This Bothers You?
A/N: This grew out of a sort of mock role-play with one of my brothers. He doesn't write fanfiction and doesn't have an account, or I'd credit him in some way. This was entirely meant to be silly and funny; not entirely sure it came out that way. It did, however, make a friend of mine say he "can't ever watch the show again" after reading this, so I guess I must have done something right. ^_^
This is meant to be set early in the series, roughly any time after Artemis joins the team.
Robin was killing time inside Mount Justice, playing Minesweeper on his wrist computer, when he heard a familiar 'whoosh' sound, then felt warm breath tickle his ear. "Guess what, Rob."
"What, KF?" Robin glared at his transparent screen in frustration; having miss-clicked and blown himself up. Lame, he almost never lost at Minesweeper.
"Wait, is that—are you playing Minesweeper on your über-high-tech little wrist gizmo?" Kid Flash narrowed his eyes over Robin's shoulder.
"Not anymore," Robin snapped, rolling his eyes and slapping the computer closed.
"Wow, I never realized how much of a nerd you really are," Kid Flash said with mocking awe. He was now standing in front of Robin, learning forward slightly and pointing at Robin's nose.
"You know you love me." Robin grinned his signature smart-ass grin.
Kid Flash's face was suddenly and strangely serious as he pulled back slightly. "Actually, I, uh..." He nervously ran his fingers though the already messy red hair on the back of his head.
"What?" Robin cocked his head to one side, narrowing his eyes behind his dark glasses. "Wait...you—you like me? Like, like, like me?"
A rosy blush bloomed on Kid Flash's freckled cheeks. "Um, yes? I mean, is that...okay?"
"'Okay'?" Robin's smart-ass grin was now turned up past eleven. "I think it's awesome! I mean, if even a guy likes me, do you know how hot that means I am?"
Kid Flash blinked at Robin. "Wait, what?"
"I am just that awesome." Robin looked like he'd forgotten Kid Flash was in the room, let alone that Kid Flash had just admitted romantic feelings for him.
"So you, uh...Rob?"
"Hmmm, what?" Robin finally turned his attention, along with a cocky, self-satisfied smile, back to Kid Flash.
"Well, usually, when a person tells another person that they like them...well, usually the other person says if the feeling's, well, mutual."
"Oh, right." Robin put his hands on his hips, and looked away. "You're into me, and that's totally okay, and, I mean, I don't want it to ruin our friendship—or anything, but I'm not into you—not that way." He didn't even have the decency to look sorry. "Sorry," he said with a small shrug.
Kid Flash looked crushed. "That's it?" Then he looked angry. "You think you can brush me off that easily?"
"Well, it's not like I'm the only person you have a crush on; you're obviously really into Megan and Speedy—or 'Red Arrow,' or whatever he's calling himself—and Artemis. So it's not like you're not used to rejection already. I expect you're entirely consolable—consolable: it's like the 'inconsolable,' only not."
"You insufferable little smart-ass!"
"You know you love me!" Robin paused, then grinned brightly. "And now, I know you love me!" And then Robin was gone, ninja'd away somewhere, his mocking laughter echoing off the walls in all directions.
"Rob!" Kid Flash yelled. "When I catch you—and you know I'm going to catch you—you are in so much trouble!"
Superboy was sitting outside on a large rock staring at the clouds drifting in the blue sky when Robin appeared beside him. "Supes, bro, you gotta help me!"
Superboy turned slowly to look at Robin. "Help you with what?"
"Well, KF is chasing me, and when he finds me, I need you to protect me from him." Robin looked over his shoulder nervously.
Superboy turned and looked back at the clouds. "You can deal with Kid Flash yourself; you do not need my help."
"But Supes..." Robin whined. "When he catches me, I think he's going to try to kiss me."
"And this bothers you?"
"Um, yeah! I don't want to kiss KF!"
"Then don't."
Robin boggled at Superboy. "You know, if someone you didn't want to kiss was trying to chase you down and assault you, I'd at least try to help you."
Superboy frowned slightly. "Why do you think Kid Flash wants to kiss you?"
"Because he likes me!"
"And you don't like him?"
"Not that way!"
"Not what way?"
Robin's shoulders slumped. "You really don't get it, do you?"
"Get what?"
"You know what? Fine. But see if I help you the next time some crazy person is trying to kiss you."
"If someone were 'trying to kiss' me, I would not need your help."
But then Robin was gone, so Superboy went back to watching the clouds.
Robin found Red Tornado in the main training room. "Red Tornado, I really need your help." Robin was panting from all the running he'd been doing while trying to dodge his much faster friend.
Red Tornado turned to look at Robin.
"See," Robin explained, "KF is chasing me, and if he catches me, I think he's going to kiss me."
