This was a compilation of random thoughts that my deranged nutcase bro and sis started writing in the middle of my other fanfic when I was momentarily detained. It has no plot whatsoever and the character bashing is at its peak (please take no offense, it is for pure comedy only), but I found it entertaining, so I decided to put it up on to see the response of the outside world. Please no flame, and try to keep reviews positive and G-rated.
Disclaimer: Shiroyanagi and her so called siblings do not own any Tales of Symphonia, Abyss, or any other story that appears in here (or something that resembles something else, though unintentional)
TALES OF THE CHICKEN
"This chicken was good!" said Lloyd, "Thanks Genis."
"Well it should be, I made it."
"Now where did you find it?"
"Um … where did I find it?
"Oh well, who cares, it was good anyway."
"Why?! Why did you eat me?" said an unknown voice, "WHY!!??"
"What was that voice? Ugg, my stomach hurts!" said Lloyd.
"Are you all right?" Genis asked.
"I am the chicken you just ate."
"What?" asked Lloyd.
"Who are you talking to Lloyd?" asked Genis.
"I am the great chicken demon from Niflheim and your friend killed me as I was going to destroy your world and now I will use your body to do it! HAHAHA!!"
"What are you talking about? Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!! Genis get back, something is wrong!!! Quickly, get Raine Genis!!!"
"Nothing can stop me, why try? HAHAHA!!!!"
"Go now!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"RAINE WHERE ARE YOU LLOYD NEEDS YOUR HELP HE'S BEING CONTROLED BY A CHICKEN HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Raine just stared at her clearly deranged brother and then said, "I am going to ignore you now so do not go hitting your head again. Okay? Now what were we talking about Kratos?"
"Ugh, you are useless as usual Raine," said Genis
"I must find help else were I guess," sighed Genis, "Lloyd I hope you're alright."
Just as Genis said that, Lloyd was, in fact, not alright.
"Get out! Get out of my head!!" Lloyd yelled out as he banged his head repeatedly against a rock.
Ha, what's the use? It's not like demolishing your brain cells will help you, but go ahead, you didn't have a lot to begin with anyway.
"Ah! Shut up!"
Back to Genis!
"I know! I'll go to Presea!"
And off went Genis on his LONG and PERILOUS quest to find Presea.
5 Minutes Later
"Boy, that was a tough journey, but now I have finally made it! PPPPRRRREEEESSSSEEEEAAAA!!!!!"
And there was Presea upon a rock, clad in a strange-bunny-like costume of sorts.
"Loopledoo?" she asked curiously.
(oh, Genis what are you doing here?)
"Lloyd needs your help!!"
"Loop le loo?"
(Huh? Lloyd needs my help?)
"He's been possessed by a demon chicken, do you know how to help?"
"Loople? Doo le loo de di."
(That's all? Demonic chickens are easy to get rid of.)
"Di de loop…"
(First you need to……)
"Uhuh, uhuh, thanks Presea this should help a lot."
"Loo leloop."
(Glad to be of help)
"Bye now!"
"Ledoo!"
(Bye!)
After, Genis walked till he was where he started and wondered, "Hmm, I wonder what Presea was saying. Oh well. I bet it wasn't important! I guess I'll try asking Sheena. But first, I'm hungry!"
So Genis went on his merry way to get some food. Genis conveniently found two bushes of berries. One had oval shaped berries that were a really deep red and the other had some that looked like little skulls.
"Hmm… which one should I eat? There's a small voice in my head saying this is a bad idea, don't eat either. But there's an even bigger voice saying eat them! EAT THEM BOTH!! Hmm…I'll eat…both!
And with that he grabbed a handful of both and started to eat. As he ate there was a quick flash behind him and a voice:
"No! I'm too late, he already ate some!!"
"Whoa what the heck was that!?" Genis cried.
When he got a closer look at the thing that was on its knees and hands, he tapped it on its shoulders. What turned was: a red furry thing that had a humanoid figure and a round orange nose with its mouth open forever in a grin.
"AHHHHHG!!! The Sesame Seed Street monster, Ermo!!" Genis let out a horrified scream.
"Wait! It's me! The thing said while taking off the over-sized head. But it only scared him more.
