A/N

For the knowledge of those reading, this is a letter written by Ismene after the events of Sophocles's 'Antigone.'

Antigone does not belong to me.

And I apologize for making a mockery of Sophocles.

R&R, please!

And enjoy.


Dear Family and Friends,

As the Holidays approach I thought I would take some time to update everyone on the doings of myself and the rest of the family. Uncle Kreon was doing well before the Thebens took him away and killed him because of his poor leadership and that he killed Antigone. And Haimon. And Auntie.

Anyway, he got mad at Antigone because she buried Poll after Ele killed him in the battle for Thebes. Oh yeah, Poll attacked Thebes. You know how Papa went mad and poked his eyes out last month? Well Poll and Ele have been having these arguments about who should have the throne. Well, in one of them, Poll told Ele his mother was ugly, and then Ele said, "Well yeah but your dad is your brother! So ha!" Poll got really mad and started to cry. Then he went to see some of his buddies in this other city and told them what happened. They decided to get some paintball guns, storm into Thebes, then shoot Ele a couple times. 'Cept Ele got word of this and decided that wasn't gonna happen, so he took a bunch of soldiers down to water balloon Poll and his crew. But I guess that one guy got shot in the mouth and another got hit in the behind with a water balloon and it turned into an all-out scrabble. Ele and Poll ran into each other at the top of a hill and each got stuck on the other's spear… And well…yeah. You should see the city walls. They're a mess from Poll's paintball guns.

Since Poll didn't keep the disagreement in city-state, Uncle Kreon decided not to bury him which seems a little harsh to me because it was only a joke and I mean really, why would you just leave some dead dude out on a plain in front of your city and let the dogs eat it and its just like leaving a dead mouse on your front porch after the cat coughs it up there and then a week later you're like, "Oh yeah, there's a dead mouse on my front porch and it stinks," Well Duh! It's worse than when Papa/big brother would slap the puppies after they peed on his robe and… and… and… Well… yeah.

But really, I only saw about half the normal traveling salesmen in town this week, so that body has to be having some effect on the economy. Rather strange for Uncle to do something like that after all those boring lectures he gave as papa's second in command on how to run a successful economy. But we all have our moments, I guess.

How's Mama? Well, she suffered from a slight bout of trauma after Papa announced that he was really her son and my brother and then gouged his eyes out in front of the court. "Watch this, Mom! No eyes!"

But I really can't believe that I kissed my brother every morning before breakfast and every night before bed. It's really quite disgusting. It's almost like kissing Poll or Ele. Yee-uck! And don't even get the palace geneticist started on the bloodlines. He has got a whole tapestry showing them and listing the genes hanging behind his fruit fly collection. I do believe the poor fellow had a rather drab existence prior to this.

Well, I must be off, as I have yet to write my Christmas letter to Dionysus. I think I shall ask for a blue marble throne this year, since I already have one in black and one in pink. Farewell, my kin and friends. May Dionysus smile upon you and keep your wine barrels full.

Love,

Ismene