Title- Shocking Realizations Author- Katelyn Disclaimer- I don't own ER. Author's Note- This is a rewrite to the ending of "Be Still my Heart" and a total re-write of the episode "All in the Family." I used many quotes from Be still my heart for the trauma part of my story, just thought I'd let you know... a lot of the medical stuff I used.. I got from the episode.

~*~

Carter stood at the admit desk, he looked down at his watch; Dr. Weaver would be coming in for her shift soon. He knew she liked graveyard shifts. He sighed heavily as he realized he had forgotten about Lucy's patient Paul Sobriki. He groaned and pulled out the chart. He told Luka he'd be back and disappeared down the hallway.

"Wait up," Luka said and ran to catch up to Carter. Carter stopped noting the eerie silence in the hall.
"Why don't I hear Lucy," he thought aloud as he opened the exam room door. He flicked on the lights and screamed when he saw it. He stood in shock at the sight of Lucy lying on the floor in a puddle of warm crimson blood. She tried to speak but Carter silenced her with his hand.

"Get help!" Carter said immediately, kneeling down next to Lucy trying to get her vitals... She kept trying to talk, and Carter kept trying to sooth her making sure she stayed quiet. What Carter didn't see was the form of Sobriki coming down at him with a knife. He looked at Lucy, her eyes growing wide with terror. Carter quickly stood up and caught Paul's arm. He was still holding the knife, a crazy glint in his eyes.
"You hurt me," he cackled madly still holding the crimson stained knife in the air. "I can help you," John said soothingly as he reached for Sobriki's arm.

As Carter's hand approached Sobriki's form, he quickly smacked it away.
"Nobody can help me! Nobody, besides you hurt me," He mumbled incoherently.

It was at that time that Carter realized that he had seriously misdiagnosed his patient; Paul was indeed a schizophrenic...
A few seconds later, Luka came running into the room followed by the security guards. They had the room surrounded. Sobriki backed up against the wall and held the knife out in a defensive way. Carter knelt back down onto the floor and held Lucy's cool clammy hand. It was at that moment when Kerry burst into the room and let out a shrill scream. She quickly got a gurney and a backboard. She and Carter then tried to lift Lucy onto the board. The distraction allowed Sobriki to find an escape door. He quickly ducked out of the nearby door and ran down the hallway, the security guard running after him.
After getting Lucy safely onto the backboard, the two maneuvered her out of the room and into trauma 2.

"Get me Elizabeth and Peter," Kerry howled a tone of pure shock in her voice. Tears streamed down her face as she talked to Lucy.
"Lucy honey, we're going to take good care of you," Kerry said taking grasp of Lucy's hand. John had never seen Kerry this upset before, and he just did what he could.
"Type and cross for four liters, she needs blood!" John yelled from his place.
"Get me an 8.0 ET tube, and size 6.5 gloves," Kerry ordered and Haleh quickly handed her the items. "I'm going to intubate." She carefully opened Lucy's mouth, noting the deep laceration in her neck. Kerry slid the tube down her throat skillfully making sure to be as careful as she could be.
"Should we put in a chest tube?" Dave said as he and Luka entered not realizing that the patient was Lucy.
"Step out Dave," Kerry said, practically inviting Luka into the case. Luka eyed Dave and then the scene in the trauma room.
"But Chief, It's a medical-"Kerry cut him off. Dave avoided her stare as he was lost in his thoughts. His stomach flip-flopped at the sight of Lucy. His eyes began to fill with tears.
"When did this-"Kerry again cut him off.
"She needs blood," Kerry moaned.
"I can donate," Carter said and rolled up his sleeve.
"Go to exam two," Kerry said and thanked him with her eyes.

~*~

Elizabeth and Mark entered the room still questioning themselves about what'd happened.
"I'm sorry about the tha-"Mark stopped realizing the situation.
"My God," Elizabeth said realizing it was Lucy.
"We had to trach her," Dave said.
"What the hell happened?" Mark asked angrily.

~*~

Just then Carter rushed in with a bag of O'neg; he quickly inserted an IV into Lucy's arm and squeezed in the blood. He remembered the beginning of Lucy's medical rotation, the incident she'd caused with the IV's, he'd never truly respected her, and now he felt guilty. Luka helped Carter out of the way. He stood behind her, stroking her hair. He talked to her quietly as the other doctors did their work.

"Don't you die on me, you're my star pupil, and I won't have you being killed on behalf of my stupidity and narrow mindedness." He said and gently kissed her forehead.

Kerry paused noticing his kiss. It was the kind of kiss an older brother would give his little sister after scraping a knee or an elbow. Kerry respected Carter an ounce more. She was pulled away from her thoughts when Lucy's pulse dropped.

"She needs volume, open a thoracotomy tray," Elizabeth yelled.
"No, wait-"Kerry protested.
"We've lost a pulse," Luka announced.
"Start PEA, We've got to crack her chest," Mark yelled.
"Starting compressions," Luka said from the other side.
"We need to crack her, prep the chest," Elizabeth said as Yosh put a medical gown on her.

