always did. He'd kept his expression controlled while she spoke but inside his heart was beating hard. Her words stirred feelings like a whirlpool, he could feel himself spiralling towards her uncontrollably.
"I wouldn't let you go after. I couldn't let you go. Because if Janet had turned off those machines it would have meant that I'd killed you. And I couldn't be responsible for that." It had taken all his courage to hold her gaze, but now he dropped his eyes and rolled back on his heels, shoving his hands in his pockets as he always did.
After a moment or two of silence he lifted his head and narrowed his eyes, schooling his features into that same neutral expression. He met Sam's eyes and he saw his own feelings mirrored. Love and respect. Respect was easy to deal with. Their working relationship was built on trust and respect, that was expected of them. The love part was slightly tougher to deal with. And so they were stuck, yet again, unable to express how they truly felt because of duty and honour. The silence continued as they conveyed their emotions. The sadness and frustration but also their fondness for each other and happiness that those feelings still existed despite everything they'd been through. Jack felt something akin to acceptance this time, as opposed to the sadness and loss he'd felt after Jonah and Thera. They both knew this would always exist now. But now was not the time.
"C'mere," was the simple sentence. Sam slid into Jack's arms and he revelled in the warmth of her body, of knowing she really was alive.
The lights in the elevator flickered and stayed on. After a few seconds the carriage started to move. They stepped apart, falling back to their positions side by side facing the doors.
They smiled at each other once more as Jack stepped out on the next level.
"You might still make the Simpsons sir." Sam said as she checked her watch.
"Excellent" was the Burns-esque reply as Jack walked away up the corridor.