Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, they are the property of Warner Brothers and many others.

Author's note: I'm not a Doctor, so please don't blame me for any mistakes! Oh, and this is my first fanfic so please be gentle!







1 A life not worth living

The cool winter breeze sets a chill in the air, the freshly falling snow lightly covering the sleepy city of Chicago. Christmas is clearly dawning upon the busy people. Abby walks slowly along the platform of the El, on her way to work. Deep down, thoughts play on her mind. Finally she has made something of her life. Her haunting childhood finally in the past. Now she was happy. Now she was in Chicago, a place with only happy memories. Now she had Luka, had a job she loved and all the caring friends she could ask for. She looked over toward Doc Magoos and there in the window was a beautifully decorated Christmas tree. The lights twinkled, as the delicately hung decorations sparkled. Abby smiled to herself and headed into the hospital.



A few hours later, Abby was half way through her shift. She hadn't really been that busy, hadn't dealt with anything major, there was nothing major. She walked up to the Admit desk, where, opposite in chairs, she was met by the gloomy eyes of the sick and injured.

"Abby" Luka called out from behind her.

"Hey Luka"

"We need to talk" Luka said taking her by the arm and leading her into the deserted lounge.

"Luka what's wrong?" Abby proclaimed, a hint of concern in her voice. She took his hand, only to be pushed away.

"What's going on between you and Carter?" Luka demanded.

"What do you mean between me and Carter?"

"Do you need me to spell it out for you?"

Abby looked away, confused. But then it dawned on her.

"Luka, there's nothing going on between me and Carter"

"That's not what I've heard" Luka gazed hard into Abby's eyes.

"Heard from where?"

"Everyone knows, Abby"

"We're just friends, that's all"

Luka looked away in disgrace, how could Abby do this to him? After all he has been through.

"How could you do this Abby?" There was a pause, and then Luka turned and headed for the door.

"Luka" Abby called after him.

He turned to face her, "It's over Abby"

"Luka" She called once again, but the door slammed closed. She crashed down into the sofa, tears rushing to her eyes. How could the one person she love, believe rumours instead of the truth? The question soon became lost amongst the flooding emotion.





"Randi?" Kerry called as she nearer the Admit desk, "Randi?"

"Yeah? What can I do for you Dr. Weaver?"

"Have you seen Abby?"

"Try the lounge" Randi replied just as Carter appeared.

"Carter, get Abby from the lounge, we've got a MVA coming in about 10 minutes. I want trauma one prepped."

Carter turned and headed into the lounge. What he was confronted by was something that he wasn't prepared for.

"Abby, we've got a MVA coming in about 10 minutes"

There was silence. Abby just sat on the sofa, oblivious to Carter's entrance.

"Abby?"

She glanced toward him and then back in front of her, she stared into thin air. Carter manoeuvred himself around the room and sat down next to her. As soon as he did, Abby raised herself to her feet.

"Abby? What's wrong?"

"If only you knew," She said facing him. She wiped her eyes and left the room.

The emergency doors opened, and the paramedics wheeled a gurney through into trauma one. Mark followed them through,

"What have we got?" He asks,

"MVA. A truck hit a car. The driver's pretty bad"

"Malik get in here," Mark shouts, as Abby walks in, followed by Carter.

"We need a CBC, Chem. 7, c- spine and x - ray, chest film and a head CT. Abby can you get a line in?" Mark commands, taking charge of the situation.

"Sure" Abby utters. Kerry pulls out her stethoscope, and places it on the man's chest.

"There's faint breath sounds on the left, but a good output on the right. Carter we need a chest drain now" Kerry states with her usual authoritative manner.

"He needs tubing!" Mark exclaims and intubates.

Abby attempts to put a line into the man's arm, but is unsuccessful.

"Abby, we need that line now!" Mark puts pressure on Abby.

"Shit! I hit an artery!" Abby proclaims.

"Carter can you take over?" Kerry directs her glance towards Carter.

"I can do it, I just went a little too deep"

"Abby! Let Carter take over!" Kerry shouts at Abby.

"I've got it!"