"And this bothers you?"
Robin boggled at the android. "Yes! Now, will you help me or not?"
"It is not my job to solve your problems."
"Fine." And then Robin was gone.
Megan was stirring some cookie dough in the kitchen when Robin appeared across the kitchen island. "Megan! You'll help me, won't you?" He grinned in a way he hoped she'd find charming.
She flashed him a friendly smile. "With what?"
"With KF. He's, uh—I think he's going to try to kiss me." Robin looked around nervously.
Megan paused in stirring, tilting her head slightly to one side. "And this bothers you?"
Robin's mouth fell open. "Why does everyone keep saying that? Do I look like the sort of dude who likes being kissed by other dudes?"
"What would that 'sort of dude' look like?"
Robin made a sound that was half annoyed huff and half frustrated growl. "How would I know?"
Megan shrugged, offering Robin a friendly smile, and went back to stirring.
"So...you're not going to help me either?" Robin asked.
Megan looked back up at him and smiled. "I'm not sure what you want me to do?"
Robin exhaled heavily, leaning on his crossed arms on the kitchen island. "I'm not sure either," he admitted.
"Well, if you figure that out, maybe you can ask me again?" She began dropping spoonfuls of cookie dough on a greased cookie sheet.
"He-ey," Robin said, his attention suddenly on the cookies, "are those chocolate chip?"
Megan grinned. "Chunky Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies."
"Suh-weet!" Robin grinned appreciatively. "Anyway," he said, looking around the kitchen once again as if expecting attack from any angle, "I'll be back in a few when they're done. For now..." And then he was gone.
Megan shrugged and levitated the cookie sheet into the oven.
Aqualad was going through some practice movements in the training room when Robin appeared beside him. "Hey, you—uh, you haven't seen KF around have you?"
Before Aqualad had a chance to respond, Kid Flash tapped Robin on the shoulder.
"Yipe!" Robin said, dodging quickly and flipping away across the room.
"You're fast," Kid Flash admitted, before moving to stand right next to Robin. "But not nearly as fast as—" But Robin was gone. Again.
Artemis walked up to where Aqualad was standing, his training interrupted. She folded her arms and looked at Kid Flash who was looking around as though searching for the source of Robin's annoying laughter before zipping off in one direction at top speed. "What," she said flatly, "is going on?"
Aqualad frowned and scratched the back of his head, then shrugged. "I have no idea."
"Okay, okay—KF, I give up." Robin leaned against the wall, gasping for breath.
"What's that, Rob?" Kid Flash skidded to a halt next to Robin. "Oh hey, knew I'd wear you out sooner or later, more likely on the 'sooner'." He grinned brightly.
Robin managed to glower through (or possibly around?) his dark glasses as he turned and leaned his back against the wall. Then he sighed. "I'm...sorry?" This time he actually looked and sounded it.
"Sorry for what, Rob?" Kid Flash was leaning against the wall, his face mere inches from Robin's face.
"Um, sorry that I made fun of you?"
Kid Flash shrugged. "It was mean, but that's...you; you being an insufferable smart-ass is a big part of why I like you."
Robin's cheeks reddened. "Oh." He ran his fingers through his shaggy black hair awkwardly. "Um, was there something—" Robin swallowed. "Was there something you were going to do—now that you've caught me?"
Kid Flash moved his face even closer to Robin's. "Like what?"
"Um, like kiss me?" Robin wanted to kick himself for the way his voice squeaked on the word 'kiss'.
Kid Flash raised and eyebrow. "Why? Do you want me to?"
"No!" The word was barely more than a high-pitched squeak. Robin cleared this throat self-consciously. "No," he repeated more quietly and in a more reasonable tone.
Kid Flash shrugged. "Okay." He started to walk away, looking completely relaxed—almost bored.
Robin boggled at him. "What? That's it? Just like that?"
Kid Flash stopped and looked back over his shoulder at Robin, his hands in his pockets. "Pretty much." He grinned. "It's like you said, Rob—I'm used to rejection, so I'm utterly consolable."
Robin groaned, sliding down the wall to sit heavily on the floor. "Now who's being an insufferable smart-ass?"
Kid Flash tuned and started to walk away again. "You know you love me."
If Robin had still had any energy, he would have thrown something at him.
A/N: I considered continuing the story by having Robin whine to Superboy, Red Tornado, Megan, etc about how Kid Flash chased him all over the mountain all afternoon and then didn't kiss him after all when he finally caught him, and having each of them reply, "And this bothers you?" ...but I thought that might be stretching it a bit too far. :P
Please let me know if you felt that Robin was horribly out of character or horribly in character, because I'm really not sure which I managed (I was trying for in character, for the record).