"Get me an amp of eppy," Mark called as he bumped Carter to the side. Carter stood in the corner watching as the doctors frantically ran around trying to help Lucy. He quickly began to fill another blood bag.
"We need a lot better exposure; stab wound is near the midline,"
"Sternal saw, now Lilly." Kerry ordered reaching for the saw. She tested it once and paused noting the eerie silence filling the room. Dave and Luka looked away as Kerry began to run the saw down Kerry's chest.
"OK, get the rib spreader, and suction," Kerry said and placed the equipment in place.
"V-FIB," Dave yelled.
"Start internal chest compressions, and get the paddles." Kerry said.
"Charge to 15," Elizabeth yelled as Kerry inserted the paddles.
"Oh man, there's an infusion," Mark said with a sigh.
'Mets now!" Elizabeth called and grabbed them from Kerry's outstretched hand.
"Prep the internal paddles,"
"The pericardium's open, and we've got a major hemorrhage here," Mark said.
"More suction," Elizabeth demanded.

"I've got the proximal aorta," Kerry said.
"Keep your fingers on it," Mark said.
"Her belly's full of blood," Luka announced as he studied the ultrasound.
"We need to cross clamp her aorta," Dave said.
"Hold it, we can only do so much at one time," Elizabeth said.
"Auto-transfuse from the cell saver, and get those paddles," Mark said.
"Charge to fifteen....... And Clear!!" Kerry yelled. Everybody's hands flew out of the way as she shocked Lucy's heart.

"Still in V-FIB," Dave announced.
"Push another amp of eppy." Luka said starting at Lucy's cardiac monitor.
"Again, Charge to fifteen, clear!" Kerry yelled and bam! Lucy had a faint pulse.
"Pressure's up to 92," Dave yelled.
"Call the OR; tell them we've got an open chest and that we need a Laparotomy,"
"We've still not received the type specific," Lilly announced.
"Call the blood bank and tell them to send it to the OR." Kerry said as she followed the group out of the Trauma room.
Kerry, Mark, Luka, and John all watched still in shock as Lucy was loaded onto the elevator.

~*~

"She'll pull through," Mark said putting a reassuring hand on both Kerry and Carter's shoulders.

Kerry brushed his hand away quickly retreating down the hallway. Carter stealthily slipped down the hallway unnoticed by Kerry. (A/N Kat helped me put that lil thing together *thx Kat!*)
~*~
Tears streamed down Kerry's pale bony face. She couldn't seem to get away from people. She felt nauseous, and very dizzy. She was just making her way to the ladies room when she ran into a police officer.

"A Mr. Paul Sobriki has left the building AMA," he informed Kerry. She felt her stomach flip flop and put a hand to her lips as if it would prevent her from being sick. "We put out an APB, he shouldn't get far," the officer continued.
"Just find him," Kerry managed to say... She was now on the verge of breaking down.

"Hey Dr. Weaver," Carter called.
She flashed up her hand as if telling her to stay where he was and kept walking.
"Kerry," John called after the retreating woman.

Kerry could hear him as she whipped the ladies room door open. She entered not thinking John would actually follow her into the ladies room. A few seconds later, John burst into the room still wearing his trauma gown.

"John this is the ladies room," Kerry began.
"I don't care, I think you should sit down," He said and reached out an arm to place comfortingly on her quivering shoulder. This caused her to flinch and again put her hand to her lips.
"John I'm fine, I just...." She suddenly felt the bile rising in the back of her throat, not reacting quickly enough; she managed to projectile vomit all over Carter. Luckily he still had his gown on and it took the hit for him. Kerry quickly bent into a nearby sink clutching the sides of the sink for support. Her crutch had fallen lifelessly to the floor. John struggled to get the gown off and when he did he pitched it into the trash can.

He came up behind Kerry and soothingly put his hand on her back and began to rub it; he then began trying to calm her heaving by telling her that everything would be alright.
"So cold," She mumbled as she used her arm to wipe her mouth. She spat into the sink and watched everything go slowly down the drain. John grabbed a paper towel and turned on some cool water. He dampened the towel and used it to blot Kerry's face. Seizing the cloth, she used it to wash her face, she felt so humiliated. John stood back and watched as he could tell she was mentally scolding herself.

"It's alright, it all happens sometimes," John said as he approached Kerry. He put his arms on her shoulders and turned her around so she could face him. He noticed that she could no longer look into his eyes. Her eyes stayed fixed on a floor tile. He put his index and middle fingers on her chin and pulled her face up so she could look him in the eyes. He could feel her weak attempts to push him away but he wouldn't let her go.

"John," she fought.
"Look, Lucy is going to pull through this, it is not your fault," John said and brushed a piece of hair out of Kerry's tearstained face.

Kerry nearly gagged. "How could this happen?" She mumbled still crying. She felt the urge to heave and quickly used all her energy to push John out of the way. She got to the sink and began to rapidly heave again. John did the same thing he did before. He saw Kerry's knuckles turning white. 'She's using the sink to hold herself up,' he realized. He used his free arm to support her trembling body as she heaved. She stopped a few minutes later, and spat again. John noticed her cheeks becoming pink.

"John, you should go..." she began in a raspy voice.
"I'm not leaving you, not like this," He said and pulled her frail form into his strong arms. He let her cry on his shoulder as he sat on the couch.
"You get a couch?" He asked jokingly as he pushed some sweaty matted hair out of her face.

He rocked her in his arms as the tears streamed down her face. She eventually fell asleep and as carefully as he could, he lifted her into his arms.

Thankfully she wasn't too heavy and he was able to carry her to an exam room. He stuck her on an empty gurney and covered her up. Before he left, he kissed her lightly on the forehead. "Be safe," he said and left to see Lucy.