"Abby!" Kerry shouts again.

There is a brief pause, all eyes on Abby. She steps back surrendering.

"Fine!" Abby exclaims and storms out of the trauma room.



Kerry walks out of trauma, away from the flat line tone coming from the heart monitor within.

"Hey, Randi, have you seen Abby?"

"What? .Oh yeah she's in the lounge" Once again she is distracted from her surroundings.

Kerry heads for the lounge. She opens the door to find Abby sat on the couch. Abby looks toward her, "how's the MVA guy?"

Kerry walks a bit closer, "He didn't make it, he lost too much blood"

Abby looks away. This day is just getting better and better, she thinks to herself.

"I'm sorry to have to do this to you Abby, but I'm going to have to suspend you"

"What?" Abby turns to face Kerry.

"Your actions could have been the difference between life and death"

"Could have been" Abby makes a point of Kerry's words.

"There will be a full investigation Abby, but in the mean time, I have to follow protocol and suspend you"

"I'll finish my shift, then clear my stuff out," Abby starts to get up.

Kerry hesitates for a moment, then looks up to Abby, "it's effective of immediately"

"Fine" Abby heads toward Kerry and hands over her ID.

"Abby, I am sorry" Kerry attempts to heal the rift, but knows she's right, knows that she had no choice. Abby just sits in silence. Kerry leaves the room.



Carter strolls in like nothing has happened, like the moment a few hours before was non-existent. At first he didn't notice Abby, and then suddenly it came to his senses that someone else was in the room and he peered around. He looked toward the sofa, and there was Abby.

"Abby?"

"What" She replied harshly, not for one moment thinking about how he was feeling.

"What's wrong?"

"So everyone but you knows" Abby says, thinking about Luka's words.

"Knows what?"

"Everyone round here thinks that there is something going on between me and you, and even Luka believes it," Abby replies, without taking a breath, "and after last week, it's no wonder where they got it from"

"Abby, I never meant to split you and Luka up, I just wanted you to know how I felt"

"Then why did you tell me in the first place?" She stared at him. All he could see were the deep black holes of her eyes, dazed and emotionless. He got up and left the room.

Abby packed her things into her bag and headed out to the Admit desk. Standing at one end was Luka at the other Carter and there, in the middle Kerry.

"Abby, your not supposed to be here, get out of here before I have to fire you" Kerry called out, her voice cold and heartless.

Abby stood there, in the middle of it all. In front of her were her boyfriend, her caring friends and her job. Behind her was the exit, behind her was her destiny. The chaos of chairs slowly pierced into her thoughts and she turned and walked out into the chilly winters day.





A few hours later, Abby roams the streets. She peers down at her watch, it displays 4:21pm. The minute hand slowly ticks by. She wonders through a park, still dressed in her yucky pink scrubs. Just minutes before, her past demons haunted her, and she found herself in a liquor store. Against everything that her emotions were telling her, she brought a large bottle of Vodka. She strolled along the path, everything inside her in conflict. On top of the falling snow, the sun beats down; its rays not hot enough to melt the snow. She gazed to the right and watched as a mother played with her daughter in the snow. It was a scene Abby had never experienced. Her mother was always out, either chatting up weird men or getting herself so drunk that she would collapse on the sofa and Abby wouldn't know whether she was dead or alive. And then to the left was a couple, having a snowball fight, having fun. In front of her was a bunch of friends, them too playing around in the snow. And then there was Abby. A lonely soul, wondering along a sad and dangerous path. She found herself a secluded place amongst the trees, where hopefully no one would see her, or at least no one that she knew. She pulled the brown paper bag from her rucksack, and held the bottle in her hand. She stares at it endlessly. This clear, simple liquid has the power to change someone's whole life, and that was usually for the worse. But then again her life had already changed for the worse. She had already been through the torment that alcohol forces upon its victim. She had been through bad times before and had managed to steer clear of the bottle, but this time it's different, this time she doesn't have the energy, this time there's nothing worth fighting for



Hoped you liked part 1, Reviews are very welcomed!!! Part 2 coming soon!!