"It's taking off its head!!! It's taking off its monstrously large head!!!" Genis screamed, quite obviously freaking out.
"Wait it's me She-!"
But it was too late. Genis, who had lost all sense of anything, cast Meteor Storm on the thing.
"DIE! DiEe you freak of nature!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" the voice faded distantly.
When Genis finally calmed down he checked the rubble.
"Groannn…. "
He heard the noise and looked down.
"Sheena! Who could have done this to you?!" he asked, horrified.
"…."
"What was that?"
"…you."
"Me? What's that suppose to mean? Oh well, hey Sheena, yummy berries what some?"
"Sure!" Sheena shot up looking as though she was never hurt.
"I have these red oval ones and these skull looking ones, which one do you want?"
"Hmm…I'll have …both!"
"Good choice!"
After they ate some of them Genis asked, "Hey Sheena. Why did you come here anyway?"
"Hmm… why did I?"
She looked at the two berries and thought.
"Why did I? Oh, fuuu-dgecilces!!"
"What is it?"
"These berries… are delicious!"
"Yeah…"
"But they're poisonous."
"Hmmm, well, that is a problem…"
"Indeed."
A moment's pause and:
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" Both idiots- er great heroes went rushing off to find a way to save their meager lives.
"Raine! Help us!!" They both yelled in unison.
"What is it now, you hit your head again Genis?
"NO!! Well…maybe, But that's not important!"
"Raine we ate some berries and they turned out to be poisonous!!!" Sheena yelled.
"Whoa, Sheena where did you come from?!"
"That doesn't matter! Help us!! Don't you want to help your dear bother and friend?!"
"Hmmm…" Raine said while looking like she was actually thinking about it.
"WERE GONNA DIE!!" They both whined.
"Shut up you idiots! I will help you guys out but-"
"WERE GONNA LIVE!!!" They both cheered.
"BUT! Raine yelled to get there two second intention span. "There are only two choices that I can think of that might help you guys. Either, I can try using a full blast recover on you, but that might blow you up because all the energy being directed at your bodies. Or I can kill you and hope that resurrection will bring you back fully healed, your guy's choice."
"…You're evil." Sheena said
"…Can you say the choices again?" Genis asked.
"Recover it is! Kratos hold them down!"
Kratos appeared from the shadows and grabbed them.
"How could you Kratos!!!"
"Get ready!!"
"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" There screams could heard through out the entire world.
"I'm never gonna eat another berry again." Sheena moaned.
"Yeah…Hey look there's a berry bush, want some?"
"…Sure!"
"Boy, you guys sure are stupid" said a familiar voice.
"Ll-Lloyd? No your that chicken, aren't you. " Genis said quivering.
"Yup." It cheerfully.
"Chicken? You don't mean." Sheena said disturbed.
"Yes. Wait how do you know about the chicken?"
"…Does it really matter who knows about chickens and what not?"
"kinda"
"Shut up."
"Yo, idiots aren't you gonna ask why I'm here?"
"Oh, um yes. Wait let me get back in serious mode. Ahmm" Genis cleared his throat. "Why have you come here chicken" he said with a serious face.
"That's more like it. I have come here to kill those who I see as a threat in my plan to take over this world."
"You see as a threat? Wow never thought a chicken demon would see us as a threat. This is a step up for us Genis my friend."
"Yeah! Were gonna soar higher heights now!"
"I wasn't talking about you idiots."
"What!! Then who were you talking about!?"
"That man and woman behind you, of course!"
"Kratos and Raine, what?!" Genis and Sheena yelled.
"It would seem like we are considered threat to a chicken." Raine said
"It would seem so." Kratos said
"So" Raine sighed "what should we do? He's your son."
"How did Lloyd get into this situation?" Kratos sighed.
"Hey I'm Here to kill you don't go into your own little world!" The chicken demanded.
"Do you really think you can kill me? Kratos said with a glare.
"No, But do you think you can hurt your son?!"
"Shoot, I didn't think about that!" Kratos thought.
"Now Die!!" The chicken charged at Kratos with his swords pointed out.
"Nooo!!" Genis yelled as he ran in front of the swords.
Stab
"Why?" Lloyd said as he was regaining control.
"Lloyd, I could never fight you."
"Genis…why…why did you put…Zelos in front of the blades?"
"Yeah Genis… I'm kinda wondering that my self," Zelos said while removing the blades from his stomach.
"Don't worry, you're not gonna die you're much too stupid," Genis said with a reassuring smile.
"Gee thanks," His voice think with sarcasm.
"Hehe HAHAHA," Lloyd burst into laughter.
"Hey Lloyd what's so funny?" Genis asked "Wait…No!"
"That's right! Did you think that a heart warming scene like that would get rid of me?!"
"What are we going to do now?! That heart warming scene was are last plan!" Genis asked Sheena
"How I'm I supposed to know?!" Sheena yelled.
"There's not much we can do except…" Raine's voice got quieter.
"Except beat the chicken out of Lloyd," Finished an unfamiliar voice.
"Who said that?!" Kratos demanded.
"It is I…Regal!"
"Loop-Loop!"
"(And Presea!)"
"What are you guys doing here?" asked Sheena.
"I heard about Lloyd and came to help you guys out," Regal said.
"So how is beating up Lloyd gonna get the chicken out?" Genis asked.
"Simple, if the host body is unsuitable the chicken will seek a new body. So when it comes out we can destroy it by casting magic. Simple, no?" Regal said.
"But if we plan on doing that we need some heavy duty weapons. That's why I brought this!" Regal took out a big metal bat. "This should do the trick."
"What happens is we kill him before the chicken comes out?" Genis asked while stepping far away from Regal.
"… We're never going to know unless we try, right?!"
"La-Li-doo!" Presea raised her hand in agreement.
"(I agree with Regal!)"
"I agree with Presea, this is a bad idea!" Genis said.
"Doo-loop."
"(I didn't say that)"
"You agree with me, don't you Kratos? He's yourson!"
"I have no objections" Kratos shrugged.
"What an evil father!!!" Thought Genis
"So, no one has any objection, right? Let's go!!" Regal smiled maliciously while looking like a kid in a candy shop. Except he had a metal bat.
"All right Lloy- I mean chicken time to die"
"Hey guys what's happenin'?" Lloyd smiled cheerfully.
"Lloyd!" Genis yelled, "What happened to the chicken?!"
"Well, he said he was bored and it wasn't worth his time taking over the world. Weird huh? Mentioned something about a bunch of absolute, total cabbage heads who wouldn't even realize they had been invaded."
"Well I'm just glad you're ok! Right everyone?" Genis cheered.
"Yeah…" a hint of disappointment could be heard.
"Can't believe I didn't get to use my bat," Regal grumbled.
"Hey Regal, how come you have a bat?" Lloyd asked.
"No reason," Regal said as he threw the bat behind him.
"Hey guys I'm back from the hospital-Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!" Zelos cried out as the bat hit him right in the head. "What's your guy's problem with hitting me?"
"Hey, when did you even go to the hospital?" Raine asked him.
"What hospital? Where do you see any hospitals? Everyone knows you just walk into an inn, the screen goes black long enough for the little "happy sleepy" music to play, then you're all good," Lloyd pointed out.
"Bah! Who cares? We can just gorge ourselves on fruity flavored gellies and BAM! we're good!" Regal countered.
"And we don't get fat!" Collette popped up.
"Gah! Collette?! Where were you?!" Raine exclaimed.
There was a pause as Collette was thinking, "…I don't know…" She appeared mystified.
"You know what? I'm feeling kind of hungry," Lloyd said.
"What do you want to eat?" Sheena asked him.
"I have some yummy berry sauce. You want some?" Genis asked.
"Sure!"
"Do you want any thing else to go with that?"
"I think I want…some chicken!" Lloyd exclaimed.
And the moral of the story is…well, there isn't one, on account of nobody learned a darned thing.
Please do not take any offense. As was stated previously, this is purely comedy and meant for a good laugh. If you found this enjoyable, expect a sequel in the near futute. If not so, there will still be a sequel, but you do not have to bother yourself with it. However, reviews (preferably positive ones) would be highly appreciated.
Thank you,
Shiroyanagi (and the psycho runts)